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JMADDUX SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 12
4/23/11 8:03 P

Our daughters knew they had a few choices: Go to college, get a job or join the military.

There are no free rides in life and we wanted them to be aware that each path has advantages. By going to college, they will hopefully be prepared for a career to support themselves so this was definitely the preferred option.

Have you talked to your son about what he wants to do? Does he realize living at home for free isn't something that can go on indefinitely?

MR_ZAC SparkPoints: (2,102)
Fitness Minutes: (5,142)
Posts: 11
4/22/11 8:19 P

If you don't want to kick them out if they still refuse to get a job how about taking away all the amenities they are getting for free at home. You can still provide needs like food and a bed but what's wrong with taking away everything they don't need? They don't need any time on a computer or to watch your tv, or electricity in their bedrooms right? Maybe you could lock them out from 9-5 to help motivate them to get a job?

I was very motivated to move out of my mom's house but my younger brother wasn't. He didn't mind handouts so he felt like he was living the dream. If our mom's house had been a little less comfy I'm guessing he would have had a little more motivation to get his own place. Providing for himself had to be more appealing than living off of his parents for him to make the move.

Keep in mind that I don't have a teen so I'm just throwing out ideas. Feel free to discard them. ;)

LUVS2WIN67 Posts: 1,060
4/20/11 3:46 P

We made our kids have part time jobs by the time they were 16. My oldest two worked at McDonald's till they got a full time job. The younger two are working part time and one plans on going to university and the other to college.
They knew the rule from the time they started working, if you're not in school, you will be paying board. I would never put them out on the street unless that was a last resort...some need that push to wake up to reality.
Good luck to you all.

B-MIAMI SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,035)
Posts: 22
4/15/11 3:55 P

maybe get him to pay rent and set strict rules and tell him he can move out if he doesnt like living there. if he gets a job less rules ect... maybe a little scare will shake him up. ;)

GLITTER282000 Posts: 285
4/12/11 9:03 A

We have a 20 year old that gets 10 hours a week working at fast food. We've told her and told her that she needs to really look and look hard for another job. But she'd rather sit at home on facebook all day. She's made a couple of halfway attemps at finding something better....but that's all they were...halfway attempts.

I'm sorry, but there ARE jobs out there for the taking. It may not be what you want to do, it may not be fun....but you do what you've got to do. She can't make ends meet, but yet every suggestion we give her is met with lukewarm enthusiasm.

In my opinion, if she REALLY wanted a job she'd be out there every single day looking until she found one. That's what I did, that's what my husband did, that's what my mother search for a job every waking moment until you find one. There's no excuse for our daughter not to find something...we have TONS of businesses within 1/2 hours drive from where we live.

I don't have any advice....but at some point you may have to put your foot down. We have FOUR we've been dealing with crap and have crap still to deal with for a while. LOL

Best of luck.

SLIM135 Posts: 1,582
4/11/11 6:32 P


3/27/11 10:36 P

I told one of mine to find a job and start to pay rent (which we saved for him) or move out. He needs to apply for everything including applying at temp. agencies. He might start as a dishwasher, but he'll eventually move up. I've seen it with many kids. You also need to ask everyone EVERYONE you know or meet if they know of anyone who is hiring. I picked up two jobs this way for one of my own, and have also picked up a few jobs for friends whose kids were unemployed. Ask the dentist, the convenience store clerk, he librarian, the people you greet after church and the bus driver. Somebody has seen a "Help wanted" sign or knows someone who needs help. Best wishes to your son and give him an ultimatum. If he moves out, don't feel badly, you're teaching him to be a man. If my older kids can find jobs in this economically depressed region, your son can find a job.

KDESOTO2011 Posts: 5
3/27/11 10:45 A

I've had issues my daughter at this age too. It's hard, hang in there, believe in them and help them and it will get better! It would have loved it if she would have cleaned the house for the person who posted her son did that!

DIVA14K Posts: 1,218
3/20/11 8:00 P

I have the same problem. My son is now 20. He applies for lots of jobs and sometimes gets interviews but never the job. He has been looking for over a year. he applies but is terrible at following up. I always have to remind him and I am tired of following up on a 20 year old. I want to try tough love and put him out but it's so dangerous where I'm at I'm scared I may lose him.

DENA1030 Posts: 376
3/19/11 10:54 P

Mine didn't want to go to school, didn't show up for the job interview I handed her, and only wanted to hang out with her friends. I gave her a month to do something and when that didn't happen kicked her out. Amazingly enough she got a job within a few weeks. It wasn't easy or even pretty but it was what was best for her. They'll be mad for awhile but when they realize what you did for them they'll be grateful. I did it too when I was 19. I say all the time that the best thing my Mom ever did was kick me out.

2/28/11 7:59 P

I have a 19yo who works and goes to school and pays for his classes. May I also add he is on the Dean's list. I can't complain.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 23,751
2/27/11 5:04 P

"I gave my kids three choices: work and pay rent, go to school, or move out. "
Sounds reasonable to me!

RUNANDRUN SparkPoints: (45,952)
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Posts: 2,703
2/27/11 4:46 P

I gave my kids three choices: work and pay rent, go to school, or move out. This is a tough age if they don't know what they want to be or what they want to do. It gets real easy to get stuck in a rut and be in the same place years, so don't be an enabler.

SPARKGMAV SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (705)
Posts: 7
2/27/11 12:18 P

I am so with everyone here, I have a 19yr old that seems to like to just be my housemaid, he does a great job and has no interest to go and find a job he seems content to keep the house clean, laundry done, and have supper ready as I walk through the door, I have repeatly turned him to jobs, even drove him to the front door to complete the aplication. NOthing, I am really at a breaking point. I know there are not many openings but you would think one phone call would come after a year.

2/26/11 2:11 P

To be fair, nobody IS hiring, especially for people with few qualifications. People with PhDs are waiting tables.
And even if he doesn't try, it's probably (in part) because he doesn't think it will pay off. And he may not be wrong.

I think there are three things you can do:
1) Start giving him an incentive to find a job. Tell him (with plenty of notice ahead of time) that on x date, you'll cut him off from (car use, health insurance, free living space....). Do one thing at a time so that he can adapt.
2) Help him find resources. Going out on the street and handing out resumes will only get you so far. Ask him if he's interested in school (and help him with that process, if he is). Bring him to an employment center (not a temp agency - in Minnesota at least, we have what we call WorkForce Centers, set up by the state, to help people have better luck with job searches)
3) If you know people looking for jobs, tell him. (without being pushy, that won't help). And tell THEM that he's looking. Most people get jobs through people they know, and a lot of young people don't really know people! So hook him up :)

And have faith that he'll figure it out...nothing will slow him down more than thinking you think he's no good.

PRESHA811 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,801)
Posts: 573
2/22/11 9:07 P

Sounds like he could use a boost of self-confidence. Maybe you can help him a little in how to apply, where to apply, etc. If you try everything and it seems like you're working harder at this than he is, maybe it's time for a reality check - charge him rent or make him live on his own. He'll get motivated right quick I'm sure. :)

SLIM135 Posts: 1,582
2/22/11 5:16 P


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