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ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (142,852)
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Posts: 20,966
9/13/13 1:39 P

TRI_BABE,

Why not run part time with the "old" guys ? If you're family doesn't want to come out and cheer at your races, I'm sure they will. As another member pointed out, if our family won't support us, your team mates will. Why not join a couple of the local running clubs ? No one says you have to run 9 miles with the old guys every single weekend. But, it might be nice to have the company once in a while.

I do understand why your family is concerned abut your exercise habits. They are worried that you might lapse back into some of those unhealthy habits. We assume that someone competing at a national level is healthy, but that's not always the case. As we all know, some athletes will go to extremes to win. However, that's a different topic.

The point ? There are options for finding support for your fitness goals.



SIMONEKP Posts: 2,558
9/13/13 9:49 A

Unless they have some expertise, I ignore them

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,938
9/13/13 9:23 A

Yeah thanks guys this helps. LOL, I don't mind doing renovation projects for them. Saves them the cash and I leave them with something nice.

I'm in a small town now and the one running club I found consists of about 5-6 older guys who get together on Saturdays and run the same 9 mile route at the same pace each week. I just found another one that is just getting started, but they run M/W evenings around 5:30 which right now is too hot for me; I prefer to run either very early or as the sun sets when it's hot. With the weather getting cooler though, I'd run my 2nd run with them. We've got family coming into town so it will probably have to wait until after they leave on Tues.

That's part of why I posed the question. When they see I've started running doubles again, I think they will react weirdly. "Didn't you already run today?" "Why do you have to go twice?" and so on. I try to go early before anyone wakes up so they don't really see it but the 2nd time is harder to "hide". Like I said I feel like it's dumb that I have to hide it. Just because something is different from what some people do or are used to doesn't mean it's bad.

I will say this, I did have a period in my life when I WAS obsessed with it, and trying losing weight in an unhealthy way by not eating enough etc (as have many others on Spark who didn't know better) but that was seriously like 15+ years ago. The only thing I can think of is that scared them and they think I am going back to that, but I am not, I know more and things are totally different now. I've worked out and run consistently since I was 15 years old, but have made the decision to step it up a notch and really see what I am capable of. I want to get myself in the best shape of my life and go from good to great using all the tools I've learned. My goals are ambitious but I think of the quote, "Reach for the moon, 'cause even if you miss you land among the stars." Would be nice to have support but I am trying to realize I guess that not everyone understands.

My Mom has started to go to my races sometimes, so I appreciate that. I did have a period in my life when my health was bad, I was on medications, and so I couldn't really run or if I did I did not run well, so it probably looked like I wasn't that serious anymore though the desire never left me. So maybe I should be more clear to them, too, about where I am with this, my resolve on this and what I am trying to accomplish. They may be misunderstanding that I am trying to "overexercise" for vanity reasons or just not knowing why I am doing what I am doing.

LEC358 SparkPoints: (9,737)
Fitness Minutes: (6,555)
Posts: 2,276
9/13/13 8:37 A

I spent lot of time competing with/hanging around with Olympic level athletes in college and yeah, if you have no one who understands what the training process is like and/or supportive of your goals, it can get old and lonely quick. We were all on a team so there were 30 of us with the same practice and competition schedule and it was easy to to support each other.

Even though you're in the location temporarily, is there a running/tri-club you could join on a short term basis? Even just going out once a week on a group run is a great mood lifter.

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,173
9/13/13 8:18 A

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
go for it
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

P.S. could you adopt me....I need my bathroom remodeled emoticon
after what you saved them they should waiting at the finish line All the time

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,938
9/13/13 7:17 A

No, I'm not disconnecting from them. I'm staying with my Mom right now and when I'm not training I am working on remodeling her house to what she needs. I have put this before looking for a new job and other things in my life so she can have what she needs here before I move on. I spent several months with my sister and her husband earlier this year. While staying with them I fully remodeled their bathroom and put up about a new high-end wood fence with custom gates around their entire backyard. I went to a concert that she was performing in and I do ask how other things are going with them.

I don't know why they don't come. They'll say something like it's too cold outside or too early or whatever the reason is. I think they consider it my "bad" or "strange" habit so they don't want to encourage it.

At this point I've just learned to get support from my friends in the sports community or sports clubs outside of my family, even SparkPeople or other forums online. I find no one really understands a serious runner unless they themselves are a runner, in the end. I'm transitioning locations though so don't have that right now so it become more obvious. I'm also not dating anyone/married so that's not something I can fall back on either.

Anyway, just wondered how others dealt with it. I of course will keep going on with what I need to do, it just seems weird to me. There are a LOT of worse things I could be doing, LOL.



ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (142,852)
Fitness Minutes: (213,750)
Posts: 20,966
9/13/13 6:16 A

TRI_BABE,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to compete at a national level. If that is your goal, you should absolutely go for it. However, preparing for that goal should not interfere or conflict with your family or social life.

I believe that your family/friends may be concerned that preparing for your sport is causing you to disconnect from them. When a person becomes so focused on one goal, they lose track of things that are going around them. That's because what they are doing becomes more important than what others are doing.

Why aren't your loved ones there at the end of the race to cheer you on ? Perhaps it's because you've pushed them away. There is an assumption that your family isn't there for you because they think you're obsessed. Well, perhaps you've been so focused on your goal to win these races that you've shut them out.

Being so focused on one goal can alienate those who are close to you because you're spending more time on your goal than you are with them. They may feel that your sport takes precedent over them. So, why should they make time to support you when you aren't making time for them ? It is possible that your goal to compete at a national level has alienated you from your loved ones.

Consider how many sacrifices Olympic athletes have to make to achieve their goals. So, you have to decide if your quest to achieve some national recognition in your sport is causing you to push away your loved ones. Is your training so important that you're willing to sacrifice your relationship with your friends and family ?



STEELER71 Posts: 6,069
9/13/13 5:01 A


I just let them rant and rave and smile and go about my business

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,173
9/13/13 3:56 A

Nothing wrong with being obsessed with something healthy you enjoy.
You can't always expect people to be on the same page

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (239,685)
Fitness Minutes: (207,640)
Posts: 7,328
9/12/13 11:18 P

I simply smile at them and tell them to have a good day!!!

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (34,533)
Fitness Minutes: (28,168)
Posts: 1,778
9/12/13 10:46 P

It is hard when you don't feel support from family. Paying attention to what we are doing is a sign of love and caring. True, we are not little kids needing lavish praise and constant attention but it is nice to have someone ask how your race went or how training is going. And to have someone at the finish line would be fantastic.

It hurts when the people we love either sneer at our efforts and ignore our successes.

If the family reasonably can, it would be nice for them to be there at national races. A congratulatory phone call if nothing else would be nice. Hubby should be there at every possible opportunity barring job commitments!

Of course the support needs to go both ways. Are you attentive to their efforts and successes? Do you ask about their interests? Are you there for them?

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,938
9/12/13 10:09 P

Sure I suppose it matters at 12-years old if you are doing something just for fun. But my next goal is to compete at a national level in my sport and it takes a lot of time, dedication and focus. Needless to say it's one of my passions in life. Real fun to cross the finish line and get 1st woman overall and there's nobody there to congratulate you, you just go home and nobody even asks how your race or run went. Awesome.

No, I don't NEED them to support me but it would also help if they would not ask if I am forcing myself to do hill repeats, mileage or whatever else I am doing. Right now until I buy my next house I'm staying with relatives so get weird looks when I run my 2-a-days or whatever. I don't talk about it in fact force myself not to talk about it to them. Also fun... not.

Sure when I get my own place again maybe they won't ask me or whatever and when I go visit them I can just hide what I do and ignore any comments. Real cool to have to hide what I do like it's some sort of bad thing.

I'm sure to the average person who doesn't workout or works out like twice a week it looks strange or obsessive or whatever. Nobody looks at an Olympian running 125+ miles a week and calls them strange, though. Sure I'm going to just keep doing my own thing, but the comments get old sometimes.

ETHELMERZ SparkPoints: (93,076)
Fitness Minutes: (74,640)
Posts: 4,541
9/12/13 10:07 P

Tell the people to look up orthorexia, to make sure they know what the symptoms are before commenting.............

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (101,558)
Fitness Minutes: (76,885)
Posts: 2,953
9/12/13 9:53 P

Well I just ignore them and keep smiling.

JIACOLO SparkPoints: (295,474)
Fitness Minutes: (134,883)
Posts: 17,391
9/12/13 9:11 P

Online Now  • ))
My daughter says I am obsessed with clothing sizes because I buy clothes I can get in to. Why am I going to buy a large if I can wear a medium now??? She (at 24) will buy an article of clothing she likes even if it is too big for her just because she likes it. That infuriates me! I refuse to wear anything that is too big for me! I have worked too darn hard to wear bigger clothes. I don't want to hide anymore!

ANARIE Posts: 12,486
9/12/13 8:28 P

Well, family members not supporting your in your sport is pretty much irrelevant once you're over 12 years old. Adults do different activities for fun, and there's nothing wrong with them not being interested in yours. I don't do anything to "support" my family members' church activities or online games, for example, and they don't do anything to "support" my sports activities. That doesn't mean they can't enjoy church and WOW or I can't enjoy hiking; we're just not particularly interested in one another's activities. We're grown-ups, so it's no big deal either way.

As for people who say you're obsessed, why do they know enough about your activity to say that? Unless they're running with you, how do they know how much you're doing? It has to be because you're talking about it. If you don't want to be accused of being obsessive, don't give them ammunition. If they think you're obsessed because every time they want to do something you say "let's go after my run," change and say, "Let's go at 10." If they think you're obsessed because you talk about mileage or equipment all the time, save those topics for talking to fellow runners.

And if they still find out what you're doing from a source other than you, you don't have to let their comments get to you. A very cool, "Well, thank you for your concern" lets them know they've crossed a line and gotten too far into YOUR business. It's the same kind of response that you would give if they asked when you're going to give your momma a grandbaby or if they say they can't believe how much gas you waste running all those errands. "Thank you for your concern" is a way of saying "Mind your own business" without giving them grounds to call you rude.

But you can't spend half an hour talking about all your plans for half-marathon training and then get upset because they call you obsessed. They're only being rude if the comment is unprovoked, so pay attention to whether you're giving them ammunition.

FERRET_MOMMY SparkPoints: (5,035)
Fitness Minutes: (1,669)
Posts: 133
9/12/13 5:56 P

No one has exactly said I was obsessed, but they do make little jokes about me being on a "diet". Or I tell them I'm being healthy and they try to purposely get me to eat unhealthy foods.

ALBERTJON SparkPoints: (3,133)
Fitness Minutes: (7,415)
Posts: 1,299
9/12/13 4:38 P

I have a few times been told that I am "obsessed" with exercising. And, to be honest, I probably am. I was also told that I was obsessive when it came to my weight loss (45 pounds), and I think there was a degree of truth there, too. Since I have gained at least 15 pounds back from my 45 loss, people are not telling me I am obsessed with weight loss anymore. LOL! But, hopefully, they will be in the next month or two.

My reply was generally something like, "I want to live healthy." Or something like, "I was overweight and not exercising enough."

It has been my experience that getting defensive or arguing with someone is not very constructive; but it certainly can be irritating when people make those comments, particularly if they are not trying to be polite.



Edited by: ALBERTJON at: 9/12/2013 (16:43)
TACDGB Posts: 6,132
9/12/13 4:05 P

I just get tired of hearing what people think about me and my weight loss. That is usually the issue they bring up. So I posted this on my facebook page. Does it look like I care what you think about my weight loss........? It came with a muscular woman. I hope it got my point across.........

SLASALLE SparkPoints: (169,264)
Fitness Minutes: (69,427)
Posts: 9,364
9/12/13 3:39 P

I've taken different approaches with different people. Sometimes, I just ignore it. Other times I explain how good it makes me feel to exercise. Occasionally, with a good friend, a longer conversation (open and warm) happens.

That's a tough one and usually depends on the role of the person saying this to you (co-worker, friend, spouse, family, etc.).

Good luck!

LEC358 SparkPoints: (9,737)
Fitness Minutes: (6,555)
Posts: 2,276
9/12/13 3:35 P

Depends. I'd first ask that person why they think I'm working out too much. Are they just feeling that I'm not spending as much time with them as I should/used to or are they asking because they have serious concerns about my health. I'd also ask someone close to me like an SO if they feel like I'm neglecting the rest of my life in order to train.

As for unsupportive family members, I've just continued to invite them to events but generally drop the topic other than that. If they continue to bring it up, I go with the 'agree to disagree' line.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,938
9/12/13 3:17 P

Hi all - how do you deal with people saying you are running or working out too much? And/or dealing with family members who don't support you in the sports you enjoy.

Thanks!

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