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| Thank you Deyasmith. I was afraid I was the only parent out there to spank my kids. I don't have to spank my 7 year old anymore, taking things away work for her. My four year old very rarely gets spanked either. Counting to three works for him.
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| just my two cents, but maybe u could try talking to the grandparents and see if they will help u diciplining as u see fit so that there is consistancy throughout.
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| Sorry to jump in, but I kinda have the same problem except its with my 10 year old boy. His granparents give him everything and have spoiled him to the point of no return. Its so bad that he doesn't even stay home on the weekends/school breaks, he is at their house... he is so disrespectful and I have to literally SCREAM MY HEAD OFF like a maniac for him to stop doing what he is doing. Where did I go wrong? I don't want him to grow up thinking that he has to SCREAM at his kids too.
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Stay at home dad here (wasn't aways, but I am now)with 2 kids. They are currently 10 and 11, but I remember 3 and 4.
Maybe it's because I'm a dad, but I find the discipline part easy. First thing, others have mentioned this, consistancy, consistancy, consistancy. Also mentioned, you need to follow up on all your "threats". Another thing that hasn't been mentioned here is that the punishments need to escalate.
No TV for a day, no TV for 2 days isn't enough. Make it a week, or go after something they will really care about. Once they figure out that you are serious and there is no way out, they will comply.
Side note: I wouldn't let their punishment effect your day. If your child has no TV for the day, send them to their room when you want to watch. It makes the punishment that much more effective.
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LADYBUG4824
3/2/08 10:00 P
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I find it hard to stick to it when I ground my children from going outside or playing video games because I think it is a worse punishment on me.
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Recently I was given some advice that seems to be working...
When they do something they aren't supposed to, look at what it is that they are really wanting to do...i.e. running in your case. Tell them why running isn't appropriate at this time and then offer them a chance to do what they want later...i.e, taking them to a park so that they can run.
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| i agree with ddc. a little spank and maybe a time out is good. i noticed that these days, kids have more reign over parents than when we were growing up. They think they are invinsible. what gets them is when they are embarrassed. so getting spanked and having to try not to cry will definitely make an impression on their memory. being consistant and letting them know that their actions will not be tolerated is key. whatever you decide to do, be sure it makes and impression on thier little lives and they remember next time they act up. sometimes, taking away tv or a toy isnt always enough, especially if they don't really care for it. they will just find something else to be happy with anyway.
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SKELLEY1024
2/27/08 9:25 P
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| I too agree about the discipline needing to be immediate regardless of where you are. I have been out grocery shopping and in restaurants when my children have acted up. I will get up and leave on the spot if they have been given that first warning about their behaviour. I know that it seems harsh - but they very rarely act up as they know that bad behaviour gets a first warning and then gets a time out at home. If we are in a situation where we cannot leave or go home, they get the time out then and there. People who we are with understand and appreciate it - i think - when you let your children know that their behaviour is not acceptable and it will not be allowed. And you don't need to be mean about it - just matter of fact. Good Luck with whatever you find works for you.
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| I agree with a previous poster that the discipline needs to be immediate. If you ask him to stop running around daycare when you drop him off and he chooses not to listen, an age appropriate time out needs to be implemented immediately. Your employer may not appreciate your being late on a morning here and there because you had to implement a time out, but it shouldn't take too long if your son realizes that the time outs are coming no matter where you are and what you are doing. Another point to consider is whether or not he was breaking the daycare rules by running around. Once in the daycare, he may be acting in accordance to the daycare rules which may be different from yours.
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Out of curiosity, have you tried rewarding good behavior when he does listen? Are there times when you are doing physical things with your children? Children need time to burn off some of their energy. I can't remember which Spark article said the guidelines are something like an hour and a half to two hours a day of active play time.
For my kids, I also notice a HUGE difference when they are getting enough sleep. It often seems to me that just as we adults are sleep deprived, our kids are sleep deprived. I know most kids seem to fight this, but personally I believe it is extremely worth it.
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My oldest son has oppisitonal defiance disorder as well as ADD,and he was a very hard child to displine.....
There is a realy great parenting book called "parenting with love and logic" and that has been very helpful
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| I have been reading different books on discipline for children, as mine is just a baby. I am also a teacher and like to know what is out there. My favorite book so far has been Love and Logic Parenting. It discusses how to parent in different situations and how to let the child make choices with different options, and then there are clear consequences when the child does not make a good choice. This is the toughest job! Good luck.
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The only problem with on the spot is............in that instance, he was at the door going into daycare. I can't punish him there.
When he does mis-behave at home, it is dealt with immediately. When he mis-behaves at daycare, they deal with it immediately.
Any suggestions?
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I'm thinking the 4 year old needs a more immediate consequence than losing tv later. Something right there on the spot.
L.
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GENEVIEVEM78
2/21/08 6:55 P
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I work from home and have a four year old and an almost three year old. My daughter (4yo) attends a Pre-K program, so she is gone during the day. When I have just my son we have our routine.
When my daughter comes home, we have some struggles. We have adopted a "RULE BOARD", children are very into "structure". If we are good with our Rule's they get a sticker and if they are "bad" with our Rule's they get a sticker taken away.
I know it seems like a LOT of work, because that is what I thought at first. My children have responded VERY well to this method.
I think that consistency is VERY important. If you have the rules written down, things that you notice are daily issues (sharing, being nice to your siblings yadda yadda), you can reference them and then the child knows what is expected of them.
Just my 2 cents, take it for what it is :)
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| I have a 3 year old daughter. I have found rather then taking things away (she too would say "I don't care"), I've tried to take the opposite approach and tell her the things she will get when she listens (of course she needs reminders at the time). I took her to a movie about 8 months ago and she LOVED it. So when we started having some issues with her, I reminded her of the movie we went to and told her that if she wanted to go to another movie she'd have to work on her listening. We made up a "listening chart" and when she was good we would add a sticker to it. When she had "enough" stickers (I purposefully keep this vague so I could control when) we could go to the movies again. Of course it didn't work all the time, but it did help quite a bit.
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| I do follow through on my threats about the tv. Unfortunately, we still turn our programs on, so I am sure that doesn't help. But DH doesn't like to miss the news. I do not plan to let him watch tv at all tomorrow, when I am home with him for the day. I will suffer, and just knit or do housework. He will NOT watch tv at all!!
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| You also need to follow up on your threats. So I hope you really do take the TV away from him for two full days. He needs to know you mean what you say.
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| I have a four year old son also. He is an ambitious child (putting it nicely). He also has selective hearing. I did not believe in spanking. I never had to do that with my daughter. However I was also at my wits end. I never had to spank him hard or anything, but a swat on the butt and then a timeout really worked. I hope no one thinks that I am a terrible parent or anything, but it did work and I don't abuse my kids and in fact I don't have to spank any more. It took about a month and he is fine now!
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TROUBLYNN13
2/15/08 11:52 A
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| Awwww, I'm sorry. They can be sooooo frustrating! The worse part about it is, you have to deal with that time of no TV which can be difficult for you. Just stick to your guns, and remember that parenting is the hardest job in the world.
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DROP20LBS
2/15/08 11:41 A
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Thank you.
This a.m. he was ok at home, and then when we arrived at dc, he was running, so I told him to stop. He ran again. I said "no tv tonight". His response was "i don't care". So I said, no tv tomorrow either!! ARGH!!!
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TROUBLYNN13
2/15/08 11:35 A
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| I have a 4 year old son too and I have notices that his behavior changes in stages. For a couple weeks he may be absolutely disrespectful and noncomliant and then out of no where he will start listening and cooperating. My advice is to just stay consistant!!! His actions are only to test you and your consistancy and believe it or not, love too. I am hoping things get better. But like you say on your signature, take one day at a time. Good Luck!
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DROP20LBS
2/15/08 10:44 A
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Ok, I have posted this before, but I have tried everything, and my 4 year old is not listening to anyone (me, daycare, grandparents). I do not know what to do anymore...........I have tried taking away privileges, tv, time outs.
I am about at my wits end.
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