Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

 
Message Boards
FORUM:   Community Journals
TOPIC:  

ChiggerCane's Journal



 
 
Search the
Message Boards:
Search
      Share
Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

Author: Message: Sort First Post on Top


CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
10/1/12 11:10 A

Oct 1 - Exercise DONE for the day - will get a little more stretching in tho. Louise kicked my butt again this morning. I think the circuit was a little easier today...but is that because it really was easier - or am I improving? Or both? The 3rd time thru the circuit, I was dragging, but I finished. I can't believe how out of shape I have become...BUT....I am turning it around.

Water is on track for the day. I am chugging it as I write. After this, I am hitting the shower and then completing some deliveries for work. I can't face our customers as I am now - sweaty and in exercise clothes.

Later - done for day - updated food. Afternoon is hard for me - I want to eat everything - just mindless eating. I need to come up with an afternoon routine to keep me from being bored.

Took therapy dog to visit someone today. Made me feel useful. Will go visit tomorrow as well. I really need to get serious and find a place for her to visit on a regular schedule.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 10/1/2012 (19:24)


CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/30/12 5:01 P

On to October. I joined the Oct 1-31 Buddy Challenge. I think this will be better for me than setting a hard weight loss goal. I would really like to lose the weight this month, but after my gain of the last 2 weeks, I guess I'm gun shy.

I have planned out meals for the week ahead, I have pre-cooked some protein for lunches this week. I have downed 70 oz of water today. I have mentally prepped myself for the week ahead. I have stretched and iced my hip and leg. No matter what the week holds, I can face a new month with a good attitude and optimism.

Louise's class is tomorrow. I am both dreading and looking forward to her class. I need this. I can do this. I want this. Do I want this bad enough to stay focused, eat clean, drink water, be positive, etc? YES YES YES.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/29/12 10:25 A

I am ending September at my highest ever weight - including when I was pregnant...oh, what a sad statement. How did I allow myself to get here? I truly think it because of this new circuit class. My clothes are fitting fine, I can see some upper ab definition, my butt is getting a LITTLE smaller...so WTH??? I have to tell my mind to get beyond the number...forget the number....

BUT...am I really doing all I can to be healthy? NO.
Should I tighten my diet? YES
Should I focus on getting enough water? YES

My hip bursitis is really acting up today. Went to therapy Thursday, had circuit class Friday am, really stretched yesterday and last night was awful. Today is not starting out great either, So, I can't add walking back into my routine at this point. But I CAN do the elliptical. I CAN stretch. I CAN watch what I eat.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/25/12 9:00 A

Could not believe the scale yesterday and today. I have gained 5 lbs. ??? I have not eaten THAT much choc, have I?? I can only wonder if it is related to the circuit class and my body going into shock. I am going to see what water can do for me...and writing down what I eat/drink and see if I am mindlessly eating. My clothes are still fitting ok. I don't feel bloated or larger. I keep telling myself...weight is just a number....it's not about the number....will I ever believe it?

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 9/25/2012 (09:01)


CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/24/12 11:25 A

Louise this morning. She said she gave us an 'easy Monday'...yeah, right. My core is already screaming. This is an area that I know is so weak, so I am glad...but I dread tomorrow morning trying to get out of bed.

Had weekend to myself as the husband and sons were camping. I did deep cleaning on the house - cleaned floors, washed baseboards and walls, etc. And I avoided the delivery chinese food which is what I usually indulge in when I am alone. I did however eat quite a few snack size Reeces, almond joys and M&Ms. I don;t know whay I buy the Halloween large bags of candy...I know that I will eat them...so WHY???

All in all thought, a good weekend. And after a workout like that this morning, my body is screaming at me to stay focused. Another crazy week ahead. I can do this, though I have meals planned out, I have some prepped food for lunches. Need to head to grocery store later today to get fruits and veggies. It's gonna be a good week.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/20/12 11:02 A

So I must vent about people. WHY do people let you down? This time it was not personally to me, but a friend. She was hosting an event and had arranged for 3 (at least) people to bring food or help setup and cleanup, etc. I got there (as 1 of the 3) and was told the other 2 texted (Yes - TEXTED) a few minutes before stating they couldn't bring the food or even attend. Uh...a few minutes BEFORE the event and you cancel and don't provide what you committed to??? Are you serious?? Luckily, not a ton of people showed up and between what she and I had, there was enough. But what is wrong with people? Do commitments mean so little to people? It's an interesting view into people - and it highlights the shallowness of them. I knew this about 1 of the people...but it was slammed home to me again. Then I received a text a few mins ago from that person asking how it went - and asking for a favor from me. Sorry - not gonna happen. I should really just become a hermit.

So - as I'm musing over this behavior, I realize I'm doing the same thing to my body (in a metaphorical sense). I committed to exercising and eating 'well...and I have not even bothered to text myself that I'm not following through with ANY of it. A commitment is a commitment. Live up to your obligations. In simple words - DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA DO!!!! If you're not going to do it - then stop saying you will. Who's fooling who? Become who you want to be...wait - I think that one deserves the screaming capitals....

BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE! NOW! TODAY!

The 2 reeces cups and 1 almond joy (snack size) are texting me to live up to what I say...and the coke too. emoticon

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 9/20/2012 (15:00)


CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/19/12 10:47 A

Another very thorough, sore inducing workout with Louise on Monday. Core is feeling it today! Watching food. Weighed this am - and UP 2 lbs...WHY??? I find when I workout really hard with weights, I tend to hold onto or add weight. Is it water? I have not been getting 64 oz in of water - I think I'm really going to watch that the next few days and see what happens.





CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/15/12 4:55 P

Up 1/2 a pound this week - not sure why. I really thought I did pretty good with food this week, and better with water.

Louise canceled her class for last Friday and net Friday. Actually I think that's better for me so I can ease into it a little better - 1 day a week, plus my walking and whatever I can work in the rest of the week.

Planning out meals and exercise today for the week ahead. It's another busy week ahead.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/13/12 1:51 P

Louise's class has stayed with me in many ways - primarily in having almost every muscle in my body aching! But a good ache. My core, butt, inner thighs, back, shoulders...you name it - it hurts. I have been so much more conscious of my body this week because of that, which has lead me to making better choices in food and drinking more water. I am planning on going tomorrow morning. I am a little afraid of how much I will hurt Saturday...but hey- I'll recover.

Made a huge batch of ratatouille last night. Turned out very tasty. I was talking with some people last week who have been focusing on a plant based lifestyle. I need to up the amount of veggies I eat, but I'm not willing to go 100% plant based. With the fall feel to the air, it's time to start making regular batches of ratatouille, cabbage/veggie soup, and butternut squash soup - my fall staples.

I'm feeling torn about Louise's class. On one hand, I am optimistic and energized. On the other hand, I am scared this is a false high for trying something new. I KNOW that I will not continue this for a long period of time due to the cost. But this is the type class I enjoy (or used to). I like to work out really hard in a class environment. I won't do it on my own. But then I start feeling like a fool for 'wasting' money on something on I SHOULD be able to do on my own. How long will I justify this cost?

OK - gotta get to work so I have money to pay for class. I'll mull things over in my mind for the next month. I have decided to do Louise's class for September. No regrets or discussion about it. I am investing in myself. Then we'll see.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/10/12 4:26 P

Louise will one day kill someone! Man, was her class tough. I used to be able to handle a class like hers with relatively little trouble. I thought I was going to faint or puke. But I managed to stay in the class - finish MOST of the circuit exercises and I feel great now. I WILL do this class Mondays and Fridays for the month of Sept and then we'll see. It is more $ than I want to spend. So, I don't know beyond Sept.

Food and water have been ok today. I think I'll have an easier time eating better if I'm working out so hard. Fantasy or fact????

Had a very busy weekend. Dog agility competition. So was fairly active Friday thru Sunday, but nothing formal. This is a busy week. 2 family birthdays and husband is out of town all week. Usually that means I rely on convenience food. Which i will NOT do this week. Taking a home ridden friend to lunch tomorrow. Gotta watch that as well.

PLAN PLAN PLAN...that's the only way to succeed.





CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/4/12 8:59 A

Good weekend at the lake. Did a little too much walking i think as the hip bursitis and tendonitis was complaining last night. I have therapy again on Weds - hopefully I'll start seeing some improvement soon.

Husband out of town this week - gotta watch the cooking, It's hard to make myself cook when it's only the younger son and I. But older son is here this week - and it is a crazy week school and sports wise. So - I WILL cook! I will plan meals as soon as I get off here.

Texted Louise about joining her circuit class. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. Elliptical and free weights on the schedule for later today. Work awaits - time to get to it. Ok - and water is here at my side.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
9/1/12 1:45 P

September 1.
145.5 lbs. Hmmmm let's see. I signed up for the August lose 5 lbs...and did NOT lose ANY weight. Am I the master of self-sabotage or what?

I have signed up for the Septemer Lose 5 lbs Challenge. And the results WILL be different.

Why? Because I want it to be different. I need it to be different. My plan:

Water, Water, Water (Water to the 10th - as in 10 glasses a day)
No Fast Food (where have I heard that before...LOL)
Minimize eating out
PLAN my meals for the week ahead AND LIVE MY PLAN
Exercise - I will do SOMETHING everyday (Gym, circuit class, Mtn walk, jog, elliptical or walk)
Post here
Eliminate BLAME (Because Losers Always Make Excuses) - stop blaming circumstances
Be Postive

I'm sure there's more I need to do (and will) bu that's enough to get me started.






CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/30/12 11:02 A

September 1 is looming on the horizon. This MUST be the month I get serious and committed. I don't want to face 2013 in the shape I'm in (mentally and physically) - and 4 months ending 2012 being focused and directed will get me there. Just looked at the calendar - 17 weeks left in 2012. 17 weeks to find my plan - establish my routines - invest in ME!!

A somewhat friend (more acquaintance) mentioned a home based circuit training class being held in my neighborhood - invited me to join in. It costs a little more than I like...BUT - I complain that I'm not dedicated to exercise, I don't have enough groups that I participate in (I'm a natural loner/independent), it's 1/2 a mile from my house, and the instructor used to teach a group class I took years ago - and she is fantastic. SO - I think I will 'invest' for the month of September. No - I don't THINK - I WILL! I will call her today and sig up for September. And I will GO to the class in September!

17 weeks left in the year - 17 changes to get me through the year in much better shape mentally and physically than I am now.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/28/12 9:32 A

Another 'pity-me' post. Went to therapy yesterday (and last Friday) for hip bursitis and tendonitis. Was firmly told "STOP WALKING AND JOGGING UNTIL THIS CALMS DOWN!" Yes - I was yelled at. Had infrared, ultrasound, elbow massage (Wow - did THAT hurt!), and medicine. Was feeling a little better - so of course, last night, I walked. Big mistake. By 10 PM, in sever pain.

I need to walk. I need to do something. Can I really take off a couple weeks and do nothing except weights???

Weight is up. But that's because of bad choices on my end.

It is really time to get serious. How many times have I said that? Get real - get serious - there are no do overs!



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/20/12 2:33 P

An eventful weekend. My husband's father admitted to hospital - he's currently in ICU, improving and expecting to go to a 'regular' room tomorrow - then home in a couple days. Family drama, interactions, etc all lead to anxiety and BLAH-ness. UGH!

Went to gym this am - got in a quick treadmill routine plus upper body weight workout. Food has not been great - but not too bad either. Definitely room for improvement - but hey - I got time to do that - and motivation.

Our business is too slow right now. I don't have enough to do to keep me busy - and I've been too lazy to start work on my house cleaning/improvements. That's what I need to do - get busy. Stop feeling BLAH and anxious and comparing my life to others.

It is what it is. Deal with it.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/15/12 8:11 A

Calm my fears & increase my faith to trust You in all things.

Trust and faith. That's all I need. I've been trying to do it all on my own willpower - emotional eating from anxiety and worry is the result.

I found myself baking cookies this weekend. I made banana bread yesterday. I thought about my mother as I was baking. She is ALWAYS making cakes and cookies...and they don't need them. She and my father both are heavy, high blood pressure, pre-diabetic, sedentary, etc. But as I was baking, I thought about being little and helping my mom bake things for the family and how that made me feel. It was a way to show love and caring for family members. And it reminds me of good times with my mom. So, is that why my mother bakes so much - because it reminds her of missing family members and being young? My young son loved the banana bread - so I will NOT have any myself, but save it all for him. I can still get the good feelings - but not eat the whole result.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/11/12 11:37 P

Got the jog done 1st thing. I'm still struggling at 2 points during the jog - heading up hills. Actually, they are 'rises', not hills...but I am having a hard time getting my breathing under control while lifting my legs high enough. emoticon I think a couple more time and I'll be better at the hills.

Then had a walk with the dogs tonite. Just a short walk - but it was nice.

Had a family wedding today so food was not that great. Not bad either for that matter.

Tomorrow, the planning for the week ahead gets done utilizing the monthly menus. AND an exercise schedule that will be followed will be prepared. I really want to see a loss this week.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/10/12 4:30 P

I wish they didn't start school til after Labor Day - like the old days!

OK day - still trying to get a routine decided on. Was planning on running at the mountain, but my 8:00 am appointment lasted until 9:40 - just enough time to get to my 10 am appt. Then errands and work took up the rest of the day. I'm about to head out to get son from soccer. We'll see if I can get in some elliptical time later today. WILL jog tomorrow am - 1st thing - no excuses!

Eating is so-so today. I dusted off my monthly meal plan yesterday. I need to update it a bit - it has quite a bit of chicken on it and I'm trying to reduce the amount of chicken we eat. Then - all I have to do is implement it...WHY is that so hard?





JIBBIE49
Posts: 55,789
8/10/12 12:20 A

WOW, school started already. Ours starts the 27th.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/8/12 5:39 P

School started today. Dropped son at school and headed right to the gym. Was on the treadmill by 7:30. Did a quick 20 min jog/some alternating walking, then did weights for arm workout. A couple years ago, I googled Linda Hamilton's arm workout from Terminator 3 and wrote down the suggested exercises. That's what I'm starting with - altho I may need to get a refresher on some of the notes - I was reaching for form this morning. AND - I KNOW that 80% is diet on getting definition. But - it felt great being there this AM. I need to head to exercise 1st thing EVERY morning!

Water has been better today - food ok, not great. Progress - not perfection.

Scale is moving the wrong way. Not surprising considering some of the choices I have made this past week. 31/2 week of August left - plenty of time to lose 5.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/6/12 3:14 P

Thanks for the comments MarlieSE01. Just get up and do SOMETHING - doesn't really matter what - ANYTHING and you will feel better.

So today is the 16th anniversary of the death of my best friend, Sandra. I remember every moment of being with her that afternoon until evening - one of the longest, most emotional days I have ever spent - that now seems way too short. I miss my friend. I smile as I remember her. If you have a best friend, call them and let them know what they mean to you!

"Never complain about growing old. Many, many people do not have the privilege."

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/6/2012 (15:45)


MARLIESE01
SparkPoints: (18,077)
Fitness Minutes: (5,506)
Posts: 779
8/5/12 10:02 A

I love that quote you found. I have been logging my food but really struggling with the exercise part. I am not an athlete, never have been. Can't seem to motivate myself to do any exercise, but you are motivating me to do something, anything. How did you get started? What made you get up off the couch and start running! I am so proud of you and in awe! emoticon



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/3/12 6:48 P

So today was a 'making it by' day. Too little structure and we found a whole box of everlasting Gobstoppers as we were cleaning out my son's room. I love the purple ones...and the red ones...and the green ones. At least they are gone now.

I signed up for the Losing 5 lbs in August challenge. Better get busy. Water is still a major issue I need to focus on,

Tomorrow, we have the Wounded Warrior 5K. We'll be walking for the most part, with some bouts of jogging. Rain has moved in (YEA!) tonight - I hope it won't be raining tomorrow am.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/2/12 9:10 A

Started today off ok. Got a few things on my 'daily' list done.

Flylady had a very good message today. I'm going to paraphrase what she stated. Go to her website to see her whole message. flylady.net

Life is about progress, not perfection. Do what you can, with what you have, with where you are. Celebrate each and every step. And fill those celebrations with laughter. It doesn't have to be perfect to be better than it was.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
8/1/12 6:56 P

August 1. Where did summer go? For that matter, where did this year go?

17 months left to take off 15 lbs. I can do it - no problem. I do need to get serious. And live according to plan. Therefore, I should have a plan.

I've been sitting here trying to get my schedule together for when school starts. what do I want to fit in daily / weekly/ and monthly? What can I reasonably expect to accomplish in a day. I have a partially completed list together - will flesh it out this week. When school hits next Weds, I want to be off and running (literally and figuratively).



Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/1/2012 (19:14)


CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/31/12 9:38 A

Posted this blog - but want it here too. Got a jog in again yesterday morning. Just over 1.6 miles. Husband and I started out - he 'encouraged' me to extend the run 'just a bit'. He and I are very different. He can set his mind to something and 'just do it'. I'm not saying he doesn't struggle or work hard - he works very hard, both mentally and physically. I tend to be more 'mind ploughing' (to stay in theme) - before I start moving: I've committed to a certain run, prepared my mind to tell my body what it has to do, visualized the run and where I know I'm going to have problems, imagined the end point...ALOT of mind ploughing. If I change after I've started...well, it's not something I handle well. And I know that doesn't speak well of me...I'm just trying to stay honest.

So - I looked at him, smiled and said "Love me for who I am...not for who you want me to be." He smiled...but I know he was disappointed in me. But- I like to start slow and short - get good at that run - and then when I feel confident - can breathe easier and can make my legs move at quicker than a snail's pace, I'll expand the run or increase the speed. I'm just glad I'm out there doing it.

But as I ran, I kept mulling over what I had said - and I thought back to a book 'Sons and Lovers' by DH Lawrence. There's a line in there that has always stuck with me - “She could not be content with the little he might be; she would have him the much that he ought to be. So, in seeking to make him nobler than he could be, she destroyed him.”
I've thought those lines over MANY times - funny how I've always applied my thinking to my sons and husband, but never me. Am I content with the little I might be - my short 1.5 mile jogs? No, I'm not. But - (and I think this is one point Lawrence was getting at) - I have to be the one to decide to change, expand and grow. I must do it for me - because I want it. My husband is trying to support and encourage me. I don't want to give the impression that he is anything other than supportive. But, my personality is not one that thrives from that encouragement. I get disappointed in myself, mad at myself for not having the drive I used to have, and then I get annoyed at him for wanting me to be more than I am (at that moment) - what I think he thinks I 'ought' to be.

And what 'ought' I to be? I will never be a driven runner - my race is with myself, not with anyone else out there. I will be content to do my 5K's at 10 minute miles. But it's going to take me some time to work myself up both physically and mentally to do that. And that's ok. "The much that (I) ought to be" is going to be something that evolves.




CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/26/12 10:37 A

Did my jog/run yesterday. It was good. 7 am - getting steamy, but not too bad. Only 1.4 miles - took 15 minutes - a little slower than my usual 10 minute mile - but that's ok. "It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop." Then we walked the dogs for another 30 mins following that. Followed that up last night with a 30 min walk again with the dogs at a fairly quick pace.

I have not been logging food again. And I feel on the fence about that. It take a long time - it may tend to make me too obsessive in a way. My food has been fairly decent this summer. Good enough at this point. So - if I log - I log - if I don't - I don't. I can get more organized and obsessive once school starts again.

Same with the gym. I only have less than 2 weeks now with younger son before school - If I make the gym, great. If not, I can put that down as a 'back-to-school' goal. Same with walking the mountain. My walking partner emailed wanting to try to get together, I'm putting her off until school. I'm looking at my 'school' schedule now trying to figure out if we'll be able to meet and walk once a week. I have been walking with this person on and off for almost 8 years - I'm wondering if maybe it's time to shake things up. In some ways, I enjoy the time and walk...in other ways, I think it's time for both of us to move on and grow in other ways.

Need to really think about want I want. I say I'm tired of being grumpy and dissatisfied. Have I allowed myself to sink into a rut because this is 'what I've always done?" Have my routines limited my growth - kept me in a bad place that keeps getting worse? I don't think 'kept me in bad place' is right. My routines have been established over the last 10 years. They served me well at the beginning - but I think I keep trying to force my life into those same routines and my life has changed some. So I think it's time to rethink and change my routines some.

OK - here comes the 'mind plough' again....The next 2 weeks before school starts - I NEED to sit down and think about everything I do and want to do - and see how it fits in. I don't want to overschedule myself (as I tend to do), but I do want to make sure I fit in all the major stuff I want to do. And I may have to realize that I can't do everything I want right now. What's that saying - "You can have ANYTHING you want - but you cannot have EVERYTHING you want." Time to prioritize my life again.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 7/26/2012 (10:38)


CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/23/12 4:45 P

Received a chatty, upbeat email from the acquaintance from yesterday - thanking me for such a fun and lovely time together. WTH? Does reality exist? Were the 2 of us in the same universe? She mentioned yesterday that the woman she considers her best friend of 7 years has been acting different since her divorce and she's thinking she needs to take a break from the friendship. As I told my husband - if she's shopping for a new best friend, I don't want the position...

OK - I really need an attitude adjustment. I am tired of being grumpy, dissatisfied, cynical, disappointed (in myself as well as others), scared, frustrated...and I know that everyone around me is more than tired of me as well. Just deleted a rant that really has no bearing on my attitude adjustment.

Attitude. Let's get back to Sandra. If I learned nothing else from her (oh - but I did...) I learned what having attitude meant. The greatest gift she said she ever received was getting cancer. It made her appreciate what was really important in life.

Well, slap me now with that memory Sandra, cause I've obviously not learned my lesson from you. And forgive me for that. I've forgotten what it means to be grateful for what I have - and what I don't have. Towards the end of her life, she told me she was so sorry for what she was doing to her parents. That she couldn't bear to see the pain in their eyes when she was suffering. That caring for others in the midst of her own pain - that was Sandra. Always more concerned for others. Wanting to help someone else. Her teaching me to run - the breathing, the stance, the mental aspect - while she was fighting to stay alive - was one of her gifts to me. And one I feel that I've thrown back in her face.

I know i should just shut up and go run. Do it - now! Why keep talking about it? JUST DO IT!!!! I've let my mind become more powerful than my body.

Take a look in the mirror - a hard look. I don't like who I see anymore. I don't know when i became the person I am. So I need to spend some time honestly thinking about who I am - and who I want to be - and how I can get back to who I was - and grow into who I want to be.



Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 7/23/2012 (17:03)


CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/22/12 11:07 P

Had some long (and annoying at times) conversations today with a friend/acquaintance. I am not a fan of confrontation. In fact, I detest, abhor, even fear confrontation. I do not like debates - I don't like a "lively discussion about our different beliefs" - especially when it is obvious that 1 of the people involved in the discussion has no intention of listening to what the other person has to say. I don't need to defend my beliefs. I don't need to hear 'the other side'. I see the 'other side' too much in society - and it's not pretty.

UGH! It was supposed to be a fun day with friends. I did not want or need to get into a semi-political, semi-religious, philosophical discussion. Now -all I feel is frustration. And when I get frustrated, why does ice cream and chocolate seem so right?

I truly believe that becoming a hermit is my best option in life right now. Although, that's very hard to do when you have children, a business, and life to deal with. Does everyone feel this sense of ,,,frustration that I feel? What happened to the bright future? The promise of tomorrow?

So sorry - I truly WANT to have an uplifting journal - I just seem to be focusing on the negatives at this point. I read a book one time - "A Complaint Free World." I think I need to look through my bookshelves and see if I can find this little gem and re-read it. Obviously, I have forgotten the message.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/19/12 8:05 P

"It doesn't matter how many times you've failed. Don't justify your lack of self control; don't deny it; don't accept it; instead, ask for Christ to forgive you and give you His strength."

Message from church today in their daily faith message. I find this message very appropriate - for life in general as well as in the living healthy arena.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/17/12 8:57 P

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. How you deal with it is what makes the difference. (paraphrase). So that will become my theme. When did life 'go wrong'? When did life get messy and ugly? When did it become too late/ too hard/too complicated to just 'fix it'? Let's look at the turning points.

August 6, 1996 (8696) The day my best friend died. A two and a half year battle with stomach and esophageal cancer. It started a week after we celebrated her 30th birthday. Laughed about how we 'were old' now. Oh - if she had only had that chance! How I miss her. I promised her that day that I would think about her everyday - and I have. And I thought knowing her had made me a better person. But lately, I've been wondering WTH happened to me and my backbone??? When she was 1st diagnosed, I promised her I would run a race with her - gave her a goal to recover for - gave me a belief I was helping her in some obscure way. And I think it did. Once she recovered from losing 2/3 of her stomach and esophogus, we'd get together and slowly run 3 times a week. i, who had never run in my life, gasping and groaning every step while she, a former college track member, learned how to breathe again and hope that she would be able to run for years to come. When I would mentally argue with myself about stopping versus 'just keep running', thinking of what she did everyday to just survive (and with a great attitude) would give me that extra umph. And we were so happy running my 1st 5K together. I have this great photo of us just after we finished. We laughed and posed for the picture. And then - I felt the lump on her back. And I looked at her - and she looked at me and tearfully admitted that she had known the cancer was back - but didn't want to admit it - wasn't ready to face 'the end'. And so - over the next 22 months, I ran with her when she could - but mostly I ran for her - because I could. I don't know that I ever learned to really LIKE it - I learned to love the feelings I got when I ran - the feeling of accomplishment, of being proud that I overcame myself, the feeling that my friend was with me. As she told me toward the end - she could still feel the wind on her face when she thought about running. I always loved when I'd be out - and the breeze would hit my face and I'd know Sandra was with me.

I guess I've failed her over these last few years. Injuries, getting older, and just plain laziness has taken hold of me mentally and physically. I'm afraid I can't run anymore. And it's the mental aspect more than the physical aspect that bothers me. Running was such a connection for me with Sandra. I could always feel her with me, supporting me, encouraging me, 'take it slow, breathe, keep your head up, go easy on the downhill, you can do this - one step at a time'. Why did I ever stop? And why can't I start again?

I can start again. I will start again. I may be slow and it definitely won't be pretty - but I have to remember what's important. and I have to find it in myself to be who I want to be.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/16/12 5:17 P

So I've been really good about logging food the last few days. Mistakes and all. Water STILL has been horrible. I think I'll make that my priority for tomorrow. No matter what else happens or doesn't happen - the water goes down.

The last few blogs of RDRICHEL (think I got the name right) really struck me. Made me realize that I have just been trying to get the mechanics down without the emotions. And it feels flat, or incomplete, or fake or something. I joined a forum a few years ago - 1st ever - joined a challenge, got to 'know' some people on line, felt great, was motivated. Opened up emotionally...then things just went wrong. Nothing ever happened to me personally - but 1 person made a comment, someone else took it the wrong way, everyone else jumped all over the person...and I was amazed at how truly nasty people can be. Then a group started a new forum, I went with them, started my own challenge - really did a lot of soul searching about the emotions behind my weight gain, loss of motivation for working out. Had a fairly impressive group of people signed up for the challenge. But then after 2-3 weeks (of an 11 week challenge) - 3/4 of the people disappear. I guess it really only matters to keep moving forward for the ones 'playing along' - don't focus on the chaff that can't stick with it. And we had a GREAT group of 5-6 people at the end. But - it just made me feel 'bad'. I tend to focus on what didn't work out, or end right instead of the success that did happen.

So - I've been afraid to bring out the emotions and have instead been playing it by the 'Simple, Stupid' approach - just eat less calories than you take in and exercise every day. For me, even if that is the true way to get it done (and I know it is) - there's so much more going on for me. So, I'm gonna have to start delving into the emotions and CRAP.

SO - I'll have to get back in the mood to delve into my emotions. There's been a lot going on the last 3 years. UGH.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/14/12 9:41 A

Logged food the last couple days - much lighter than I expected. either I'm forgetting what I'm eating or underestimating my amounts. Will work on this.

Water needs to improve also.

Made a big batch of ratatouille this am - simmering on stove now. Not sure how long it will last with husband and older son being in the house. Farmers market is on Tuesday am so I can make another batch then. My tomatoes are finally coming in, so that will help.

Trying to get mentally ready for wheat reduction. Took weight this am - will measure (maybe).

Got early am walk in with dogs this morning. Not far but at least I was out there. We'll see if I can get in some weights this weekend.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/13/12 9:52 A

Walked last nite instead of gym or elliptical. I did get the elliptical moved to a new location, cleaned up the basement so I can start working out again down there.

I broke the fast food rule. WHY! At least I only ate a kids meal - but still. OK - get over it - stop focusing on it. Move on. I can make the rest of the month.

Back on track today. Going to start the wheat ramp down today. Yea!! I hope I can tell a difference quickly. I'm looking for joint improvement, better mood, clearer thinking more so than weight loss. Altho the weight loss sure would be nice!

Ran into a old high school acquaintance last nite on the walk. interesting. We just exchanged hello's. When did we become our mothers??? LOL



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/12/12 9:30 A

Mon nite - did the walk again - it was steamy and I worked up a seat. My shins were aching - I guess the treadmill did something to me Mon morning. Took Tuesday off - Weds am was dog agility for 2 hours. I can't really count that as cardio...but at least I was moving around. This morning, I'm getting some office work done. I'll get to the gym or do the elliptical sometime today - no excuses!

Started tracking food again today. Can't promise how long that will last. It's a time consuming process. I guess it has value - pin points problem areas, makes me conscious of what I'm doing...but I can see where it can be an obsession. Hopefully I can keep it up - especially WHEN I try the low/no wheat thing starting Sunday.

Interesting news article about the chicken antibiotics. I've been told by a couple doctors to not eat so much chicken due to the inflammatory nature of chicken - my 'digestively-challenged' dog's vet just mentioned that to me Tuesday. Says we need to cut back on his chicken intake. OK - gonna try to get back to turkey instead of chicken also this next week and see what happens. I need to schedule another doctor visit for my hip bursitis and tendonitis - I think one more cortisone shot is needed to get me back on the mend.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/9/12 5:55 P

Hit the gym today. Alternated walking and jogging on treadmill for 25 mins. Then did upper body weight workout. Been a long time since I worked up a sweat at the gym. So glad I made it.

Eating has been ok today - except for the 4 BIG cookies and chex mix I ate. At least the cookies are gone and the chex mix will be gone as my younger son is now eating the last of that. I can tell I have had way too much sodium today.

Breakfast was spinach omelet, lunch was fresh tomato, romane lettuce and tuna. Snacks were the cookies and chex mix. I'm not sure what dinner is...I guess I should be figuring that out instead of doing this - as we have to leave in 1 hour to get somewhere. Water has been a little off - need to go down some more. I may get another walk in tonight...or not - it's awfully hot and humid here. We'll see. I'm taking my shoes - and I have not changed out of my workout clothes since this morning (lovely). I started working as soon as I got home and just stopped to take son to training. Ran errands while he was in training. Now, back home.

OK - time to get something together for dinner.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/7/12 9:19 P

I did get that walk in. And felt much better afterwards. Walked yesterday and just got done with a walk tonight.

So far no adverse reactions to new BP med. Been drinking water and very weak white tea today. Good eating habits today - although too many wheat products. The chapters I read last night in Wheat Belly were interesting -links to allergic reactions, inflammation, etc. My youngest son heads off to week long camp next week - I think a very conscious effort to go wheat free is in store for me and husband.

My dad is having some heart blockage. He had quadruple by-pass surgery 15 years ago and they told him then that the by-pass typically lasts 15 years. They can't do another. They are putting him on new meds and wanting him to go to cardiac rehab (forced exercise). After he had his bypass, he didn't change his eating or exercise habits. I don't want to be in his shoes in the years to come. I've always had relatively healthy eating habits...I think it's really time to focus on cleaning up my diet. Make good choices. Again, I've always been relatively active...it's time to be more structured. This is my life...why am I screwing around with it?





CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
7/5/12 3:46 P

5 days into July - and I'm on track for 'NO FAST FOOD'...I must admit that's really not that great an achievement considering ...no, wait - I'm trying to be positive. That's a great accomplishment!!! Keep it up for 26 more days!

Haven't had a lot of reading time to keep getting into Wheat Belly, but the little I've read, it repeats and repeats and repeats the same message - modified wheat is bad for you. Got it - now give me some practical, applicable advice and instructions. or - use my own brain and figure out how to remove wheat from my diet. I've done low/no gluten for a few days before. I can do it again. It just takes some planning on my part.

Exercise (the formal type) has been pretty slack so far this entire summer. Intentions don't matter if they are not followed up by action! I KNOW that...so why don't I do something about it? Life, that's why. Cause the kids, the house, work, the dogs, obligations...and then I just want to relax both my brain and my body. Boy - where'd the positive attitude go? OK - sorry for the self pity rant. I need to do some flylady logic and work the blessings of my obligations.

Went for a physical Monday - my blood pressure is too high again - changed medicine. We'll see if I have any adverse reaction to this med. Hope not. Got ANOTHER doctor telling me not to try to run again. I know I should listen to them. She asked me "Do you love running that much?" No - I don't. I love what running does for my body. And I love the positive reinforcement I get mentally from running. (Guess I should be honest - jogging...) I'm terrified that I physically can't jog/run anymore. And what THAT means. I'm too young to be that old. SIGH.

Well....I meant to be positive today. I wanted to be positive. I hate that this post is turning negative. SO...I will close. And I will change into my running shoes. and I will WALK. Yes - WALK at a 'brisk' pace (as my doctor instructed) and see if that improves my attitude.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
6/26/12 3:45 P

Thanks for the support and visits!!! So exciting to see people visiting. Reminds me of when I used to get actual mail in the mailbox when I was a kid. Guess I'm showing my age. emoticon

I started Wheat Belly last night. Didn't get too far into it. I don't want to skim over it too fast and miss the message. Well, I guess I already KNOW the message...but I really want to GET IT this time.

The last few days of June will be spent organizing and prepping my mind for July. I've had a goal for the last year - one month with NO FAST FOOD. I have not made that goal. That's a very sad statement. I think I went 2 years in college with no fast food - and several years after that with little to no fast food. Do I need to be poor again??? Is that what it takes? I have tried to not carry cash in my purse, hoping that would impede me. But with everyone taking credit cards now, it didn't help. I'm not sure I can get to the point where I drive around without cash or a credit card...but maybe. OR - maybe I just need to be an adult and act responsibly and do what I know I should do. Or not do what I know I shouldn't do. Wow - what a concept. Sarcasm is such a fun thing. I guess my goal for July - take responsibility for my choices - and make better choices.

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.' Read that last week - but can't remember where. Wheat Belly mind....



GRAPHICS2
Posts: 2,988
6/25/12 10:16 P

Dont give up, You can always start again emoticon



DOWNEASTSUNRISE
SparkPoints: (22,108)
Fitness Minutes: (14,468)
Posts: 81
6/24/12 12:30 P

I def need my husbands support!!! I cant do it without him. He doesnt get the need for food but he tries.



DOWNEASTSUNRISE
SparkPoints: (22,108)
Fitness Minutes: (14,468)
Posts: 81
6/24/12 12:29 P

healthy eating for the family is the only way!



DOWNEASTSUNRISE
SparkPoints: (22,108)
Fitness Minutes: (14,468)
Posts: 81
6/24/12 12:29 P

hear ya!!! I slipped and 2 months and 7 lbs later Im getting bak on track starting today!



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
6/22/12 5:56 P

June 22...HOW did that happen? This month has flown by and I must admit my best intentions got thrown out the window as I just tried to get through each day. So - STARTING today...regroup and start again.

I CAN do this. I WILL do this.



SAXY1971
SparkPoints: (8,675)
Fitness Minutes: (7,075)
Posts: 166
6/5/12 12:40 P

Hey there! It's great to have household support--I'm working on getting my fiancé on board with making healthier choices, but he wants to go low-carb while I want to do calorie-counting. It's a struggle to get on the same page! :)

Keep up with the good effort, and take it day by day! I'm trying to do that myself--it just seems when I have a few days of eating clean, I am tempted to mess it all up over a bad food choice (mostly on Fridays, when we would normally go out for a fish fry.) emoticon



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
6/1/12 8:24 A

June 1 - a new month - a new beginning. Aren't the beginnings of months GREAT?!

My husband suggested last night that we (together) make an effort to tighten up our eating. YEA! Altho he has much better willpower than I do - I think if we're on board together, I can do this. Starchy carbs once a day only. No fast food. Lots of veggies and fruit.

Took weight today. Want to do pics. Start the journal again. We'll see how July 1 feels!



JIBBIE49
Posts: 55,789
5/27/12 7:49 A

emoticon Don't quit.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
5/9/12 1:40 P

Self Sabotage master here. After swearing to not eat fast food...I have it 2 x today. I really don't know why. Husband is out of town, I was running late, I was out running errands...excuses, excuses. I know. Learn and move on.

The rest of the day can be successful. I just need to make the effort.



JIBBIE49
Posts: 55,789
5/8/12 5:19 P

Don't quit. Most everyone who starts a diet does.



CHIGGERCANE
SparkPoints: (2,205)
Fitness Minutes: (5,735)
Posts: 171
5/8/12 12:31 P

I initially started Blogging, but I think I should be Journaling instead. 20 Months til I hit a milestone birthday. Can I be where I want to be weight-wise by that momentous birthday deadline...OR - could I even hit that weight BEFORE then??? What a concept. Why wait? emoticon

Today, I did my mountain walk. Weather wise, pretty nasty - so we went up and down only, no additional trail walking. And, we did WALK down the mountain instead of jogging. I was a little bummed about that, but my walking partner has a few pains and aches right now. It's ok. I have a few pains myself that it's probably better I took it slow. Eating is on track - mostly. Water is going great today.

I need to get some work done and then head out for errands. No time to waste. There's only 2.5 weeks til school is out for summer.... emoticon



 
Page: 1 of (1)   [ 1 ]
Search  



Share


 
Diet Resources: calcium deposits | how much calcium | to much calcium