Just a thought here, but I read your profile and you have a new baby in the house right? Born in Jan? Is this something that may have to do with jealousy because of the baby? Or maybe an "attention-getter"? That might be something to consider also. Maybe he needs some one-on-one attention and may be acting like a beast just to get you to pay attention to him for awhile...after all, negative attention is better than no attention to a child. My niece was doing this too at her babysitters house and would act out when she was mad at the babysitter for not paying attention to her or playing with her. My sister finally got fed up when she bit the babysitter and she washed her mouth out with soap. It worked...she never bit or hit again. As far as saying the i hate you part...hey, don't worry about it. the more you make a big deal out of words, the more they say them for shock value! he probably doesn't even know what it means anyways and just says it for attention. Good luck - this can be very trying to your nerves, so try to take it one day at a time!!
SUZANNEJOZEF 9/10/06 10:55 A
It's great that you don't give in to him!! He is testing you and will continue to test you. When he says he hates you, tell him well I don't like the way you are acting, I love you but I don't like what you are doing.
Yes the time outs are a good way of discipline but with some kids they do need a bit more sometimes. With my son time outs were just not working. Finally I told him if you hit me one more time I will hit you back and let you see how it feels. Well, when he hit me, I hit him back, just hard enough to make it smart, once he realized it hurt he didn't hit me anymore. It's not that you are justifying hitting or saying it's ever ok, but sometimes they need to know what they are doing hurts.
Good luck Suzanne
BEEEBS 9/8/06 2:35 A
Remember what the parenting books say, "When your kid says he or she hates you, you know you're doing your job." Too many parents today feel they should be a "buddy" or "friend" to their kids. That is one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make! For you to not give in says just how strong a parent you are! Good work! I have a 7 and 9 yr old (see my page) and have given in too many times. But, I can also hold my own with issues I strongly believe in. I guess it's a matter of knowing what battles are important to stand firm on and what doesn't matter as much. My 7 year old was a biter at 4 years old because she didn't know how to express her frustrations and was hungry when she was at the gym daycare. We nearly got kicked out of the daycare because of it, but after our talk, she never did it again (hard). Today she's into spanking bottoms. This is embarrassing in public, but I am pretty consistent about telling her "No, that is NOT appropriate behavior!" She usually stops, or spends time in some type of time-out. Keep up the good work! kids will try anything to show us they are independent little bodies!
LORIINSJ 9/7/06 8:24 P
Ah..I remember that age. The "I hate you" and other preschool appropriate insults are normal. It would have killed me the first time I heard it if I hadn't known from a friend with older kids that's normal. I watched her second son do it, and I melted, she didn't.
I would try to ignore it, or you can begin the process of inducing parental guilt (a good thing) with a calm, "okay, but I love you all the time, even when you're grumpy." Then move on.
As to the hitting though, that's completely unacceptable and must be stopped immediately or it will escalate into hitting others.
Time out time. Grab his hand firmly and hold it down as you make it abundantly clear that hitting is never okay, and most definitely not your parents! Don't hit back, otherwise you're contradicting your message and only teaching "might makes right."
Then put him wherever he goes for a timeout and let him sit for 4 minutes to think about it. Then talk about it again and make him apologize before getting up.
You can also suggest at this point that if it happens again, he's going to lose something, name a specific privilege or favorite toy so he know exactly what to expect, then be sure to deliver without hesitation if he tests it.
MAMA2002 9/7/06 6:06 P
my little boy is 4 yrs
OKIEMOM 9/7/06 4:11 P
I was also wondering how old he is? the time out is a good thing. when mine was younger they would do that to see if they could get a rise out of me. I would look at them and say I love you. it is not polite to tell someone you hate them. you can be angry with someone without hating them. they fianlly out grew it. Good luck and hang in there. I am sure he really doesn't mean it.
ALBERTAPROUD 9/7/06 4:04 P
How old is he? A lot of children go through this phase, and it passes.
Be firm. Take both of his fists in your hands and look right into his eyes and say "NO! It is not okay to hit." Time outs in high chairs (where they are held in with safety belts) can be effective, if for a short time. And it gives you a moment to back away from the situation and take a breath.
Good luck - this Mommy thing is hard... hang in there!
MAMA2002 9/7/06 3:21 P
what do i do ladies if ben dont get his way he hits me and says he hate me. i dont give in at all to him. let me know what i should do when he does both of them ok. need alot of help. jacki sad mommy here
sad mommy here
