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Boyfriend issues again



 
 
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THELUCKIEST018
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1/15/11 12:21 P

I think you need to find someone who makes you his priority instead of bringing up the past. Yes, he has children and this woman will always be in his life, but he should no longer think of her romantically or mention anything of the sort to you. It seems like you are holding onto the concept of being with him but it isn't really working out how you want, is it? I think that you probably deserve a lot more than he can, or is willing, to give you.



BURNINGEMBER
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1/12/11 8:30 A

If you want to make this work, it would be in your best interest to be blunt with him about how his behavior makes you feel. Use a lot of "I" statements that DO hold him accountable, such as "When I received a gift that was bought with someone else in mind, I felt like you ____________" and address the issue as it arises, like while you are OUT at dinner, "I feel like you're focusing on your ex and not me right now, and this is our special night." Do not allow him to make excuses, refute them with logic. Him not saying anything about her will not fix the problem, the problem is that he's thinking about her and dwelling on the past, where his head and his heart still are. That, unfortunately, is his choice and not something you can change.

Personally, I would have already told him to get lost. He's clearly not over her, and not ready for any type of real relationship.

You deserve someone who will always think of YOU, who will treat you with respect, and cater to YOUR needs and desires.



SUZI1176
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1/12/11 7:25 A

People get addicted to drama and when there isn't something going on in their lives they create it because it feels boring to them without that adrenalin pumping. This is true for men as well as women.

It's hard enough making a relationship with someone with whom you have no major issues. You cannot control these people or change them. But you can refuse to take part in the drama.

When YOU decide that you want peace in your life, you'll let it go. But if you are also addicted to the drama, you'll keep going back because anything else will seem boring to you.





ALEXIA17LOVE
Posts: 585
1/11/11 3:42 P

Unless you crave the drama in you life, you should get out of this relationship. You have to realize that you CAN do better. And when you start loving and appreciating yourself and know your worth - he(the one you want in your life) will see that as well, and will start appreciating you and respecting you.
His ex-wife KNOWS how to use him, and he lets her.
i'm sorry you're going thru this crap. Most relationships have their ups and downs. but if you're struggling and you don't see a future - get out.



PRESHA811
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1/11/11 2:32 P

I can't tell you what to do, but if I was in your situation, I'd leave. It should not be that hard to be with someone. It seems like he still needs some time to work on himself. Find someone who is ready to be with you!



SUZI1176
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1/10/11 8:25 A

Let me begin by saying that I'm a grandmother, so that gives me a kind of outsider's perspective. I am also an artist, so I am trained as an observer of life.

The first thing you need to look at is that YOU cannot CHANGE anybody. You must assume that what your young man is doing he will continue to do because he is just being himself.

Secondly, he has chosen to be the father of these children which is a lifelong obligation. They and their mother will be in his life from now until he dies. That means,if you stay with him, they will also be in yours. This will create stress for you both emotionally and financially.

Thirdly, your self-esteem comes from yourself. You take these comments as being personal attacks on you. They are thoughtless and I'm sure you are tired of hearing it, but it is not an attack on you.

My advice, since you've asked, is to get some education and become independent. Make yourself the best you that you can be. Then your self-esteem will not be dependent upon some guy. And let's face it, guys are dense about personal things. They simply were not trained in childhood to deal with things the way we do. We played at being mothers, they played sports. We were encouraged to talk about our feelings, they were told to "shake it off".
Is it so surprising that they are clueless?

You are the only one that can decide if this relationship is worth saving. But remember that whatever you're getting now, will be what you will always get. Is it something you can live with and be happy?



LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 15,872
1/9/11 10:45 P

"Im thinking that maybe i am in a oneway relationship with him and i should end it before i get used anymore."

Sounds like a plan....



KATIEMAY0101
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1/9/11 10:08 P

I feel for ya. Most guys stink (with the exception of my Dad and my brother). But I wanted to point something out for you. I am the "miserable ex-wife". Or at least I was until the girlfriend sent me an e-mail chewing me out for things I hadn't even done. My ex had told her I was constantly asking for money, bothering him all the time, asking to get back together, wouldn't finalize the divorce, etc etc. Truth was I had not received a penny from him for over a year, talked to him briefly once a week when he would call the kids and we had been divorced for 2 years even though he had told her I wouldn't grant him one (& I did the filing and paid for the divorce). Bottom line is, he was lying to her to get out of bills and marrying her. You may be 100% dead on when it comes to his ex but I thought I would just show a different side.

As for him always bringing her up. That sucks! On a romantic evening he should only have eyes for you. I hope it gets better. Take care.
Kate



KATIEMAY0101
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1/9/11 10:07 P

I feel for ya. Most guys stink (with the exception of my Dad and my brother). But I wanted to point something out for you. I am the "miserable ex-wife". Or at least I was until the girlfriend sent me an e-mail chewing me out for things I hadn't even done. My ex had told her I was constantly asking for money, bothering him all the time, asking to get back together, wouldn't finalize the divorce, etc etc. Truth was I had not received a penny from him for over a year, talked to him briefly once a week when he would call the kids and we had been divorced for 2 years even though he had told her I wouldn't grant him one (& I did the filing and paid for the divorce). Bottom line is, he was lying to her to get out of bills and marrying her. You may be 100% dead on when it comes to his ex but I thought I would just show a different side.

As for him always bringing her up. That sucks! On a romantic evening he should only have eyes for you. I hope it gets better. Take care.
Kate



KATIEMAY0101
SparkPoints: (164)
Fitness Minutes: (200)
Posts: 7
1/9/11 10:06 P

I feel for ya. Most guys stink (with the exception of my Dad and my brother). But I wanted to point something out for you. I am the "miserable ex-wife". Or at least I was until the girlfriend sent me an e-mail chewing me out for things I hadn't even done. My ex had told her I was constantly asking for money, bothering him all the time, asking to get back together, wouldn't finalize the divorce, etc etc. Truth was I had not received a penny from him for over a year, talked to him briefly once a week when he would call the kids and we had been divorced for 2 years even though he had told her I wouldn't grant him one (& I did the filing and paid for the divorce). Bottom line is, he was lying to her to get out of bills and marrying her. You may be 100% dead on when it comes to his ex but I thought I would just show a different side.

As for him always bringing her up. That sucks! On a romantic evening he should only have eyes for you. I hope it gets better. Take care.
Kate



JENMEG
Posts: 674
1/9/11 9:18 P

Ok i know i have posted before about my boyfriend but he really has did this time. For christmas he got me this eagle from He does that smc stuff and anyways he ordered from there. But at the same time he had ordered something for his kids mother. and when i opened the eagle he was like i hope you like it i had got it for Bobbi( the kids mother) but it was too good for her so i thought you would like it. Hes lucky i didnt pick it up and hit him over the head with it. you know i know i should be gratefull for what i got but dang that just makes me feel like crap that he wouldnt even think about me. But you know what this isnt just this time he is always talk about her bobbi does this she does that and it makes me really angry and you know what my self esteem is going down the tubes i use to think i was jealous but now it just makes me feel like crap. and shes a user and i dont know why he acts like a puppy with her. when they were married she cheated on him alot and got pregnant twice by other guys when they were married. I mean his name is on the bcertificate but blood wise those kids arent his and he takes care of 3 of them he treats them like they are his own which i give him credit for but she uses him. Shes always saying weres my child support and all this junk and all i want to do is punch her for being a user and him for acting like a puppy dog with her. ugh!i have been with him for 2 years and you know i do love him but he never tells me he loves me he just texts it to me. i do eveything for him and always consider him but no he just thinks of BOBBI ugh! Just like one time his daughter said to me i wish my mom and my dad were together and i understand why she said that cuz she was mad at her stepdad. But then on new years eve we were out to dinner and he starts shaking his head and laughs im like whats so funny hes like i was just thinking of what nichole(his daughter) had said about him and bobbi together again. why would he think such a thing when it was just me and him out to dinner. Im thinking that maybe i am in a oneway relationship with him and i should end it before i get used anymore. I mean once were going out he told me i was the best that has happened to him but i think he lied . i was wondering if anyone had any advice. I have told him about how i feel when he talks about her all the time. the only thing he said was fine i wont say anything about her.



 
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