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It sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Cutting off the financial support is definately the first step to stop being an enabler. Taking care of your children is so important, but remember to take care of yourself too. Do something you enjoy each week.
If you ever need someone to vent to, please message me. I've been there. God bless.
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| He is hooked with the Zelda games.
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i play on the computer, usually on spark or checking in on email and such. and i will play the occasional video game once my som goes to bed.
but my husband comes home from work and is glued to the computer. hes usually reading things, learning things, and constantly making me come over to the computer so he can show me something. it gets so frusturating b/c we have a small child who i stay home with, and could use a break from.
hes a decent father, but if he spent more of that time with his son instead of the computer, he would be a great father.
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DYNASTYCLAN
4/17/07 3:40 A
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Thank you so much for your kind words and great advice TIARUG. It helps to be able to share with someone. No, he will not seek counseling as I have asked him before and he said no, we can work out our issues on our own. I think the problem is that I have grown up in our 14 year marriage and he has not. I am trying to stay upbeat and positive for my children and will focus all of my time and energy on them because I want them to have a normal and happy life. If he wants to spend all his time playing video games instead of spending time with and providing for his children - then there is nothing that I can do. I have tried ultimatums, being nice, being a nag, not talking to him, helping him look for a job, nothing works! My next step is to cut off all financial support and stop being an enabler.
Again thank you for your reply and have a wonderful day!
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| DYNASTYCLAN- I'm sorry for all that you are going through. It doesn't seem fair that so many guys out there are addicted to games and are not taking care of their family. Have you thought about counsling or is it too late? Maybe he needs to hit rock bottom before he'll realize he has a problem. I know what a difficult and emotional time you must be going through, but please take the necessary steps to protect you and your kids. Is the cable in your name? Have it shut off untill you can pay the bill. Call the light company and work out a payment plan. And you should ask yourself, in all honesty, if you are ready to leave him. Tell him why and what would need to happen for you guys to work things out. (EX. counsling, getting rid of all gaming equipment, a full time job, etc..) Talk to a lawyer and see what you need to do to protect yourself from further financial harm. Seperate bank accounts should be established imediately. Take it day by day. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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DYNASTYCLAN
4/16/07 4:42 A
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| Brewersmom...Unfortunately I feel that I am in a more dire situation than anyone here. I am ready to file for divorce. My husband is 40 years old and has an addictive personality. He has let video games completely consume him. When I come home from work after a 12 hr.day, the first thing I see is him sitting on the couch with his headset on playing and talking on a video game called R6Vegas with other online players. He barely says hello. He might cook dinner or wash clothes but it is done while he has the game paused for a few minutes. At first it was basketball by himself, and then it was spades on the computer against others online and now it has graduated to this shoot-em-up game called R6:Vegas. Unlike others here he does not really have a job(works maybe 2 days a week) and will not look for a full time job. I feel that he thinks that his job is to be the "Leader of this game". "He is the head man in charge in this crew that he formed". He is on this game from who knows when because I am at work until 4 in the morning. I get up at 6 am to go to work and he is sleeping, I come home from work and he is playing the game. He will play video games with my 3 school age kids on the weekend for a few hours but around 6 pm that is it! It is time to round up his online crew to play...Well our lights and cable are about to be shut off and it is a sad thing to say but I hope that this will be a wake-up call for him. He won't be able to play and it will be all his fault because he wouldn't get up and be a responsible husband and father and find a job to support his family....so sad.
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I just found this subject and I am stunned that so many other people are going through this. My husband is addicted to Unreal Tournament. It got so bad last spring that we almost split up and ended up going to counseling to work on our marriage. I read in here "at least he's not out at a bar". I always told myself that too, but it got so bad that he'd be on for hours, wasn't working, let the kids trash the house... We'd go somewhere and he'd make us leave early so he could get on and play. The first thing he'd do when we walked through the door is check the UT message boards. OH I get so mad just thinking about it. After 6 months of going "cold turkey" he has started to play again, but has made a real effort to let me know he won't let it come in between us. I admit though- I'm still jealous of this freakin game!
He is good about getting off when I ask him too, but it's still hard. I feel for you all....
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I just found this subject and I am stunned that so many other people are going through this. My husband is addicted to Unreal Tournament. It got so bad last spring that we almost split up and ended up going to counseling to work on our marriage. I read in here "at least he's not out at a bar". I always told myself that too, but it got so bad that he'd be on for hours, wasn't working, let the kids trash the house... We'd go somewhere and he'd make us leave early so he could get on and play. The first thing he'd do when we walked through the door is check the UT message boards. OH I get so mad just thinking about it. After 6 months of going "cold turkey" he has started to play again, but has made a real effort to let me know he won't let it come in between us. I admit though- I'm still jealous of this freakin game!
He is good about getting off when I ask him too, but it's still hard. I feel for you all....
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I just found this subject and I am stunned that so many other people are going through this. My husband is addicted to Unreal Tournament. It got so bad last spring that we almost split up and ended up going to counseling to work on our marriage. I read in here "at least he's not out at a bar". I always told myself that too, but it got so bad that he'd be on for hours, wasn't working, let the kids trash the house... We'd go somewhere and he'd make us leave early so he could get on and play. The first thing he'd do when we walked through the door is check the UT message boards. OH I get so mad just thinking about it. After 6 months of going "cold turkey" he has started to play again, but has made a real effort to let me know he won't let it come in between us. I admit though- I'm still jealous of this freakin game!
He is good about getting off when I ask him too, but it's still hard. I feel for you all....
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MAMABEAN37
4/11/07 1:54 A
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I honestly think this is becoming a huge problem for more and more couples.
My addiction is spark. It keeps me from eating though!
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| OMG my dh is the same way and just last night him and my 10yr were on it for about 4hrs until i started yelling that the other 2 kids were helping and he wasn't they staopped for a few min but went right back to it again
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Yep, and I have to admit that I've been guilty of the same. For a long time it was what we did together. Just recently we "took some time off" and have come to realize that the games aren't that important. Our family is what matters and we've seen a big shift in the amount of time we're sitting in front of the computer.
Our time now is consumed with reading to/with the kids, playing, cooking, etc.
Hope things work out, might be time for the come to Jesus talk... either that or hide the monitor/keyboard/console 
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CRICKETINE
4/8/07 10:58 P
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My man has a PS2 and loves is currently (not kidding, he's at it right now!) playing God of War. I use this time to catch up on my computer time and to walk on my treadmill... which is set up in the living room where he plays. He likes that I watch (and learn about) the game.... I end up helping him out of some situations...etc.
I dont mind because like so many of you have said.... "at least he's at home and not out on the streets or drinking at the bar"
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To Brewersmom,
Hi - I am a gamer, Everquest and a few others and have been playing for almost 5 years. I know about Final Fantasy Online. I understand how you can become immersed in the world and spend so many hours online in it. Gaming is one of the reasons I have gained a lot of weight. It has taken considerably effort for me to replace my gaming with healthier activities (ie: those that actually involve moving :)
Anyway, there have been many people I've met in game who forego their personal lives in favor of gaming. As it is an all-immersive environment, even time spent out of the game is devoted to researching tactics, tradeskills, hints etc online.
All I can tell you Brewersmom is that your hubby may just have to burn himself out on the game. It can be very addictive to people and hard to give up. There actually are some online support groups. Gamerwidow.com is one of them.
I wish I had advice for you - or I could wake up your husband to enjoy his wife and child. Although gaming is fun, it can't replace real life. Just as in anything, there needs to be a balance. I learned that. I wish you well and hope your husband can find that balance before it is too late.
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| no....... and that makes me a happy camper!
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| I can't believe that I am not alone. if i leave to run 3 hours of errands and the gym I come home and he has not moved from the couch and his game unless to potty or run outside for a smoke. i asked him to pick me up at the gym and we get home and the game is on pause so he can jump right back in ugh!
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I would find some sort of compromise between you before you have kids. It's one thing for you to feel left out sometimes, but it'll make you crazy once there are babies. I thought it would change when we had our first amazing little boy, and then when we had our second four years later. It would have been way easier to change and compromise with each other before there were other people involved.
~Jenn A.
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IRONBUTTERFLY74
3/24/07 8:49 P
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OMG, I thought I was the only one with this problem. I'm a newlywed, and my husband is on his PC ALL the time!! We've tried talking about it, he makes an effort for a day or so, and then he's at it again! We don't have kids yet, but I'm worried about what he's going to be like once we have some. 
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THUNDERCAT
3/24/07 5:46 P
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And here I thought I was the only one and so ashamed to say it. Same thing, home from work, doesn't even grab the drink cuz he already has WAWA coffee in hand as he walks throug the door. It's like a ritual, slap his but in the chair along side my son-in-law who has already parked himself at his terminal and I say terminal as there are 4 monitors running in my house at all hours of the day. I was beginning to think I should add cubicles to my family room. Onto Final Fantasy XI they go and my daughter and I have resorted to being preapared to eat dinner alone. They talk to each other in Final Fantasy terms and I just shake my head. Can you send me your hubby's name on the game so I can see if they have missioned together. I forget what the stupind FF word is for it.
Tina
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LOUIELYNN
3/24/07 11:08 A
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| The big reason I don't join my hubby in WOW is that then both of us would be neglecting the kids and social services would soon be visiting us. Hubby was playing 8-10 hrs every day and 15 on week-ends at the very least, now if we both did that who my I ask would be raising the kids? I got him to cut down enough that we can at least interact as a family some times and his job is no longer at risk, but I told him this isn't what I signed on for and I got married so I could have a best friend and a partner and after 15 yrs of being together he wasn't filling his psrt of the bargain, I felt like a single Mom raising the kids alone so he could move out any time and I would try to find someone that wanted to be my husband and a father to our kids . Not someone that asted like we didn't matter. That was 4 yrs ago and now he still plays, but family and us time comes first, He knows the front door is still open and his bags can be packed real fast.
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KITTYKAT1228
3/24/07 12:23 A
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| No idea. But there should be. I didn't realize how many other had this same problem. I'm actually kind of used to it... I miss going out a lot. Especially since I'm home all day with a 2 year old... it's hard to carry out a conversation with someone that age. The thing I hate most is when we are intimate and right afterwards he goes upstairs... i mean sometimes I have stuff to get done and I don't mind it but once in a while I would like to see him afterward, if only for a couple minutes. I just keep telling myself that at least he's not out doing drugs, or drinking, and he doesn't abuse me. A lot of women have it a lot worse than I do.
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I think part of my motivation in putting up with (or not choosing to wring his neck over) the computer and video games is obviously our family and committment to each other. We took a vow which stated "for better or worse". If I felt this was something that I'd be living with forever, I might feel differently. I do feel that he is making improvements slowly, and I've also been helping him find some other interests.
One thing that helped him understand my point of view a little bit was doing a timer for both he and I. He was pushing me to play the game with him and I kept telling him I didn't have time. So one weekend I timed us both on all the different things we did throughout the day. By Sunday evening, it was obvious that someone had been doing the majority of the housework and taking care of our son. I told him that I would be happy to play a game with him once in awhile if only I had some time. So that was a little bit of a motivator for him to help out. For awhile.
I also see what a great dad he COULD be, and feel that if we slowly work on it, he can really be a good influence for our boys. Does anybody know of any books or websites out there anywhere that deal with this?
~Jenn A.
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| yes, my husband is addicted to ps2, but also just to going to the guest room to watch movies (he can watch the same darn movie over and over again- and i just can't stand it!) so he tends to neglect us as a family. i guess it all boils down to the fact that you stick around because you decide that you are willing to put up with that treatment (or lack thereof)
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KITTYKAT1228
3/23/07 11:38 A
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| My husband is completely to FFXI I let him get it when I found out I pregnant and he's pretty much been on it since then. Once in a while I can get him out of the house... I am a stay at home also but the difference is he takes the baby upstairs with while he plays. He's been trying to get me to play it for a while now and I have no desire. I don't have the time to get addicted to a game like that. My daughter is now two so he has had it for three years. It just ticks me off that when a new expansion come out he has to buy it so that's another 50 bucks down the drain. Now he wants to get a computer so he can play on the two systems at once. Riduculous. Did I mention my dad plays too... They sit right next to eachother all night sometimes and just play. OOOOHHHH it pisses me off. Anyways, just wanted to let you know I have the same problem.
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BRENDAWILL
3/23/07 3:56 A
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Hi,
I am sorry to here about the problem you are having with your husband. Unfortunately, video games are addicting. I left my ex-husband because he choose to play games rather than be with his family. He realized that family was more important too late. I would recommend you ask him to go to marriage counselling or even addicts annonymous. When you let something control your life that much (not feeding his own child), then there is a problem. And if he isn't willing to seek help or at least compromise, then I would get out of this destructive relationship. I will keep your family in my prayers. May God Bless you, Brenda
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I have to say that even people that DO play, don't understand. I've played WoW- I had a character that I played a few hours a week after our son went to bed at night. It was an entertaining game, but I could never fathom how anyone could sit for 12 hours and do any one thing, let alone play a game. I have many hobbies including scrapbooking, computer games, various crafts, candle making, cooking, etc. However, I do not participate in any one activity to the exclusion of a normal family life.
We have a little guy at our co-op preschool who can't relate to anything unless it has to do with a video game. His dad plays online games and he had two older brothers who play playstation etc. No matter what the teacher asks, his answer has something to do with video games. She asked all the kids why they love their families- and this little boy answered "Playing video games with my brother is fun and sometimes my dad lets me play one on on the computer." All the other kids answered things about their parents being nice and hugging them and tucking them in at night, or brothers who play catch with them or sisters who help with their dolls. It's just not healthy to have any one hobby to such a fanatical degree.
I understand how frustrated others can be at the lack of a meeting of the minds in their families. I sympathize with the mom whose husband can't hear things going on in the same room. I no longer let my husband watch the boys in a room by himself unless I can peek in on them every few minutes. He doesn't understand what my concern is, but many times I have asked him a question, my son has wanted his attention, the baby needs help in the playpen and my husband just doesn't even respond. It's not healthy or okay in any way. He forgot to feed our preschooler one day while I was out running errands because he was busy with the game. It's just ridiculous. Anyone that thinks that is normal is crazy.
I understand having a hobby and enjoying doing something as a couple, but it has to be mutual and healthy for everyone in the family. Being part of a marriage or being a parent means compromising for the best of the whole group.
~Jenn A.
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HFAIOERHGIH
3/15/07 3:01 A
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| i guess i could have read the whole thing first. sorry counseling didn't work out. i think it's time for an ultimatum.
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HFAIOERHGIH
3/15/07 2:58 A
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| my problem with my husband goes way beyond this (if you read my other post), but OMG i thought i was the ONLY ONE dealing with this. i even went so far as to ask him why he wanted to get pregnant if he was just going to ignore his son. his mom even called me after the baby was born to tell me that preston might not be involved until the baby could do things that he was interested in and that it was ok because "that's what men do". i was furious. he started feeding him once a day at 3 months old. (that was the only time he did ANYTHING to do with baby since the first week of his life). i begged and pleaded and am still begging and pleading. i hope your situation isn't as bad as ours and that you work your way through it. maybe counseling can help? people often shudder at the thought but it really puts things in perspective for both parties. there is no excuse for irresponsible fathers (or mothers of course!) i hope it works out.
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Video Game addiction is a serious problem. I used to think I was alone too. I was in a long term relationship for 4 years, and was engaged to be married. I used to call him son of satan when he played. He got really nasty when he played, and would get so mad when he was losing that he would start throwing things. He once threw his wireless keyboard at the wall and left a whole in the wall. I would try to calm him my reminding him that it was only a game, and it was supposed to be fun, and not stressful, and that if it upset him that much that he needed to take a break from playing and find something else to "relax" that only made things worse, he would slam the door on me and said he was not to be bothered when he played.
I told him that I would not tolerate the abuse because he was a sore loser, because after he stopped playing he would apologize for being an ass, and would promise not to take it out on me again, but it was a vicious cycle. It never ended.
Needless to say, I ended the relationship. I told him I wanted a man not a boy... He thought I was kidding till I gave a 30 day notice at the apt we were living in, and told him he had 30 days to find another place to live, and while he was at it, he could find another woman to abuse emotionally.
He put me through hell.
I would not have minded if he didn’t get so nasty at everyone when he played. He used to even yell at his kids or parents telling them they had bad timing because they were interrupting his game. But really there was never a good time, because if he was home he was playing, so it was a lose-lose situation.
I hope all you ladies that are having trouble with this, find a way to compromise. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had already been married to him.
Good Luck to those of you in this situation.
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PIZZAGIRL76
3/12/07 10:59 P
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| What bothers me it that it is basically the same as him not even being here. He is so focused, he can't even hear what's going on around him, like a kid crying or me asking him a question. When he had a Playstation, our 1 year old and her cousin broke a lightbulb 2 feet form him and he didn't even notice. I heard the glass break from the other room and came running. He didn't even notice me run into the room. He won't help with anything while he's playing, even though the pause feature works just fine. I interrupt my activities numerous times during the day to do all sorts of things, and I NEVER stay up into the middle of the night doing anything.
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CAPEBRETONMOM
3/12/07 10:08 P
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| I don't know about others, but it's not the game playing itself that I mind. I have hobbies, just like WoW is a hobby for him...that's fine. But I don't participate in my hobbies every single evening, plus most of the weekend. Some help with household duties before his playing would be nice. He is getting better though :)
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TAYDENSMOMMA
3/12/07 2:44 P
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| I guess it's true... the people that don't play, don't understand. Just as i have no interest or know-how in quilting, you have no interest or know-how in WoW. the difference is i don't care how much you quilt but you complain and find everything wrong with video games.
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PIZZAGIRL76
3/12/07 2:21 P
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| yes he does, in fact he is sitting next to me right now doing just that. He was doing it all day yesterday, and was up until 3:30 am. Grrr.
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The evidence is in the high school children who are sleepy and cannot keep up with homework and school work because all they do is play video games. 
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No, he doesnt even know how to trun my computer on.  That could be a good thing.
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CAPEBRETONMOM
3/12/07 1:02 A
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| My hubby is addicted to WoW. He plays most nights through the week (doesn't always wait until the kids are in bed), and all weekend. I try to be understanding...I never nag. He tries to get me playing...yeah, right! I don't think so. I don't know what to do...it gets frustrating. So you're not alone.
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TAYDENSMOMMA
3/8/07 8:36 A
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yes it is easy to lose track of time when you are zoned on your computer.
my question to you is this... do you have any hobbies? do you read books, craft, sew... i don't really know what hobbies people have... anyway the game is his hobby. sure he may take it to the extreme. but it's something he loves doing. he may be one of the best players in the game but you might not know this based on your lack of interest for computer games. when you complete a 'normal' hobby project you have something to show for it... a read book. a quilt. a garden of yummy food. why is it so different for his hobby? just because you can't see the work he has put into it doesn't mean its not as fulfilling and meaningful to him.
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TAYDENSMOMMA
3/8/07 8:32 A
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oh please. that is rubbish.
i am not depressed. i have a very fulfilling life. i have a great career and i am very intelligent. my son is the top of his preschool class because the games have taught him about adding, letter recognition and more. he is a VERY happy child. In fact he tends to be somewhat bored with some of the preschool stuff because its so easy for him. so please... your answer is rubbish and unsupported by evidence.
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| Please stop your children from playing these games. i am a high school teacher and see the reprecussions all the time. The kids who play these games lack motivation and tend to be depressed. There are studies out about these tendencies.
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MENDHEARTS
3/7/07 11:42 A
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| after reading your message board I was happy to know I am not alone. My husband is addicted to FFXI online. He will sit for hours on end, sometimes till early morning. It has become a burden on our marriage. I work full time sometimes 48 hours a week, he works part time 4 hours a night. I come home to see the house is a mess dishes are stacked up at his computer. We have a 5 yr old that he does get off to school in the morning about 2-3 days week but I've gotten notes from school that he didnt get him off the bus so the bus takes him back to school because he is so busy playing his game he forgets about the time. The house could be falling apart around him but he wouldn't notice. We lost electricity for 11 hours one day and I got more work done out of him that day that I can remember for years. I've tried to uninstall his game or change the configurations to mess up his game to no avail. When one of our computers crashed he wanted to go straight out and get a new one because I had to do some work on his computer and it was taking up too much of his gaming time. I've asked him to get help and have even threatened divorce...all that does is keep him off for a small period of time then the behavior goes right back. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. I don't play video games and have no desire too and yes he played before we were married but not as much as he does now. I told him to write a book of excuses because he has more excuses to continue to play the game. Like I'm not out drinking. But I say yes you are right you aren't out drinking but you are unable to maintain the daily tasks of life. Its not till I get on him constantly that he will help out. Then he thinks all I do is nag. I'm at the point where I think our son and I would be better off without him. I'm not happy and my unhappiness it making it hard to maintain normalcy. I'm on his computer right now, and no Nvidia card in the computer upstairs....so he's stirring around up there now waiting for me to leave and go to the bank so he can get on. Its sad!!
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TAYDENSMOMMA
2/28/07 12:37 P
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i agree. and i do spend about 4-5 hours playing WoW with my boyfriend each night after work. however, i think there are many other horrible things i could be doing. i am not out drinking at the bar everynight or doing any drugs. i am at home with my children who are happily playing next to us with their toys or sittin on our laps watching.
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I think it's fine that your son knows how to play games and has learned some valuable lessons from them. My son also enjoys playing computer games and v-smile games (all age appropriate and educationally oriented). I think that as long as it is used in moderation, it can be fine. I think that moderation is the key to anything, including WOW and other video games.
My husband is a computer game-aholic as far as I am concerned. It becomes a problem for your family when the video game takes importance over other things- including spouse, children, household duties, etc. When my husband would rather spend his 4-5 hours after work in front of a computer every night than with our two sons and I, there is something wrong. Don't blame obnoxious kids or wife either, because all our friends agree that we have the most mellow and relaxed kids on the planet.
As long is there is moderation, I see nothing wrong. When it goes past a normal pasttime into obsession, then changes need to be made. Especially once a person becomes a parent, there are things more important than a game.
~Jenn A.
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TAYDENSMOMMA
2/27/07 2:32 P
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ok i have to comment... i am a World of Warcraft junkie. i live and breathe for this game. yes it is addicting to all the people out there laughing at me :D
i have 2 kids. my son is 4 and addicted to games my daughter is 1 and she already loves to watch and hold the controller. my boyfriend and i sit and play wow any chance we get.
my son plays anything from the v-smile, gamecube, xbox360 and computer. but i see nothing wrong with this because he is one of the smarter kids in his preschool. games have taught him math and other things. most of all he has learned that he cannot always win - an important lesson.
my comment to you is this... if your husband plays games why not spend time WITH him and play along side him? did you know he played games before you got married? if so you need to realize you love him for the person he is / games and all.
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OMG I am so glad I am not the only one dealing with this. To make matters worse DH is a video game programmer! His job has every system and game imaginable. Some nights he is there till 2am playing. I am ready to strangle him!
I admit it I like my games too, and so does our son but where is the line is this? I think it should be family first games second.
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MC.CHRISTY
2/26/07 12:37 A
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| I think you just described my life....it sucks....I tell him I have something to do on the comp just to get him off of it. He does nights at work and is only home three nights a week.....you would think he would want to hang with the kids..
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RAINWILLFALL
2/25/07 11:40 P
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I game a few hrs a week, but most of my gaming is after everyone has gone to bed. My gf and daughter both game on their own systems so its not really an issue with us. I met my gf on IRC in '96 so we're both geeks and acknowledge that we both basically live on our laptops :P
I also do tend to game more when its crunch time with deadline's, nothing better then relieving the tension then blowing something up :)
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Yeah, I understand.
That's when my DH really needs his games. If he's on a deadline or something and works long hours, he needs to have some serious zombie thrashing non-thinking geek time LOL
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I am a husband who plays video games. I play PC and console games. I've done the all night game fest before and sometimes it's hard to take a break from it, especially when you are beating the daylights out of your opponent.
I try to make a point of paying attention to my wife and kids while they are awake but when I put kids to bed and when I have time to myself, I play. It's a stress buster. It's not a "we don't love you" thing but it is a way to focus all of your frustration of the day on something else.
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Moderation is a good thing.
That said, I'm a game junkie. It was hard to discipline, but now I hardly ever play...we have a baby in the house!
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Luckily, my DH knows he is prone to becoming addicted to them so he discplines himself. He does a really good job restricting himself, and never chooses the games over family.
My boys are game junkies too, from Leapster and VSmile, to the game boy, game cube, and flash games online....
However, the console (cube) only comes down in to the livingroom on the big tv on saturday nights IF everyone has pitched in and helped mom catch up with housework; then we play together.
After homework and chores, they are sometimes allowed upstairs in our room to play for a little while before dinner OR before bed. Same with the plug and play ones and the computer games (my kids love old school emulators!)
All the other systems are educational ones...VSmile, VFlash, and Leapster....so those are mostly a family activity as well, or my three year old plays them while I do laundry or dishes. Better, at least more interactive than just more TV.
When it was just me and DH and my eldest, it did get bad, ONCE. I deleted all the copies of stuff from the computers, and we didn't have a console of any sort then ;)
They learned.
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| Why would your kids be at the babysitter if their dad is off work and home to take care of them? Sad...
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POOKEYBUM624
2/19/07 3:24 P
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| With a Xbox, PS2, Gamecube and three tv's not to mention 2 different game boys, we are all about the games. I really do not mind that he plays games, At least I know where he is. . . I play with the kids Gameboys so its all good. I actually have taken up Chrochet, so I can sit on the couch next to him while he plays, and I help and follow along with the game. We still find time for talking and intimacy . . that is most important.
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| Yup, WOW is the same way, we can play with friends from back home. Both my husband and I are addicted to this game. It is our "quality" time together. We play when our son goes to bed. My son and I get our excercise during the day so I don't just sit around in a chair all day though.
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I am the husband that plays video games. My wife plays them as well but not near as much as I do. I play online MMO style games. Started with Everquest almost 10 years ago and have played about 10 of them. I currently play two of them at the same time on two computers.
I don't play to hide from my life. I don't skirt my duties to play. I do play about 4-5 hours a day though. I lose sleep and I admit when my wife is not home (she works nights) I have been known to stay up all night. I have insomnia so often I would be up anyway just tossing and turning. I also do not watch more then 3 hours of TV a week, all of that Tivo.
I get alot of grief about playing but I find that those that yell at me the most have their own demons. SOme watch tv all evening long, others go out to bars. I believe my wife would rather I am home gaming then out drinking.
I am addicted, that I can admit. I had a very real issue with FFXI where I was playing almost 80hours a week and was very unhappy in life. My wife almost left me during that time and it woke me up. I am down to about 40 hours a week right now. That may still be too much.
I can say that with the MMO's I play I am doing something that many people don't get to do. I am spending all that time playing games with friends. Some live nearby some live in other states but to me going and killing a dragon is about teh same as all of us going out for a beer. The ones that live nearby and I make it a point to go out and play Ultimate Frisbee when the weather is nice so its not all sitting in a chair.
I still love my wife and I try not to ignore her. When things got really bad during the FFXI days she talked to me and like I said almost left. That fixed me right up. I wish you all the same sort of luck.
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| Yes, my husband plays video games, and if he hadn't of gotten me addicted to WOW as well I don't think I'd ever be able to spend time with him. lol
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It's sad to say, but I think my husband's only joy in life is video games. We have 4 kids and both sets of in-laws within driving distance. He doesn't like to spend time with anything but his games. When he has time off from work, it's playing video games. When we actually have company over, it's to play video games. He is driving me crazy!! And, my 5yr old is starting to like playing video games too.(different system and games)
I hate to say it, but I am glad I am not the only one who suffers to being backseat to video games.
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LUCKYSTAR63
2/10/07 9:41 P
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We both do. However we carve out time for each other and we do things together. I however play games to keep myself from foraging for food when I'm not hungry and I'm bored!
I consider it more of a blessing than a bad thing.
I have had friends who have had major arguments over this. Hubby is NOT being fair to you. If you could take the cord to the computer and tell him he is not getting it back until you can work out an agreement to spend more time with you guys!
I hope things go the way you need them to be. 
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My husband doesn't play computer games but his wife does!
Moderation is the key to anything I spose.
Elyssande.
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my husband has the xbox360 and playstation 2, and yes, he's addicted. But he won't play when the kids are up, unless its a kid-friendly game he can play with them. In the evenings, its not every night, and most of the time he'll ask if I need to use the tv before he jumps on his gaming system.
I really enjoy his hobby--sometimes I'll play a game with him, but when I don't, I enjoy having the peace and quiet I like to read a book or work on scrapbooking, without feeling guilty that I'm ignoring him.
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| my fiance lives for his playstation 2. every night when he gets home from work after spending an hour with me nad the baby goes up to the room for the night and i usually find him asleep with the controller beside him and the game still running.
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| Yes my husband is very addicted to computer games, he sometimes can play for 5-6 hours at a time and not even realize it! But we have been working on that!
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ROSEGALIANA
1/31/07 6:34 P
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| My husband loves to play games, but he isn't as addicted to them as some. Me, on the other hand, when Sims Online was big.. well, I got seriously addicted, to the point of putting the game before my marriage. It is a serious addiction, and I had a big wake up call (I drove 13 hrs. to meet people from the game and realized that I wasn't meant to be there) and if I hadn't, I would probably be divorced right now. Its like any other addiction (alcohol, gambling, smoking) where the person who is addicted has to wake up and change their behavior. I'm sorry that you are going through this. In all honesty, I think an ultimatum (sp) is about the only way to go. He has to realize whats at stake. I know I didn't realize just how much I was jeopardizing my marriage. Now I look back and realize it, and I know that I have to be careful when it comes to things like that. I wish you all the best.
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| My husband and I both play Final Fantacy online. The differnce is I only play after the children are in bed and he plays all the time. It typically only becomes a problem on the weekends when our 15 month old wants his daddy and his daddy is to busy playing FF. I have started taking all the babies toys in his TV room and playing with him right infront of the TV. It might be childish but I get my point across.
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JENBUG1218
1/30/07 2:57 P
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| Hello ladies, just thought that I would jump in with my .02. My husband loves video games as well & i understand his "need" to play to relax after a long day. HOWEVER, after I discussed how I was feeling neglected with the children. He watches the kids once he gets home so I can cook supper. We eat supper as a family. I take a 30+ min break on whatever & he does the same afterwards. Then we both play with the kids until bath time. Then he usually plays again while they bathe, but he does help me get them out & ready for bed. I don't mind him playing as long as I don't need him for other things. Hope this helps anyone!
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Poor girls. We actually have an opposite problem, I am a gamer with 4 month old baby. On the other had, my hubby is a sports fanatic (playing sports) so it is not like he is standing next to me whining to give some attention.
Video games can be definetely addictive, but my little munchkin always reminds me not to waiste my time and spend time with her, so I play couple of hours a week after she is asleep.
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TAZANGEL36
1/29/07 1:58 P
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| BTW, this also gives me some much-needed personal time and alone time. I can scrapbook, read, do my nails, watch a musical, whatever I want!
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TAZANGEL36
1/29/07 1:56 P
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Hey, guys! My DH plays WOW now, when my son was born he was playing EQ2. He was just like what you guys described, playing all the time, unhelpful, we fought all the time! So we came up with a system that has been working for almost a year! We both work full-time, my son is in daycare. We get home from work, make dinner, sit down at the table as a family, then when dinner's over we give Jacob a bath, we take turns putting him to bed, then we watch a show together, and by this time it's about 8. After that, Josh can play to his heart's content as long as he doesn't start yelling at the computer!
I had to tell him that his actions and behavior made it really hard for me to be understandign about his "need" to play a video game; that when he would tell me he couldn't come do something because other people were waiting on him it made me feel as if I wasn't as important as people he didn't even know; that if he wanted this marriage to work, and a wife that was happy and off his back and that "let" him play he had to meet me halfway.
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Any ideas from anyone out there about how to protect our kids from husband's idea of "fun"? My daughter is just over 1yo and will grow up thinking that violence, sounds of war and death, and generally wasting hours and hours playing games is normal, even though I'll do my best to teach her otherwise. DH knows this but has said so many times that he'll quit that I don't trust him any more. He's asked me for help to control it more but when I do he specifically asks me not to help.
Very frustrated adn tired of it constantly being a topic.
~Tashnlex
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| My husband has been playing them since HS!! It was so bad at one point that he lost a full college scholarship because he skipped classes to play games!!! It has gotten better in that he usually only plays at night after the kids go to bed, but he has introduced it to the kids and I am not thrilled about it!! He plays mainly shoot 'em up wargames online. I don't want the kids getting the same lazy habits that spending so much time in front of the computer seems to create! I get to the point that I wish he worked more because it would convey a more productive lifestyle!! Anyway, I guess maybe when we are old and grey he might grow up. Then again, maybe not. Thank you for letting me vent!
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Hi. Am new to this discussion board. No, you're far from alone in thinking that his behaviour is not loving or responsible. My dear, darling husband, who I love very much and try hard to respect, has the same problem, although I am very blessed in that he's not as addicted to stupid games as much as some people. But enough to make me very frustrated and annoyed. Especially when it comes to our 1yo daughter and another child on the way. I try very hard not to be bitter about it in my own heart 'cos I know that it doesn't help matters at all. Just makes me angry when I do confront him about it. I'm praying he'll grow up one day and realize how destructive his habbit is and how hurtful it is to his family, not to mention himself and his marriage to me.
Thinking of you and all you others who struggle with the same thing.
~Tashnlex
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COULDNTBHAPPIER
1/21/07 5:07 P
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| He sure does! We used to fight about it bunches ~ but he's cut back considerably (???)...
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yes :(
he has cut WAY down, though so it's not a fighting issue anymore. :)
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My husband plays counterstrike. We bought it for him for his birthday about two years ago. Biggest mistake of my life!!! I always tell him I'm going to uninstall the game and throw out the disk when he is at work.
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BEACHGIRL2008
1/13/07 2:52 P
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| Ha! ha! That would work, but this is an online game. Maybe I should tell him that the Cable Internet is down (again). THAT would be believable.
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TOMMIEHANNAH
1/13/07 12:18 P
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| OOPS, your game has a scratch on it and it won't play anymore???? How could that happen?
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BEACHGIRL2008
1/13/07 9:15 A
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| My son plays World of Warcraft all the time. He drives me crazy. He came home from college on Dec 9th and left on Jan 6th. He only left the house once because he played WOW all day and all night. I worry about him being addicted to it.
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LOVEBUGG16
1/12/07 4:43 P
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| Well my hubby is highly addicted to computer games.One for sure Warcraft...ever heard of this game do not buy it its dangerous my dh gets up around 10am plays on the computer until 230pm goes to work.I don't think he even knows we are home.We beening my 4 year old and my self.It sucks.
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LANEYBUGMOM22
1/12/07 4:24 P
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My DH used to be the same way. It used to really bug me. Now, we both take care of the kids, we both do housework and we both relax. He is in Korea right now, so it isn't the case right now, but usually.
He asks me if I mind if he gets on. I think he wants to make sure he isn't going to get nagged. I tell him, yes, I mind because...or no, I am going to do something like read or something on the computer.
I don't think anyone can change unless they want to, or unless their behavior has consequences. For my husband, I just nagged him to death, til he got tired and decided it wasn't worth it anymore. That may not work for everyone, but it worked for me.
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| He plays internet games all the time. He jsut brings the laptop to the couch when we are home. It's a little frustrating some days.
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| My husband likes to play Playstation II games. I don't mind most of the time. He plays them when he gets off of work around 1 am, but the kids and I are already in bed, so it doesn't bother me. He was off work yesterday and he played his games while the kids were with the babysitter, but when we got home he shut them off and joined us in the living room. I feel I have a wonderful husband, I am very lucky.
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| No, he's not computer smart. He's gonna retire in 4 years and I promised to teach him the in's and out's of getting around on the internet and how to play games. Hope I have some hair left when we're through!
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CRICKETRO
10/13/06 4:54 A
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| yeah he plays computer games on his PC :) i work on my laptop. but when there is work to do in the house, he is off the chair and helps ;) LOVE my future hubby (been living wt my fiance for 4 yrs now)
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NIFFER129
10/12/06 4:55 P
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How old is your son? I know with my first one her dad didn't take much interest in her when she was young, because "She doesn't do any thing!" Men just don't get that it is important to spend time with the kids when they are baby's. Maybe once he gets a little older your hubby will take an interest in him more. How long have you guys been married?
Jenn
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BREWERSMOM
10/11/06 7:25 P
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You're right nobelswife. I attempted the counseling thing a few months ago and he said no. Well I went ahead and made the appointment anyway and even went as far as to talk to his supervisor. I asked him not to let Brian know that I came to him but that we were having some problems and that I thought it was important for us to see a counselor so could Brian get off an hour and a half each week to go to marraige counseling with me. He said of course, whatever you guys need. I told him when the appointment was and he said he would make sure there was someone to cover. Well to sum it up, Brian never showed for the appointment claiming that he couldn't get off, a lie. I ended up talking to the chaplain myself but he couldn't say much without hearing from Brian too.
It really makes me wonder how much he cares about this marraige if he won't even give an hour of his time to do something that I told him was important to me.
My son and I just got back from a visit to grandma's for a month (We live in germany so i don't want to buy plane tickets for just a short trip) and I thought things might be different once I got back since he kept telling me how much he missed me and wanted me back home. But the night we got back he was playing on his game while I was playing with Brewer. Ugh! And then he actually said "I don't like playing with him" when I asked why he would rather play a game with people he had never met online than play with his son.
Okay, I'm done venting. I just get so lonely over here in Germany so far away from family. Sometimes I wish my mom or sister lived right down the street so I could run down there anythime.
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TIME_FOR_CHANGE
10/11/06 6:52 P
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True but most men are not willing to talk to some "shrink" about their family life. Most would get pissed but it would sink into a thick skull alot faster than someone anaylsising them. Food for thought is all...
HTH!!
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| Good Luck Brewersmom! One good thing out of this board is that I realized that I am not the only one who went through this, I thought I had the only 30 year old who played kid games:) Honestly if it's that bad you have to reach some sort of agreement. Have you thought about couseling? I know it sounds extreme but I would try that before any sort of ultimatum, I know if I tried that w/my husband it would just piss him off more. Counseling can help put everything into perspective for both of you and it may even help some other problems that we all have! We had counseling for other problems but the Xbox did come up and showed him what he was doing was wrong but me getting so pissed off at him was not the way to approach the situation either. Best of Luck!
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TIME_FOR_CHANGE
10/11/06 6:14 P
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You know Brewersmom, you can always give him an ultimatum (sorry I cant spell today!). Make him aware that either he can keep his games or you two. If he chooses you two, then stay with the agreement that he doesnt touch the games. If he does, your gone. After a while, 6 months or so, then get him a new game and a card, tell him he has earned it back up to 6 hours a week or something. I know it sounds hard but when he learns to respect you then he can be happy and play. " If mom aint happy, aint Nobody happy", remember??
HTH!!!
Misty
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BREWERSMOM
10/11/06 5:51 P
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Thanks for all your help. It is nice to know that I am not the only person dealing with this. I have tried to ask him for a compromise - Play only after Brewer is asleep and only 6 hours a day on the weekends but he has yet to show any want to compromise. I am afraid that it may come down to all or nothing - either the computer goes or Brewer and I go. I know that there are worse things he could be out doing but still, I feel that our marraige is really suffering. I hope that he will take my feelings into account soon before I decide that enough is enough.
Again, thanks for all the comments.
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CHRISTYR2006
10/11/06 1:38 P
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OMG, YES!! WOW (World Of Warcraft)! But he is good about it, he waits until after the baby is asleep to get on. I tolerate it only because he does work very hard and long hours so I can stay home with our son. Plus there are worse things out there he could be doing lol.
Before we got the computer he played games on his XBOX 360, and Everquest on his Playstation 2. So at least now I can watch TV while he plays haha (we only have 1 TV, I know we are not in the norm on that one).
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TIME_FOR_CHANGE
10/11/06 12:29 P
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Yes, I have been there. Saying almost the same things to mine. Some dont realize what it takes. Some dont care... My husband did not realize it and when I told him to leave he cryed and made a fuss. It only took a month of him being gone to realize that his missed us more than the games. He still has them, but we now come first. When I first let him move back in, I left for days at a time. I let him feel the way I felt dealing with kids, housework, 2 jobs and everything else, he finally told me one night that I have the patience God gave a butterfly because he could not see why we had children and didnt use disposable dishes and clothing. In three nights, he was comparibly exhausted and could not stay awake to play his game. I loved it. Now, he does not ask me questions or complain about fact I ask him to do things!!!
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TIME_FOR_CHANGE
10/11/06 12:22 P
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LOL!!! Well let me see, my husband has an Atari, Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Sega with CD and 32X, Playstation, Playstation 2 and is about to get the Playstation 3. He has his desktop and his laptop where there are games galore. We did fight at one time about his games and books and no time for the children and me. After 10 years of marriage and games, games, games, he does not stay on them 24-7. I am lucky if he gets on then 5 hours a week, when he is home. He is currently deployed, so that adds a level of need to his mind. He wants his games as a mental release of the day. The same with his books but has learned to put them aside for the family that he almost lost because of the games and his mother (whole other story)! I did compete for him against all these other game systems and instead of competing and complaining, I just got even... Legal seperation and the main complaint is that he should have married his video systems helped. Now, if I say anything, the controllers hit the ground and he is ready to hear what I need or have to say.
Most everyone has been in this situation. Everyone handles it differently. In my case, it made my relationship stronger. You will find the right combination for your situation. It just might take a little creative thinking though...
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TOCKOVIC
10/11/06 11:36 A
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| It's all about perspective, at least that is what i have learned since my hubbie has been addicted to Xbox since it came out(used to cause many arguments). I say let them play as much as they can when they get a new game, then they get bored with it. We do, however, have Xbox agreements, which is it will not interfere w/our family life and he can play as much as he wants as long as it's after I get our daughter in bed and there is nothing we are doing together. You just have to set some boundries. Like if I dont want to do dishes or some cleaning we make some sort of deal. Also, if there is somethign I really want us to do that i know he doesn't I will make an Xbox deal with him. Your hubbie's should take part in your life but they should also have some "guy" time. I have to say I would rather him be home than out drinking at a bar or anything else :)
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| Dont feel bad my husband has a xbo360 that he play like that but usually he is too tired when he come home fom work to play. But when the weekend comes my brother and his friends are over playing non stop all day. I dont mind because atleast he is not out in the streets and he does include the kids. lol
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NIFFER129
10/10/06 9:14 A
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Brewersmom
You are not alone. My hubby does the exact same thing. I'll have to say it was the dumbest gift I every bought him. I often tease him and tell him I'm throwing the whole system in the garbage! I finally got so sick of it that one night I just lost it. I told him I sit at home all day with a bunch of kids. I have no adult conversation all day and then you come home and ignore me. I told him I was feeling neglected and unloved. He said he was sorry he didn't realize that was what he was doing. That playing his game was how he unwound from work. I just told him don't you think I would like to unwind. I don't get to sit down some nights til 10:00 and then I'm drained. I also told him I felt like a slave. He now helps with the kids and housework. He still plays but only 3 nights a week. Maybe sit down and talking with him will help. Men just don't realize the time and energy it takes with kids. If you every need someone to vent to just let me know! I know how lonely and frustrating it can be.
Jenn
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PURPLEGARDENIAS
10/10/06 8:33 A
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| Mine loves his video games.Our computer is very old and is not capable of games.So dh has game systems.He had a playstation 2 and and x box.The playstation broke so now we have the x box and an x box 360.The kids have a game cube.My dh can sit all day and play those stupid things.He does not do it every day but he travels a lot for work so maybe he would if he had a regular job.Who knows.He is especially bad when he first gets a new game and when he is close and watns to beat the game.
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BREWERSMOM
10/9/06 10:06 P
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I was just wondering if I am the only person who finds this to be a problem...
My husband come home from work (4:30pm), maybe says hi to me and our 6 month old son, gets a soda from the fridge, then logs on to the computer to play Final Fantasy XI. He stays on the computer all night, no kidding, except to eat dinner (which he usually complains that I make him eat with me and not at the computer.) He sighs and groans when I ask him to fix the baby a bottle or change his diaper, rarely gets down and plays with our son, and stays up until the wee hours of the morning playing then wakes up with in a bad mood when I basically have to pull him out of bed 10 minutes before he has to work.
PLEASE...someone tell me I am not alone in thinking that this is not loving, responisble father/husband behavior.
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