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JAINEE804
Posts: 95
1/7/12 10:11 A

WOW! She has given out gift cards too so it's harsh for many of you to say that my gift was also crappy when I have also stated that she has given those out. She can't be offended about a gift card when she gives those out. This is another reason I went for it. I haven't given out unwrapped soap in a box before so I came here to rant because I didn't understand her decision. At least I gave her something she likes. so I thought of coming here to ask for reasons. Instead, some attacked about how my gift was also thoughtless, without giving any other explanation. One of you even wrote that you are glad you ain't related to me. That was harsh of you. I already stated that I donated the gift. I also learned to not rant. I thanked her for the gift and will try to work things out with her because things aren't peachy. Seriously, which family is perfect? Post closed.

Edited by: JAINEE804 at: 1/7/2012 (10:31)


THINJIM1
Posts: 3,030
12/29/11 10:57 A

Personally I would do or say nothing and accept it with the thought that at least she was thinking of you. Hard to tell what goes on in others heads. I you want to make a point, put that gift away until next Christmas and give it to her as a present. If she gets the point things may change in the future, if not keep giving her last years presents and see if she ever notices




CATHYINLA
Posts: 813
12/29/11 10:49 A

Oh, gosh these posts are sometimes terrible. While I agree with many others that ANY gift has some thought in it and we ALL should be thankful since so many people have so much less, what you asked was what to do. I would not do anything. It can only result in harsher feelings. Like others have said a gift card (even if it is to a favorite place) does not show any more (I would say less) consideration and thought being put into a gift than what you got. All kinds of issues come up with family and in my experience in the end it is better to let it go. Don't assume the worst. Move on as they say.





CONQUERGRAVITY
Posts: 1,514
12/29/11 9:18 A

Jainee, look at your first two posts. In both posts, you talk about how rich she is and how much money she makes and how offended you are by how cheap the gifts are. You even say that "she thinks cheap" of you. You don't say "I thought we were close, and I'm hurt because it doesn't seem like she thinks so too" or "I'm a tomboy and she just keeps buying me all of these girly gifts that really don't fit my personality, even though we've known each other a long time and we know each other pretty well" or "I've always been there for her, and I'm hurt that my support of her has gone unappreciated." Only after people have disagreed with you do you start saying those things. Saying that you're upset because you don't like that kind of scent and it was a cheap gift isn't quite the same thing.

If your posts towards the end are how you really feel, then yes, I'd be hurt if I thought I was close to someone and it seemed she was upset with me or didn't like me for a reason I didn't understand. But that's not what you said at first - what you said at first was that her gift to you was cheap, and you were upset because you know she can afford better, and that you were offended that she bought you cheap gifts that you didn't like.

Regardless of whether or not you know she likes Victoria's Secret, a gift card is still not a particularly thoughtful gift - and honestly, I'd feel pretty awkward receiving a gift card to a lingerie store from one of my in-laws, no matter how close we were or how much I like the store. At least when you buy someone a specific item, you're not putting a really obvious number value on your gift - you can get away with spending a little less on an item, because you can get a good deal on something that's still of a higher, more expensive quality, and nobody has to know how much you actually spent.

If what you are REALLY concerned about is your relationship with her, and your true focus is on not understanding why it seems she is upset with you or doesn't care about you, then call her up, and have an honest, open, heart to heart conversation about that - not about the gifts, but about your relationship with her. Your original posts did not reflect a hurt over a perceived damage to your relationship, but rather a "righteous" anger over the amount of money that was spent on you. Even though you say in your second post that it's the thought that counts, you then go back to talking about how rich she is and how much more she can afford. Gift giving is a reflection of the relationship - if you are hurt by the other person's perception of your relationship, then that's valid. If you're just offended because everybody else got nicer gifts than you, then you need to just move on.

In the future, when posting on a public forum, make sure your post reflects the reality of the situation, and understand that in an emotionless medium like the internet, the way you originally wrote your posts made you sound focused only on the money. If that's not the case, then that's great - but be aware of how you come off so that you don't make the same mistake next time.



CHEERFULLADY
Posts: 650
12/29/11 12:47 A

Jainee,

I feel for you. We have a gift exchange in our family and have limited it to $30 per person. That way, nobody feels sad etc because we all spend the same amount on each person. We have had lots of fun over the years getting gifts, and I have yet to see anyone overdo it or underdo it-that is until this year. I now have a new SIL who is very nasty to me, and has accused me of things I have not done (new to the family in the past couple of months). It should be interesting to see where things go from here. However, she spent an unbelievable amount of money on my MIL-it quite disgusted me because I felt she was trying to buy her way into my MIL's good books.
I think your SIL is sending you a message-and I have to agree with others on here. I would wrap it up and send it back-I think she'll get the point soon enough.




SONICB
Posts: 4,211
12/28/11 7:20 P

As a passive-aggressive person, I can tell you what I would probably do in your situation but don't really recommend it as a course of action. Stop getting your SIL good gifts and start giving her stuff like smelly lotions, soaps, and cheap earrings. If she complains, you can point out that you thought they were perfectly good gifts because that's what she's been giving you. emoticon



RUTGERSM0M
SparkPoints: (72,071)
Fitness Minutes: (24,660)
Posts: 3,685
12/26/11 2:21 P

Jainee804, I have one even better.
I gave my SIL a gift card to Chili for Christmas(she has $$ just received a large settlement, no children and of course has everything). She gave me and my son, her nephew, nothing. She in turns gives her other SIL and her 20 month old daughter several gifts. My MIL (gave her and her hubby a gift card to Chilli) also gave me nothing not even a card. My feelings were hurt. I thought they thought more of me to give me something, if nothing else, a Christmas card.

I put my feelings aside and told myself I was happy and thankful to be able to give two people with everything something.

Keep doing what you do. If it gets too overwhelming, have a talk with your hubby about his sister. Best Wishes!



SLENDERELLA61
SparkPoints: (153,100)
Fitness Minutes: (114,126)
Posts: 7,913
12/26/11 1:56 P

Regifting might be in order. If this is a one time thing, forget it. If it is ongoing, maybe you want to call her on it and have a discussion.

I've never gotten offended by a gift, but back in the 80's when curly perms were all the style, my sister sported one. Her mother-in-law gave her a hair straigthener for a Christmas gift. Now that I thought was offensive!



ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (138,011)
Fitness Minutes: (207,260)
Posts: 20,477
12/26/11 1:46 P

JAINEE804,

I suppose the question I would ask you is what sort of relationship do you have with your SIL ? Do you have a friendly relationship ? Or is it somewhat strained ?

Also, just because she gives Ann Taylor, Michael Kors, etc... as gifts, does is mean she paid full price for them. I find Michael Kors, Ann Taylor and such at TJ Maxx all the time. They have a famous discounted designer section.

Personally, instead of giving everyone an individual gift, a smarter thing for her to do would have been to give you and your hubby a gift certificate to your favorite local restaurant.

This way, no one is offended if they don't like the gift and it doesn't look like she's favoring one relative over another.







KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,787
12/26/11 1:22 P

o_O!? where are the MEN involved with this situation!?

oh wait, they don't care, they're just happy to get anything, LOL!



SHIROIHANA
Posts: 2,029
12/26/11 1:01 P

This is the problem with Christmas: people get hurt by not getting the gifts they want. We spend so much time focusing on presents under the tree that the meaning of Christmas is lost. I agree with Anarie that you shouldn't be angry for the gift, you didn't participate in the wish list exchange and stated that you didn't want anything anyways. Kudos for donating the gift to someone who needs it. So much better than regifting or throwing the gift back at her.

But what I don't understand is, if you have been in the family for years and helped her with things, why hasn't she asked you what you wanted? You stated she asked others what they wanted and even gave a few gift cards, why not you? Maybe she did ask someone else what you wanted and they said you didn't want anything, so she went with what she went with. I think the VS gift card is very thoughtful, you thought of what she loved and gave her what you can afford. Other members shouldn't get on your case for your gift if the SIL also gave out gift cards.

I put the blame on her, though, in a way. If she indeed makes that much and buys everyone extravagant gifts, all everyone would expect from her is expensive gifts. She is setting herself up to disappoint others who didn't get expensive gifts. If she gave someone new to the family tickets to a football game (those aren't cheap), expensive things to the rest of the family AND gift cards to others, I see how you can be offended. If I was the kind of person who gave lavish gifts to everyone (including the new sister's boyfriend), then I probably would've gone with running shoes or workout gear for you, NOT something I like for you. A workout top is just as cheap as the soap and is a safer bet than soap or earrings. It doesn't make sense to give a proud tomboy some cosmetics or jewelry unless they requested it.

But if you didn't expect anything, you shouldn't be complaining. Either she simply didn't know what you wanted or doesn't like you enough to ask. I wouldn't assume anything else or blame third parties.



ANARIE
Posts: 12,387
12/26/11 11:45 A

Oooh, one last thought: Could this be a third party's fault? The things she has gotten you are very girly. Any chance someone else in the family thinks you should be (or might want to be) less of a tomboy? Has your DH perhaps told her, "Get Jainee something pretty. I'm no good at picking out stuff like that." Or is there any chance SHE thinks, "Gosh, nobody else ever gets her anything pretty. If my clod of a brother won't get her jewelry or pretty smelly things, I guess it's up to me."?

As someone else pointed out, if she really wanted to hurt you, it would come out more often than just at Christmas. You'll be doing yourself a favor if you consider EVERY alternate explanation before you assume that she's doing it on purpose.



ANARIE
Posts: 12,387
12/26/11 11:32 A

I really think you need to have your husband talk to her. That's generally the best policy for in-law situations. You can decide whether he should ask her if you've done something to tick her off, or whether next Thanksgiving he should just corner his sister and say, "Hey, why don't you get Jainee something like __________ for Christmas? That's what she really wants." Or maybe he could just include you in the wish list e-mail. If that's the way the family operates but you never participate, they might be taking you at your word that you really don't want anything. Maybe she gets better gifts for other people because they express what they want so she doesn't have to guess. I will openly confess that when I have to guess at what someone wants, I give them something *I* like and hope they'll like it too. My brother has a basement full of dishes and knick-nacks that I thought were very handsome and masculine!

You never really answered the question about how much other people spend and whether she's trying to reciprocate on even terms. Assuming that the body wash wasn't on sale when she bought it, once you figure in sales tax and wrapping, her gift to you would have been almost identical in price to the one you gave her-- we're talking a difference of a dollar or two at most, and that's before you figure in the time it took to shop for it. You do need to get over this idea that you gave her a much better gift than she gave you. The two gifts were very equal in objective value. This is where the gift card issue raises its ugly head; she KNOWS how much you think is appropriate to spend. Whether you like what she uses that budget for is a separate issue, but YOU set the price range. And you thought it was embarrassing to only open one package... Well, how many packages did SHE get to open from you? If the family does that thing of ooh-ing and ahh-ing over each others' presents, at least you could pass the bottle around and people could smell it or admire the label. With a gift card... Well, it's a gift card. From the outside, the situation looks very even, leaning slightly toward HER as the more thoughtful one.

At any rate, you need to figure out whether she's deliberately snubbing you and if so, why. You really can't ask her, especially now when you're so upset, so it's now your husband's job.





CIRANDELLA
SparkPoints: (59,534)
Fitness Minutes: (34,361)
Posts: 6,094
12/26/11 10:49 A

I'd just regift it.

It's poor form to suggest what someone should give you unless they ask specifically what you'd like for a gift.



JAINEE804
Posts: 95
12/26/11 10:38 A

Hugs to Sherrie59!
emoticon
She, like a few others, understood my point. If we didn't know each other, fine. But to get someone who was been in the family for over 2 years, someone who you know isn't into jewelry or perfumes, but is a tomboy, someone who has helped you through things, give them something so generic, wow. The action speaks volumes. I got hurt because I thought we were close... no wonder she left without saying bye before me opening my gift. Yes, I am thankful for the gift because now I know how she made it clear how she feels. If you go to the dollar store, at least give someone something they like. That was TOO generic.

I hope everyone had a Merry Xmas!

Edited by: JAINEE804 at: 12/26/2011 (10:50)


HOWDOIHEARTTHEE
Posts: 9,372
12/26/11 10:07 A

No...I wouldn't be offended...to me...the price doesn't matter...it is the thought that counts...



JAINEE804
Posts: 95
12/26/11 10:03 A

My second post on here explains why I went for the gift card. She loves VS. It is getting something the other person would like. We have known each other for years and yes, I agree that I shouldn't have looked up the price (I feel dumb for doing that) but what bothered me was the thought into the gift. She gave her sister's NEW boyfriend a pair of football tickets, someone she rarely sees or knows because of their LDR. I am very simple but dress sporty. I would've been happy with athletic socks. Even the new boyfriend of the sister gave me a pair of running capris because he said that I wear lots of sports clothes. So it's not the price. But to get me, a proud tomboy, a pair of earrings one year, then this, when if she put thought, could've gotten me anything sporty. Would you get someone who NEVER wears jewelry earrings? I have been in their family for years so it is not the case of not knowing me. And I read other comments about be grateful, be grateful, it is the thought that counts, so are you telling me that if you heard your co-workers getting a big bonus raise from your boss but you got a lump of coal, would you be grateful that he at least thought of you after you've been working there for many years? It is like that. I wasn't expecting anything, and am touched she got me something. But I felt her gift was a slap in the face, his is why I am here on SP. Even she gave gift cards to others, she asked people what they liked. I was the only person she didn't ask what I liked and didn't put much thought into.
I know I sound like a whiny brat for not getting something for Christmas, the time where you should be thankful to be spending time with others, and I agree completely. But I thought it was embarrassing to sit there and open a small box with lotion when everyone else got giftS from her, thoughtful gifts, so I agree with certain comments here that she must have some beef with me. And don't assume I am the grinch, I vented and don't appreciate comments like "you sound like a snob, I wouldn't have gotten you anything eiher". Really, how does that help? Why do people insult when being mean never helps anyone? If you have anything negative to say, keep those thoughts to yourself! I have cooked for her, supported her through her pregnancies, babysat, and am here because after what I have done for her, got this after all that time with her? What offended me was the action, not the person. Her action ticked me off because I thought we were close after many years. I donated the gift btw.

Edited by: JAINEE804 at: 12/26/2011 (10:25)


CONQUERGRAVITY
Posts: 1,514
12/26/11 9:30 A

From the way you write this, it seems like what you're most focused on is how much your sister-in-law makes, and therefore, how much you think she "should" be spending on you. Honestly, I think it's pretty rude to sit around calculating how much money someone else makes and what YOU think they should spend on you as a result.

The amount you spend on someone should be proportionate to how much you care about them, not how much you make. If you can't afford a lot, that's one thing, but you obviously don't like your sister-in-law much or have a good relationship with her, so why should she spend a lot of money on you?

Also, to the commenter who said that she has "rich" friends who don't buy her gifts, and therefore they must be selfish... how good of a friend can they be if you would think that of them? And if that's what you think of them, why SHOULD they buy you a gift? I certainly wouldn't, no matter how much money I had.

I understand wanting the person to show some thought or care in their gift, but you didn't put much into yours either (a gift card? Really? It's a nice gift, but something you give to a someone you don't know what else to get for or don't want to put too much energy into). How is she supposed to know what kind of scents you like? Philosophy is an extremely expensive brand of body care products - it's not like she went to the drugstore and bought you a bottle of $3 soap. Seems to me like she didn't know what else to get you, so bought you something she thought would be festive, seasonal, and useful. Most people wouldn't mind a gingerbread scent, and it's holiday-appropriate. Unless you've made a point of letting everyone know what kinds of scents you like, why should she know that?

We all receive gifts that seem a little thoughtless, but most of the time I think it stems more from not knowing what else to get than from any sort of malicious intent. To take personal offense over it seems a bit silly to me - and it seems more like you're looking for something to get annoyed over than anything else. Get your mind out of your in-laws' bank accounts and move on - they have a right to spend their money wherever they see fit, and if they choose not to spend it on you, then you're just going to have to let that go and move on. To be totally honest, if you were my sister in law, and this was the attitude you showed, calculating how much money I should be spending on you based upon what you think my income is, I probably wouldn't spend all that much on you either.

If the rest of them send around a list of what they want, then why aren't you doing the same? Seems like a pretty accepted family tradition, if they all do it. She probably isn't getting you what you want because she doesn't KNOW what you want - it's a lot easier to spend a lot of money on someone when you're sure that they'll like what you're getting them.



SHERRIE59
SparkPoints: (54,044)
Fitness Minutes: (47,353)
Posts: 7,527
12/26/11 3:07 A

Crackerjack2825, you need to learn the art of reading and comprehending what you read [2 very important key elements here]. I wrote, "IN MY VIEW"....so when can I NOT have a view anymore, YOU ROYAL HIGHNESS??? Oh, pardon me for having a mind of my own....was not aware I was not allowed to voice my views.. Obviously, I "touched your corns".

While you give dollar store gifts, it IS the cost of the gift which Jainee received from someone who is well off that is bothering her as she feels they are cheap and crappy, and it is bothering her that much that she opened this post to get everyone's views.I don't mind receiving a dollar store gift, BUT it must be USEFUL to me...not for me to have to find somewhere to store it for donation later.

Edited by: SHERRIE59 at: 12/26/2011 (03:42)


ANARIE
Posts: 12,387
12/26/11 1:13 A

Wait a minute:

"What offended me was that she put so little thought on my gift."

"I gave her a gift card."

"I tell them that I never wanted gifts to begin with"



Anybody else see a disconnect here???!?

To an awful lot of people, a gift card implies ZERO thought. Many people say you might as well just hand them a twenty-dollar-bill and say, "Here, go buy your own present." My guess is that (assuming you've had a similar exchange before) she's trying to match more or less what you spend on her, but with a "real" gift that she actually goes out and takes time to get. She knows exactly how much you spend, and to a lot of people, it's not good etiquette to spend a lot more than the recipient spends on you. I have friends who make a lot more money than I do, and I would be embarrassed if they gave me a gift I couldn't possibly match.

And who is "everybody else?" Are there other sisters-in-law, or is "everybody else" her own siblings and parents? That makes a difference; in some families, siblings-in-law don't exchange gifts at all, or if they do, they're just tokens. (My mom and her sister-in-law just recently started *making* little gifts for each other after having spent almost 50 Christmases together without exchanging gifts.)

Also, what does "everybody else" give her? Is there another sister-in-law who gives her $25 gift cards and gets Ann Taylor in return? If "everybody else" includes people with exactly the same type of relationship you have, maybe you could be a little miffed, but if you're the only similar-age sister-in-law and/or the only one who doesn't spend a huge amount on her, I think you're jumping to conclusions when her motives might be entirely kind.

Honestly, I think you're assuming the worst. My guess about what was going on in her head is something like this: "Gosh, what should I get Jainee? I know she can't spend a lot on me, so I don't want to escalate things. I blew it last year; she never wore those earrings I got her, so obviously I misjudged her taste and I'd better not get her anything to wear. Wine? Chocolate? No, that's what she got me, so if I get her a more expensive brand she'll think I'm rubbing her nose in the fact that I make more money than she does and if I get her a less expensive one, it'll look even worse. Hey, what about something from Sephora? Everybody can use skin care products. This body wash is nice. It's not very expensive, but it's probably more than she would spend herself. A $20 bottle of body wash is a small luxury for anybody, right? Okay, there's a gift for Jainee. Should I get something to go with it? What, am I crazy? It took me an hour to decide on this! And besides, she SAID she doesn't care about presents, anyway."

Even if you suspect it was a deliberate snub, tell yourself it wasn't. You're going to be related to this woman forever, and when you can't get away from someone, it's best to try to convince yourself that s/he's a good person who maybe just doesn't quite understand you. If you assume she gives you crappy presents because she doesn't know what you want, you have room to work. What would you want her to do if YOU were the one who gave a gift that turned out not to be appropriate?

If you assume she gives you crappy presents because she hates you... What's the next step? There are things you could do if she weren't a relative, but you have to spend the next fifty or so Christmases with this woman. If you tell her you don't want gifts from her because her choice is offensive, you've just started open warfare that's going to get worse and worse every year, and since you're the "outsider," you will lose.

And where is your husband (or brother) in all this? He's the one who should be talking to his sister (or wife) about this. If the two of THEM don't have a good enough relationship to have that conversation, you can't expect YOUR relationship to be stronger than theirs. But it might be as simple as your husband saying, "Hey, Jainee really admired that sweater you got Susie last year. She'd be tickled if you got her something similar."


Oh, and one piece of advice? Regardless of what else you decide to do, do not EVER let anyone else in the family know that you went on line and LOOKED UP THE PRICE of a gift you got!!!! That is literally the same as looking a gift horse in the mouth, and it's the fastest way I can think of to become "that" sister-in-law they all snipe about behind her back. It's not just insulting to the gift-giver; it will make the rest of the family think that you're way too interested in their money. It will harm your relationship with all the in-laws, and that's a bad omen for your marriage.



NIRERIN
Posts: 11,809
12/25/11 8:24 P

it kinda sounds like you don't know each other so well, and that's the issue. since everyone emails before thanksgiving, what do you put on your wishlist? if you just say donate to x, then she is getting you something for you but basically has no idea what you might like. so she is trying to be considerate of you, but she's off. it takes time and getting to know someone to pick out a good present for them, and if you don't like the cheap jewelry she buys you, what makes you think you'll like her taste in expensive jewelry? and in some ways, the holiday scent of something is the choice for when you don't know any better. sure some people buy it because they love the scent [or know someone who will], but when faced with five citrus scents, five flower scents, some woodsy ones and so forth, picking the seasonal one is more like deciding between one or two instead of twenty or so. and with no other things to guide her, it's disposable and usable and not a huge commitment. her mom and her sister, she's lived with them most of her life and knows they'd love the boots and clothes. you have known her how long? and spent how much time with her? and i think that may be more a part of it. someone who is more distant, who i don't know so much isn't someone who is going to get the big fancy presents because i don't know what to get.



FENWAYGIRL18
Posts: 5,853
12/25/11 7:22 P

I don't care what anyone says on here about it's all about family and your lucky to have one.... it's downright hurtful when she's going out of her way for everyone else and not for you!
No, it's not about the gift but when some is being that spiteful then there's something behind it. If she couldn't afford a nice gift that would be one thing but when she can that's a slap in the face to you!
Family is very funny , they know how to push your buttons.... believe me I feel for you and I'm sorry that was done to you, it must be embarrassing when your sitting there all opening presents and everyone can see what they got and then what you got... but you know what it only makes her look like a jerk if you think of it.....
I wouldn't say anything cause I wouldn't give her the satisfaction, sounds like she's jealous of you for some reason , maybe you have a loving spouse and she's not really happy and so she tries to belittle you , I don't know... I just know that's so not right what she does to you!!!!
God Bless!



PROGRESSFORWARD
SparkPoints: (60,036)
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Posts: 3,103
12/25/11 6:35 P

It's not the presents under the tree, it's the presence of your loved ones gathering together. If you are given something not to your taste, donate it to an organization that will use it. Enjoy your time together and don't waste energy on something that 100 years from now won't matter emoticon



CHEETARA79
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12/25/11 4:47 P

Philosophy is a higher end brand. I don't think you should be offended.



SUMMERSKYE60
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Posts: 139
12/25/11 1:24 P

Since she buys everyone else more expensive and nicer gifts, and you her sister crappy ones, smile, thank her very much and regift the crappy gifts back to her the following Christmas or birthday. She may get the point.



STARMIZER2000
SparkPoints: (84,117)
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Posts: 2,127
12/25/11 1:22 P

Christmas is not about the gifts, it is about family. Don't worry about the gifts. Remember the reason for the season.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!



MAMA_CD
Posts: 1,497
12/25/11 12:56 P

Just be gracious and say thank-you, many people don't even have family, or receive gifts, and continue to give her the wonderful things that you do. Above all, just enjoy the people that you can share time with, people who love you...that's the best Christmas ever emoticon



UMBILICAL
Posts: 11,329
12/25/11 12:39 P

I prefer gifts that money cannot buy.



JAINEE804
Posts: 95
12/25/11 9:08 A

Thank you so much for the replies everyone! What offended me was that she put so little thought on my gift. It's the thought that counts, and she made it clear that she thinks cheap of me. If everyone else got crappy gifts I wouldn't have thought much of it. Diamond earrings, boots, watches, these were other gifts she gave out. And everyone else got 2-3 gifts each. I got her VS because she loves that store and that's all I can afford. I wouldn't have gotten offended if my family didn't give me me a gift or got me this as a gift, but the in-law family make it mandatory by e-mailing each other their wish lists by thanksgiving. They are all rich so they can afford expensive things. I am definitely donating the gift, most of them I donate anyways because I know there are people who NEED stuff. I tell them that I never wanted gifts to begin with, I should tell them that they should give me a gift to be donated for next year. I prefer donating and the other family would rather spend cheap on me anyways.



KKKAREN
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Posts: 11,556
12/25/11 7:55 A

I think gift giving is for the children. If you have a family that must give gifts to the adults then draws names and buy one nice gift instead of 10 cheap things. Try to find out what the person wants and make the price limit $50 dollars or more. Or play one of the gift exchange games and buy a gift you don't know who will get it.



CRACKERJACK2825
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Posts: 262
12/25/11 7:14 A

My sister in law is very petty about Christmas. Last year, she did not buy me anything. I think I spent ten bucks on her. Nobody cared either way. If you're upset about the cost of your gift from her, talk to her or let it go. Those are your only options.

Also, to Sherrie59, since when is $25 considered "cheap?" In my family, it's not the amount of the gift, it's the thought put into it.You could buy my daughter socks from the Dollar Tree, and she would love them. I did it this year. So did my mom. A few years ago, we bought her a guitar. Not really an expensive gift, but it was what she wanted. She still plays the thing to this day.

The COST of the gifts is not really the problem here. She stated that she was the only one who got cheap gifts from the sis-in-law, and my guess is that she feels slighted by that. Like I said before, either talk to her about it or let it go.



THIRTEENREASONS
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12/25/11 4:12 A

Honestly, I wouldn't read into it too much. If there's some personal reason and she goes out of her way to buy you things she knows you won't like that reason will more than likely come out more than once a year... so if this only happens around the holidays it probably isn't anything personal. She might just be busy with work and not have enough time to go out of her way to figure out what every person on her list wants.

If you don't like what you get then either find a way to return it to the store or donate it (things like soap are always in demand). If you can't find a place to donate it to then it'd be easy to re-gift.

I just think calling someone out like that is tacky.



SHERRIE59
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12/25/11 3:50 A

I wouldn't get offended.........I'd just donate the gift to the needy who will more appreciate it. Obviously the values and feelings here differ. You need not harp on what she gives to others vs what she gives to you...afterall, you said that you'd prefer she didn't give you anything rather than give you crappy gifts....so forget about it unless you are jealous.
People buy me gifts which I hate or have no use for.....all I do is put it in a corner for donation, forget about it and move on. I don't sit in a corner to mope and feel offended. I don't have time for that and it brings you down emotionally. She's sending you a message of just what she thinks of you and probably in return she judges you by the value of the gift you give or she thinks you didn't put much thought into buying her a gift so you resorted to a gift cert....just move on, don't let it bother you turn the tables on her and leave her wondering and how you're taking it.....just let it bother her instead!!!.

Sometimes, we meet people are mean in spirit as they are in pocket......you need to learn to block out these people and don't let them bother you. In my view though, $25 is a small amount of money to spend on a gift and Victoria Secrets is not cheap so she may not get much from the cert but this may be what you can afford so why make a big deal out of it. Check and see if she uses it or if she made your money go down the drain.

If you want a gift from these "rich" places, then go there and buy what you want but don't be subjected by someone else. I have always lived this way....buy what I want and don't wait for people to buy me things. If you have no expectations, you won't have disappointments. emoticon

Have a Merry Christmas

Edited by: SHERRIE59 at: 12/25/2011 (04:14)


EOWYN2424
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12/25/11 1:32 A

I get lots of crappy gifts from rich friends too! I also have a millionaire friend who's never even given me a Christmas present before! I guess these ppl are just selfish!



JANIEWWJD
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12/25/11 12:35 A

Very touchy subject; it's hard to know what to do. I understand your point of view. It would be different if she bought everyone cheap gifts. If it were me, I would ask her WHY; have I offended her or what is the problem.



JAINEE804
Posts: 95
12/25/11 12:29 A

I bought my sister-in-law a $25 gift card from Victoria's Secret. I also brought a house warming gift, $35. Came with chocolate and wine. She gave everyone really expensive gifts from Ann Taylor, Michael Kors, etc. She gave me a philosophy body wash in a box, unwrapped, box actually open. Last year she got me cheap earrings when I have NEVER worn jewelry. I still don't. Everyone raves about her giving the best gifts. Am venting but at the same time wondering...

Would you get offended too or be thankful that she thought of getting you a gift for Xmas?

Thanks and Merry Xmas!

Note: I am not going to read any future comments, leaving here for others to read but am not reading additional comments. I donated the gift and thanked her.

Edited by: JAINEE804 at: 1/7/2012 (10:38)


 
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