I have four kids ages 11-16. I'll admit right up front that we are pretty strict in my house. Disrespect is never allowed! That means words, body language, and tone of voice. None of my kids have ever said they hate us. I hear "that's not fair" or "uhhhhh" at times, but that's about it.
My kids also know I mean what I say and I don't just do lip service, I MOVE! When they were little, I'd count to 3. They knew that at 2, I'd start moving. I still back up what I say with my actions. They also knew that consequences came after actions; good or bad.
You're child is testing you. Walk the walk if you're going to talk the talk and all will be fine. Good luck and enjoy her now. All too soon, she'll be looking at colleges!
I get "I hate you" from my 7yo son when something doesn't go his way. I simply respond with "I know you are angry about (whatever it is) but I love you."
He has always been a more difficult child who is easily frustrated and has angry outbursts. We've been on this road for about two years, and after ruling out some possible causes, we now have him seeing a behavior therapist and we believe we are close to a diagnosis of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder.) Who knew- we certainly had no idea. But now we'll have the tools to deal with his frustration more easily.
Every child is going to test their parents at some point. It is when you notice a trend that it's time to nip it early, whether through your own discipline or with professional help. This parenting thing sure isn't easy!
i am going through this too with my 7 yr old, not as bad, she hasnt really called me any names, but oh she so likes to push my buttons, by not listening to me, we go through this everyday.
i am guilty of being one of those parents who don't always follow through with their threats, so i got work on that one.
good luck, i heard the teenagers years are worse :P
Fitness Minutes: (13,910)
998 6/11/11 8:57 P
What you did sounds perfect to me. I am not a parent but I have worked with this age group for several years and have met hundreds, if not thousands, of 7-year-olds. I think the most important thing for you to do while she is testing the boundaries of your temper is to be consistent with what you tell her is and is not acceptable and what you will do to punish her. I hear lots of parents give their kids empty threats, and you and I both know that kids are smart enough to know when their parents aren't serious. I think you'll make it through this phase just fine!
Thanks for your advice. I ahve spent some time with her talking and explaining why i ask her to behave in particular ways and that she needs to learn to respect. The 'kind response' definatly works and helps aher cool down and i am learning not to let her push my buttons, because i think she is testing how quickly she can make me loose my temper. Things have been good since that last episode.
Fitness Minutes: (0)
1 6/10/11 10:05 A
My own daughter is almost seven and I've talked wiht a lot of her friends' parents and we are all in the same boat. They are just testing us right now & experimenting with finding their own space. Its really frustrating but I try to address it when it happens and remind her (gently) that I treat her with respect and she is to treat me with respect. I don't tolerate her speaking ugly to me or anyone in the family but try to keep my response kind to avoid escalating the drama. Good luck. I've heard that we'll all come out in one piece on the other side of this (in about 10 years!!)
Fitness Minutes: (11,755)
690 6/10/11 12:53 A
Your daughter should give you respect at age 7. If not you should let her know the rules are going to change and hold to them. If you don't get a hard handle on her quick your asking for trouble down the road. If she can get away with that, things will just get worse for the both of you. Let her know you love her but you will NOT tolerate this behavior any more. You are the one that needs to step up to the plate. It sometimes is hard but it must be done. Best of luck.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.