I'm glad to hear that you are seeking professional advice and a tool to help you find the right avenue for you to take. It's difficult when someone leans on us too much or too often and I know the "draining" feeling that you refer to. Women somehow feel this overwhelming ownership to "fix" a solution to try to lessen a burden or ease a situation for someone. Unfortunately, sometimes all we can and should do is listen. Is your mother asking for your help or for a solution from you or does she simply need to vent to you? You mention that your mom won't confront your brother. Is it possible that your mom can go with you to your appointment or can you set one up for her? Maybe if she hears advice from a professional, she will feel more compelled to take her own actions towards improving her environment. She may feel less threatened if you are with her too. Sometimes we don't want to hear from our loved ones that we need to take steps to improve ourselves and it can be less "personal" coming from a professional. For example, when a doctor tells us to lose weight, we don't get our feelings (as) hurt as we would if our loved ones tell us the bad news, you know? Don't feel guilty for putting yourself and your child/family first. I'm sorry that you have to manage this for your loved ones around you. Talk to the professional and keep us posted.
Hang in there, Kelly
CHERYLHURT 8/28/07 9:36 A
My mom lives with us and constantly complains about everything...
AAANA1 8/26/07 10:59 P
Well you are taking a first step by venting here...nothing wrong with that.
Maybe try to get away from thoughts that you can fix the situation.... and go more to just listening until you can get some professional help with it.
It's pretty tough being in the middle of family things... I haven't been through the exact situation as yours but enough that I can sort of see where you are at. Have courage and hang in there !
CAMERON419 8/26/07 10:28 P
I had such a bad weekend. Mom started out calling and yelling at me on Thurs. She is depressed about how my brother and his wife are treating her, and she takes it all out on me and constantly vents to me. I don't like the situation any more than her, and it breaks my heart, but it has been a year now and I have a baby to take care of and I can't be her only support. She stays in the house and has no friends and is intimidated try to work out things with my brother.
My poor dad is hurt too, but he bottles it up. I feel bad for him always having to hear about this too.
I was so drained Fri. Ate too much and drank sangrias at a wedding party on Sat. Then Mom's problems are still on my mind today. I love my Mom, but OMG this is emotionaly draining for her to call me and start crying about how sad she is yet she refuses to get any help. I am drained emotionally and physically!!! I finally made an appt. with a psychologist to learn how to deal with her. I am trying to live a healthy life and I feel like she is toxic. After a visit or conversation with her, I feel like drinking or smoking. I don't have any energy to work out, and my stress level is through the roof. Then I feel depressed and even guilty like somehow it's my fault.
I can't just cut her off because I love her and I feel so bad for her, but I have a life! She is sucking me dry. I've told her, please stop talking about them, but then she gets mad. I'm 34 and she treats me like a child.
I know I'm going to my appt. with a pro on Wed. but I would love any input, suggestions, understanding, etc., etc.
