" I am not trying to enforce my lifestyle on someone else. I was simply expecting my boyfriend of two years to get out of bed before 12:00 in the afternoon and maybe take a walk and get something to eat. I wasn't expecting him to get up and spend two hours at the gym. I maybe shouldn't have said "lazy", I guess thats just my idea of someone sleeping until 12 in the afternoon and I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. "
Is this sleeping very late new behavior for him or has he been like this for 2 years and now it irritates you? Has something in his schedule or yours changed so you are together at different times?
I've been married for 13 years to someone who is not a morning person. We don't exercise together. I would get up and exercise when you want to. Tell him he can join you but you will be doing it before 7AM. He can sleep in and you can join him later. If you want him to get up and have lunch with you at noon on Saturdays then just talk to him about what time he plans to get up and what you want to do together on weekends instead of sitting around frustrated.
My mom absolutely considered anyone who didn't get up at 6AM lazy but she then spent all evening dozing in a chair in front of a tv. It didn't matter that the night owl did as much or more each day because they weren't following her ideal schedule. It was frustrating to be judged negatively. I would avoid calling someone else lazy just because they are not doing what you are doing or waking up later. It doesn't make them better or worse for being on a different sleep cycle from you.
My husband is not lazy when it comes to getting stuff done or helping around the house, but when it comes time to go to the gym or exercise he always has an excuse. I tried just telling him if you are not going to go with me then I think I will just go alone, but this makes him mad. I say it is because misery loves company and to avoid an argument I am always the one compromising and saying honey we can just go tomorrow. The only problem is I find myself saying the same the the very next day. I feel like sometimes he is holding me back from being the person that I want to be because he is afraid I will be able to change but he will fail and still be stuck being the same person. I have tried motivating him with no success. I have tried to scare him with talk of all the health issues that could potential kill him and nothing. We are both over 100 pounds overweight with high blood pressure and diabetes but still he does nothing and insists on bringing me down too. I just don't know what to do. Any advice??
Fitness Minutes: (25,260)
1,237 6/21/12 10:30 A
yup!!! My husband is one of the laziest!! He gets stuff done, but if he cant sit/lay down and watch tv or a movie he will!!! Me on the other hand, have watched 1 complete movie in the last 6 months! I would rather be out for a walk or cleaning then just sitting there!
I have finally decided to start being more healthy lose some pounds and just eat healthy and be more active, my boyfriend (of 6 years) has always been active, loved outdoors and being busy but a few years ago he started to have trouble with his knees and took up video games. He is now obesed, and all he does is play video games :(. Which honestly I do not mind him playing them, I just wished that he would be more supported with my lifestyle changes. When he is the one cooking dinner and I ask him not to use the whole back of shredded cheddar, or to measure the ingredients he gets mad at me and says counting calories and doing all this work is stupid. I have to work out at night (after I lay our 2 year old son down for bed) at home and he complains about me taking up the living room so he can play video games. But the thing that has gotten under my skin the most is due to the weight loss I have gone down a cup size in my bras, and he has made comments about missing my "big boobs". He is usually not like this at all, and I do believe it is somewhat bitterness that he feels toward me actually sticking to this change. Is anyone else going through or has gone through similiar situations? I would like to state that even though it sounds like he is a complete jerk, he truly is not, he just is somewhat of a jerk when it comes to this topic.
Fitness Minutes: (2,190)
72 6/13/12 9:25 A
My boyfriend and I went for a long walk last night, it was very nice. I had a serious talk with him and he even agreed to walking in the evenings or coming to the gym with me...Very happy
I completely agree about focusing on urself first and letting him catch up. Also if he is always very sluggish he may have a health issue he needs to address whether it's depression or numerous other things that can cause fatigue. My husband has sleep apnea and refuses to wear his mask on a regular basis which causes him to fall asleep anytime he isn't busy. Movies ect. are out of the question and if it's not something he enjoys he won't even attempt to participate and falls asleep. I know how frustrating life with someone who doesn't seem to want to live it with you can be lonely but in my situation we have a family. So I just accept him for who he is and live my life as best I can. I understand since I have struggled with depression and health issues myself, so I do know both sides of the argument. Right now I'm almost 8 months pregnant and more or less on bed rest and unable to do much. I have to learn to accept this and the fact that my husband will never be mister perfect and work around it or move on.
Fitness Minutes: (42,183)
1,694 6/8/12 2:13 P
So very true LKG, couples may be the most loving and/or compatible people in the most important ways, yet different in other ways. My wife has to wake up early for work 4 days per week and then on her days off, likes to sleep in later. On the other hand, since I substitute teach and never know exactly from one day to the next when I will work, I can stay in bed as long as I want most the time. But I'm actually a morning person and my wife is more of an evening person. So I usually get up after she has been up getting ready for work. But when she is sleeping in, I just get up and do my thing.
I also like to workout in the late morning and she likes the afternoon or even evening. So our clocks just aren't at the same time all the time. So even though we are both trying to get more fit, it is at different times, different ways, and we got into it at different times. Neither of us are "lazy", we just do things differently. I think most couples just have to accept this.
If there is a real reason to try to help a spouse do better in ANY aspect of life, it needs to be done with love and without nagging. I've yet to hear any person say they accomplished anything due to their spouses constant nagging. Showing the others in the family that you can do it will be the best way to encourage them to do it. When they start to see you really mean it, that you are going to continue doing it, and you will welcome them to join, you have begun to get their attention. After that, it is up to them. Then you just need to keep encouraging them with whatever they are trying to do. Keep the Faith.
Had to throw in the other perspective here... I'm the one who's usually sleeping in. I *love* not having to get up to an alarm, and I am not a natural morning person. I also have fibromylagia, and find I need extra rest to help keep those symptoms in check. During the week we're both getting up at the same time, but on weekends usually my fiance has been up and about for a while before I start moving. I wish I got up earlier; I can definitely see the advantages to having more of the day to use. And I'm certainly not lazy once I'm up; most weekend days include exercise of some sort as well as chores, errands, and fun activities.
For my fiance and I, this is not an issue as he understands that I need more rest than he does. I guess the question to the original poster is, is this a deal-breaker? Not everyone is an early riser, and if being with someone who is is important to you then you'll have to decide if there are enough other good things in the relationship to compensate. Good luck figuring it out!
I have a spouse who hurts all the time, but there for the longest time he would not even make an attempt at any exercise. Occasionally now he will go out and take short walks with me which is better then I ever hoped for. You have to have patience and just keep doing what your doing and hopefully they will follow by example. What I find will happen is because your so busy working out, they want to spend time with you so they will find a way to join in! Best Wishes! Donde
Fitness Minutes: (710)
141 5/26/12 9:50 P
Almost 2 months ago I became vegan and got more active. My husband who is a computer tech, sits in front of his computer every waking minute unless he's going to the bathroom, eating or taking a smoke break outside. I will be up doing dishes, vacuuming, tiding up the house and he just sit's there. We have two small children that he will play with and he'e good about that. I just wish he would get up and move. He is at least 100 lbs overweight, smokes and drinks Dr. Pepper like it's going out of style. Plus he is horrible at snacking in the evening after everyone goes to bed. He's a great guy and a good father but I wish he would just get up and move around. He has a history of heart disease and cancer in his family. I try not to nag him but I just don't want to see the man I fell in love, then married have a heart attack or end up with cancer when it could have been prevented.
I DO! omg I DO!!!!!! lord help us all. we are such different people. good luck to you sweety, you will know what to do to get him motivated and if it doesn't work...RUN!
Fitness Minutes: (10,673)
167 5/23/12 1:49 A
If you love him, you'll let him work this out for himself. A person needs to find the motivation within themselves for it to stick. (and if you force this issue he may end up resenting it).
I would love to encourage my family to all get healthy with me - I have no overweight children but my eldest could move more! She gets so tired and I explain that if she were fitter it wouldn't be so debilitating, but I've had to step back and she's doing what she wants as she wants to.
As for my partner: he came jogging with me once! He doesn't move much, but I am hoping as I lose weight and get fitter he'll come around and want to do the same thing too. He has so many other issues that I so don't want to push it. Not only did he buy himself a bike and exercise clothes on his birthday he has taken steps to be a little more active, he just lacks motivation and commitment. That may change, I sure hope so. His desire to change is there, so that is something.
Nothing changes in a day, given time he may change.
For a very long time I've been trying to get my husband to eat better and workout because he's been overweight since he was a teenager. I ate right and worked out for myself whether he was going to do it or not. He's just now starting to slowly come around to making some small changes in his diet. Now that he is I'm trying to encourage that big time so he'll keep on doing it.
"He frustrates me sometimes b/c he'll sit and pig out and then play video games all day....but they are guys! And while I know it's not an excuse "Boys will be boys". "
And men will be men! I know many men who do not pig out and play video games all day. Some day your boy will grow up....
Fitness Minutes: (1,908)
30 5/16/12 5:00 P
My husband really isn't on board yet with the whole healthy lifestyle either. He frustrates me sometimes b/c he'll sit and pig out and then play video games all day....but they are guys! And while I know it's not an excuse "Boys will be boys". I think guys are hardwired to be kitchen consuming machines, laid back, and well boyish! Hopefully your situation works out. But try not to dwell on it too much b/c you will only stress your self out
My ex-husband was the same way. I don't see how people can be so...lazy and unmotivated. I did realize that it was a sign for depression. He did get somewhat better after being put on antidepressants, but he was still hopelessly unenergetic. Like someone else who posted, I finally continued my life without waiting on him. I could stand to see my day slip away because of him.
I would not classify myself as lazy (up before 5 every weekday to work out) and if I could sleep until noon on Saturday, I totally would. but, with 2 kids and a dog, that's just not possible. Some people just like to take it easy on weekends. Do you all do anything together? If he's sleeping, why can't you get up and get out then? I try my best not to do jack or crap on weekends, unless it's a fun family activity with my husband and/or kids. Is it possible that's how he feels? Does he work all week? You can't really change someone who doesn't want to change.
Edited by: JENMC14 at: 5/14/2012 (14:12)
Fitness Minutes: (11,189)
262 5/14/12 8:48 A
I was with a man once that I literally had to drag out of bed, regardless of whether he had to work or not. I finally got to where I got up, went about my business, did my own thing, and let him lay there and sleep. If he doesn't want to get up, let him lay there. :)
Thanks for the replies. I think I may have given some of you the wrong idea. I am not trying to enforce my lifestyle on someone else. I was simply expecting my boyfriend of two years to get out of bed before 12:00 in the afternoon and maybe take a walk and get something to eat. I wasn't expecting him to get up and spend two hours at the gym. I maybe shouldn't have said "lazy", I guess thats just my idea of someone sleeping until 12 in the afternoon and I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. Just seeing if anyone had a similar situation and could maybe give me a little advice. I guess maybe I need to face we are going in seperate directions. Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to reply.
Sad that he is labeled as lazy just because he is not as enthusiastic about something as you are....
Fitness Minutes: (935)
200 5/12/12 4:02 P
You can't change the type of person your bf is. Only he can, if he wants. The most important thing is, can you handle having a lazier partner? Make sure you do things you want and don't spend all your time idling by. I got into that habit with my husband when we first met and ended up gaining 100 lbs over the years. I could kick myself for not staying true to my active self, but that's what love does sometimes to us. :)
Fitness Minutes: (42,183)
1,694 5/12/12 2:44 P
What do you expect? Is he an Ipod you can sync or an individual? LOL Yesterday while I was doing my exercises my wife was doing her thing. Sometimes it's crocheting(not something I aspire to do). Right now I am sitting on my butt reading and writing, she just finisher her treadmill and is now dancing to Kinex. Also, I am an early riser and she likes to stay in bed longer on weekends. During the week when I don't have a sub job I may stay in bed until 8 am when she is up at 5:30 or later getting ready for work. So we have different needs and times that we feel comfortable about taking care of business. She also likes to work out(since she works, it may be more that it is convient than likes), in the evening and I like to workout in the late morning.
As far as him not wanting to exercise while you are all gungho about it, again, do you get excited and jump right in when he's changing the oil in the car or doing something he likes to do? Being a couple doesn't mean you guys are joined at the hip. Matter of fact, it is healthy for you guys to have different likes and dislikes as long as they don't get so separated that you find NO time for couples things. Keep the faith
Fitness Minutes: (14,252)
9,689 5/12/12 11:10 A
It's really, really important not to hold his lack of excitement about your lifestyle changes against him. I have a husband who is just not there yet. He's starting, finally, to get on board, as I'm almost 8 months into my journey, but I can't expect him to care as much.
The decision to improve yourself is one that MUST be made by yourself. No one can force you to it! He'll have to decide that he's ready, but until then, nothing can possibly force him into it. He won't get active until he's ready to get active.
There's no reason for you to lay in bed just because he is. That's silly! Get up, get moving, and do w hat you love.
It may be that you guys grow apart; that happens sometimes, and it's not like you're married to him yet ;)
Just keep doing what you love, and he'll either get on board... or he won't. That's his call.
As I sit here typing this on my iPhone it is 10:38 in the morning, I am at my boyfriends house laying in bed while he is still snoring away. I've been laying here reading spark articles and such since 7:00. We have had several discussions, some of which have turned into arguments because I can't stand sitting in bed all day anymore. Ever since I joined spark people, about two months ago, I have been mostly successful at creating a healthier lifestyle. Usual weekdays by this time I have walked/ran 3.5 miles. I do so well on weekdays but then I come here on weekends and sit around. I have tried to get him to compromise some, and sometimes he will walk with me for about a mile, and we went on a hike once, but the majority of the time we spend together is just sitting around. While I do love him I am starting to get really frustrated and I know that this will eventually cause major problems. Anyone in a similar situation?? I just need to get up and move!!!
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