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JO88BAKO SparkPoints: (311,994)
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Posts: 16,236
5/3/13 12:10 A

I was adopted and had the best parents in the world. I know they went to a lot of work to get me. Adoption isn't easy. I know I was wanted very much and not an accident. Sunday will be 1 year since my dad passed away at 97. I miss him very much, it has been a hard year. My mom passed in 1988. She was awesome. I feel very lucky. God makes families in different ways.

ERINTFG SparkPoints: (45,448)
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5/2/13 11:20 P

I think that maybe some people aren't capable of that kind of love. I mean, I don't mean that in a judgmental way. We're all different. Some people don't like kids at all. Some people only like their own kids. Some people love all children and would seriously mother the entire town if they could.

I am so grateful for the people who CAN love like that-- who see a child in need and just are willing to open their hearts and their homes and their arms to that child and love them with everything they have. They make the world a better place. :)

(I am not adopted, and none of my children are adopted. One of my dear friends has an adopted daughter and I am blessed to know several people who have adopted as well. Adoption is a beautiful thing! But it's not necessarily appropriate for everyone.)

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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5/2/13 6:53 P

We would tell my cousins, when they were little, that they were chosen children for their parents.

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,334
5/2/13 6:37 P

They definitely should not should not speak for others.

Anyone I know who has adopted a child loves their child just as much as any parent I know who gave birth.

ATHENA-NADINE SparkPoints: (20,812)
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5/2/13 6:29 P

My nephew was adopted. Two couples we are very close to have also adopted. One couple birthed one child then adopted a second because she has type 1 diabetes and pregnancy almost killed her. The other adopted both of their children. All would vehemently disagree with the notion that they can't love those children as much as children they birthed. And we all love all of those children as much as all the other children in our extended families. They are no different and no less worthy of love than my own children.

DIDS70 Posts: 5,368
5/2/13 5:51 P

Three of my second cousins are adopted. I love her as if she was a blood relation. The family loves them as their own. They were able to have one child of their own and never loved her more or less than the other three.
Adoption is really my only option if I choose to have kids.

SWEETSUGAR7 Posts: 2,450
5/2/13 5:40 P

I would not talk about it again with these 2 people. Find something else to talk about or change the subject. You are not on common ground and they don't have there own personal experience. They really need to drop it and talk about other important things.
I am sure you can find other people that understand and or experience adoption or foster care.
It is nice that you had a relationship with this girl as if she was your own. Plus seeing her mom as a total mess who couldn't help not be there for her. It sad that people are so messed up and bring a child in the world and they cannot barely take care of there self's. When someone that has the time and the care and money to make a better life for a child. I think it is awesome that people that are out there to foster or adopt. I would think if you are in your right mind and want to truly love a child and give them a better life you will love them as your own. No matter how much you go through as they grow up. If it was your own child you would be going through ups and downs.
I wouldn't worry about anything and just keep the conversations light.

ADARKARA Posts: 2,272
5/2/13 2:28 P

I am an adoptee, and while I can't speak for mothers loving an adopted child, I can speak for fathers. My adopted father loved me like I was his own child. You're right, it all depends on the individual. My adoptive mother didn't know how to love herself, let alone anyone else.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/2/13 1:29 P

You're quite welcome. I'm glad you thought so. It helps that I actually had time to think about it. I can't say as I would have had such a reply right on scene. I am queen of the sloooowp (as opposed to quip).

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
5/2/13 1:23 P

Thank you Glitterfairy, that was a great reply from start to finish. :)

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/2/13 1:16 P

Two of my younger second cousins would like to strongly disagree with that notion. My cousin and his wife adopted them as babies.
I cared for my stepkids as my own for several MONTHS, and when they chose to go back to their mother, it was like my own kids just up and left me. I was so distraught/devastated that I put myself on an herbal anti-depressant (St. John's Wort) for about two months, and also took two weeks off from my classes. I guess it all depends on how strong a maternal instinct someone has.
They just voiced an opinion. They should just say that they don't think they can do it, personally. There are TOO many children that are in desperate need of a loving family, either because their mother could not take care of them through no fault of her own, or whatever the reason. Thank GOD not everyone feels that way.
And for those of us who are Christians-thank God that GOD doesn't feel that way!

(Galatians 4:4-7 But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. Thus we have been set free to experience our rightful heritage. You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, “Papa! Father!” Doesn't that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you’re also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance."

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
5/2/13 12:58 P

I have had the same conversation with two different woman (both relatives) that leave me with a bad feeling. I like the honesty that they could not do this, but who are they to speak for others saying adoption is good but you know other mothers could never love that child as their own. Now I cannot say too much since I have not adopted a child but I think that is sooo wrong., I feel that I could love a child that I took on as my own the same as a birthing child. I think many have although I do not know someone personally who has adopted a child. I loved this little girl I used to take care of while her mom was a mess on drugs. I can remember how I felt about her and it was the same as I felt about my girls at that age. I always had her and I adored her ,and even though she is not in my life I think of her all the time. I think some can love an adopted child as much as a child they birthed. Why do they feel the need to even talk about such a thing if they see a difference in love, isn't that an issue they should avoid. They started the conversation and really it has no significance to either one of us, it just makes me mad how they think they can speak for others.

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