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Dealing with the Naysayers



 
 
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LADYCJM
SparkPoints: (27,898)
Fitness Minutes: (24,832)
Posts: 1,641
4/27/13 12:47 A

I feel for you! I've run into the same thing. "oh, your getting too thin" yeah right, I'm 150#s believe me I'm not going to starve to death any time soon.

Oh you can eat a little of "insert food here" Uh, no, I can't. Too much sugar/fat/carbs make me feel sick.

You don't need to work out today, usually said so I can do something for them.
Yes I do. If I don't I feel bad. I need to work out to feel healthy.

It's funny, when I was at my fattest they never said "should you eat that?? You might explode!" LOL



1NANNY4
SparkPoints: (2,755)
Fitness Minutes: (1,660)
Posts: 57
4/23/13 7:19 P

You know instead of ppl making snide remarks or comments it'd be nice if they'd encourage us instead.RIGHT??? Maybe they are just inconsiderate and have no empathy,but you'll get to where you want in spite of all the comments.Just hang in there and keep pushing to you reach your goal..

Allie emoticon



SUBLUE
Posts: 248
4/23/13 6:56 P

I guess it's easy to feel you owe people an explanation about your exercise or diet, but you (we) don't. Don't bring it up, and if someone comments on your(our) journey- avoid long explanations; just offhandedly comment briefly...then change the subject.



ATHENA1966
Posts: 2,264
4/23/13 6:00 P

Your a gorgeous girl. I think the comments may be a little green eyed monster call envy.



VELVETMERLIN
Posts: 229
4/22/13 11:37 P

I have to agree with everyone here.

It is because they have issues, not you. I wouldn't be surprised if they are jealous of your progress and want you the way you were. A lot of people aren't comfortable with change; they want everything to stay the same. I don't even tell people if I am on a 'diet' anymore. With my family, if I eat a salad or small fries, I'm on a diet and if I order large fries, I must be starving and off of it (my father is famous for picking on me when I eat). I generally don't even eat in front of people anymore because all that I've endured over the years. I even used to get it from teachers in grade school! That is actually where my unhealthy habits started. They would comment on my food and I wouldn't eat in school anymore and pig out when I got home. Sorry, enough about me! Habit...

I would just tell them 'Thank you for inviting me but I am committed to eating healthy and until I have this under control, I would rather not. I'm sorry if you are upset...', or something like that and then go about your business. Try not to let it get to you. I understand it's hard, especially if it happens all the time. I've had to tell people that and in my opinion, if they don't like it, they are only hurting themselves by eating the way they do.

Maybe make some extra food once in a while and invite people to join in? A lot of people think that eating healthy means sacrificing taste. My mom was that way and when I offered to cook for her (I'm unemployed and she's the 'breadwinner' for the moment) and she said 'no thanks', knowing that it would be something healthy. I've decided to start cooking for her anyway and she's been loving the recipes (so far, anyway)!



CILER11
Posts: 265
4/22/13 3:24 P

I have support at home which I am very thankful for, but work is a different story. I work with mostly women, most of whom are overweight and have health issues. I've lost 33 lbs so far this year and they like to joke and tease about how I eat or my 5k training. I just let it go in one ear and out the other. I'm doing this for me, my family, and my health not their approval.



LILLIPUTIANNA
Posts: 1,038
4/22/13 11:13 A

SANDRASEZSO, I'm looking at your Spark page and your profile pics...and I'm wondering if your friends and family are having that reaction because you look perfectly healthy. Seriously, you look great. Those folks who you consider naysayers may be concerned about your health and how you perceive yourself.

Talk to your family and friends about how they feel when it comes to your "diets." You may be surprised by their opinions.



FEDGIRL4
Posts: 1,871
4/19/13 3:21 P

I read your blog.

I think your Dad and daughter maybe were just badly joking? As far as co-workers, unless some are close friends, take their badgering with a grain of salt. For me, it took more than a decade and two job changes before my co-workers stopped.

I have read many posts and blogs over my three years in Spark. Many people have "been on every diet in the book". It lasts a day, couple of days, weeks, and then they are back to bad habits. Many of their family members, friends, and co-workers have had to be there while they were on these MANY diets. These folks were not where they needed to be to make permanent changes. I'm not saying that you are there or not, just an observance of things I've read.

Just continue to eat the way you are. I looked at your pictures. You have nothing, repeat, nothing to worry about.



TURQUOISEBIKE
SparkPoints: (1,015)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 55
4/19/13 12:19 P

It is easy to make a thoughtless comment and realize that it was unhelpful the instant one makes it. I do it myself more often than I am happy to admit, and I don't always manage to make the next sentence an: "Err, sorry, that was a thoughtless, unhelpful comment." And even if I did, some of the damage would have been done by that point. I'm not convinced that these comments are always a "product of my own insecurities" - sometime's it's just foot-in-mouth syndrome, the result of speaking faster than I can think, or indulging in wordplay and noticing too late that the result will be a joke in poor taste. I have only deliberately offended another person once in the last ten years or so, but I have unintentionally or carelessly offended people rather more often. Given that the world is full of people like me who sometimes continue talking after their brains have shut down, it's good to cultivate the skills of not taking comments to heart and of deflecting certain topics when they come up.

That said, it's not irrational to be concerned about somebody who has lost weight and not yet hit a point of equilibrium where their weight stays stable for a long time. I could dismiss concerns expressed by people who care about me. I'm far from being underweight, I haven't been losing too fast, my BMI is right on the border between the "overweight" and "normal" ranges. But they aren't concerned about my current state - it's the process that worries them, the fact that it doesn't seem to be stopping, the suspicion that I might not want to stop losing, that my healthy eating patterns might turn into dieting and disordered eating or an eating disorder, or that I might have some physical illness, or that I might be too strict with myself and then suddenly get frustrated and gain it all back. I don't share those worries - I have plateaued or gained a bit or maintained for a bit often enough to be able to imagine myself in maintenance - but I can't refute them either. Only time can do that. In the meantime, I can only try and reassure people that my goals are sensible, that I want to be strong and not thin, and so on.








MISSRUTH
Posts: 3,292
4/19/13 9:27 A

One of the things that helps, is time. People have seen me eat healthy for so long now, that they don't "push" food at me very often any more. And when they invite me to go along with them, it is out of politeness and not some desire to see me down a double cheeseburger and enormous fries.

The ones that still seem to encourage me to eat stuff like a cinnamon roll as big as my head, or say stuff like, you're so thin surely you can eat this slab of cake and half a bucket of ice cream-- are usually overweight and do not exercise. In their defense, I'd say they don't know much about nutrition and a healthy lifestyle. If they "got it", they wouldn't do or say what they do.

So if you hang in there and stick with what you're doing, they'll eventually at least "get it" that you're not interested in eating a bunch of junk, and you're doing just fine with your weight and health. Won't ever go away completely, but it's their problem and not yours. I just smile and thank them politely, and then continue on the way I was going.



ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (136,354)
Fitness Minutes: (205,085)
Posts: 20,276
4/18/13 1:42 P

SANDRASEZSO,

I agree with Coach Nancy. These are their issues, not yours. Let me tell you about a family member of mine. One day, I went out to lunch with my cousin. When I first started losing weight, she praised me all the time. So, there we are at the restaurant. I take off my coat. What does she say,"Are you still losing weight ? You look gaunt ! Are you sick ?? At the time, I was around 155-160 pounds. Hardly waif material. However, my cousin seemed to think I was losing too much weight. Why ? I suspect because she'd seen me overweight for too long.

That happens. Some times, when a person losses weight, that shocks those around them. they don't know how to react. We hope that are friends and family support us. but some times, people say things that are malicious. some times people say things they think are in our best interests. What to do ? thank them politely for their concern but inform them that you're doing the right thing for your health.

Don't let the naysayers get you down. If you need support, you can come here. the spark community will support you.





SP_COACH_NANCY
SparkPoints: (158,833)
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
Posts: 46,222
4/18/13 12:04 P

Sandra,

This is more about them than it is about you...I think many people when they see someone ready to change her life become uneasy because they aren't where you are, so it's easier for them to goad you than it is to support you--I don't think this is jealousy, but more of a way of facing their own insecurities. BE STRONG!!!

Coach Nancy



SANDRASEZSO
SparkPoints: (10,294)
Fitness Minutes: (12,389)
Posts: 38
4/18/13 11:50 A

Ugh, I am usually pretty good about this but today I am feeling fed up with the dumb remarks made be family members such as "she is on her diet again" or the co-workers that continue to invite me out to lunch clearly knowing I a have made a nutriition style change for my health and well-being. I put a lot into pre-preparing my meals and trust me I don't preach to others how to eat or brag about my nutrtion change, but people seem to want to poke at me and I guess today had gotten to me. I guess I better go back and write in my journal to see if something else is not the root source of my anxiety. I appreciate the support here on SparkPeople!



 
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