Today's Affirmation: Struggling where others succeed isn't due to an internal failing or weakness. You aren't less than they are. You are you; unique in your struggles and triumphs, and powerful beyond measure. Don't compare your journey with anyone else's because someone out there is looking at something you're doing and feeling less than because you make it look effortless.
I plan my meals a week in advance, I plan where my money is going, I plan my clothes, my kids' clothes, my laundry routines, my household cleaning: I pretty much plan everything. Everything except exercise, that is. I hate making an exercise plan, and for the longest time I didn't know why.
Well, why is two-fold.
One, I'm a perfectionist. I know if I made that appointment with myself and life got out of hand, I'd torture myself emotionally over it all day. Bad mojo man.
Two, if I make an appointment with myself I'll feel obligated to keep it. For a long time, part of me has felt so worthless that I feel unworthy of the measly 30 minutes I'd spend generating endorphins and becoming a more cheerful mom.
Ironically, both of those reasons are really good ones to work out. To plan time to make it happen, and to put in down on the calendar like I would my daughter's tennis meets and the PTO meetings. (Not the emotional self-torture that's not a good reason for anything, but I'm working on curbing my perfectionism. I guess it would make a good deterrent, though.)
Perfection only exists in God and Fairy Tales. I'm real. I have to plan because only Wonder Woman would be able to track everything on my plate in her mind. I'm not perfect, so I will forget something, take too long at the store, or have to run a kid to the doctor and I'll miss my workout appointment. I'll be too tired some days, or sick, or dealing with a fussy kid. That's OK. Life takes balance and if I can't sacrifice a workout here and there to tend my family, well then I don't deserve them.
BUT, I deserve tending, too. I deserve to do something that improves my mood, focus, and ability all day long. I deserve to take some time for me on a regular basis and leave the little ones in my husband's capable care. So from now on, I have a daily appointment to keep with myself. It may take some time to figure out how it works in my day, but I'll make it fit. I deserve it.
I'm doing incredibly with healthy eating, but when it comes to exercise and self esteem I'm still a bit lacking. I tend to skimp my exercise thinking, "It's not worth it." What I really mean is, "I'm not worth it." It's damnably difficult to get motivated about sculpting your body when you're having the hardest time even looking at yourself in the mirror. I'm getting better. I've begun doing daily affirmations and building a gratitude list and I've taken the step of sharing them sort of publicly on my facebook page "Wellness Wars," but it's taking time to sink into my thick skull. Tomorrow starts day one of my new streaks for exercise, step count, and water. I guess I'll check back here and keep myself accountable through this journal.
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