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CHARCIE68
4/29/08 12:31 P
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| This is also a problem I have! I just don't understand it and it causes problems between me and my husband..we have 2 families put together. My 3 his 2 and our one that all live with us but his mother only comes to get his 8yr old daughter everyother weekend and doesn't even buy my 2yr old son a birthday card for 2 years now so I told my husband this has to stop with the obsessin of the 8 yr old and she never has to take my son anywhere! Even though I shouldn't be like her but she doesn't give him the time of day and I had this happen to me as a child and will not let it happen to him.. she's so judgemental and so church going but I know God doesn't like ugly and that's what she's portraying so BUMP HER!!
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VALPO1997
4/29/08 12:18 P
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The challenge we face as daughters and mothers is have we really invited them into our lives and our children's lives?
Have you had a real conversation with her about how this is making you feel. That you feel they are missing out on her. That it appears that other people's children are more important.
Could it be that she disconnected herself because you unintentionally told her to?
I had a similar situation with my mom, but I had a real conversation and have made a real effort on my end too.
I cannot say that this has anything to do with you or not, but it could be worth a try. A lot of times there are misunderstands that get burried deep inside of each us to hold and cherrish, ok not really just feaster.
It took something else in my life to realize this.
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DADDYSMONEY2
4/29/08 10:15 A
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| Princess, I know where your coming from although my prob is not my mother but my MIL. My family doesn't live close to us to watch our kids but my MIL lives about 3/4 of a mile and never asks to watch the children. We she does watch them its only because we ask for maybe just a couple of hours a couple of times a year. I constantly remind my friends how lucky they are to have people to watch their kids and give them a break. I believe that we need someone to watch our children so that we can rejuvenate and so that me and her son can grow as a couple. I have realized that I cannot change other people though I can only pray for them and ask that God speak to their hearts. It works alot better than throwing myself a pity party! LOL Hang in there things will work out.
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| I know how heartbreaking this can be to you. My mom does not have much to do with my children. I have 2yo twin girls and has never once watched them more me. In fact she doesn't even try to learn how to tell them apart. I have a sister that has choose the wrong path and my parents have custody of her three small children. I get real jealous thinking how my sister's mistakes have caused my children to miss out on their grandparents. I know my mom and dad have alot on their plate dealing with my sister and her kids but that doesn't mean my children don't need to know their grandparents. I just try my best not to let it get me down. It can be hard but I have learned to distance myself from my parents. When they want to talk or see my family they can call, I am tired of begging for attention.
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| It is sad so many of us have the same story to tell. However, my Mother was diagnosed with lung cancer June 07 I was the one to take her to all of her Dr. appointments. My parents just made a trip to my brothers house in North Carolina it may be her last trip we don't know. My mom has her favorite grandchildren and it really shows it hurts us children more than anything. The only thing you can do is be a better Mother/grandmother than she was.
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ANNMARIE_3299
4/27/08 7:26 P
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| I have not always had the best relationship with my mom, but I found that if I let some of that anger and frustration go I feel a lot more positive. Hey, you can't change who your family is and you can't change how they act or respond to you but you don't have to let the negativity eat at you and affect the rest of your life. That doesn't mean you should shut the door on your mom, but you can try to make peace with the fact that you don't have the cookie cutter family. I feel that I have benefited by not having the "perfect" childhood. It made me want things more and made me work for it harder and appreciate it when I DID get it. Turn the negative to a positive!
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RETTANICK1
4/24/08 11:02 A
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I know how you all feel but my situation is the opposite mother is the greatest. She lives out of state but I talk to her maybe 5 times a day. And then she calls the girls and talks to them as well just to see how things are going with them. We are so very close and miss being around each other so much.
My problem is that my husbands mother wont have anything to do with my girls and lives 8 min away we haven't seen nor talked to her in 4 months. We use to go over and spend Thanksgiving with her and b-days have dinner and spend the day with her. She would come get my oldest and go horseback riding every week for like 4 years. Then I got pg and had my youngest and everything changed haven't been to her house for Thanksgiving in 3 years now and we don't even get phone calls for b-days. She was still doing the horseback riding with my oldest til this school year. Til she got to where she would avoid my youngest every time she came over to get the oldest. At that point my husband and I decided to stop the horseback riding because of school starting and the oldest started middle school and need to do more schooling and because his mother was not wanting to even speak to the youngest when she came over. And when she would call or we called her she wouldn't even ask about the youngest, but always asks about the oldest. She would say she would get the youngest and do something special with her too. But that day never came. Now she's 4 years old and doesn't like being around my husband mother. She feels uncomfortable when she does go to her house,and always begs to leave when we are there.We have talked to her about what was going on but she says she didn't see anything wrong with what was going on.
Me and my husband just don't like the differences she makes with the girls and the fact she doesn't include our youngest in activities she has with our oldest.
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TALLYSMARIPOSA
4/23/08 8:30 A
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I also had the best Grandmother(she passed last year). She was very involved with all 13 of her grandkids and would often take all of us at once.
My mother on the other hand views children as work. She tries to buy their love so she doesn't have to spend time with them. Once a friend of hers, asked her to watch her daughter for a couple hours and my mom responded, "I've done my time". Those words will always stick with me becasue it makes me feel like my brother and I were a prison sentence to her and now she has done her time and she's not going to be held down with those responsibilites again. Luckily I have an Aunt that acts as a Grndmother to my daughters. Sometimes she forces me to have me-time. She'll come over and say, the girls are coming to my house and you are taking a bubble bath.
Do you have anyone other than your mom that could maybe give you a break from time to time? Those short moments of me-time can do wonders for you.
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I know exectly how you feel. My mother and I have had problems between us for a very long time. Since I was a child, in fact. She always favored my brother, who was very easy to raise, while I grew up with a lot of emotional trauma that was largely her doing (she was a heavily addicted and absent mother with a string of abusive men).
She has always been there for my brother and his daughter. She takes my niece almost every weekend, but never invites my son. She gives my brother money whenever he needs, but never offers to help me with anything.
On top of that, my father's been gone from my life since I was two. I would often get jealous of the other moms I worked with who never had to pay child care when they went to work, while I was putting out a large chunk of what I made just so I could be there. It's hurtful when someone's parents or grandparents don't seem to care about the fate of the children or the wellfare of the mothers and fathers who dedicate every day to the upbringing of the children. All you can do is resign yourself to doing better. Remember this and learn from it. When you're a grandmother, you'll be there.
Best of luck to you.
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TPRINCESS1
4/18/08 11:58 A
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Hi I'm a mother of 5 kids and am getting extremely frustrated listening to all my friends talk about getting breaks from their kids from their parents or in laws.
Its not that i need a break from my kids its just that my mom couldn't care less about being involved with me or my children. It would be different if she lived in another town but she lives 5 minutes from me. I have tried to talk to her in so many ways but it just doesn't register to her to step up and be a grandmother.
I grew up with the best grandmother in the world. She was always their for me and still is for myself and my kids even at 83 years old. I can call her at any time and she is their at the drop of a pin but I don't like doing that because I don't want to ruin her health. I want her around for quite a few more years for my support.
My mother has never really been a involved mother even when I only had 1 child. It was always her friends child or grandchild that was more important than my child.
Most of the time I just live my life without her but their are times that I am so jealous of my friends parents that I find myself becoming bitter.
If anyone out their is feeling the same thing or going through the same thing i would love to hear from them. Thanks.
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