I'm a stay at home dad. I have two girls, a 14 mo.old and 6 yr. old. I have tried to go back to work several times under the justification that I could give my family and myself more "stuff" if I worked as well as my wife. It has always been an amazingly short period of time until we see some very negative changes in our oldest daughter. She responds poorly to being raised by strangers...she very well may be spoiled from always having a parent at home. But, I can think of a dozen worse ways to spoil a child than with your love and time. This is truly the only"job"I would want in the world. It's my passion and I believe it was what I was made to do. I have a couple really great kids on top of that! I have a difficult time fitting in "me" time for sure. Seems like there is always a chore to be taken care of. On top of that I don't feel good about spending family resources on myself, even for simple things like new clothes. It's a personal hangup that has to do with not bringing in an income. I think most men qualify their stay at home status because it is expected. I would venture a guess that 90% of the people I meet do anything from give me a strange look to ask "why" when I tell them I'm a stay at home dad. The fact is society and more accurately other men still think of stay at home dads as lazy bums. Those of us that do it because we want to, love to and value the difference it makes in our children's lives still have to justify ourselves...like it or not.
OCTOBERSKI 9/6/07 11:23 P
Not enough, in my opinoin. and certainly not enough who do it to do it -- whose first sentence to all who ask isn't "I'm doing this while/until x" Stay at home mothers rarely say that. It takes a certain man with a certain self esteem to simply say, "I am the primary caregiver" -- and nothing more. Even if there is more. Women don't tend to say (or ask), "what else?!?!?!"
Sorry, sensitive point -- since we actively made this decision years ago, and actively gave up a salary instead of making other decisions.
Anyway, kiuos to all the dads who do -- and whose kids only know that they do, and not that they (the kids) are a stoping opnt to something "better" or "more important".
MONICA19751 9/6/07 6:58 P
my husband stays home with our 9 month old and 3 yr old . lizzy our 3 yr old is in preschool 2 days a week because of her lack of speech. she talks alittle but as much as the school wants her too. so my hubby has his hands full most days . I drive school bus so I am gone most of the day . then our 11 yr old gets home when I do. my husband is a photographer and we are trying to get our photography bussiness off the ground. I am wondering how many other dads stay home?
OCTOBERSKI 9/5/07 9:54 P
Just wanted to say good for you. My husband has been home with our three kids for 7 years and wouldn't trade a day. It is insane many days, and my youngest is currently pushing every button he can find . . but such is life.
Don't beat yourself up either. You don't have to be a circus. Just a dad. They are completely lucky to have you in their lives so much. They would be just as happy to fold clothes with you as anything else.
Here are some other ideas . . .
Sidewalk chalk (mixed with water -- is gross, but kids love the painting they can do on driveway).
Tie dye (this is a big summer thing in our house).
Baking together -- even easy "no bake" boxed desserts.
Give them stickers/markers/glue pens and whatever boxes you can find. They can decorate boxes for themselves to sit in/play house (if big) or put toys/stuffed animals in, etc. Mine are big on decorating boxes and then trying to sit in them!
Good luck with the start of school. We started today -- and have a preK, a K, and a 2nd grader . .
BOOTHEV 8/27/07 12:12 A
My DH is a SAHD for our 6YO & 4YO. He doesn't do things the way I would do them, but the kids are healthy, the house is standing, and things are getting done! He does the laundry, keeps the living room and kitchen clean, makes all the meals, and runs all the errands.
Not much time for the kids, huh? I know he gets them outside as much as possible. During the school year, there is Kindergarten and preschool, not to mention speech therapy for our 4 YO. On rainy days, he may take them to the play area in our local mall or a play area in a fast food restaurant (He takes the newspaper with him.)
He LOVES having the opportunity to watch his children grow. He described his day to me the other night, "Either I was laughing at what they said or yelling at them! It was one extreme or the other! No in between!" [They are at the stage where potty talk will set them off in giggles!]
This summer, he took the kids swimming. Sometimes he loaded up their bikes and took them to a local school playground where they could ride bikes in a bigger area than our playground. This really tired them out!
Hope this helped.
1019ER 8/2/07 10:00 A
Okay. . .I'm not a guy and I work but I have kids and have some creative suggestions on some fun arts and crafts things that you could do with them that both of you would enjoy. . .
Do you have shaving cream and a shower? Put them in their bathing suits and put shaving cream on the shower/bathtub walls and put them in the tub. The older one can practice writing the alphabet and the younger one can practice their shapes. Plus it's easy to clean up.
If you have work to do outside, give them an old paint brush and a jar of water and have them "paint" the house or the fence. Doesn't make a mess and they will be occupied for a while.
Also, you can do a sensory box by using a shoe box with a hole in the side for their hand. You can put different things in the box and ask them to guess what it is. You can use spaghetti, grapes, pudding, grass, cotton balls, rice. . .there's a lot of things you could come up with.
Well I hope that helps and good luck to you!
Alissa
BILLYM75 8/2/07 8:51 A
good morning all, just curious how many Daycare Dads's are out there. As a firefighter, I'm home alone with the kids most days which is awesome. I feel very lucky to be able to spend so much time with my kids.
Wondering what others find as the biggest struggles to being home while mom works? Mine is finding the patience at times (5 and 2.5 year old). Sometimes feel I'm not paying enough attention.
Looking for others insights, how you make the day go by. Often think I should find a way to be more arts and craftsy. Suggestions on that front?
