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A couple other thoughts....
If possible try not to do all the errands with the kids in tow. They get tired and hungry, and it takes you twice as long to get things done. (might want to ensure you have a bottle of water for them)
Have a treat in your pocket...not for when they misbehave, but for when you realize that things are taking longer than expected and want to reward the good behavior. (yeah yeah yeah...I know dont' reward children with food) It could be a little toy, book, or a new pencil and little notepad. 
Tally up the 'Time out when they get home' minutes...I start small and than add them up. Of course you have to follow through and enforce the time out when you get home.
'your using up your time' also works well with older kids... We can't stay at the park, because...
Good luck!
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PANDAGIRL81
8/30/07 4:45 P
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I totally agree. If you have already givin a child reasons why to and why not, numerous times, they should understand. And understand that if they still choose to disobey, they will be punished. Even if we are "Evil Mommy" we are doing it to protect our children and raise them up right.
As for the "Caregiver", I would have told her to get on my level and back the "F" off! Maybe not in those exact words, lol. It's not her place to intrude on your parenting choices, including dicipline. I could understand if she saw someone beating their child. But a tap or quick spank? It only embarrasses the child more than actually hurts them. And they will shape up a lot more quickly.
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ONEPONYGIRL
8/29/07 10:40 P
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| Good for you for speaking out for yourself in that situation. I had a similar experience where I was at the vet clinic with my cat and my DS kept running away and in the back of the clinic. Having worked in one I know there's dangerous things about at animal hospitals not to mention that I don't want him to think that running away is fun (especially since we're in the country where everybody's truck is bigger than their house and I don't want him running away in the parking lot) so after reprimanding him verbally a number of times I gave him one swat on his bum the last time. As I was turning the corner I saw the look of disapproval on the receptionist's face. I never said a word to defend myself and have always regretted it. All I could think was that if I allow him to think that running away is a game and he does it in the parking lot, if he gets hit by a truck it's my fault not his and I can't allow that to happen. One swat on the bum to prevent that is worth it in my opinion.
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SCHNOOGLES
8/29/07 2:48 P
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What a horrible experience! That "experienced" caregiver probably made things worse for you. Nothing like giving an already-misbehaving child more ammo against you!
If she were really so "experienced" and wonderful, she would have known that sometimes kids are just going to have a tantrum and parents are going to be at the end of their patience.
Unless I see anything outright dangerous or harmful, like outright physical abuse (beyond a mild spank), I mind my own business. I wish more people would do the same. Seems like it's open season on parents these days, and the kids know it!
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JENNIFERR75
8/29/07 2:40 P
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Awww....the days of the grocery store tantrums. Candy, balloons, cookies, toys, everything was there for him to see and I wouldn't get him any of it, cause I'm the "evil mom" right?
I remember the first tantrum. I just started taking my son with me on outings to the market and one day he decided he wanted to be the "runner". You know, the kid that runs the isles, out of sight, yelling for you to find him?
I had finally had it and after retrieving him, yelling at him, probably slapping him too, he went ballistic and started crying and lucky me, a (how convenient) child care giver happened to witness this act and approached us. She began talking to my son in a way that made me feel like the bad guy. She asked me to stop and bring myself to his level and work with his feelings, I told her "you haven't been here for the last two hours, when I had brought myself to his level, now I'm finished being at his level and I want it to stop". I was FURIOUS with her. I'm sure I gave a rotten impression of my mothering skills, but some times you've just had enough.
I have become the mom that doesn't care who hears or sees, if I've had it, I've had it and I'm going to punish. I've tried leaving the physical punishments out as much as possible, though I do find it hard sometimes.
I sympathize with you. I hope things work out better!
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MUSICMOM1958
8/20/07 6:29 P
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"Now a days, parents are letting their children control them."
Absolutely. You did well in not giving in to them. The proof will be in the pudding. Good job.
I saw one young mom in the story buy something for her son, about four years old, simply because he was screaming for it. Ay yai yai! The change in the kid was instant. He became instantly charming, holding the prize over his head and laughing and babbling to it. Talk about a bad precedent!
It is tough and embarrassing when your kids act out in public like that. I am old enough to be a gramma now and when I see a mom toughing it out, I like to whisper a little encouragement to her. It is something we have all been through.
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PANDAGIRL81
8/20/07 3:26 P
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| I agree that the people staring were not judging you, but felt for you. All parents have been there at least once. In my opinion, you are doing what a lot of other parents should do. Now a days, parents are letting their children take control of them. You must be firm and try to take control, before they take control of you. A child must learn how to behaive and learn to EARN what they have, and what they will get. A child should never receive gifts for being bad. That will just incouraging them. Keep up the good work.
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You did well. I think almost every parent has been embarrassed by a tantrum in public. Most of us probably aren't staring but having flashbacks to our children doing something similiar. If you see that your kids are responding to your consequences then don't worry and hopefully you'll have taught them a lesson.
Parenting can be so humbling....
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SCHNOOGLES
8/17/07 3:06 P
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| I'm glad to see this post. My daughter is now entering the terrible 2's. I know you're not supposed to reward them for tantrums. I can see how it would be awfully hard not to when you're in public like in this situation!
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ONEPONYGIRL
8/16/07 2:39 P
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I agree LazyC that your response could work as well. It depends on the personality of the child and the reason for the meltdown. In the original posters case her children wanted to purchase something. I think leaving the store in that event is not giving them what they want, but the opposite. kids who are having a meltdown because they want to leave should have to behave before they get what they want. Different scenarios in my mind.
I use your technique at bedtime when my DS wants to play hide and seek when he's supposed to be getting his PJ's on and brushing his teeth. I sigh and tell him it's too bad he's wasting his storytime goofing around and he'd better get a move on ASAP or there won't by any time for a story at all. Works like a charm. :)
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LAZYCHOCOHOLIC
8/16/07 2:18 P
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Boutrous, I so agree.
I am so not going to be popular here.
Oh, well. I have a different view. The worst thing you can do is to leave the store. That's what the kids want. They are bored, they aren't getting what they want, so they want to leave. They pitch a fit, and you leave. Guess what they are going to do next time?
And leaving them at home, oh, gee, leave them to play with their toys and the tv. That will teach them.
My kids did try this. Once. We were also in a department store. I knelt down to talk to them, in a very low voice, so they had to quiet down to hear me. And them I let them know that after I was done with my errands we may have time to stop by the park on the way home. Then each time they started to misbehave, I just stood there, looking at my watch. I didn't give them a reaction. So they would stop, and look at me. I told them that time was running out and we are going to have less time at the park if they keep intrupting my shopping.
After an extremely long journey in the store, the attitudes got less and less, and when they had them, they got over them quicker. We stopped at the park and they got to play. But I to call them in after 15 minutes, and I told them that had our shopping gone better, we would have had more time at the park.
They have never done it again. And now 10 years later, they get in, get what they want, and leave. Love it. They even help. We devide the grocery list in mini lists, and everyone goes in search for items so we can leave quicker.
The only time they seem to get stuck in a store is with clothes, jewelery or shoes.
What can I say, spend your time where it is most enjoyed.
Good luck,
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BOUTROUS23
8/15/07 9:21 A
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| In situations like that you have to keep your cool. Stay in control. Show your kids that YOU are the boss, not the other way around. You CANNOT give in to thier demands or things will get worse over time. We have made it a habit never to impluse buy at the checkout lane, so our kids no that they will not get that toy or candy. And don't worry about what other people think or say.
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ONEPONYGIRL
8/8/07 2:12 A
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I totally agree with your choice of punishment. Could be because I've done the same myself. When pregnant with #2 my son started having terrible, terrible tantrums at bedtime. I got so fed up one day I went through the house and boxed every single item that I could find that was train related (trains are my son's life!) and he too had to earn them back with good behavior and going to bed with no fits. I haven't had a problem since.
The books parenting With Love and Logic are great! I also like Shepherding A Child's Heart, since that is where obedience comes from it really is a good place to start.
Good luck and be reassured, you're doing a great job!
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SUSIESTOCKTON
8/8/07 12:22 A
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| I think you are on the right track! Hang in there.
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Sounds like it might be jealousy on their part. My 3 year old started acting REALLY OUT OF CHARACTER after my newborn nephew came to live with us a few months ago. IN FACT, even my 13 year old threw out some attitude over it.
I'm sure you have already, but it might help to sit them down, explain how the new baby needs you and can't use words like they can to say what he/she wants or needs and encourage them to use their words to tell you how they feel. Might open them to say they are feeling slighted, or might not, but it has to have SOME impact on them that the majority of your time and energy is now elsewhere--and the only time they get it fully is probably when you have to discipline them or the baby is asleep. Don't let them pressure you into the negative attention cycle.
Best of luck.
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GREATLOOKSSALON
8/6/07 5:10 P
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| Thanks for your replies. I think I was mostly embarressed and very upset that they took control of the situation. So far the punishment has gone very well. They continue to do chores to earn back toys and privilages. I can't wait for school to start again. Is that a bad wish?
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THEBETTERJO
8/6/07 4:01 P
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| Don't worry about what other people think. Most people looking at you were probably thinking poor you. Just continue to be firm and constant with them. Consistency is #1 priority when raising children.
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| my kids are older now, and i was fortunate not to have this particular issue. I think you handled it fine. but on the whole most parents have gone through this. though people stared, which im sure made you uncomfortable i don't believe they are judging you, i myself feel for those parents and figure the kids are just wiped. as for suggestions i think they are old enough for you to explain that this behavior is not acceptable and should it ever happen again you all will leave immediately, i know thats hard and can make your day longer, but hopefully they get the message should it happen, if not let them know they are no longer welcomed to go shopping with you. As i don't know if you have anyone to help you watch them it may be worth paying a local teenager so that you can complete your chores. You mention that the tantrums are not usually so bad-which i take as they do and have thrown them before, again you must shut them down completely. from what i've read or heard about tantrums they are best ignored, but that really only works inside the home, so do try that there. good luck
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GREATLOOKSSALON
8/4/07 12:45 P
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| I am new here and desprately need parenting advice. Yesterday my 2 sons (7 & 5) threw an unusal temper tantrum in public! I was in line a Target and they screamed, lay on the foor, and shook my cart, which had my newborn baby in it! I was red in the face and wanted to die. People stared, but I didn't care at that point. My goal was to get out....fast. Where did this tantrum come from? This hasn't happened before this bad. They wanted toys. I punished them by literally stripping their room of toys, but I really need help. This behavior is killing me.
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