Fitness Minutes: (113,105)
13,554 1/9/12 5:50 A
"when told no that he was not inviting this other person they just met because we do not know him and do not approve of who he is living with..."
I hope that I am jumping to conclusions, but I'm wondering if there's racism and/or homophobia involved here.
At that age, my parents (who were VERY strict, by anyone's standards) let me hang out and go to houses of people who they had not met. And they certainly did not care about the living arrangements of my friends.
I can totally relate to this. I have 2 sons, one who is 19 1/2 and the other is 16 1/2. So have gone through this before. It is normal. They feel like they are adults because they look like adults. They want all the same benefits (but only the good ones) that go with being an adult. The hard part for us (parents) is letting go and trusting in the job we have done upto this point. We sat both our boys down, had a good talk with them about rules and boundaries and what is expected of them at this age. We have always held high regards for trust. While we cannot meet every child our kids will come across (nor the parents by high school). We did have to trust them. And I can honestly say, to date, they have not disappointed us. Even when they were drinking (underage) they came home and were totally honest about it. Keep a watchful eye on him, from a distant. If you something (behaviour) that has you worried, sit down with him and talk about it. Good luck.
Fitness Minutes: (6,295)
136 12/18/11 11:53 P
I'm not a parent so you can take this with a grain of salt. But it sounds like he's trying to assert his independence and being told "no" by his mom frustrates him because he feels like he should be able to do adult things now. What worked best for me as a young teenager was when my parents kept an open dialogue with me. Instead of telling me "no----because I say so" they would sit me down and discuss their concerns and treat me as an adult. They let me know that they set boundaries because they love me not because they want to keep me from doing fun things.They would stress that they trusted ME but as loving parents could not trust X (in your case, a 22 year old who you don't know). Explain to him that not all people are as nice or wholesome as they appear, this 22 year old could bring alcohol or drugs and then he would be in a bad situation. He will probably be defensive of his new friend but eventually this type of logic will set-in and he will begin to make choices on his own with your values and ideas in mind.
Also keep in mind that if he is making friends with a 22 year old he is likely trying to emulate him, this person is a legal adult who is old enough to do anything/everything and he probably feels really "un-cool" that he has to listen to his parents. I always tried to grow up too fast, and my dad would always remind me "don't wish your life away". I wish I had listened to him more often but I'm trying to take that advice now.
Oh I can also say that my brothers (twins) are the same age as your son and they are just raging testosterone bombs and their moods can be quite insane at times. It must be frustrating to have changing hormones (especially a kind that can trigger anger/frustration) and not know how to deal with the feelings. Maybe he needs help learning to express his frustrations in a healthier way. Parents might think that their teenagers don't listen to them (and teens try to make it seem that way) but really all guidance through such a scary/exciting time is taken to heart.
Fitness Minutes: (2,722)
129 12/17/11 7:25 P
My son has just started venturing out with a few friends...time to set a curfew...and let him go ...does anyone have any advice...he wanted to campout like he has done before with his childhood friend ...then the story changed that a new friend 22 or 23 was going to be there...then it changed that they might ride to another friend's house....when told no that he was not inviting this other person they just met because we do not know him and do not approve of who he is living with...he has been outraged.....in tears....is it hormones...have we spoiled him so bad that he can't take no...I can remember being really, really mad when my parents would not let me go to a concert, but this is a little much...we need to set a curfew and give him some boundaries...we had said don't leave the farm unless we know about it....is this how the teenage years are ...are we just now experiencing a new stage???only child spoiled syndrome??hormones????
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