You posted: "I have signs on both the front and back door that state "YOU MAY NOT ENTER IF YOU HAVE CONSUMED ALCOHOL OR HAVE IT IN YOUR POSSESSION" and yet somehow, he thinks this doesn't apply to him."
So then don't let him in the door. If he has a key, change the lock. He thinks it doesn't apply because he is allowed in anyways....
HOMEBODY 2/18/08 3:15 P
JoBeth, I know how you feel, in a way. I have been married for over 11 years to a man who, at least until this past November, was a crackhead. I also have 2 sons, 9 and 4, and it has been difficult to try to make a good life for them through all the mess.I also was once an alcoholic(still am, for those who view it that way). I drank for 14 years and have been sober for 9. When my oldest son was 13 months old I made a decision because I knew my son had to have one parent who wasn't an addict.By God's grace alone I was able to walk away from the alcohol and never look back. My husband and I separated for several years but I couldn't take the court-appointed visitations. I used to break out in hives when my son was away from me. So when my husband got "clean" we got back together and had another child...but of course the clean didn't last. The years have been tough and of course it's a little different with drug addiction because they hide from you with that instead of you having to run them off. I had always prayed that my husband would get clean and as my sons became old enough, they prayed too. I was really beginning to give up hope and think that it just wasn't going to happen, but finally in November he made the decision to enter a Christian mission. He was supposed to stay for 3 months. He stayed for 2 but felt like he was ready to come home. Before he had only lasted 2 weeks, so I knew it would be different. Just keep taking care of yourself and your son. After that first experience with court, I chose not to go the divorce route because I knew it would put my children in a position where I would not have full control over where they went or what they did, and that was enough for me. I will keep you and your son in my prayers. Your situation is so much like what I went through when my older son was young. Please feel free to send me private messages if you would like. I can really relate to your situation. Also, my husband was in Reformer's Unanimous for a while. Is there one of those in your area. That is a really good, Christian-based program for all kinds of addictions.
VALPO1997 2/18/08 2:04 P
The first thing here is to celebrate your success with staying sober for 2 years. That is a great accomplishment.
Like any other addict until they are ready they will blame someone else because it is easier to deal with. Remember you are doing a great thing with standing firm. Keep diligent in your strides.
I wish you the best and know you have done a lot of great things for yourself and your son.
KABESMOM 2/18/08 2:12 A
Hi JoBeth! First of all, congrats on your progress! You are doing terrific! I lived with a husband who had an alcohol addiction problem for many years. All I can tell you is, he has to want to quit. Nobody else can do it for him. You just have to decide how much you want to put up with. It is heartbreaking to want so badly to help him and not be able to. I lived through it, so I know. We are divorced now, and I truly am better off without him. He still drinks, and has been kicked out by 3 live-in girlfriends in the past 2 years because of his drinking. He does not believe he has a problem. You need to just hang in there and don't let his behavior pull you down. You are having success with your own addiction problem and you need to concentrate on yourself and your son. You can only do so much for him, and you don't want to backtrack when it comes to your own success. Just remember that you are a strong person and you deserve better! Good luck and God Bless!
JBGRAPHIC 2/17/08 10:58 P
The topic line sounds like the title of an article, as if I were the author and knew all the answers. I have few answers. I am a recovering alcoholic with almost 2 years sober (this coming April 19th to be exact). As I sit at this computer with my four year old son putting dinosaurs under my chair (because I'm not paying direct attention to him) - just 30 minutes ago I had to ask his father to leave because he had been drinking. He has an apartment, but he lives here 95% of the time. Where I live is public housing, and there are alot of drugs & alcohol here. I have signs on both the front and back door that state "YOU MAY NOT ENTER IF YOU HAVE CONSUMED ALCOHOL OR HAVE IT IN YOUR POSSESSION" and yet somehow, he thinks this doesn't apply to him. He'll go two, maybe three weeks without drinking, but he always "slips up". I have been active in a 12-step program, specifically for Christians, for two years. He attends sporatically, not regularly. We went on Friday night. Now, Sunday night, he's drinking. I told him calmly to leave. He did, with some hesitation - trying to flip the blame on me. That's his usual MO - blame me for his drinking. I know this is a weight loss website, but this is a very real and very painful situation. Any advice/encouragement would be appreciated. JoBeth
