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JOHNNYSGIRL668 SparkPoints: (573)
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9/20/13 8:39 A

"No. Dinner Name Weight KJ Cals Protein Fat SatFat Carbs Sugars Fibre Sodium
1 Spaghetti Bolognaise 435 1753 419 27.3 6.5 2.3 59.8 10.4 4.8 845 "

EEeks. That amount of carbs, at least for me as a diabetic, is way to high for a meal.

I know what you mean about gaining when you are eating right. I could gain weight (1/2-3/4 lb) when I dropped in to "starvation mode". A l-o-n-g time ago, I did an 800 cal./day diet. For the first month or two I did great. Lost lots of weight, and suddenly, with no change in cals or type of food I was eating, I started gaining. Slowly at first, 0.2 lbs.... 0.4 lbs... 0.8 lbs. Talk about frustrating and deflating.

It's taken me years to realize that stress can do a lot to my diet. If I'm stressed out about something, I can eat a salad every meal, and gain 0.2 lbs. It's weird... it's not medically possible... and yet, not only is my scale affected by my mood, but so are my blood sugars. Most people assumed I was "cheating" on my diets. I wasn't. My mood swung, and so did everything else in my system.

Don't sweat the little things. Try not to even focus on losing numbers on the scale, at first. Watch those jeans! They are a better indicator than some stupid piece of machinery. And yes, dang water weight is another culprit. Have your doctor check you for edema. I have it, and when my body retains water, my ankles look like tennis balls and I can barely make a fist. And yes, I can guarantee my weight will be up on those days.

Good luck, but please don't give up.

JENNILACEY SparkPoints: (81,933)
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9/20/13 7:11 A

2 weeks in would not put you into starvation mode. Starvation mode occurs after a *prolonged* extreme calorie deficit.

Gaining weight is not a sign of starvation mode. It is a sign of weight fluctuations. Which is normal and we all experience it. Weight is not a static number. Knowing this does not always negate the feelings of frustrations but as others have already pointed out, it does not reflect on your efforts.

1200 cals for someone your size who exercises *could* over time cause your body to think it is starving. It happened to me on an intake of 1400 cals. I believe we spoke before and I wonder if our conversation was misunderstood and caused you undue alarm. I apologize, I probably gave you far too much information to digest! It is *unlikely* you would be in starvation mode after eating this intake for 2 weeks. I believe I said that if you are struggling to eat more than this that your body is beginning to adapt to this low calorie intake and that can be a sign of your metabolism slowing down. That continuing on this intake would likely cause repercussions and work against your weight loss in the long run.

I would not recommend adding more calories in the form of nutritionally devoid food. The idea is to give your body *more nutrition*, not just more calories. Increase your intake of healthy foods. Healthy fats are the easiest way to increase your calorie intake without filling too full, like a serving of nuts, some avocado on a salad, some olive oil. Increase *slowly* and watch the scale.

You can read this article for a better understanding of what starvation mode is. I was concerned that if you continue on this low of a calorie intake that it could very well put you at risk for starvation mode.

Edited by: JENNILACEY at: 9/20/2013 (07:35)
ALORTA SparkPoints: (7,363)
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9/20/13 1:37 A

honestly hun,
I think what you see is normal.
You're working out, thus keeping water; like I said earlier, you might also be in that phase of the menstral cycle that retains water, making it more pronounced.
Its water, not fat.
Also, you may have weighed yourself on a day you held a lot of water. I weigh myself daily, and sometimes I shoot up a kilo overnight (hell, I shoot up 2kg if I weigh myself pre and post workout since I can chug a good 1.5L bottle in an hour). That scared me at first (which is also why daily measuring isn't what I'd recommend you do, just wanted to show you how easily our 'weight' fluctuates).
Do you weigh yourself at the same time each time? Make sure you weigh yourself systematically (first thing in the morning, post morning bathroom is my bit). No matter when you do it, you gotta *only* do it then (at least for it to count).

Another thing that will help; buy yourself a tape measure; measure yourself. I know the numbers are scary... I gained 10kg back due to summer at home with family that has eating habits that made it too tempting to stick to my diet; I also gained centimeters all around (waist, hips, thighs)... and it is painful to see high numbers... BUT I remember how good it felt to see that tape read a centimeter or two less between checks (monthly). That will help you too.
And yes, its a process. It will take a long time. DON'T GIVE UP!
It's worth it ^_^

KENDILYNN SparkPoints: (22,924)
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9/19/13 8:13 P

Great news about the jeans! It just reinforces that the scale isn't the only (or the best) measurement of progress. Keep at it and the scale will eventually catch up.

Yes, that's the nutrition info I was talking about. Try picking a few days this week, put the numbers for everything you have that day in columns and add up the calories, protein, fat, carbs (plus fiber and sodium for good measure). You can use the Sparks food tracker to get the info for additional things like salad. Don't forget to measure and account for salad dressing as well. Then compare it to the numbers Spark gives on your nutrition page. If it's in range, great! But this will show you where you could add calories/snacks and be filling your nutritional requirements at the same time.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
9/19/13 7:44 P

"I still find it hard to believe I lose size while gaining?"

It happens!!! In any given week, I seem to do one thing or the other. I either:
a) lose lots! but seem to be about the same dimensions
b) lose little/nothing/gain, but seem to be smaller

It just. Goes like that.

Now for those prepackaged meals. Those are probably really handy for you right now, so you can get in the habit of eating these smaller portions/balanced nutritious meals without having to spend a lot of time cooking, researching calorie counts and grams of protein and all that. But I would encourage you to spend some time learning about good nutrition. You don't have to learn everything overnight. But. Day by day, try to increase your knowledge. Read recipes. Check package labels. Read the many articles on Spark. Learn how to put together a balanced menu without having to rely on the packaged foods.

Why? Well, because if you want to not only lose the weight but keep it off, and you don't want to rely on the box meals forever? At some point you have to learn to do it on your own. Otherwise, as soon as you stop with the packaged meals, you'll go back to "what you know" - which is your old eating habits. So yes, use the package meals for now, but, with the plan in mind to learn how to do it yourself. (side note: doing it yourself saves a whack of $$$, too. They charge a LOT for prepackaged "balanced meals" and it really isn't that hard to learn how to do it yourself. It just takes a little time and learning.)

SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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9/19/13 7:21 P

No. Dinner Name Weight KJ Cals Protein Fat SatFat Carbs Sugars Fibre Sodium

8 Hearty Beef Casserole 500 1546 370 41.9 9.8 4.5 24.3 8.2 8 893

18 Roast Chicken (now with breast) 505 1655 396 38.6 4.9 1.5 45.2 8.4 10 818

That's a couple more examples of meals I ordered for dinners. I cant find breakky and lunch but I am sure if I looked hard enough I would find it.

SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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Posts: 18
9/19/13 7:18 P

Is this the info you mean?

Dinner tonight
No. Dinner Name Weight KJ Cals Protein Fat SatFat Carbs Sugars Fibre Sodium
1 Spaghetti Bolognaise 435 1753 419 27.3 6.5 2.3 59.8 10.4 4.8 845

SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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9/19/13 7:11 P

I love cheese, tuna and salad, so if I need more I will get it from there...

I may have had a mini (off the scale win)

Today I tried on the jeans that I wore last week. They are is 22 (actually 24 as I bought from plus sized store so everything is labelled down a size when its really the next size up) Anywho, They are higher rise (bellybutton) and last time I wore them, although not super tight they sunk into my bellybutton and made a groove shape with my clothing...

Today they fell down twice (Just while I took my daughter to school and cannot hug my curves...

I still find it hard to believe I lose size while gaining?

KENDILYNN SparkPoints: (22,924)
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9/19/13 7:10 P

If the nutritional info isn't listed on the packaging, I would call the company and request it. I mean, how do you know that what they're giving you is 1200 calories if you don't know what is in it? Also, it would be really helpful in learning how to balance it all out for when you eventually try to go it alone. If you've entered all your info (height, weight, weight loss goal, time to reach goal, calories burned per week) Spark will automatically give you ranges for how many grams of protein/carbs/fat you should be getting, so just look at the two side-by-side.

Spark People had a ton of resources from the most basic "what is a calorie?" to how to find what macro nutrient balance is right for you. It makes it really easy to educate yourself, no matter where you are starting. I'm no expert myself, just self-educated and constantly learning. Best of luck.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
9/19/13 6:36 P

I do agree with KENDILYNN, if you think you need more calories - make it from nutritious foods and not cookies. A good guide to follow is "go for protein" - cheese, yogurt, hard boiled egg, tuna salad, stuff like that? And avoid the sugary starchy stuff like cookies, candy pastries and white bread. If you need something sweet, go for fruit.

SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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9/19/13 6:31 P

Woah sorry KENDILYNN but if I am being honest all that flies way over my head. I am used to things like "Oh I didn't get fried chips today - good one me...

Not the whole little other things...

My food comes with fresh salads and vegs etc....

Not sure what it works out to but portions were really interesting... tiny pieces of meat lots of veg...

Heaps of salad with little or no cheese lol..

All new to me so I cant help you with any of the above :(

I know my diet is supposed to be complete, within the healthy guidelines for salt and with all my meals and snakc each day it comes in at 1200calories.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
9/19/13 6:29 P

Yes, it IS damn hard weighing that much. I felt awful! Not just the psychological pain of "omg i weigh 245#" but the physical discomfort, the limitations it put on my ability to do the simplest things...

I commend you for doing the exercise. I have to be honest and say, I did not start off my journey with exercise... mostly because I just physically couldn't hack it... when I started, I was having difficulty climbing one flight of stairs. I was having trouble doing the grocery shopping or walking through the mall. Zumba? HA! I'd have lasted 18 seconds or less. So good on you for doing it! I think if you CAN do it and you LIKE doing it you SHOULD do it. The water-weight it might create is a temporary thing.... it messes up The Scale Reading but who cares about the scale reading? You are doing this to get healthy, so that you can enjoy life without the burden of the excess weight that deprives us of some very simple pleasures of living.

My spouse also has lost a lot of weight, he seems to lose in a different pattern than me. I lose kind of steadily... 1 pound, 2 pounds, 1 pound, half pound, 1 pound, 1.5 pound... my spouse on the other hand will lose 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 7!!!! Now on the weeks where he "loses 7" and i lose 1? I'm like omggg how unfair! You lose SEVEN pounds in a week? It takes me 6 weeks to do that. And he's like... yeah it took me six weeks also..... five weeks of 0!!!

But see, in the end, it all works out. Our bodies are unpredictable. The best you can do is be consistent with your efforts, and trust that everything will average out and "be rewarded" over the longer term.

KENDILYNN SparkPoints: (22,924)
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9/19/13 6:27 P

Adding cookies to up your calories sounds like a really bad idea. Does your food delivery company provide you with nutritional information on what you're eating? I would compare that to what Spark People suggests for your macro nutrient goals, and choose to add something healthy that will help you round out your nutrition. My guess is, at 1200 calories your delivered food probably doesn't meet all of Sparks minimum recommendations for protein or fat. So you can add something to fill that particular gap. It also wouldn't hurt to add fresh fruit and veg on top of what comes with your prepared meals.

Edited to add: Okay, I just saw your most recent post. If we're talking about .2 kilos, you're not talking about weight gain. That's the difference of having drank half a glass of water before you weighed in, a very minor fluctuation. Though I do get your frustration with not having *lost* any weight, please for your sanity do not get into nitpicking over a few grams of weight loss/gain. That's the quickest way to drive yourself crazy!!

Edited by: KENDILYNN at: 9/19/2013 (18:40)
SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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9/19/13 6:16 P


I weighed in at the doctors on Day one at 108.7kg 06/09/13. I left her doctors surgery (day 1 of lite n easy) bought my ab circle pro and zumba (Which arrived this week - so only had ab circle and walking for week one)..

I started out doing ab circle (it says 3 minutes a day) so for 2 minutes at a time 4 times a day, and walking 205km each night.

The first 2 days on lite n easy I was starrrrving!!! I drank lots of water maybe 4liters a day.

Week 1 weigh in 13/09/13 was 104kg neat. A massive loss of 4.7kg...

That was it, I had my motivation. I was running up my stairs all the time. On the ab circle non stop. Doing umba all the times the kids slept... I had the motivation to control my hunger. I didn't feel starving anymore. I felt full until meal times... Water level down to about 2 litres per day. (I did get my monthlies)... but I worked out hours and ours (Which is normal for most of you, but something I was so proud of myself for).... I found I could now jog for an extended time vs. walk. I was not tired. I felt like I was getting somewhwere...

Weigh in today 20/09/13 104.2kg

I am still following my diet. Sometimes I dont eat it all so I would say 1000-1200calories per day.

I think I should be able to maintain this diet. Ive already changed my whole families diet to healthy food and better ratio portions for when I am ready to come back (thinking mid next year)...

I may be seeming insane, but I thought that in 6 months I could have been a huge step forward and now I do not see that??

I honestly do not understand how with probably only having an intake of about 500-700 calories a day (After exercise) that I could gain 200g.

Not a lot but enough to put my down. (p.s. monthlies are over so I assume that water weight is gone)

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
9/19/13 6:12 P

I know, it's super-overwhelming at first... take a look at my start weight and you'll see that I totally "feel your pain"... it is hard to think "oh my gosh i need to lose 50, 100#... at a pound a week that will be 1, 2 YEARS!" It is absolutely overwhelming. So don't focus on that. For many months, my ticker did not show my start weight. I set it up to show "pounds lost" and i set my end goal at 46#... (which would put me under 200... which was a goal I reaalllllyyy wanted to achieve as quickly as possible). 46# seemed a lot more "reachable" than 100. So that's where i set my "end line."

What I quickly learned was - I didn't have to lose the full 100#, nor even the full 46# partway-goal, to start feeling really good. Just making the positive changes - eating better, moving more, taking care of ME... these things feel great! Do it to feel great! And the weight/scale will fall in line. Just give it a bit more time. I know that we languish and do nothing about our weight for loooong periods of time until finally something snaps and BAM! Now i want to do something about it! And i want it gone! All of it! Now! And it just doesn't happen that way... it takes time... it's a journey and a process... do not get discouraged...!

That said, I will agree with a previous poster, that you probably could eat a bit more, without it impacting your overall weight loss... It can be really difficult to adjust to 1200 calories when you're used to eating 3000... if "cold turkey, starting today, 1200 calories!" isn't working for you, try a gentler approach.

I'll also say that it is a really good idea to try and use FOOD THAT YOU LIKE as part of your "weight loss strategy." If i had to eat crummy unsatisfying un-tasty packets of prescribed food, I would want to chuck it all after a few days, too! Life is too short to eat things that are awful. My approach has always been to eat things i find delicious... just in more moderate amounts. Now, some things I've decided have no place in my life at all anymore, even if they are technically "delicious" - but instead of replacing those things with Diet Food, I just found other foods-that-i-like-that-just-so-happen-to-b
e-nutritionally-reasonable. If you can't stand the food you're eating, the process becomes much more difficult than it needs to be! Just a tip from the trenches, something to keep in mind :)

SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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9/19/13 6:06 P

Bunnykicks. Should I give it a few more weeks with exercise or without?

I really felt so motivated, and haven't eaten ANY junk. I am eating so many more healthy foods then ever before and NOTHING bad in any way shape or form.

I even watch as my hubby might get himself a pizza or a hamburger and I just wait till I get home for my healthy food. I don't even crave or want the same food anymore as I did initially.

I just felt gutted that I could work so very hard and get further behind.

I'ts heartbreaking because I have so much going on in my life at the moment that akes most days a struggle. So took the step and though "Well instead of controlling my diet by eating comfort foods, I will control my diet to lose weight"...

And to be honest, yes, yes I would have given up for two months. I couldn't bear to lose nothing, It would have pulled me further down...

I have decided to be brutally honest with myself since this new plan to lose.

But its gutting when I get advice from one doctor when I ask to lose weight who said "go on a milkshake diet, 3 minkshakes per day (breakfast lunch and tea) for 6 months and you should reach your goal weight, then when you get back to about 65kg when eating food, go back to it until you are 55kg again"

Then to get another who says "1200calories and zumba"...

So I joined lite n easy, bought zumba, did zumba, bought an ab circle pro, do the ab circle pro, call up friends to go walking, and walk and walk and walk (and now even jog)...

To gain weight.

It just seems like I am going in the opposite direction. Like I was ggaining when I was eating the food I like why would I eat the food (I am now used to) but that don't comfort me the way the others did... I loved my big sunday night roast, and potato bake... I love slow cooked stews etc...

All things I don't eat now and changed for fresh fruit and veg ad tiny portions of meat.

Its hard, and I want to keep going. I just want to know I will lose weight.

Because its so damn hard weighing this much.

ALORTA SparkPoints: (7,363)
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Posts: 310
9/19/13 5:57 P

First thing's first...
I don't think starvation mode is what's happening...if you're in starvation mode, you aren't *gaining* weight... your weight loss just suddenly seems to stall and stop. Also, it takes a long time to develop, not a few weeks.
Couple Q's;
1) What's your starting weight?
2) When did you start doing all this (when did you start the diet, when did you start the zumba, etc)?
3) What do you mean by 'gained' (are we talking kilo's or 0.__kg, etc), and over what period of time?

I ask this because of several factors; one, like I said, starvation mode starts after a while, and is usually preceded by quite segnificant weight loss in the period when the body has not yet switched but you are at a defecit. If you are just not seing results, that's not the same.

Also, weight shifts, the scale goes up and down due to how much salt you ate, how much water you drank, what part of your cycle you're in ( I usually gain a couple kilo for a week a month; our bodies retain water as part of the normal menstral cycle), etc. Water weighs a LOT.

If the exercise is recent (which by your post I assume it is), that will also make you retain water for a while (someone told me she didn't see a shift on the scale for about a month when she started working out).

That being said, 1200 for someone over 100kg (it would be nice to know the actual numbers) is LOW. That does NOT, however, mean you should eat cookies... that's just wasted calories. Eat things that will help you develop habits to get off the delivery diet and just control yourself.
Here is a link to a calculator; this can tell you what your BMR is, and the calories you should be at to lose weight at your specific

Spark People uses something very similar to make your ranges, but this way you can play with the stuff and see the things SP automaticly does for you.

I never liked the pre packaged diet delivery things, but if that's what you need to control your portions, so be it. Just realize its a crutch that you WILL eventually have to learn to live without. .. that or go bankrupt on their meals.

[side Q; did you pick the 1200 diet or did they send it to you? As I said, that's low, but I could see them do something like that in hopes that you drop a lot, fast, then praise their company before you can't keep it up]

SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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9/19/13 5:56 P

Thank you!

I don't know if I am adding right but I am maybe 230pounds?

I have indeed just started exercising - I went from sitting and playing with abbies all day to constant exercise (Well now its over and hour a day on top of my already hectic day.)

I am fine on 1200calories. Not hungry and finding the food delicious. But I do miss a lot of my other foods.

I believe my salt intake is fine as they make every meal for me and do it within healthy guidelines.

I don't know I just assumed I would feel motivated after getting on the scales.

I honestly thought about not exercising anymore to see if I would lose because I would ave more left over calories.

Ahhh its all new to me and so hard to learn about. I think the maintain my weight ineed like 2227calories a day and I am eating over 1000 less... So assumed I would lose.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
9/19/13 5:52 P

"I am not working this hard for no results for 2 months when I weigh over 100kg!!"


Ok. So what's the alternative? Just carry on doing the things that caused you to reach 100kg? You know where that will lead, right? You won't stay 100kg forever... you'll GAIN. You'll say to yourself "fine, if i can't lose, then i'll learn to just be happy at 100kg!" and you'll change nothing and you'll suddenly be 101kg. Then 102. Then 110. And you'll be back here eventually going "WOW how did i get to be 110kg! I sure wish I'd done something about this while I was only 100!"

You aren't even in starvation mode. Starvation mode occurs after SEVERELY restricting your food for an EXTENDED period of time. And starvation mode never ever causes you to GAIN weight - it just slows down how quickly you lose it. It's an adjustment to your metabolism, when your body perceives "famine conditions! conserve energy! conserve!" This is why it is often suggested not to eat too little or try and lose too fast. If you train your body to survive on 1000 calories, it might well take a few weeks to train your body to get used to eating 1200 or 1500 or 1800 or 2000 without gaining. That's the "2 month adjustment" you might expect to endure if you were in starvation mode - which you cannot possibly be in. Starvation mode doesn't just click on overnight or over a few days. It's a slow shift in your metabolism resulting from the stress of undereating over a prolonged period.

So why did you "gain"? After doing everything right? Well - the big culprit is water. Our weight fluctuates constantly up and down, by up to 5# (for some people, even more) over the course of 24 hours! So you can be busily losing fat... and your loss gets hidden by water. Particularly when you pick up a new exercise routine, your muscles retain a bit of extra water for a little while. IGNORE the scale, you cannot tie your feeling of success to the number on it, water fluctuations make short-term-scale-readings about the most unhelpful gauge of success possible!

Instead, gauge your success on how much fresh fruit and veg you ate, how few junk-food-snacks you consumed, how well hydrated you kept yourself, how many exercise sessions you performed, how closely you matched your calories fat protein and carbs to your suggested ranges.

And my goodness give it more than a couple weeks!

RENATARUNS SparkPoints: (4,367)
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Posts: 1,379
9/19/13 5:46 P

Two weeks in? While I would say you probably would be better off with several hundred more calories than what you're trying to stick to (given similar exercise I was eating probably 1600-1700 most days and I started at "only" 190! And I lost about 1.5 pounds per week) starvation mode probably isn't the right term to use. I'm assuming the exercise you're doing is something you also just started a couple of weeks ago (or greatly increased in duration/intensity, anyway). That very, very often results in an increase in water storage in your muscles, anywhere from one to several pounds worth. (It will go away eventually, but if you're prone to have it happen, you'll probably see it again after any particularly intense workout. Don't worry, it's not at all a bad thing, it's your muscles trying to work better.) You may also find that your weight goes up a pound or two (or three, or four) at a given time every month, or after you eat salty food, or for any of several other reasons. Lots of us weigh 2-3 pounds more in the afternoon than we do in the morning. And do you know a single large glass of water weighs over a pound?

Basically, you're only two weeks in, so even if everything is going exactly to plan and you've lost four pounds of fat weight during that time, that loss could easily be masked by water gain. And that's probably exactly what is going on. So don't panic! :)

As for the calories, see if you can enter your current information into sparkpeople, including the approximate amounnt of exercise you're doing, and see what it says for suggested intake. Most likely you'll get 1200-1550 for a suggested range, but you may get higher than that, especially if exercising a truly great deal or if you put in that you want to lose only one pound per week. (I did that, got a higher range, actually ate in that higher range, and then lost well over a pound a week, after all the fluctuations. Go figure.) Bottom line, though, the range is a range for a reason, and there's probably no need for you or just about anyone to actually stick to the rock bottom 1200 calorie end of it all the time. It may just make things harder than they need to be, starvation mode or no.

Good luck!

SRAINES91 SparkPoints: (76)
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9/19/13 5:29 P

This is going to sound weird, but after advice I was given here by friends and I have come to understand my body has gone into starvation mode.

I am currently doing the lite n' easy 1200cal diet (They deliver all my meals to me)...

Anyway I am over 100kg and have gained weight this weeks and I have ben walking many km and doing lots of zumba and ab circle pro...

So starvation mode it must be? right? to gain weight after a whole week while weighing so much?

I've heard to stop this I need to add more calories...

Can I just add cookies? I get all my veg etc from them. I otherwise have no idea what to add.

I have to be honest. This is a killer for me... 2 weeks in and I expected to be excited. Todays weigh in has left me depressed and really pinged off as I have exercised my (not so) little butt off for NO results.

I thought I would be ok with it. BUT I AM NOT!!! I am paying $150 a week for my food (Then I still buy fod for the other 4 members of my family)... I bought zumba and my ab circle pro... I do those daily.... I also go walking with my friend at night ranging from 2-5km depending on how my hubby is coping with the kids at night...

I just cant stay motivated if my body wont reward me...

Also can I even get fitter while gaining weight? God I want to cry.... hours of effort, hundreds of dollars, no chating and eating well RUINED :(

I am actually gutted especially when I read it takes 2 months to get out of starvation mode.

If that's true, I best log out and not come back. No point continuing. I am not working this hard for no results for 2 months when I weigh over 100kg!!

If I was closer to my goal weight SURE!!! I would deal... But when I want to lose 50kg and GAIN WEIIGHT - but that's kind of a deal breaker...

Just ready to cry!! Sorry this turned into a vent... But I will give up if 2 months is true. I had dreams and they have all come crashing down!!

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