I have four kids ages 11-16. I'll admit right up front that we are pretty strict in my house. Disrespect is never allowed! That means words, body language, and tone of voice. None of my kids have ever said they hate us. I hear "that's not fair" or "uhhhhh" at times, but that's about it.
My kids also know I mean what I say and I don't just do lip service, I MOVE! When they were little, I'd count to 3. They knew that at 2, I'd start moving. I still back up what I say with my actions. They also knew that consequences came after actions; good or bad.
You're child is testing you. Walk the walk if you're going to talk the talk and all will be fine.
Good luck and enjoy her now. All too soon, she'll be looking at colleges!