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Are all boys this frustrating?



 
 
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SNOWKAT
Posts: 377
7/10/12 11:22 A

My first reaction is 'no' all 4 year olds don't act that way. Your post seems excessive. Then I thought of some of the boys that my son's have been friends with...and there has been a mix...there are boys who are afraid of nothing....boys afraid of some things...and boys afraid of everything, and the most tricky of all......boys who when they are not with their parents (or the parent is out of site) are totally confident and secure.

Unless he has some sort of sensory condition you probably need to change your reactions to his behavior (do some reading / try new things - I like what the other posters suggested).

For example when he has a reaction (to something you consider unreasonable -like the neighbors dog outside on a leash) .... explain to him just once why it is not an issue, then just sit with him for say 5 minutes (then 4, then 3, etc) (do not let him on your lap - if he has to...let him sit on the floor by your feet)....don't coddle or sooth...don't entertain or distract him. It will be tough, we all want to sooth our kids, but I suspect his behavior will change (another poster said be consistent).

This will be harder on you then on him....Good luck



EBONYSOL
Posts: 2,327
7/10/12 6:57 A

4 year old boy driving you crazy? My son started driving me crazy when he was 3 weeks old and developed colic which lasted till he was 3 months; he screamed from 11 pm till 7 am in the morning. Next he developed croup and then asthma triggered by colds or allergies, both airborne and food. He was a VERY ACTIVE and easily bored child with a high IQ. Yes we had our challenges and he is now a wonderful 22 yr old young man.
Point of my story? Few kids are perfect. They learn from us - how we act or react. Also outside forces can affect behaviors like allergies.
If you are feeling stressed, your son will know on some level so it is just as important for you to be calm.
Some suggestions:
Have him in the kitchen when you are making dinner. Involve him with simple things like filling a pot with water or scrubbing the vegetables.
Teach him about making good food choices. An example would be involving him in meal planning such as picking the vegetables for dinner. Of course, you give him the choices from which to pick.
Fears- I don't think fears are limited to boys. I have memories of my parents going through an elaborate bedtime routine with me. I was 12 before I went to sleep without the light on. What my parents didn't know is why I was afraid. They didn't know how to ask the right question. When I was 4, my best friend told me that the devil would come out from under my bed if I was not good.
Before sun tan lotion, people wore sun hats and long sleeve shirts and avoided swimming during the hottest part of the day. If he doesn't want to wear suntan lotion, than he needs to dress differently when going out. I made my kids wear safari hats; they remember those hats to this day. As for swimming, take him early in the day. Try getting him use to lotion or try spray-on suntan protection.
Finally, make sure there is no outside reason for his behavior. Possibly have a session with a child psychologist.
Take care of yourself and try not to rush as it puts a lot of pressure on both of you.
You need some down time each day. I had a good friend whose son was the same age and we had many play dates where the boys played and we socialized.
Good luck.
Cath



JADOMB
SparkPoints: (85,707)
Fitness Minutes: (20,615)
Posts: 1,626
7/9/12 10:20 P

On all these subjects a parent needs to do their research. It never ceases to amaze me how much time a person will put into googling and research to figure out how to work their "smartphone", yet expect every child to go through life like they were programmed by the Dali Lama(sp). Sorry, it isn't going to happen. I have stacks of books on every issue and age and gender that I went to as my boy and girl were growing up.

When my son was born, I called my mother and asked her some basic questions. Ya see, both my wife and I had never had children before. DUH So unlike a puppy that one can just allow to raise themselves and for the most part will have a pretty good dog, children are much more complicated. Eventually, they will also be allowed to run free in the streets too, and they aren't even required to have a leash. LOL (although I've seen some parents use them)

My point here is NOT to chastise anyone for doing the wrong things, it is to encourage them to do much research and get a feeling for not only what to do with present behaviors, but to get ready as new ones come up. I always read ahead a few years to prepare myself for what was to come.

I just did a small google search and found this one site that had good questions and answers about 4 year olds. The poster "asman" says pretty much what I've been trying to say to most folks with issues pertaining to the young children. The main thing is to be consistent and give any attempt at disciplining a chance. I'm not saying they all work by any means. I gave the silly counting method about 3 weeks until I could tell it was a complete joke.(for my kids anyway) Although, I also think it is a joke for all kids since all it teaches them that life gives them 3 chances to correct any bad behavior, and that's a lie. Anyway, give this site a look and don't stop here. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.
php?t=93141 Keep the faith.



HONDO_84
SparkPoints: (5,610)
Fitness Minutes: (6,031)
Posts: 2
7/9/12 9:28 P

I know exactly what you are going through. I also have a 4 year old son that thinks that he runs the house. He demands things, he argues with me over everything, and tantrums are a norm anymore. I don't really know what to do with him. I have tried everything that I know how. I've talked to people that have children and they agree that something is going on with him. He is also petrified of everything, but I try to show him that there is nothing to fear from some of his fears. That seems to work on that aspect. Right now I'm just trying to get the attitude and the tantrums to stop. Now usually it's an everyday thing, except today he was good. I took his television privileges away for a week. It seemed to help, but I don't know for how long. I don't know if this will help a little, but I found that by taking things that he likes away from him he seems to calm down.



JADOMB
SparkPoints: (85,707)
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Posts: 1,626
6/27/12 8:08 P

In answering your question, "Are all boys this frustrating?".............Wy yes we are. ;-)

In your case though, there may be some deeper issues going on there. All kids are different and mature at different rates and ages. Most parents that have more than one child to compare with, will usually say their kids are all different. Many times the ones that had a well minded child first, say they wished they had stopped then before the little devil child was born. LOL

At 4 years old though, it could just be many things. I think you'll just have to really monitor your child, read books related to things you see, and if truly concerned, talk with a professional. Keep the faith.



TERRYFIELD1
Posts: 33
6/25/12 6:02 P

I have a 4 year old boy who acts like an infant. It is driving me nuts, I just don't have that kind of time. Are all 4 year olds so demanding, I swear I have to drop everything about 1000 times a day to help him with what I think is a simple task. Like pulling up his pants, or putting on his shoes that don't eve have to be tied.

He is also overly terrified of everything which tends to annoy me as well. I don't want to sound like a uncaring mother, I am not. I love him more that anything but trying to go swimming today was an out and out fight because he was afraid of putting on sunscreen. I got frustrated after about 10 minutes and had him take a cool bath instead. Our neighbor takes their old, slow, very well behaved beagle out to potty always on a leash, if we are outside, he freaks out and tries to climb me. Afraid to be in the living room by himself, if I am trying to cook, afraid to go to bed if he doesn't first check to make sure the door is locked (isn't that supposed to be my job?) Afraid of noises, AFRAID OF EVERYTHING?

Any suggestions are welcome, I have done parenting classes, love and logic, and worked in childcare for years. I have never seen a 4 year old this terrified and helpless in my life. I am so frustrated.



 
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