Kelly, thank you so much, I really appreciate your input. This week I have been tackling the food tracking, next week in need to focus more on the strength training. So far, it has been a really good week. I amd so much more aware of how the negative things in my life had become automatic excuses to eat. "I am so stressed, I need chocolate!" is no longer a part of my vocabulary. I have made a commitment to replace it with "I am so stressed I need to do somethimg good for someone and make a difference in this world." I have a list of charity projects, something I have done for years, and I work on those when I am stressed out, trying to turn negative to positive. On my desktop I have my goals, and reasons to stick to this.
Faylei, congratulations on your daughter's (and your) accomplishments! I hope she will love college and wosh you both the best! I got through yeterday's graduation experience pretty well, and did not let my diet fall under the stress. Even had a tiny slice of cake (after a half a bottle of water, lol) and was within my daily numbers and did not feel deprived.
Getting enough water IS really difficult. I ONLY drinl water, and cofffee, and it is still hard for me. I freeze my water and take out a few bottles at a times to thaw, so there is always a core of ice to keep it cold. Our water here is awful, and so it the store bought ice, it tastes funky, so this has been a real help and it is much easier to drink nice and cold.
Redtab, wow, it looks like you have done a fabulous job so far, congratulations! Thanks for the post,O think knowing that ones experiences can help another is what drives many of us to keep trying, so your comments have also helped ME. And yes, I want to be a glow worm! (That was my oldest dayghters favorite toy as a baby, and I still have it packed away. I believe I will dig it out of storage and keep it where I can see it, as it holds a lot of meaning for me as well! Thanks you!!!)
Ladies, thank you all, you are supremely awesome and deserve to feel really good about yourselves, so hang in there!
REDTAB 5/22/07 11:31 P
JG - I'm so glad I found your post today...I was starting to lose my motivation, but "hearing" from you I could almost feel the passion and frustration you have for your battle too. It really reminded me of how powerful the drive to change can be, and how powerfull it will feel to wake up in the morning and be able to say to myself "This is a lot of hard stuff to deal with, but I will deal with it and I will win."
Unfortunately, I can't give any words of advice from a proven success, but only from a friend in the fight...and here's two thoughts I had when I read about your situation.
1. The quote in your signature is about glowing...I had a friend a few years back that sent this one on to me. "In this life we are all worms...I choose to be a glowworm."
Maybe I only like it because I am a child of the 80's but I think it's true. Most of my life I'd had this impression that some people were worms, others were much more fascinating things. I know it sounds new age hippy-ish, but I had realized I just hadn't found my glow yet...it sounds like you are finding a bit more of yours too. Congratulations.
and 2. As I've started to make little changes to be healthier (like having to throw away the butter to save the muffin...which made me laugh very hard because I've had a very similar experience) it seems a lot more things I didn't think were connected fell into place too. I feel like people value what I say more, and I don't care as much if they don't. I control my finances better now, and a lot more random things. I'm confident that you'll find that happening too, and pretty soon the lonliness, the spouse issues, getting out of the house, financial stuff, will all seem a little more do-able.
Good luck, and thanks for sharing your story
FAYLEI 5/21/07 2:32 P
JGAWAKE- I am sorry you are having a rough time right now. Hang in there. Keep trying a show the world and most of all yourself that you can lose this weight and pull yourself out. Take it all one step at a time. My biggest thing for me is to drink the correct amount of water each day. I look at the online water calculator and see what I should drink. It's deffinately more than the normal 8 8oz glasses a day. Mine is more like 10-12 glasses a day. I call it drink drink drinking and wee wee weeing the weight away. Might feel like a fish for a week, but it's deffinately worth it:)
As for your dear husband (DH), allow him to bask in the glory of his weight loss and rewards he gets. Be proud of him, stand by his side, compliment him and help him with his goals. We often have to take the first steps torward success in our marriages. In my marriage, I found that the more I bragged on him and stood behind him, the more he soon started reciprocating. Write him little notes telling him to have a great day at work. Greet him with a smile when he comes home. Leave the pencil beside the note and then one day he may also leave you a note. I found every book I could on building my marriage and began to make HIM my greatest goal and hobby. The more I do now for him, the more he does for me. It wasn't always like that. Now, he writes me notes even when I don't leave one first. Now, he has a compliment for me and a smile when he comes in from work. Just a thought to try.
I deffinately understand the difficulty of having a sr. graduate. My oldest baby just graduated Saturday night. I think I cried all morning on friday as it was her last day of highschool. She'll be leaving in July to go to college, and although I will miss her so much...I'm also very proud of her. It's tough though when they graduate as i keep wondering if I've taught her all I should have, led her in the right directions, and spent as much time with her as possible. I turned her over to God's great hands when she was only a baby, but over the yrs have taken her back as my own often... I pray that she will follow the path God shows her, listens to His quidance and become the person God has in store for her.
Huggs to you:) I'm here with a shoulder and a hugg:)
KELLY_SP 5/21/07 9:36 A
Hi JG,
Welcome to SparkPeople! I'm sorry that you are feeling this way at home. I can tell from your original post that your heart has the motivation to succeed...and that can be half the battle sometimes. My advice to you is to set small consistancy goals for yourself. Use the food tracker for a full week for everything that you put in your body. I personally love the food tracker and am amazed at how quickly those calories add up. It's a great way to see where I could make changes to the food I was eating and get rid of some empty calorie choices. Maybe track your water intake the second week. I put my fitness plan on my fridge every week. This helps me in two ways. Knowing how much I have to work on my cardio or with my strength plan, I make smarter food choices that will not haunt me with guilt later (sometimes!!haha). Keeping it on the fridge is also just a great reminder to not make excuses and "forget" to be accountable. It makes me want to scratch that part of my day off of my "to-do" list.
Hang in there! Take each day one day at a time and treat yourself as you would your best friend. SparkPeople is full of people who are supportive and want to share your success with you. Reach out anytime!!! You are not alone and you are worth it!
Be well and I look forward to sharing your successes with you along the way! Kelly
JGAWAKE 5/20/07 10:52 P
Thank you Amber! That was really sweet. All of my kids know how proud I am of them, that is one thing I am always sure they know!
DariQueen (love the name,lol) Yup, muffins can be killers!
Sorry you have had the same struggle, it can really take such a toll on us. But, there is a future now, I know this is the time for me to be successful at last.
Good luck to you both, and please call on me if you need anything, or come and jpin my fledgling team Josh Groban Musical Motivation). He is my favorite singer, but he doesn't have to be yours, feel free to come hang out there and chat!
So, a new week is upon us, and I will be LIGHTER by Friday!!! How about you guys?
DARIQUEEN 5/20/07 6:32 P
"am coming to the realization that I need to stop waiting for him to be supportive, and find my own way to my happiness. "
I got to this point too; of course, in my case, the self-absorbed man got booted to the curb. There's only so long you can stay alone in a relationship.
You can do this without him; do it for yourself. Every 5 lbs you lose is a victory!
ATR1983 5/20/07 12:10 A
Way to go on not giving in to the muffin. Maybe your husband don't realize how much he hurt you. I am sure your son know how proud you are of him. You can do it. take it one day at a time. You are worth it
JGAWAKE 5/19/07 10:59 P
Thanks Hunisu. Yes, I have tried to convey my feelings to my husband but it falls on deaf ears, He is not a bad person, but is very self absorbed, and if it does not concern him directly, he can't even pretend to be interested, lol.
But, you know, I have been having a number of 'dicusiions' with myself, and am coming to the realization that I need to stop waiting for him to be supportive, and find my own way to my happiness.
So, here I am.
Thanks, Homebody. I am sorry you are in such a position, I sure know how it feels.
I hope you both will feel free to message me if you need to chat,
Take care, and have a good weekend!
HOMEBODY 5/19/07 10:44 A
JG, you have come to the right place for support ! I have pity parties all the time. My husband has also dug a big hole that I am trying to work around. My kids are young, but it's tough nonetheless. Stay with SP. There is always someone who cares !
HUNISU 5/19/07 10:20 A
Good for you for ordering the resistance bands! That's a step in the right direction! Have you talked to your husband about his apparent lack of support? Maybe he doesn't realize that you need for him to ask about you and your weight loss plan/ lifestyle change.
I'm glad you're trying and succeeding in the ways you are! Keep up the good work.
JGAWAKE 5/18/07 9:26 P
Apologies in advance for my rambling, but I am very frustrated today.
I feel like I am going to be 'banished' from the community if I let go and get my problems out, but I need to take the chance because even when I am strong through one issue, another seems to be waiting to take me down.
My biggest issue is that I am so large (300+) I am housebound, and past leg injuries made mobility difficult. We did not have medical insurance at the time, so I had no option but to deal with it without treatment.
Secondly, after many years of digging a financial hole for our family by insisting on keeping a failing business my husband finally got it together. The downside is that we are still playing catch up financially, and he is away at work all week, overnight, except on Saturdays. He did this when he had the business, saying he had to to keep it afloat, and now it is so we don't sink again.
For the better part of our marriage, I begged him to help me with weight loss, as he is heavy as well. He insisted he did not need to lose weight because he felt fine. Now, it is all catching up with him. So what happens? His BOSS offers him $1,000 if he loses 50 pounds, and $2,500 if he loses 100. He even gave him a gym membership! So, here I sit, physically impaired because he was ruining us financially and we could not afford insurance, packing on the weight after 2 babies close together,from the depression, pain and loneliness and without any support whatsoever with kids all these years while he 'fixed' what he 'broke'.
Now, he gets 'rewarded', has the support of his co-workers, and has lost 30 pounds.
I joined here the other day after having a meltdown when he told me he had lost another 10 pounds and informing me of his plans for his bonus money when he gets it. He never even asks how I am doing on my diet. It was a very bad day.
Today, I lost it again while doing graduation stuff (alone) for my son, who graduates next week. He is the last one of three at home, and will be leaving for the military in September.
So, to the rest, add empty nest, fear of my son going to war, zero support from my spouse, and I am to large and in to much physical pain to attend my son's graduation. I feel very alone.
I have already missed so much, and am feeling today like I will never get one foot in front of the other again and be able to keep a forward momentum and I will miss even more. *sigh* Am I a mess or what? lol
So, there is this giant blueberry muffin calling my name. But I am proud of this much today... I only like blueberry muffins with butter. I had one stick of butter in the fridge. I took it out, removed the wrapper and dumped it the garbage. No way I was going to eat that muffin without butter.
I was so proud of myself! Then my daughter called, and asked me how the diet was going, and I told her I had defeated the muffin...to which she replied "Why didn't you just throw away the muffin?" DUH !!! Haha
Just goes to show you, food makes you do crazy things!
I can do this.. I want to do this...I will begin again tomorrow...but it is all SO HARD!
Today I ordered resistance bands and low impact workout dvds.
Okay, end of the pity party, just needed a place to purge.
