I must admit a lot of what you mention (and what MARITIMER3 mentioned) strikes a cord with me too. And I can take it to apply to life in general AND weight-loss getting healthy.
I think mostly why SparkPeople is so incredible and such a good place for getting healthy is that there is the built-in support and understanding that almost all of us CANNOT seem to get from our close family and friends. So it is very difficult after going it alone in the physical world to be all "hey, let me help you and be supportive even though you blantantly ignored me or put down this same thing that I was doing for the last few years" - I understand that completely, having wrestled (and continuing to wrestle) with the same thing
At the same time, as we both know, we don't live in a vacuum and we want to be the bigger person (in love at least) or we wouldn't be here giving ourselves a better life.
Here is what I've found:
1) I can't ignore my jealousy. I try to get to the root of it - do I want to be doing something different? Do I need to step up my goals for myself? Do I want to run or dance or play basketball like he/she is doing?
2) What can I do for support for him/her without tearing myself down or making this feeling worse? Sometimes honestly, my answer is "Nothing right now. I will revisit next week." Sometimes it is saying congratulations and letting that be that. Sometimes it is trying to find something we can do together. But letting that be fluid and not a permanent stressor on your life. You still need to focus on what you need and want WHILE being a supportive friend to whomever you choose. If you can't handle it right now, you can't. Know that the feeling can and probably will change as you do what you need to do in your life. I find that once I feel like I'm giving myself my best - I can do something or more. But if I'm not giving myself my best, I do not want to give anything to others...
Writing this post was exactly what I needed to hear myself today - Thank you for being so honest about this and putting it out there.
Fitness Minutes: (96,413)
8,892 1/7/13 12:24 P
First of all, congratulations for maintaining your own weight loss, even if you haven't lost as much as you hoped. Congratulations, too, for admitting that you find it difficult to be happy for your friend in her weight-loss journey.
Now a couple of questions... did your friend support you when you were losing weight? I can honestly say that none of my family or friends - with the exception of one daughter who also belongs to SP - took my weight loss plan seriously, or was supportive when I struggled or slipped up.
That's why my Spark Friends are so important to me. I've met people here who are facing the same problems and challenges that I am, and we support each other on a daily or every-other-day basis.
Jealousy can be a crazy thing. We all try to control it, but it's a very natural reaction.
I agree with Candace that you can harness something special - a friend who is as dedicated to getting healthier as you. Make it about the "us" - make all of your other friends jealous not only of the progress you are both making - but of how supportive you are of each other, how much your relatinoship is growing. Find strength in you BOTH trying to be great at once!
As hard as it is, try not to be jealous. Maybe the two of you can help motivate each other? Losing weight isn't easy and it's fantastic if you can find someone who can be supportive of the mission you're on - she's probably looking for support too. Channel that negative energy into positive energy!
Fitness Minutes: (73,537)
936 1/7/13 10:58 A
I've struggled with my weight my entire life and, while I know I still have a ways to go, I'm proud that I've stay the same size for the last few years (though I wish it was a smaller one) and gotten into good habits.
One of my friends has recently started trying to lose weight and she's doing well. She started out heavier than I ever was but she's lost a sizable amount so far.
I find that I'm not being supportive at all- I'm worried her weight loss is going to out-shine mine. I'm worried she's going to get down to her "ideal weight/size" while I'm still struggling with these last 20lbs. I'm not sure what to do- I want to be a good friend but this jealousy is holding me back.
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