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IMAPIRANAH SparkPoints: (0)
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6/12/12 4:00 P

Ask her if she feels the same way about you. If she does, then cool. But if she doesn't, then you will move on and find someone better You are 18 which is pretty young and once you start college there are a lot of women that I'm sure would love to be with you. Some of them might even be better than this one. Regardless, you shouldn't waste your time hoping that she likes you. You should find out and go from there. There is no point in dragging it on because it can hurt you in the long run.

6/11/12 3:44 P

i want to try to put this gently...ive never met you, nor this girl for that matter, but i was an 18 year old girl once. to her, you are the great friend who would always be there...and the guy she will turn to when she needs something. but nothing more...when a girl is 18, she likes to keep that guy around, just in case her other plans fall through...if you don't mind her being interested in you only when there is no one else for her to be with, then keep things up. you are the safe choice. and trust me, im not much older than you, but i think ive got a good grip on things...if you really care about this girl, and you dont mind waiting around for her, then by all means, go for it. but be prepared in knowing that 1.) she might find someone else before you get your chance; 2.) it might be YEARS before she gives you the opportunity to be together, and 3.) once you are with someone, no matter how long youve known them, or how good of friends you might be, once you are in a relationship with that person, things are never the good luck!

RISA87 SparkPoints: (6,700)
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6/10/12 11:22 A

I'm sorry to say this. However, you should let it go. I know it's hard to do. In the end, you made the offer, she declined. Women decline for many reasons, especially at that age. It can be something so silly- you will never really know why.

So many people see entering college, for the first year, as a time to meet new people and mingle. The last thing they want to do is be in a relationship when they start. (I know a good number of my friends, with semi long term relationships, broke up during the summer before college.) It isn't an easy transition. Maybe this girl can see that. Who knows.

I think it would be great to see your start at school as a new begining. You will meet so many different types of people to date. Enjoy your adventure!

DEANJR86 Posts: 126
5/2/12 7:15 P

Hey Bob, from a guy's perspective, I hate to say that it's probably best to go with the "friend card." I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but she's not at all ready yet. There may come a time when she opens up to the idea, but I would allow yourself to explore other options in the meantime.

FITGLAMGIRL Posts: 2,045
5/2/12 6:44 P

Bob you are 18. Those crushes will come and go, but it's clear she is not that into you. What choice do you have? You ask, what should I do? Well, what can you do? She is not interested in you more than a friend. Sorry, that happens everyday. We like someone and they don't like us back the same way. Just continue to be a good friend and open the door to allow other love interests in.

Who hasn't had a crush on somebody! We all just move through it and then look back and think what was I thinking.

TRUELOVE662010 Posts: 282
5/2/12 5:35 P

Bob - she's playing you. From a woman who used to be fickle, trust me, she's using you and every other guy she can. Now, let me give you some hope for your future. :)

I met my (now) fiance when I was 13 and he was 18. I was on a school trip to an amusement park 4 hrs from my home, and he worked in the arcade. I was a boisterous attention seeking band and fine arts nerd, he was a VERY overweight green haired freak with a great sense of humor. After talking to him for 5 minutes, I had a huge crush and he did too until he asked the crucial question - how old are you? (I figured he was 15 or so, he thought I was 18.) When he found out, he backed off and walked away.

15 years later we met randomly on a Catholic dating site, and again we lived about 4 hours away. After dating a few months we talked about things we had done and places we had been, because we both kept having a freaky feeling we'd met before. Turns out, we had.

You just never know who is right for you Bob. I am 29 now and I would tell you to wait wait wait. Most people I know who get married early (at least in the last 10 years or so) are divorced now or poor as hell because they never went to college, or the kids came and they had to quit or whatever. Go out, see the world, then worry about settling down. Best wishes Bob!

HAIRDOC1 SparkPoints: (7,390)
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5/2/12 2:57 P

Wow! This is tough. You need to just be a good friend. Maybe she doesn't really think about you that way or romantic way. I think that sometimes if you just be a good friend, it could happen later down the road if it is meant to be.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,043
5/2/12 2:33 P

Dude, she's just not into you!

So quit wasting your time dreaming about her and find someone who will love you back.

5/2/12 2:22 P

Listen to me: Move On (regardless of mine or anyone elses reasons), the message is consistant: MOVE ON.

CASSIEFLUTE SparkPoints: (0)
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5/2/12 1:54 P

Well first of all - don't believe KJ in saying it's because you're both in band. I'm in band in college, a year away from my Bachelor of Music and I really ONLY date other musicians, there's not a one-size-fits-all - especially in relationships.

Definitely go with the move on advise though. I'm in college, I don't date much - probably because I am overweight (one of the reasons I'm on this site is to get more dates) but the one boyfriend I did have dumped me because I was too busy. So if you're going into music, forget it, NOW, especially if you aren't going to the same school. Even if you aren't going into music, college is a time to have fun. Get out, meet new people.

If a girl likes you, you will know it. We have trouble hiding crushes at times, especially by our senior year. We are no longer hitting you and beating you up to tell you we like you, but now we blush whenever we make eye contact, giggle around you a lot, and lots of other things. Oh, not to mention, she didn't sit next to you on the band bus - BAD SIGN. If she wasn't even interested in a BTR (Band Trip Relationship), she's not going to be interested in an LTR (Long-term Relationship).

Sweety, you're 18. I was there only 4 years ago. You think you're an adult. You think you own the world. You think you understand love. In 4 years, I have changed A LOT. People who met me only 4 years ago notice the difference. People from high school wouldn't recognize the person I've become. I imagine you both will change too. In 4 short years, you probably won't have any interest in her any more. Let her go, let yourself grow, and let yourself loose. Have a safe amount of fun in college, with and without girls.

5/2/12 1:36 P

@Eric: nah, I'm spot on, trust me.

The boy needs to move on.

NORIGREY SparkPoints: (0)
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5/2/12 12:41 P

If she has already declined it isn't going to change. While there may be chemistry there for you, she's not feeling it and it's a two-way street. You are only going to find heartache by trying to pursue this girl romantically.

I know that's not what you want to hear but you've got to be somewhat realistic when it comes to relationships. You're going to a university and are plenty of intelligent, interesting, available women there. You can't rely on infatuation alone to tell you if a relationship will work. You might think you're in love, but you aren't. It really is just hormones.

I've never dated any guy longer than 3 months, up until my recent boyfriend who I've been with for 3 years and is the love of my life. And that's because I'm realistic. I'm not going to waste my time on guys I can't see being with long-term, and especially on guys who aren't interested in me. I deserve more, and so do you.

Just focus on yourself right now and your life. You've done incredibly well losing weight and seem like a really nice guy, have some confidence that you will meet women who will adore you. :)

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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5/2/12 11:58 A

I think KJ is way off. Sorry, KJ, but what you wrote made no sense. I was in the band. i dated, and i have NEVER, EVER, dated a fat chick, by the way!! ;-)

To the OP- chances are that you will NEVER get a chance to date this girl. She has declined already. The realistic way to ruin a friendship is if you keep trying to date her, and she keeps stringing you along. You will inevitably resent her eventually, and you'll have nothing but a broken heart and no memories of romance to show for it.

if you can't handle being friends, then cool contact for a while. You'll still be friends, but you need to keep your options open. It's hard to do, but you need to make the effort.

5/2/12 11:34 A

"band trip"

I'm a band director and the one thing I've noticed about most of the girls in my band is that they DO NOT date band boys. EVER.

Sad but true. The only exception are drummers and they have to be GOOD drummers (rare) because there's nothing worse than a drummer who can't hold a beat.

That said, I'd say "MOVE ON", think of it this way; let's say she starts to date you and you realize that something is just NOT right between the two of you (yes, it's totally possible unless you sacrifice your own integrity) and THEN what!? The dream is over, busted, never gonna happen. Chances are you'd never talk to her again and your friendship destroyed. That's even MORE sad if that happened.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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5/2/12 10:47 A

When you're 18, it is hard to keep things in perspective. I've been there, done that, where you are right now.

It isn't easy, but try to remember that you're young and have a great opportunity to meet a lot of different people at your stage in life. Try to limit of minimize the time you spend with her, so that you get out and meet other people, including other girls.

If she is not interested in you, then there is nothing you can do about that. You can certainly have a friendship, but keep it limited, and remember you need to protect yourself by not thinking that you can do anything to change her mind. That is up to her.

Maybe some day she might feel differently. Who knows? But don't let her or yourself get so immersed on being there for her every whim that you miss out on expanding your own experiences and meeting new people.

5/2/12 10:47 A

What should you do? Let her go. Find someone else. Meet new people. She is not worth you trying to chase around (you may feel differently, but trust us). You can't force someone to be into you. You just can't.

You deserve someone who wants to be with you. You deserve to feel special and that right someone WILL come around.
You cannot make someone like you it. If you could, it would be all rainbows and kittens for us all.
Sorry to sound so harsh or to come off mean, or a lot of people telling you things you do not want to hear.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (197,206)
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5/2/12 9:57 A

Hi, Bob !

I've read your previous posts about your crush on this girl. You really need to let her go. You need to move on with your life. She just isn't in to you. She may like you as a friend, but if she hasn't shown any romantic interest by now, then it isn't going to happen. She's basically using you to make herself feel better. She likes the attention you give her, but she isn't interesting in returning any affection. That's why you need to forget about having any romantic relationship with you.

Even if you did end up having a fling, it would be just that, a fling. At the end, she'd dump you for someone she'd consider better.

Now that you're in college, this is your opportunity to make new friends. There really are young women who will enjoy your company. Have you talked to other girls in your classes ? Why not ask one of them out on a date ? If they aren't ready for a date, ask them out for coffee and study time. Don't set your sights on that girl from high school. Get out there and meet new women who WILL respond to your attentions !

You really need to let that girl go. YOU can do better.

GRACEMCC45 Posts: 1,134
5/1/12 8:37 P

Oh you poor dear

If she has made it clear that she isn't interested, then she isn't, unfortunately. Take your good friendship for what it is, appreciate the positives in it. She may change over time, especially if upcoming absences indeed make the heart grow fonder.

You might consider reiterating your feelings to her, but try not to pressure her.

You will meet many, MANY girls until you find "the right one", so please do not get negative if your feelings are not returned.

Keep up the AWESOME work with the lifestyle changes, woo!

BOBVILL5 SparkPoints: (243)
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5/1/12 8:31 P

Hi. Please read all of the following information before commenting.

I've lost a lot of weight in the past year or so. I went from from 184 lbs to 138. Anyways, I've developed a crush on a good friend of mine who ive met in high school during the beginning of my freshman year. We are both seniors now but she's going to community college while im going to a university; neither are far away. I told her how i felt about 4 months or so ago and she replied by saying that she didn't want to go through any high school drama. I also assumed that she had no special feelinga for me. Here's where it gets very complicated. She has a couple of close neighbors who i'd say seem like her brothers. There's this other guy who moved in this summer and she seems to be paying a lot of attention to him too She replies to many of my texts but I feel like a shadow to her sometimes. I have a great personality and such and we have good times together. We recently had a band trip to Chicago and something different happened. She was sitting near her friend on the bus ride. She sat right behind me and she was tired for a portion of the ride, which was common for many people since we were very busy. Anyways, i thought she looked extremely cute and i could not help but by thinking of holding her in my arms and letting her sleep on my shoulder. She presently isnt interested in any guys for sure but she is sortof childish. She's very mature and all but she is very shy and dependent. What should I do now?

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