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BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (104,884)
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1/22/14 8:10 P

My husband has done all the cooking and grocery shopping. For the past 23 yrs we have been married. I wouldn't trade that for flowers ever!

ANAMORPHOSIS Posts: 1,617
1/22/14 6:42 P

You are very pretty. I'm sorry you are on dialysis. It doesn't matter if nobody gives you flowers. The only time I got roses was after my mother passed away. If you meet a guy and he really cares about you, he won't be burdened by your medical problems.

MISSJANE55 SparkPoints: (42,188)
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Posts: 1,252
1/22/14 6:31 P

I think you are beautiful. Sounds like your being kind of hard on yourself: comparing your 'insides' to other peoples 'outsides'. For the record, I've never ever received roses either. I'm sorry you are on dialysis. That must be very difficult, and awkward, but it does't rule out finding a partner. There is someone for everyone….blessings to you and congratulations on loosing the weight!!!

CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (84,916)
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Posts: 10,393
1/22/14 1:43 P

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You have gotten some great advice on here.

Is there volunteer work somewhere you can do to meet more people?

About the flowers…well I suppose you see your friends getting the roses and think it must be nice to be adored by a guy. That is understandable & I'd probably think the same. But that adoration feeling doesn't last long. I'd rather buy myself something that would be more useful.

Everyone who said that marriage does not "complete" a person is right. I've been married for 31 yrs. & he is not my better half or even my soul-mate. He has issues. So…I go do my own thing…Bible Studies w/ great friends, walk or swim w/ friends, volunteer work teaching kids - - I just go find and do what makes me happy away from him.

So Cheer Up ! The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
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LYNNIEV Posts: 394
1/22/14 1:33 P

I agree with the others - go buy yourself some beautiful flowers today. Get a big, bright beautiful bouquet and put them where you can see them and smell them 10 times a day.

You'd be surprised just what one or two good whiffs of a beautiful bouquet of flowers can do for one's psyche.

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
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1/22/14 10:48 A

No way!! Quite attractive in fact.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (265,943)
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Posts: 8,014
1/21/14 11:20 P

Value yourself!!!! If a man doesn't buy you flowers, buy them for yourself!!!! Make yourself worthy!!!! You matter to someone!!!!
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Edited by: JANIEWWJD at: 1/21/2014 (23:20)
SHERRYDM Posts: 60
1/21/14 9:26 P

My boyfriend always makes me feel beautiful and special. Flowers are just for show to other people-relationships and self-worth are not built on flowers.

DOLLIE6 Posts: 2,759
1/21/14 9:07 P

I think we have to love ourselves first before someone else can love us. You want flowers go buy you some flowers. Enjoy where you are. Look around there are people so much worse off than you. You need to enjoy each day you are given on this earth. Look for something to make you happy every day. There is so much in this world to enjoy and marvel over we don't need to waste one precious moment of it.

KRILL14 SparkPoints: (25,756)
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Posts: 326
1/21/14 7:52 P

I am 63 and started dating my boyfriend 3 years ago. I was divorced for over 10 years when I met him and thought I would never be in a relationship again. Don't give up!

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,856
1/21/14 3:23 P

It seems you don't put yourself out there enough, it sounds like your either with your parents, home or with some of these friends that don't sound much like friends.
Not every man buys a lady flowers doesn't mean they don't like you or find you attractive, some guys see buying flowers a waste.
Before my husband I went out with some who gave flowers and some that didn't it didn't mean they liked me more or less.
To say your a burden because your sick isn't right, my husband doesn't see me as a burden even though I'm sick all the time he's very loving and has never ever made me feel like that. If a man loves you he loves you no matter what.
Just because a person is attractive on the outside doesn't mean they are on the inside and how shallow would a man be if he only defines beauty that way.
My SIL thought she was to old to and then got married on her 50th birthday for the first time after not dating for years she found someone.
God knows when the time is right and just because a person doesn't ever get married doesn't mean they weren't attractive enough to get someone.
Marriage isn't just putting on a ring and thinking your going to live happily ever after there is a lot of work in a good marriage it doesn't just happen.
A man loves a confident woman, right now your not sounding very confident just work on that a little and I'm sure you'll find happiness.
You can still be happy and be single... good luck!

TEAROSE22 SparkPoints: (30,671)
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Posts: 633
1/21/14 3:14 P

The famous "they" say that beauty is skin deep but ugly is clear to the bone!!
Don't let any mean spirited individual impact your own personal worth. You are obviously a sweet, kind, thoughtful individual. We love you out here, and your inner and outer beauty shines through. Illness will pass and you will come back stronger than ever. God Give you Grace.

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
1/21/14 2:11 P

Listen, missy, you're obviously a very sweet person and I've seen your 'un-photoshopped' pictures and you're very beautiful. Do you know I wish I looked like you?

So forget how old you are, forget the fact that illness can drag you down or be a burden on someone (you're not the only one in the world with illnesses, my dear) and forget about flowers. Just be yourself, put yourself into situations where you frequently meet other people and remember one thing...

When you least expect it, expect it.

SUPERMODEL2BE SparkPoints: (14,116)
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Posts: 336
1/21/14 1:49 P

I've read this whole thread and you must have changed your profile pic. Being more confident and having a high self esteem make you attractive. Looks aren't everything, guys like girls with a brain with whom they can have a decent conversation with. Besides, beauty fades.

XHUNTERX Posts: 862
1/21/14 12:55 P

No one will tell you here. If you really want to know you should ask on yahoo answers or ask.fm

UMBILICAL Posts: 12,786
1/21/14 12:25 P

We are all unattractive to some and beautiful to others.

FAITHP44 SparkPoints: (64,396)
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Posts: 4,369
1/21/14 12:23 P

There have been two occasions in my life when my house has been full of flowers. Both were after operations for cancer. The flowers were lovely and showed people's love and concern - but it would have been nicer not to get cancer! And the flowers were absolutely nothing to do with whether people considered me attractive or not.

I'm single too, and in normal life people don't bring flowers. I know you're having a hard time with dialysis but, as that's an on-going thing, people aren't going to think to bring flowers.

And believe me, you don't want the medical crises (or the loss of a loved one) that cause people to come rushing round with flowers.

MASON_EMKAY Posts: 138
1/21/14 12:14 P

Definitely not true!!
Although, I am sure we have all got caught up in that belief at one time or another! The hardest part is to first love ourselves and respect ourselves, before we can expect the same from others. And it is very common to see people marry later in life these days. I have never tried it myself but have heard positive feedback from the dating websites. There are several to choose from and it might be a great way to test the water if your not feeling too sure.
But DO NOT UNDER RATE YOURSELF...as someone who has done that in the past...it is a HUGE turn off to a man, and you will end up talking him out of the relationship when he was truly comfortable with your situation. (I have been told this about my past behavior in relationships by x-bf's who I remained friends with, and as soon as I learned to change that behavior you are amazed at the results!) Have some confidence, you are worth the relationship you feel you deserve and shouldn't settle for less than that. Keep your chin up!
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LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,332
1/21/14 11:53 A

Plenty of "ugly" looking people are in relationships or get married. A lot of us actually.
Older people do find love and companionship and get married.
We aren't all gorgeous and young so there must be something else about us that people appreciate.

What attracts you to others? What kind of person do you want to be with? Are you doing anything to try to meet potential partners?
What if you don't meet someone you feel you could marry? Can you come to peace with that and construct a positive, fulfilled life for yourself?

You probably have a long list of wonderful qualities that you forget about.
I feel attractiveness to others is more about what you do and what attitude you project rather than your appearance.
If you complain/criticize a lot, project that you are helpless, angry or that you are a burden/ugly to others then you push them away. If you are not that person, then don't show people that image.
If you tend to reject others based on something like their appearance/income/job title/age you might miss out on someone great. Are you open to people who may be less than your ideal in some area?
If you are friendly, accept compliments graciously, care about others, have interests you can share, give people a chance, care for yourself as much as you can, show a positive attitude even when things are not great, count your blessings, etc you will be more likely to draw people to you. Even if you are not a supermodel you can be plenty attractive to someone. Really.



AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (66,733)
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Posts: 3,293
1/21/14 11:53 A

Attractiveness is about SO much more than the way you look. Stop worrying about your hair and focus on becoming the kind of person that someone would want to be around. Do something meaningful, be someone interesting and for goodness sake make some friends who aren't so shallow and materialistic.

Life is too short to wait for a man to buy you flowers--grow your own. I am speaking both literally and metaphorically.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (75,551)
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Posts: 4,902
1/21/14 11:47 A

my ex sent me flowers all the time - to apologize for being such a jerk. After the first few times I would either throw them in the trash or give them to somebody else.

personally, I'd rather there be no NEED to send flowers, KWIM?

EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
1/21/14 11:41 A

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ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (149,386)
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Posts: 21,785
1/21/14 10:28 A

EOWYN2424,

Many consider the receiving of roses a romantic gesture. It's always nice to receive a gift. However, not receiving them does NOT mean you're unattractive. Speaking as someone who is single, it is NOT a death sentence.

I suspect things may be very different in Malaysia. But, in the US, women are not considered imcomplete because they are not in a relationship or married or have children. We assume that someone who is married must be happy just because they are married. That isn't true either. This is a recent statistic on domestic violence.

"An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year"

And that's the percentage of people who reported being abused. There are plenty of women (men too) who don't report being beaten.

It is difficult to deal with depression. When we are depressed, we assume that everyone else must have a better life than we do. But the fact is, they don't. It's an illusion. Just about every single person on Earth has a problem of some kind. Sure, the rich may seem to have everything, but they get divorced just like everyone else. They lose their fortunes too.

So, you can't beat yourself up because you're not in a stable relationship at the moment. Will the right man come along ? How about some of the men who go to your bible class ? If there aren't enough men, surely some of your friends have single brothers ?

You are not a burden on anyone. Yes, your medical problems don't make life easy, but that doesn't mean you can't live life to its fullest.

As I said, don't assume you must be unattractive because you don't have a boyfriend who brings you roses. Think of it this way. let's say you were drop dead gorgeous. You know what you happen to you ? Your so called friends would start calling you stuck up, conceited, vane and a lot of other rude words. Yes, people point fingers and say nasty things about good looking people too.

That's why you can't assume the life of a gorgeous person must be better than yours. it really is an illusion. No one is perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy or be in a relationship. If you want to have a boyfriend, you need to start going out to more social events where you can meet other single men.

Also, don't be afraid to date a guy who is divorced. There are lots of really nice divorced men out there too.

BUT, you won't meet them if you lock yourself up in your house wondering why you aren't pretty enough to attract a guy.








SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,254)
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Posts: 1,063
1/21/14 10:15 A

The only time I can really recall getting flowers from men would be from my ex-husband and my husband. My ex would get them to try to make up after he'd been a real jerk, never as a surprise for no reason or anything like that.

And my current H got me flowers about once that I can recall; it may have been on my birthday early on in our marriage but I was also upset with him over something at the time and wanted to throw the flowers at him. For whatever reason we now have an understanding; I would much rather have something that "does something" like electronics/gadgets than flowers that look beautiful for a few days and then die. He has not gotten me flowers in years. A couple of times my oldest daughter has surprised me with flowers for mother's day or something and I really do appreciate that she thought of me, but I don't expect or need flowers.

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,640
1/21/14 10:13 A

Your photo shows a very attractive lady.
There are lots of beautiful women who have never married.
There are worse things in life than living single...like being married to the wrong person'
And I have gotten lots of flowers in my life...half of them were apologies

Just live your life to the fullest

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
1/21/14 9:56 A

There is someone for everyone.

RUNNRMOM SparkPoints: (1,275)
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Posts: 16
1/21/14 9:37 A

I buy myself flowers. Traders Joe's has nice bouquets that don't break the bank and last long.

SMALLTOWNMOMMY Posts: 2,669
1/21/14 9:26 A

I tell my kids that beauty starts on the inside. I have to, my daughter is gorgeous and i dont want her running through life on her looks or getting snobby.

You aren't ugly, you just won't settle for less than Mr. Right. Chin up and smile.

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
1/21/14 9:08 A

Actually, Eowyn, I could care less if I received flowers. Whether I were to receive them or not does not diminish my feelings of self-worth.

* I read a post here on Sparkpeople yesterday from someone born without any limbs who is trying to lose weight (and did lose some). *

There was no complaining in that persons post. No pity me in that persons post.

It was a very quiet post, and a very dignified post. In fact....I was the only person to respond to what she said. I don't know if people didn't read what she had typed, or didn't know what to say, or maybe that she didn't ask for any sort of pity is why people didn't respond. I don't know. I do know it garnered less attention than this post.

So. Yeah. It's pretty heartbreaking that you have never received roses.

Edited by: EELPIE at: 1/21/2014 (09:19)
MJEFFERSON23 SparkPoints: (32,691)
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Posts: 1,280
1/21/14 8:54 A

Let your beauty from within shine outward!

MCCC75 SparkPoints: (25,022)
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Posts: 1,181
1/21/14 8:15 A

I totally agree with ROBBIEY....self-confidence (not arrogance) really attracts people. I know when I am feeling more confident, I attract alot more people my way! And I am in my 50s!

ROBBIEY SparkPoints: (145,566)
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1/21/14 8:09 A

Keep the faith, someone will come along that will Love You for just you, faults and all. First, learn to love yourself and others will be attracted to a confident person.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 6,263
1/21/14 8:00 A

It's just that some of my friends keep getting dozens of roses! It's a bit humiliating that I've never received any! And even more humiliating to know that it's unlikely I'll ever get a bouquet! You must admit, it would be nice to receive one!

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
1/21/14 7:43 A

EOWYN you have been posting so many "pity me" threads lately. What is going on with you?



TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 62,065
1/21/14 6:54 A

If you really want someone to be attracted to you strictly because of your looks then you obviously only want to attract very shallow people.

KKKAREN SparkPoints: (223,429)
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Posts: 11,891
1/21/14 6:29 A

I play a game when I fly. I try to find model or movie star attractiveness in people. I watch all around the busy airport and I watch while people are boarding a plane. I do find a few cute people but rarely a true model type. I found that the majority of people are just average like me. They board with their husbands and boyfriends with what looks like a happy and positive attitude. I truly believe it's what's inside that matters. Boost your positive outlook and you boost your chances for a mate.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (151,585)
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Posts: 22,460
1/21/14 4:26 A

Whoa girl - it sounds like you are having a bit of a pity party going on. I was never given flowers, either, except a bouquet when my Father-in-law died - and they were sent to me by my Mother-in-law because I had been doing a lot of stuff for her/them. The next lot of flowers given to me was after a bad car accident landed me in hospital for a while. The next lot was when my hubby died. They were all for sad things, not romance - not happy - not 'just because' !!!

If your photo is your true likeness, then in all honesty, physically I would have to say 'no you aren't unattractive'. I don't want to sound cruel or unkind, but sometimes people focus a lot on themselves, whether it be negative or positive things, or imagined things, and it shows to others, and THAT can be a bit of a turn-off for some people.

Kris

DPDAVIS SparkPoints: (96,620)
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Posts: 2,609
1/21/14 4:10 A

No

EOWYN2424 Posts: 6,263
1/21/14 2:02 A

I've already reached my 40s but I have never received a single bouquet of flowers in all my life! I have only received a single rose twice when I was younger.

In all my life, I've only been in 1 serious relationship. I feel I've lost my chance to be married now, as I already so old and chronicaly ill. I'm on dialysis, a burden to any man. I also don't have a very good complexion.

Yup, I must be ugly if I can't attract anyone.......

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