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| Everyone is right. I do need to talk to my hubby about this issue. I realize children are not mindful to anyone's feeling but their own. I think that is what bugs me the most is that by my husband not encouraging the SDs to sign the card makes me feel like he is not recognizing my place in their lives.
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It feels good when my 17 year old step son appreciates everything I do for him and how much I love him. I might not have given birth to him but he is my son.
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| I agree. My stepkids live with their mom and stepdad. I'm the trusted adult that's not a parent that they can go to for the serious questions. It doesn't mean they (or hubby) love you any less. You may get to be a friend instead of stepmom. (and really, a friend has a much better rep than stepmom!)
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BYEBYEBABYFAT
5/2/08 11:20 A
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| I know it's hard but talking to your husband would be the best idea but keep in mind that if your step daughters bio mom is active in her life then she doesn't need another mom. I have had a step mom since i was 6 and she is one of my best friends. A friend is what you should be to her. you never know when she will need a trustworthy adult to talk to who is NOT a parent. Don't let not getting the recognition hurt you, you are still important to her if you are anything like my step mom is to me.
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It's definately hard. Last year was the first year that I got anything from her as a step mom. She finds it hard to call me this and prefers to call me by my first name. Which is fine with me.
I really don't expect her to make me anything or get me anything. Because I will not see her.
I know your step daughters live with you and they are having some difficulties with loyalites and some misrepresentations of the truth to them. So I would not push for them with anything. Yes, you are entitled to feel "slighted" because you are. However, there is more to the bigger picture.
Their bio mom has re entered their lives recently and has been misrepresenting things to them. You have taken the higher road not retailiated against her to them.
They are now teenagers. They should either ask you/dh to go get her something or their mom goes without. I know it seems harsh, but they are old enough to know better.
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I've been a stepmom for 10 years and very rarely do I get anything from my sd, she may remember or not. If she's here then she'll make me a card, if she's not I don't hear a thing. But I don't let it bug me. The boys always make me cards and stuff and love it.
Karen
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| i would definantly talk to your husband about it. He's a guy and probably doesn't get it, doesn't realize it. On the flip side, maybe he doesn't want to push his daughters to do this as they may feel like they are betraying their bio mom or something complicated like that. Just try not to get to bummed/upset about it. Good luck, and best wishes!
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HEATHERBRIE1
4/30/08 7:28 P
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| Sorry to here that!! Having mixed families is always hard. I would express your sadness to your hubby. If he still does not get it - don't make too much of an issue of it. I know it is hard but life is extremly short and we have to love and appriciate what we have. Sounds like your house is full of love. Us women are totally different than men, maybe he simply does not know what he is doing is hurtful. I have had my life flash before my eyes and I love and worship everyday I have with my family, no matter how disfunctional they may be! I totally wish you well!!!
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| My husband and I have a total of 5 children. I have 15 and 13 yo SDs that live with us, 8yo son, and 2yo twin girls. My husband makes a point to get me something small and maybe a card that is from my bio. children only. He doesn't even get my SDs to sign the card. On the other hand I take the SDs to buy mother's day card for their bio. mom every year. Does this seem right? I'm I wrong for wanting to be recognized as a mother figure by the SDs?
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