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RETTANICK1
4/28/08 12:19 P
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| Thank you everyone for all your advise. I am taking everything you say to heart.And I will try the contract with her.She's been in the house now for 4 days and I think I'm going to see how things go as of today of letting her out.I talked to her this weekend again about just having a girl- friend come over and hang out here.She says most her friends don't like coming over here cuz I don't allow her to go hang out around our neighborhood.But I'd rather be safe then sorry later. I hope she sees I'm not playing around when I say I don't want her to go around him.She use to do soccer but she gave that up about 4 months ago and she was riding horses every week after school too. But her dad and I had to stop that because of his mom(she pd for it)because of the differences she made between my two girls.
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| OK let me start by saying that I think it's great that you are being proactive about these behaviors. So many parents chalk it up to the teen years. I have spend the past few years working with at-risk teens. Mostly girls about your daughters age who are doing pretty much the exact same things. The contract is a great idea. I've used something similar in the past with kids. We made sure that all the rules were clearly outlined and agreed upon by everyone, the kids were involved in coming up with the rules. Then when a rule was broken the child had to write in this notebook what they did wrong and what their consequence should be. IT made them realize that there are consequences to your actions and that you will be held accountable. Also, is she involved in any after school activities. IF not maybe that's something you guys should look into. If she' busy after school a few days a week that's less time with the boy that is a bad influence. Good luck!
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The laws can be different from state to state, just a side note there.
My 15 year old son, who is not your neighbor lol, is also giving me a very hard time.
Two weekends ago I called the police to help me with him. Because he is now 170 pounds of pure muscle I can not physically restrain him or force him to do things. It is all about respect. I told him he was grounded and he left the house anyway.
I called 911. We got him, and the wonderful officer had a talk with him about respect (I assume because I didn't hear any of it except, "THAT is your MOTHER.")
My point. Be extremely firm from the start. Show her now she is not to be alone with boys. She may not defy you. If you don't she will slip away very quickly.
Good luck and keep the tread going. We all will need it.
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This is going to sound drastic, but if things don't change I would recommend getting her help, whether you have her committed or outpatient. My daughter started at 14 and by the time she was 16 it was too late. The law allows the parents no rights with their kids once they turn 16, so just keep that in mind. up until then you do have some control. Good luck. I am still battling with my 17 year old.
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| Thirteen is a really good age for a kid to create both rules and consequences. It makes such a difference in the family dynamic if they get to have input. Hope it helps!
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RETTANICK1
4/24/08 3:22 P
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| Thanks for the advise .I'll try that at this point i'll try anything.I just don't want it to get out of hand.You know kids these days they grow up to fast and they know to much but don't know nothing.
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ADDICTED2TIVO
4/24/08 2:43 P
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| I love that advice. I will file it away for the future. My daughter is 5 now but I know 13 is just around the corner. My son is 13 & he is very resistent to talk to me about girls.
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| So you have two different issues here: general lack of respect and "the boy". As per the general lack of respect - I would write out a contract with her (and I do mean with her input here) as to what is expected from her around the house and with her school work. Set up consequences of not following the contract explicitly (no TV, no phone, no door!). Then with "the boy", start inviting him over to your house. Have him over for dinner once a week. Take the two of them with you and your husband to the mall or on outings together. Make it clear that she is more than welcome to spend time with him as long as she is with you as well. Make it extra clear that she is NOT allowed to spend time with him without another adult (you or husband) present until she can demonstrate to you that she is a responsible individual. Tough age I know - but try to get her involved in her own upbringing, try to get her involved in activities outside of school, try not to strangle her :).
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RETTANICK1
4/24/08 12:15 P
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| I have a 13 yr. old that's driving me nuts..She is lying and ignoring everything my husband and I say. She has changed the way she dresses to the point she shows every bit of skin she can and I have to make her change before she leaves the house. She sneaks around to see this one boy who lives next door to us. He has been in trouble with the law and been on probation for many things. Let alone sent to military school, he came home for spring break and refused to go back to the school and his mother didn't make him go. So now him and my daughter are like hanging out all the time.She is refusing to do chores or clean her room , come in when told to, even watch her little sister while she's outside for it might take away from her spending time with the boy. They have been seen by my neighbors being really friendly with each other and pawing on each other. I talked to both of them and said to stay away from each other but that's like talking to someone deaf and mute.didn't happen.I have gone to the measures of having to walk her to the bus stop and home in the afternoons and making her stay in the house for days .But nothing seems to work.I have never had to deal with anything like this before and I'm at a lose of how to handles this. I remember when I was 13,I never thought twice about boys that didn't come til I was 16. Ooh by the way he's 15.Any suggestion would be helpful.
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