I completely agree with everyone else on here...it is normal to still have positive feelings for your ex, it doesn't mean that you want to get back with him or anything. ...but I would not ever admit it to your current husband. I'm sure he won't take well to it. No one can be married for 25 years and not have at least some fond memories of that time. I was married for 25 years also. I would never want to be with him again, but the times weren't all bad. I also agree with other people that if you find yourself thinking about him more and more, then it is time to re-evaluate your current situation.
I agree that it's understandable to feel that way about your ex and it would be a bad idea to tell your currant DH.
You have to remember that your ex is just that. He is not your husband, you no longer share those bonds of matrimony. You have a husband and he deserves your respect and full attention. Try to focus on something else when those thoughts pop in your head.
I had a very good friend who wanted to marry me during the time I was dating my husband. I loved this man but I choose my husband becuase I loved him to and he was right for me. Years after we had been married I started thinking about this other guy. I couldn't stop. Every dream at night was about him, everywhere I looked I half expected to see him. I couldn't get him out of my head. I could hardly breath, choked by the thoughts of what my life would have been like if I had chosen him. You know what I did? I ran. At the gym on the elliptical glider, the treadmill, on the street. I ran fast and hard trying to get him out of my head. I pushed myself beyond what I thought I could. It worked. I stopped thinking of him and I also lost 45 pounds.
9/19/09 1:06 P
I don't quite know what to say, only questions. Is it a case of 'the grass is always greener"? Are you feeling older and missing your youth and this was such a part of it? Is something missing today that you think you had back then?
The one thing you don't need is a ghost in your current life. That does no one any good. Talk to a friend you can trust, if you have one that you trust with someting so potentially explosive; I'm lucky. I did and she's proved it. Therapists and clergy work, too. Mediation has helped me, too. So do us anonymous friends on the Board, or, at least we try.
Feelings are natural, depending on the situation. the love does not have to all die (unless one's dh stood for designated hitter, in which case, they can ... don't ask how I know that.)
I think that you need a lot of thought and contemplation to find the roots of the feelings and why they are coming around now.
I agree...I don't think you should tell him because it will only hurt his feelings. Think if the tables were turned and he shared his feelings for an ex with you...ouch! I still had feelings for an ex boyfriend WELL into my marriage but eventually those feelings faded as I tried to focus on the reasons that we were not together anymore and on the reasons I love my husband. Hope this helps :)
Fitness Minutes: (3,759)
506 9/2/09 10:59 A
OP: If you don't intend to leave your current husband it's probably best to not tell him that you still care for your ex-husband. It won't improve your situation and most likely will hurt your spouse for no positive outcome. 25 years and children link you forever to a person, so I don't think it's strange at all that you still care. I would recommend talking to a professional and ideally that will help.
Fitness Minutes: (4,215)
137 8/29/09 9:24 P
My exhusband and I were married for 9 years and he was a very difficult person to deal with. He pretty much the extreme opposite of everything that I did. We had one son together and he wasn't a very good father either. When I became very ill in 1995, he came to my side and said that he wished that we had never gotten divorced. He never remarried and always said that we were meant to be together and I should, "just come home". I was dating someone else at the time and although I had never gotten over my exhusband, I didn't think he would act more mature and I was told that people don't change. I married again and that was 14 years ago. I had 4 children with my current husband and we don't get along either. But I was determined to make it work due to the kids. Actually, my second husband is very much like my first and I have known both of them my whole life. Adding one more twist to the situation, my exhusband had a severe motorcycle accident almost one year ago and has extensive physical damage. I went to be by his side when the Dr.'s thought he would die. He didn't die though. He did end up with severe physical damage. And I feel guilty that I am not in his life to take care of him. It's just a mess. I think about him every day of my life. What's a girl to do?
In terms of admitting this to yourself, no problem. In terms of sharing this with your new husband, I think that could be hurtful. If you are thinking about your ex more than a bit, I think you are allowing yourself to go places that are not helpful/respectful of yourself and your marriage. Why are you thinking about this now, five years into a new marriage?
I think it is possible to still have feelings for your ex-husband. You shared 25 years of your lives together and share 3 children, plus good memories... but do you find yourself thinking about still being with him? If so that could make you unhappy in your present marriage and that could lead to unhealthy/over eating. Just a thought.
Can't believe after all these years ( 7 actually ) that I still have feelings for my ex!! I've been remarried for 5 years! I was not the unfaithful one, but still one that suffers along with my three children. I was first married for 25 years and had three children. Is it right to admit that we had a good marriage for a long time, and not offend my new husband of 5 years? How can I make him understand and does that in some way effect my weight gain? Your opinions please. . .
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