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TRINITYROYAL Posts: 2,399
1/28/13 10:35 A

@Raging_Rabbit, first of all, you should be very proud of yourself for taking this on. It's hard, but it's worth it. And this bunch of guys has been very supportive (yes even for a girl, but without all of the mushy femme stuff we get in the girls' forums)

Now, a woman's perspective on your wife and her behaviour toward you.

1) Attraction is not contingent on body fat. My husband has lost 150 lbs and counting, but I was as hot for him at the beginning of his quest for health as I am now. Because he's a wonderful man, regardless of his size. If your wife is telling you she doesn't want sex because you're overweight, it's an excuse that she's using to mask a deeper issue -- which she may not even understand herself. I'm glad to hear that you are planning to continue examining your relationship and the way your wife treats you.

2) Keep at it, and don't seek her approval or opinion. If you ask for her feedback, she'll probably say something negative to you. It could be that she feels threatened that you're taking your health in hand, or it could be that she's worried that other women will notice when you start to get in better shape. Whatever the issue is, don't let it derail you. And as the guys have said, once your routine is fixed it will become part of the family's routine.

Best of luck on your journey.
Trinity

YORKIEBEAR Posts: 273
1/27/13 12:39 P

I hear you man.as the love of my life sits on the sofa saying you got to lose weight .IT would help if she was not downing a choc bar. Really the only advise my old man gave me when the wifes talking nod your head then go do what you got to do.and there you have it.good luck on your journey

yorkiebear



SPERRIN2012 SparkPoints: (103,989)
Fitness Minutes: (81,887)
Posts: 10,806
1/26/13 9:39 P

The jealousy factor can take place once your significant other sees that you're looking more pleasing to the eye.

IAMCHRIS SparkPoints: (847)
Fitness Minutes: (120)
Posts: 30
1/22/13 9:59 P

In my opinion you can't ask anyone to support you until you support yourself.

RODGRODMEDFLOD Posts: 3,428
1/11/13 11:49 A

This is your journey. As Brewmasterbill said, it will eventually sink in. Her journey is different and she may or may not accept the changes in you.
It is a lot easier when you have a supportive spouse, however please don't let your current situation stop you from continuing on the journey.
The rewards for you and your family are immeasurable.

Good luck, and lean on the SP community for support when you need it.

BREWMASTERBILL SparkPoints: (31,080)
Fitness Minutes: (12,713)
Posts: 4,110
1/11/13 10:43 A

Just keep doing it. Eventually it will sink in (or it won't and she'll move along). I dealt with this for a very long time at my house. I used to get sh1t almost daily. Now I get asked what time I'm working out and what I plan on doing. It's a mental shift for a lot of people that having a workout plan is part of your life.

PSCHIAVONE2 SparkPoints: (17,918)
Fitness Minutes: (11,296)
Posts: 509
1/11/13 10:38 A

I find it hard to be in any type of relationship and stay in shape. I have just started seeing a new girl and told her that I need to work out 4 days per week. It was like she never heard me. She asks me everyday what I am doing and when I tell her working out, her reply is didn't you just do that.

WARMSTRONG2 SparkPoints: (155,585)
Fitness Minutes: (66,074)
Posts: 5,949
12/20/12 2:46 P

My wife would say that she does not enable my bad habits.

Edited by: WARMSTRONG2 at: 12/21/2012 (10:13)
RL1970 Posts: 36
12/5/12 10:31 A

Good luck, it can be a tough go when you don't have support. Losing weight can be awesome, it can boost your confidence, give you more energy and make you more physically attractive.

You mention that how could someone want to sleep with you if you have 70+ lbs to lose, IMO you need to rethink that. If that is indeed her reasoning then she sounds like an awfully shallow woman but i suspect there's more to it than that. I've lost ~115 lbs to date but my sex life has ALWAYS been very active, even before losing any. A better reason to lose the weight is to boost your self confidence, something that most woman will find more attractive than a flat stomach.

I can't speak for your wife but most women that I know find qualities such as self confidence, drive, protectiveness and even a little possessiveness to be far sexier than anything physical that he might possess. Mix that in with sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself and you'd be surprised how far you can get.

So my advice is to lose the weight but not for her, lose it for yourself and have confidence in yourself. Don't let yourself be a doormat for her or anyone else and certainly do not let yourself be treated with disrespect.

Also, take a look at this book. It got a lot of good information about diet and exercise specifically for men.
www.amazon.com/The-Mens-Health-Diet-Superh
uman/dp/1605291366/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&
qid=1354719523&sr=8-1&keywords=mens+he
alth+diet


Edited by: RL1970 at: 2/26/2013 (10:05)
BREWMASTERBILL SparkPoints: (31,080)
Fitness Minutes: (12,713)
Posts: 4,110
12/3/12 10:36 A

Can attest to this. When I'm sleepy, appetite is out of control. Anything you can do to fix the schedule is going to help big time. Try to get 7-8 hours of sleep, this helps in many ways.

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/29/12 4:47 P

Sucky schedules makes for weight gain big time, sorry.

Do what you can is the best you can do for now.

Good luck!

RAGING_RABBIT Posts: 5
11/29/12 3:25 P

I'm 5'9", built like a rugby player, not quite Chris Farley, but closer to him than where I need to be. I'm working on the education. Actually looking at how to cook tofu. Sounds like it's a pretty flexible substitute for protein. I'm trying to really focus on staying away from processed items.

I also work 2 jobs. 1 fulltime, then deliver newspapers from 1AM - 4AM. I've been good about not grabbing something when walking out the door lately, which also dragged me down. I'm able to slip in my runs at 4AM, grab another nap before getting up to make kids meals at school, get everyone going.

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/29/12 2:36 P

Just curious, how tall are you?

Let's start out with the "basics" (in my opinion).
Food - There's a need to know about carbohydrates
www.wisegeek.com/what-are-carbohydrates.ht
m


Generally, stay away from over eating carbs, they make you sleepy and esPECIALLY stay away from at night (about 3 hours before you go to bed), the unused carb will turn into fat overnight. Carbs are GOOD (read article) and they make up the bulk of healthy eating but know what are good carbs and bad carbs and stay the hell away from the bad carbs (donuts, sugared cereals, most foods you listed eating for breakfast).

next, PROTEIN
www.cdc.gov/nutrition/everyone/basics/prot
ein.html


I am currently building muscle so I take in a lot of protein but the best kind of protein is the kind I eat (not protein shakes though I do one of those per day); skinless chicken breast FOREVER!!!!!! LOL! The article provides a list.

FATs: fats are bad, good fat, bad fat, fats in general are bad and if you eat clean you may still go over your daily fat count. Salad Dressing is the BIGGEST culprit, so if you like to drown your salad in dressing stop it a.s.a.p., it's maikng you fatter.
www.rawfoodexplained.com/fats/what-are-fat
s.html



For me I do this for my counts:
2,754 - 3,060 Calories/day
92 - 102g Fat
275 - 306g Carbohydrates
206 - 229g Protein

Knowing what you goal numbers is half the battle.....next is implementing the plan. You have to do the research yourself, that way you'll OWN what you learn.

it's a 30-40-30 plan

RAGING_RABBIT Posts: 5
11/29/12 11:34 A

Starting first week. Thanksgiving was the kicker to get going. I've made efforts in the past with various results. Not lifting weights, will need to surf craigslist after Christmas is taken care of. By using sparkpeople for the nutrition, it's opening my eyes as to what I've been eating and just taking for granted. Example was last week typical day was bowl of cereal, egg mcmuffin from gas station, 2L of Dt. Dew, candy bar, bag of trail mix, a donut if they had them here at work, lunch I would go home and finish off leftovers, (pizza, spaghetti, etc), grab some chips or something, make dinner and have hamburger or chicken strips, raman noodles and a veggie. Probably 3500+ cals.

Last couple days have been under 2K cals. (Oatmeal, banana's, apples, salad, chicken breast, hard boiled egg) Could use more protein to satiate hunger, but it's bearable. I'm 43 and 272 as of this AM. I plan on weighing in on Monday mornings. I want to get out and try some 5K/10K's this spring. Winter is closing in here in MN and it's going to be that much harder. Right now it's cardio only until I get that established as a habit, (21 days). Today was donut day and I had a banana. Gals were supportive, guys suggested I use the banana to pick up a donut. Typical male banter, but I'm happy about my choices.

Edited by: RAGING_RABBIT at: 11/29/2012 (11:45)
KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/29/12 11:16 A

RE: exercising

Where are you in the process? At the beginning? Did you already start making a concerted effort? Are you lifting weights? Cardio only? Where are you with eating, trying to "watch" what you eat or do already KNOW what and how to eat?

In August of 2006 I was 240lbs and I am 5'6" so short and fat was me five years ago. Today I am in the best shpe of my life and at 50 years old I feel GREAT! I got lots to share.

RAGING_RABBIT Posts: 5
11/29/12 10:39 A

I'll be leaning heavily on you gents in the coming months. I've reached a crossroads in my life and my marriage. She can be an excellent mother, just not so much as a wife. I've been reading some other books and getting advice and have decided to invest into myself by working out, improving how I dress, carry myself, etc. She's not the only one to blame as to where we're at. Who would want to sleep with someone who could stand to lose 70+ and be attracted to them? I see myself currently as Ben Davis in his youtube video. (do a search on youtube for Ben Davis and his 120 lbs weight loss)

So I'm starting this journey on myself. I'm giving myself a solid year of improving myself, for me. If she wants to notice and join me in the journey, all the better, but at the end of the year, I'll need to ask where this marriage is going. I've been called names because of my weight, emotionally and physically abandoned, etc.

I'm working on the basis from Married Mans Sex Life that talks about sex rank. She's probably a 7 and I'm a 5. If I can improve to a 7 after a year, then maybe I'll be seen with more interest, as an equal. If that doesn't happen, then I'll be in a better position physically to move on.

I mentioned that I was going to start working out...
"What would you know about working out? You'll just eat what you want anyway."
Because I need to take better care of myself for me, for you and the kids.
"You never cared before, why would this be any different?"
Etc....

As you can see, I don't have much support. I'll need to just do this on my own and again, lean on you gents for advice and the occasional butt kicking to get me to stay focused. This week I've ran 1 mile each morning at 15 min. Yep, I'm slow, but before I get to be the rabbit, I need to be slow and steady, ease into it, baby steps, constant improvements. My dietary intake is also improving. More fruit/veggies, eggs and protien instead of processed carbs.

I told her I'm taking over the grocery shopping and meals. We're financially challenged, so no gym access or steak every night. I'll be cooking for 2 boys and us, so cheap healthy family meals and hard work. Appreciate any advice you can supply. I'll try to keep it mostly to my healthy journey and keep the relationship issues out of it, but at times it all ties together.

Thanks,
RR.

Edited by: RAGING_RABBIT at: 11/29/2012 (10:39)
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