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PATTIJOHNSON Posts: 2,075
9/7/13 5:58 P

Being messy is one thing, being unsanitary is another and is unhealthy, can cause sickness, and can be embarrassing to children when inviting their friends home. If unsanitary conditions are what concerns you, you may want to point this out with examples of what can happen. If it's just clutter, I wouldn't say anything. Sometimes there are more important things in life. Are the children shown lots of love? Do the parents spend quality time with their children? Are the children well-fed and clothed properly, and how is their hygiene?

Your concern is real, but you risk your relationship if you say anything. I would first consider how dangerous the situation is. Kids are resilient. It would be nice if everything were perfect as you see perfect, but not everyone is the same.

Perhaps time spent with your nieces and nephews would be more meaningful if you saw them outside of their house -- invite them to visit you or meet somewhere like a park.

Whatever your decision, I wish you the best. You can be a big influence on these kids.

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LADYCJM SparkPoints: (32,392)
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9/7/13 2:28 P

I know how you feel!

A messy house isn't always about the house. It can be symbolic about messy lives and our messy world.

The socks and shoes under the table are the wars we are embroiled in. The dirty dishes in the sink are the Syrian mess.

The toys and books strewed around are the violent crimes we hear about every day.

If we could only get it all together, the house would be clean and everything would be fine.

I think it's normal to worry about the future of your family. Just try to work past the worry and see the hope and the love.



FAITHP44 SparkPoints: (49,277)
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9/7/13 11:35 A

My sister had 4 children, all about 18 months apart so number 4 came along when the oldest was under 5. It was such hard work when they were all little and financially it was a struggle but there was so much love in that house. They're all grown up now and have become wonderful adults.

A load of love in the family is going to be so much more important than a wonderfully tidy house and plenty of money.

And if you're babysitting, you don't have to feel you have to clean the house. (That can be misconstrued as others have said) but clearing the washing up or the ironing pile could be so much appreciated.

I know that when number 3 comes along you will love being an aunty to him or her.

LILLIPUTIANNA Posts: 1,038
9/7/13 10:46 A

GETSHORTY, don't be ashamed. You're concerned about your family. If you weren't concerned, then you'd be a terrible person.

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I'm the 5th child out of six. All of my older siblings had lots of kids. I have none. Every time one of my siblings would have another baby, we'd all worry about whether they'd have the resources to take care of the new baby properly.

If you are like me, and have no children, my suggestion is to start taking your nieces (and future niece/nephew) out for play dates. It makes the kids feels special. It gives their mom and dad some time off to rest or clean the house. AND you get to spoil them without having the responsibility of having your own kids. It works out great for everyone involved!

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,086
9/7/13 9:57 A

I think you have valid concerns...but I'm sure everything will work out and that you will welcome and love this child just as you do the others. Life has a funny way of working things out. Love doesn't have a capacity limit...sometimes having more people to bond with makes for an even greater loving family.
Kudos to you for your honesty and I know you are going to be an even greater aunt

KKKAREN SparkPoints: (214,785)
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Posts: 11,649
9/7/13 8:32 A

I think you have the right to be concerned if they don't have the resources for another child. I don't think enough people consider how expensive it is to raise a child. As for the messy house, when you go over to babysit, clean the house when the kids go to bed. That's what I used to do when I babysat and they always gave me a generous tip!

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (101,558)
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9/7/13 7:25 A

Hmmm, I think that you are right to worry as you love them yet you can help them in ways they may not realize. Free date night babysitting type of thing. As no one can read another's mind, I always find taking the role of observer works for me as that is all we can be in these situations -- no one is in danger, no one is getting hurt, no one is acting inappropriately.

I always find I am surprised when I hear people have more than 3 kids in today's world. I know in the 60's when I was growing up, we had the smallest family with 3 kids. So I think that perhaps that could be playing into your fears and worries as it is rather unusual to see people with more than 2 kids these days.

I am sure it will all work out in the end.

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
9/7/13 6:16 A

Your reaction is totally natural; it's what you DO with your reaction to this that'll count. To say nothing constructive to them about your concerns is to make them feel comfortable with their decision. As for the messy house; I am not always the cleanest housekeeper and I feel bad for myself when I let it get too messy, I can't be the only person on earth who feels that way and yes, a messy house is no place for children to grow.

Perhaps offer to help them clear up? IDK, that's a touchy subject.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (132,956)
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9/7/13 2:37 A

Have you thought that they may be quite happy in their messy house? Not everyone has the same values as others. I know my house is very messy, and always has been. I keep it clean, but there is stuff lying around that 'should' be put away or biffed. It doesn't make me a lesser person, and nor does it make them. They may be absolutely the best parents out there, because maybe they put spending time with their children above doing mundane chores.

This is totally their choice - no-one elses. You are happy for them - you don't have to be excited, but if the mess etc. is what stops you being excited for them, then maybe you need to learn to that everybody has different priorities and not all will be the same as yours.

Kris

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (229,926)
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9/6/13 10:08 P

When it's family, we worry. Just be there for them when they need you. I'm referring to your nieces. God bless you and good luck!!!!

GETSHORTY Posts: 1,364
9/6/13 10:00 P

I can't help but feel ashamed about this, but all the same, I can't betray my human reaction to the entirely unexpected news from my brother last night that he and my SIL are now expecting a 3rd child. Of course, I am happy for them, but I am not excited really in the least. I see how hard they work to support their 2 daughters (ages 5 and 2.5) already, with their house a mess and their heads spinning, and I just worry.

And my worry is not just for them, but for this future child and how well he or she will be brought up into this world, full of challenge and uncertainty. I guess part of me just wants all the love and support to stay focused on my 2 nieces. Anyone else relate? Again, I wish I could be happier, but I just needed a place to air my honest fears.

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