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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/28/06 10:19 A
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Welcome to the site!
Oh I soo wanna strangle the ex.. well maybe not strangle but I dont understand what she is thinking.
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Hello Everyone - I am a bio mom of 4 and a stepmom of 3, so my house every other weekend is very busy. After reading through this topic I am thankful I am not the only one who wants to strangle the ex-wife and pull my hair out because of the step kids. I to love them immensely and even after almost 7 years are trying to adjust to the way their mother is bringing them up.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/27/06 12:27 P
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| Good morning all! How are you lovely ladies today???
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/26/06 11:00 P
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Hey all.. I wanted to let you all know that I have heard from Raven
She had a hysterectomy on Monday. She is home and feeling okay. Please keep her in your thoughts!!
How are you all????
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| hi there - step mom here for the past 6 years. It was tough the first couple years but so much easier now that everyone seems settled. Course problems still crop up occassionally, but when don't they?
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CHRISTINA_CSR
7/26/06 12:48 P
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Hey CHANSEN,
That is so great that you are the SIZE you want to be, back in the "8"s!!! Fantastic!!!
I know that the scale is just a number, and you want it lower, but think back to when you were a 135? Where you in as good of shape as you are now? Did you have as much muscle? How many years ago was that, since you have 4 kids, I would think it is at least 5 years ago. So if you're say, 30 and a size 8 and great shape, the scale # is not that important. When I got buff at 30, I was 138 and a size 7-9, so I use that as my dream goal. In high school I was 115, but I don't really think I was fully grown. I'll add 10lbs and be satisfied with 148 if I can still get in a 9-10 since I had my daughter at 35.
My suggestion of you accepting yourself as you are now, at GOAL SIZE!!!!(did I say Fantastic, CONGRATS!!!) is to make a very nice collage of recent and new pictures of yourself alone, and with family, at your goal size. Looking at pictures of yourself happy at your goal size in your new outfits, and having fun with your kids, is sure to make you see that the # on the scale is not a factor in your fitness. Frame this collage and hang it in the area that you do your workouts, or in the kitchen, to remind you that you want to maintain that outlook, and size.
Also, the weight you are now, in the goal size clothes, IS NOW your goal weight to maintain and a-tain if you should slouch off and loose the current size that you are. One of the problems that I heard about concerning loosing weight, is that once you've gone on that journey and achieved your goal, then you loose what is next to do, which is maintain it. Its not a finish line that you have come to, but a door that you have walked through into your new life of being health and happy with who you are. CONGRATULATION AGAIN! I'm hoping to get there some day, maybe this year.
   
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Good Morning Everyone! Im Suppose to be at 1000 to 1200 calories a day but it seems like every other day I end up at 1400. So I thought instead of kicking myself over it I would up my exercises from 30 minutes to 60 minutes. I did great the first week but I dont know if I twisted funny or what but I am so sore. My thighs, and my back. Spasms start in my back and go down my leg. Does anyone have any tips on how to relieve this or how long it lasts? The pharmisist recommended some arthritis cream which really helps but it heats up and in this heat wave its miserable. I also switched exercises from the treadmill to the swimming pool which helps with the heat. My husband found a place where we can use a whirlpool for an hour for about 15 dollars. I want to use this as my reward but i'm thinking I need it now. I have already bought a new wardrobe so the new outfit thing does'nt really work anymore. I went from a size 24 to a 8.
My other question if anyone knows my goal is a size 9 and 135 pounds. I'm in a size 8 which passed my goal but 155 pounds. My OB Dr. says 135 pounds is unrealistic. Is this true? She says after 4 pregnancies and at my age I cant get down to the weight I was when I was 16. I weighed 135 after I had my first son so I dont feel like I'm trying to get my teenage figure back. My regular Dr. says it is almost impossible to lose the belly after having 4 children without having cosmetic surgery. He says I should be very proud of my accomplishment and learn to accept my body the way it is. My problem is when I look in the mirror I still see myself like I was before at 235 pounds. So I really dont know at this point what is realistic. Does anyone else look in the mirror and still see the person they were? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
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| Hi all. Just wanted to let everyone know that I started a new spark team. Come check it out and join. Team is STEP PARENTS UNITE. It includes all step parents and is a place to share info, tips, good and bad days and more importantly...a place to vent. I truly believe that there is strength in numbers and think the team will have great input regarding all the stuff that steppies get to deal with on a daily basis. Thanks for letting me get my venting done over here...can vent to hubby but he is in the same boat. Have a great day and save some time just for yourself.
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My husband got a phone call from a collection agency yesterday. It seems his x (girlfriend), they were never married, put his name on her utilities and then they were shut off when she was evicted. The collection agency called my cell phone. I wonder how they got my number since that is the number she uses to call her son. I wonder how many other things she has put his name on. And I wonder how a company such as the electric company allows someone to put someone elses name on their utilities. My husband told them the utilitie company is going to have to show him the agreement with his name on it and the proof that we had to show when we had ours turned on.
Then when she brought my stepson back last weekend she had him buckled into the front seat with her. The laws in Ca. say he is suppose to be in the backseat in a booster seat.
She thinks this is very funny! She told my husband to try and get her. He took a picture with his phone but it didnt turn out. So now its his word against hers. And the thought thats going through my head is the cancer did'nt kill him so she is going to.
I'm sorry I'm just upset and rambling. I was told that there are alot of changes a child has to go through everytime they go from one house to the next. It's a very big deal! kids do not like changes in their normal routine. I dont know if I completely agree but I can tell you my stepson is VERY cranky for the first day or so after coming home from his mom's and my older children also had a very hard time when they went to stay with their Dad. Just hang in there!!!
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| Thanks for the sympathies but it will all eventually get better when she realizes the life skills she has obtained here will be utilized in the future. I appreciate everyone's input.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/22/06 10:26 A
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Funny how they FORGET when they get back from being with the bio mom..
But i think that is all kids..
NO matter where they live..
I am sorry to hear about all the trouble you go through.
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| Hi all. Thanks for the advice. Because in town with her Mom most of the time, we do spend all our time with her on the weekends. Her lifestyle in town includes: eating out as mom doesn't cook, not knowing how to clean or do laundry as her mom doesn't do these things, taking responsibility for actions as her mom doesn't do these things, the list goes on and on. I have taught her how to cook, how to clean, how to write thank you notes for gifs received on special occasions, how to know how to handle money....she has huge savings account here but not any money in savings with Mom. Hubby calls ex to discuss stuff after she has sent a note. She is pumped for information about what goes on here by her Mom and the only thing we ask about is new friends, what activities she has done and about her pet's in town. Her mother is bi-polar, refuses to take meds and has given this child a very unrealistic view of how real life is. We do like her Mom's husband and realize that he now has the same stuff to deal with that my hubby had when married to her. My biggest problem...every weekend she is here, it's like a whole new ball game. Nothing is remembered... and this is not a stupid kid. She is a good student with good grades..we have no behavior problems with her, ever. She has a good sense of humor, is fun to be around most of the time. I have two older children and she likes to see them. She has ton's of extended family due to remarriages. Anyway, thanks for all the comments. Just nice to know I can get it off my chest to peeps who will be impartial and learn some new things. Thanks all!
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/21/06 4:20 P
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| LOL that may be a good one LOLOL
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CHRISTINA_CSR
7/21/06 4:19 P
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Hi MERE52,
I am a weekend stepmom too. We have our 14yr old daughter almost every weekend (2with,1without-repeat). I have been a major influence in her life since she was 3 (her sister was 10,now 21), my husband and I have been married for 9 years. Her mother makes all the final decisions regarding her, no matter what the courts say (we weren't there or aware when they were baptised, and they went to a private school that we didn't like, and the ear piercing have been major disputes). "Is anybody else seeing problems in the kid's because of hubby's ex being so controlling and almost a master manipulator?"... why yes, that would be me. How do I deal with this? Well,...
Since we only have her on the weekends and holidays, we have her as a family. We do everything together, eat, activities, talk, and yes we plan activities like the zoo, museums, beach, movies, lots of eating out (hence SparkPeople). She doesn't have this familylife at home.
# Most important is husband's support in my actions with Kimberly. She knows that when I talk, he is talking and visa versa.
# I finally, like in the last year, came to the realization that the girls are going to have the traits of their mother and father - not me. If they want to change something not like them, they may look to be as a role model, but they are not like me and don't think like me.
# Also the girls are on a visit when they are over. 80% of their time is with their mother, and they don't think of our house as their home, more like their father's home where they can stay.
# As for their mother and communication, it is done through notes. Sounds silly but it is the best non-confrontational way to communicate. We make a visitation calendar for the future year,in september. She comments about possible changes, and then the dates are somewhat finalized. We told her that no one can plan a year in advance without possible changes, or their life would be very mundane and boring (funny how we keep to the schedule prettymuch).
# As for what we want for the girls, education, earpiercing, dating, activities on weekdays, and such we state in casual conversation. We know our rules are not followed at the mother's house, and there isn't much that can stop that other than taking full physical custody, but the rules are followed at our house. Some battles can't be won so they are not bothered, except to say how disappointed we are that we don't see eye-to-eye with the child (forget the mother). The least amount of interaction with the mother the better.
# You are in the same boat as me, we do not know the mother. This is FANTASTIC because we can't say we hate or like them, we don't know them. Also, they don't know us so they shouldn't be talking about someone they don't know. Pretend the mother is Mary Poppins, and when the daughter talks about her, just be impartial, and smile. Any comment about the mother to the daughter is a reflection on the daughter's identity.
# Although it is very hard to do, love that stepchild like your own, know that she feels different but that little girl needs all the positive love, and to feel important. Being a product of divorce is not an easy foundation to grow from. 
This is all I could think of at the moment, but if you have a specific question or idea, I'll comment. As for our -ex, oh my gosh,... is that a story that could be on Morey Povich!!!
Hope this gives Ideas,
 Christina
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| Hey maybe that is a valid idea for a book? Or a play in the theatre or something? Play could be called 'the balancing act' or something like that? Thoughts folks? lol.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/21/06 12:05 P
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Welcome to the site!
The bio mom... ohh thats a whole BOOK.. I guess the best we can do is just grin and bear it. UNfortunatly!
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| Hi everyone. Just found this thread and will be here alot...hehehe...evil step mother that I am. I have been married to a great guy for a little over nine years who has an adopted daughter. She is now 13 (going on 30) and I have known her since she was two. My hubby has joint shared custody. We live in the country, his ex lives in a nearby city. The adoption was an open adoption so the sd (stepdaughter) knows her birth mom and the birthmom's kids. The ex and the birthmom are good friends. We are hands on parents who believe raising a child to be independant, self thinking, making choices and consequences of those choices as being very important. Both my hubby and I come from the same kind of background...hard workers, family involved, were allowed to become independant so by the time we left our parent's home, we could function as contributing adults in an ever changing society. So, how do you deal with your hubby's ex spouse who eschews none of these things and is always undermining your hubby? We have been through the courts, mediation and social services more times than I care to remember. The ex likes to fight and my hubby had enough of it when they were married. She has told their daughter that she will make all decisions regarding her, no matter what the courts say. Needless to say, hate the word brainwashed, but the kid can't think for herself. Hubby is letting her stay with her Mom all the time except every other weekend, when she comes out here. Is anybody else seeing problems in the kid's because of hubby's ex being so controlling and almost a master manipulator? I can use any advice from all of you. I do not deal with the ex....we only talk when absolutely necessary. Any advice or someone with a similar situation? I'm all ears.
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Hi everyone
haven't been on for a bit. Have been in a bit of a blue funk lately. I think it is hormonal actually as I have been in perimenopause for 2-3 years now and my period decided to do a totally out of whack thing this month. I had it, then it decided to come back 1.5 weeks later. With that, the hormones went overtime. Oh well. Seems to be getting better now. Have tried to eat well, but not always,but have gained a couple of pounds water weight. I have gotten back on eating again (all my meals, and not skipping as I was) and back on treadmill, so I am sure it wil correct itself.
Well enough complaining and take care all.
Sunflower how are you doing? and
Ravendelport - are you relaxing now that your week with the lad is over with?
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Dont give up!! It is hard!! Sometimes I think it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Just remember these kids came into your life for a reason. I have almost left so many times and it is only been a year, but then the reality sinks in. My step son cannot go through haveing someone else walk out on him. His biomom would'nt have anything to do with him when he was sick. He came home from seeing her last sunday and was so cranky. Out of the 4 days she sees him a month she only spent 3 hours with him then she dumped him at one of her friends house. I told my husband and he is going to go back to court and ask for modification on the visits. If she does'nt want to spend time with him she should'nt take him. This time I did'nt tell him his mom loves him. I told him that has to hurt and it isnt right. He has been so good since then.
The thing I dont understand is how a Mom who is suppose to love her child unconditionally can do the things these Biomoms do to their kids? I always thought that when a woman was pregnant she has a bond that cannot be broken with her child. And what kind of a system do we have that refuses to see how this is hurting our children? When my x was'nt paying his support I told the Judge if I did'nt see to it my kids are fed they would take them away but when he does it its ok! I dont understand and all the excuses anger me.
Just remember IT IS WORTH IT!! YOU are the one who is there for these kids. YOU are the one who is showing them what real love is. Without YOU who knows how these children will grow up. It may not be easy but it is the most important thing you will do!!!!
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SMILIN_LUZ
7/17/06 4:00 P
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Hey everyone. Well, my husband came to me yesterday and asked me if the kids were going with their mom today (monday). I told him no. He then asked if we were doing anything special and I said no not really. He said ok and left the room. He wasn't upset or anything but I felt he needed to know the reason why. I went to him and told him that in my opinion the 3 day a week visit with their mom is not helping the oldest. It seems that it is actually hurting him more. I thought it would which is the reason why I let them go Fridays, Saturdays and Mondays at least for the summer. Well for the past 3 weeks the oldest seems to cry more for his mom and have a fit on the days he can't see her. He didn't do this before when they only saw her once a week. I know he is hurting and I feel bad. I cry some nights because I feel it is unfair for both him and me to suffer because of her mistakes. I feel like giving up some nights and just pack up and go. It might be easier for my husband and the kids to deal with their mom if I weren't around but then I realize that I love them and it would be a mistake. I have to think of them as my biological children because I know if they were I would not abandon them.
Well I explained my reason of not allowing them to go on Mondays to my husband and if he wanted to let them go was up to him. He he had no problem with my opinion and just told her we had something to do.
Well, so far he has been listening to me and what I say goes. If I have a good reason.
Take care everyone and have a good one.
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CONTENTATLAST
7/14/06 11:31 A
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Hope all is well at your home now Chansen.
Children can be our biggest joy most of the time, but sometimes we think they might be the death of us also, lol's.
Have a great and quiet weekend.
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| That is a good thought! I sure hope he did'nt threaten him. My 12 year old is very protective of my stepson. They do everything together. But at this point I would'nt be a bit surprised if he did. He was doing so good. His grades are good. He loved his teacher this last year. He has been making goals for college. I dont know why he did such a stupid thing. I am really glad NO ONE was hurt either.
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CONTENTATLAST
7/13/06 12:45 P
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so glad your son is all right. we saw someone who was hit by a semi yesterday and it wasn't pretty.
just a question that comes from me having an agressive older sister. Did the older boy threaten the younger boy if he tells? I know this happens a lot and they wont say anything for fear that they will get hurt anyway.....my sister always threatened me and would do it if I told of something she was doing wrong...had lots of black eyes and bruises while I was growing up from her....
Just a thought:)
still glad no one was hurt....
oh, and you are not wrong for being upset that you were kept in the dark of what was happening.....men have a way of not taking some things seriously.....unfortunately I get left in the dark a lot in this family and since I don't speak afrikaans, it makes it even worse...
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Sunflower I'm sorry to hear about the chickens and rabbits!
Raven so glad you made it through the week without any real drama!
I started a new schedule at work 3 to midnight with split days off and I'm really tired. My 12 year old son went out to "hang" and was brought home by the police. He was playing dare with the neighborhood boys and they dared him to run out in traffic and beg the drivers to hit him. Thankfully a police officer was there but my son got scared and ran. Another police officer caught him running up the alley. So now we have to go to court. I am so furious with him!!! He could have caused an accident. Or even hit!! I cant seem to get that through his head. He tried to say he was afraid the older kids would beat him if he did'nt do it. My son is 5'10 and weighs about 170. Yea right they are going to try and beat him.
My 9 year old stepson was with him and when the police showed up and had my son he took off and went and played soccer. I'm mad about this too. He should have came and told me the boys were running in the street or even the police had my son but he said "he thought it was funny".
My husband does'nt understand why I would be mad at his son when my son is the stupid one. I told him its one thing to not care his brother is doing something stupid but to not tell me or even care his brother is in trouble is another. Am I wrong? I did'nt punish him I just told him we are family and that is his brother and they should look after each other. Hopefully I make it through this summer!!!
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CONTENTATLAST
7/13/06 10:15 A
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| some only learn the hard way..and he will be 16 in a month.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/13/06 10:07 A
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CONTENTATLAST
7/13/06 10:05 A
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| lol's, not really. He was doing it one day and I just told him to do it harder and as usual, he did. After having some bruised Knuckles for awhile, he did not do it that bad ever again....
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/13/06 9:53 A
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Well a little fist throwing doesnt hurt anyone.. unless of course they have concrete walls OUCCHHHHHH
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CONTENTATLAST
7/13/06 9:48 A
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So glad to hear that they are doing better.
Today is the last day Eugene is here and then he goes back tomorrow. All in all he has been all right. Threw some attitude last night with Christelle, but I did not say anything to him. I let her handle the whole situation and she did very well. He wanted to go out with his "Gang" all night and she would not let him. And with him sharing a room with his grand father he can't sneak out like he used to. She used to give into him and I have been after for years not to. If she says no about something she must stick to it. He used to always pester people until they gave in to him and she is not doing it anymore. The only thing I said to him because he was pestering her was "She said no and that is that." Then he went and slammed a door and threw a fit by punching walls and such. We just ignored him as the walls in houses here are solid concrete and he will only end up hurting himself. No dry wall here.....
Tomorrow he goes back to his uncles and we can all relax.
Hope everyone has a great weekend....
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/12/06 6:21 P
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The kids are feeling better!
Welcome!
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CONTENTATLAST
7/12/06 4:41 P
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you can ramble all you want, we are here for each other. I am sure it is hard with her being gone for so long. But now maybe you and your husband can spend some quality time together....
So upsetting about the chickens and rabbit. That must have been very traumatizing for the children.
I hope they are doing all right now...
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| I thought I would write here. I live in Virginia and my step daughter is 6 and just went to spend 5 weeks with her mom in Maine. I am so bored I don't know how to spend a day alone any more. I only work 2 or 3 days a week and I am a nanny so she went with me to work. Her mom lived locally till a year ago so this is a huge adjustment for me a my husband for her to not be near by. I tend to eat when I am upset or bored and I decided to head here today instead of the fridge. Sorry if I am rambling but I need somewhere I could talk about everything.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/12/06 11:22 A
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| Thank you! I may try that!!!!
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HI Sunflower.
I am so sorry to hear about the animals. Yes kids take these things hard. Our own dog died 2 months ago and it is a hole in our family that is for sure.
I hear you on the chocolate thing... So you know what I did, as I went through a few days of 'blueness' for some reason. I sat and ate one huge chocolate bar to get it out of my system. Then I went to the movies to see Pirates of the Caribbien. I ate a big hotdog and a few natchos. I loved the movie. My stomach felt kind of sick from all the junk. But I got it out of my system and just continued to eat well since then and exercise still.
Sometimes you just gotta give in a bit so you can get it out of the way and you can focus better and continue on.
So if you REALLY need a chocolate bar. Eat the most chocolotest one you can find so it satisfies the craving, eat well and light the rest of the day if you can. And hopefully you can keep food thing on track better.
Good luck.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/11/06 10:31 P
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Good evening all!
Wow what a day I had today.
My sister inlaws dog killed our 6 chickens and one buck rabbit.. the kids were soo sad and cryign and screaming.. and oh man it was bad.
They are all okay now.
I am not sure how I am doing on the food thing this week.. I want chocolate soo much!!
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He will be 10 in september. and Yes I agree show by example only and I will keep my mouth shut. AFter all it is not like he is there every day or anything.
If the boy gets too much for you next week, remember to retreat into a santuary for 30 minutes for a break , have a bath, go for walk , garden or something that you like to do to give yourself a break anwyay. You are important too.
ttfn (ta ta for now).
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/7/06 9:41 A
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| That should have been IT LOL
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/7/06 9:41 A
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Good morning all!
Oh Raven.. I am thinking of you.. You can do iR!
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CONTENTATLAST
7/7/06 8:37 A
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Thanks for the tip, but maybe I can just hang him by his toes! :) Anyway, I am just going to try to kill him with kindness no matter how he behaves. He likes to use me as a target and if I say anything he will get his grand mother in on it and cause trouble between me and christelle. I refuse to let him do that to me anymore. I will just keep quiet and smile. If I have a problem then I will discuss it with Christelle. But I do have to say that my stomach does flip flops everytime I think of him here and her at work. He wont do anything if she is here, but as soon as she leaves all hell breaks loose.
As far as parents of your child's friend and eating healthy. I have learned that the only way that is going to happen is if you send the food along with the child and then there is no guarantee that it will be eaten by him. Just make sure he gets all his nutrition when he is with you and yes, teach by example if you can. Just don't say anything about how you try to eat healthy, just showing is the best bet there. How old is your son?
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Hi Everyone
Ravendelport - GOOD LUCK next week then. Count to 10 and then strangle him.... no just kidding... lol. Keep a sense of humor, your week will end... that you can count on. I hope there is a glimmer of sunshine in the week with him. Even 5 minutes of niceness a day would be lovely I am sure.
Question of the day: Does anyone deal with other parents that you may not agree with food wise? A friend of my son's, they are great people, but they do eat out alot and also have alot of processed foods with limited to no fruit and veggies. Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this nicely? They are great people and we are get along nicely except for this. I always ensure we eat fruit and veggies daily and when he eats there, he does not at all. I am lucky if he will get a glass of milk. OH well, this weekend we actually have their whole family up with us, so maybe I can show the what we do? Maybe that is the way to deal with it? I don't know.
Have a good weekend ladies.
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CONTENTATLAST
7/6/06 11:02 P
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| Good morning everyone! Hope you all have a great day and weekend. I am going to enjoy my weekend as much as I can because on Monday Christelle's son wants to come and visit for a week and I am afraid of what that is going to mean for me....a real test of me totally...
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/6/06 6:25 P
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| Way to Go!!!! Great Work!!!!
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/5/06 3:33 P
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Thank you!!
I hope t get something nice but it will probably wait til my birthday in Aug.
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CONTENTATLAST
7/5/06 3:27 P
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great on your goal sunflower!!! I hope all is going well with you and your find yourself a nice short outfit.....
Have a nice evening all.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/5/06 2:50 P
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Thank you!!!
I hadnt even realized I made it til yesterday and I was like WOW I was 2 pounds away!! Whooo hoooooooooo
But we are not going to INdiana now.. so the money I was gonna spend oin the dress I may buy me a pair of shorts and a shirt!!!
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sunflowermom - just wanted to say a big CONGRATULATIONS on all your hard work before your surgery to get to 175. I know you are not up to much, but did you go get your dress, or are you going to wait until you are feeling better.
Take care..
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/5/06 12:05 P
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/4/06 2:46 P
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Thank you.. i will not lift too much LOL.. but the only real restrictions I ahve from this one is taking it easy .. and no funny business with my husband LOLOL
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Sunflower - glad you are back and all went well. Remember to take care of yourself, as it takes a good 6 weeks to recover from surgery. NO LIFTING ok?
Well Canada day is come and gone and had a great weekend. Did NOT dairy my food though, and paid the price with 4 pounds of water weight. So back to diaring and watching the processed foods. Actually if I just kept walking the 3 miles I do daily, i am sure it would not have bothered me as much. But I did not. Oh well.. no problem, just give my self permission that I had a wonderful weekend with friends and family - enjoyed Canada Day and now back to real life.
Cheers to all. and talk to you later.
PS Ravendelport - sorry to hear about the boy... well I am sure some day he will grow up and smell the coffee beans .. till then hang in there.
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CONTENTATLAST
7/4/06 11:43 A
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yes, keep it safe over there.....
be well.
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/4/06 10:36 A
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| Have a GREAt holiday those who are celebrating it today!! Be safe!!
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Sunflower, It is Great to have you back! I am so glad everything went OK for you!
Gladys, That is great that you have some control. We dont get child support either. She has never had a job. That is why she lives with her Mom.
Everyone Have A Wonderful 4th Of July!!!!
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/3/06 3:50 P
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Hello ladies.
Sandy, my answer to your question. The court ordered us to give her a minimum of one hour per week. It stated it had to be supervised at our discretion. We did not request specific days or times. That is what the DA recommended us to do, this way we won't have as much trouble with her in case we couldn't make the visit.
We first talked about allowing her to take them for a full day once a week. I told him not unless he felt his kids would be safe with her. Now we allow her to take them twice a week, at least during the summer months. They don't spend the night though and we did not allow her to take them until she bought car seats for them. We don't receive any financial help with her which is why we can't take the kids out as much as she does. Now this is where we look like bad or mean parents to them. She buys them off with toys and other stuff and looks like a fun parent to them. Just the other day the oldest asked if we could take him to McDonalds and we said no (especially since we had to take the 3 year old to the emergency room a week ago (no insurance for them yet) which cost $250 up front). He told my husband that he was mean and threw a fit. I told him if his mom would help us out then we would be able to take them out more often (in addition to placing him in gymnastics and football and his sisters in cheerleading). I also told him his mother should help us out the way his dad helped her out when they were living with her. Well they came back from their visit on Sat she told my husband that I told Abel "If your mom gives us money she gets more days with you." My husband came in and asked my what I told Abel. Abel also came in and asked me "Right you said that if my mom helps you out, you will help her out." I told them no I said "If your mom helps us out, we can take you out more. She should help us out the way your dad helped her out before." My step son is inheriting one of her abilities, adding words to you mouth and switching them around. I guess she thinks I am like her trying to sell the kids off. She used to that with my husband and her mom. If they did not do what she wanted they couldn't see the kids. She's a blackmaler and still is. Her sister called my husband the other day (she has custody of her 1 year old) and told him that she uses the little boy to get money off another guy by telling him that was his son. As of today that little boy has had three different fathers now. She also received a letter stating someone was going to fight for custody of him. This crazy woman just never stops. I sometimes pray that she grows up and changes her behavior for all our sakes.
Well next chapter tomorrow. Take care and keep up the weight loss, cause I havent as you can see.
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CONTENTATLAST
7/3/06 1:09 P
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so glad to see you back and doing well. you have been missed lots here.
I know, I just can't imagine what he did to get fired after one week. it wasn't long enough to collect any money and keep it for himself so it couldn't have been that. i'm not sure if he was fired or quit after it was to much work for him. he is the lazy sort that thinks everyone should do for him and all he has to do is lay around and watch tv. but like i said, i am not going to pry, but let it go.....
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
7/3/06 12:41 P
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HI ladies! Boy have I missed you all!!!!!!!!
Surgery went well. I was sooo hurting afterwards OMG It was painful. Anyway today is MOnday and I am up and about much better. I am not one to take pain meds so i still ahve a whole bottle.
A puppy without even asking you.. would have been nice had it been for you.. SHEESSSSHH Men sometimes..
I like the playpen Idea wow.. I needed that for the kittens.. where were you ladies about 4 months ago! LOLOL
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That is kind of strange, I don't think I have ever heard of someone that age being fired from a newspaper route either. I bet his mother is dissapointed, but you never know he may still grow out of it all and turn out just fine.
I will cross my fingers for both of you and for him.
Brenda
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CONTENTATLAST
7/2/06 1:58 P
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Got some news last night about my step son. We were hopeful when we heard that he got a paper route. Maybe he might learn some responsibility and work for his money. After one week on the job, he was fired! We did not enquire why he was fired, but I can't believe a 16 year old got fired off a paper route after only one week! I did not pry, I am just keeping to myself on this one. I could see Christelle was disappointed again.....
Hope everyone else is having a great weekend.....
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CONTENTATLAST
7/2/06 2:27 A
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Just remember, even though it is a different species, it is still just a child and must be taught like any other child.
Have a great day.
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That is a good idea. I am so not used to puppys etc. But then again I may have gotten lucky. Cross your fingers for me 
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Ha, Ha that is just to funny. I don't know what happened but my husband has not brought the puppy home, so maybe what I said worked? Or maybe he just has not brought the puppy home. If he does though it will be an outside dog; I know some people like dogs in the house (my mother has 3) but I just cannot do it alot of that is because of the potty training that is just to gross. Yeah I am a wimp and get grossed out very easily.
Thanks for all of the advise though if/when he brings this bundle of joy home, lol I truly am considering running for the hills.
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CONTENTATLAST
7/1/06 12:39 P
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That is a very good idea. My mother used an old port-a-crib to train her Afghans, or old laundry baskets if it was one of the poodles pups.
We on the other hand just keep the back door open and run them outside lots until they get into the habit of going out by themselves. But always made sure they did not get food after 5 pm and that all play stops at a certain time. They way they learn when to sleep and when to play. Just like a human baby, you get them used to a schedule and they learn. Ours go to sleep as soon as it is dark. I take them out one last time before we go to bed and then they sleep till morning. Just takes persistance, but a playpen will help loads.
sorry for rambleing, have a great evening everyone.
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AHHHHH! A new puppy!! Do you still have an old playpen? If not maybe you can pick up an old one real cheap at a garage sale. Put the puppy in the playpen. That way it cant tear up your house but it still has room to play. Alot less work for you! Instead of looking for little presents all over the house you just have the playpen.
Just an idea! Good Luck!!!
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CHRISTINA_CSR
6/30/06 5:34 P
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So BTSUKAS4,
What are you going to name your new puppy? Just kidding... WOW, I can't belive your husband didn't discuss and agree with you on getting this dog! When a dog is brought home, regardless of who it is for, it usually becomes "the family" dog, which means mom just got another baby to take care of it. Is it going to be an inside/outside dog? If just outside, and your husband likes to take care of the yard, maybe it will be possible for your husband to take care of the dog, while your stepson is away? (My opinion = Sounds like he got it just in time for your stepson to talk about it for a week at his mothers...) If an indoor dog, I wish you luck on potty training! Since you only have the boy on weekends, I know how hard it is to get them to just make their bed,... being on weekends my stepdaughter doesn't do any house/yard work, it's like pulling teeth and she does a lousy job if she does pitch in. They seem to think they are on a visit, which they are.
I totally feel for you on this one, eventhough my husband doesn't do stuff for my stepdaughters without talking about it, I usually suggest things. Boy, the only advise I can think of is, if an outside dog then maybe your husband can take care of it. That is a big responsibility! We have a dog, that we discussed first, and I had my husband pick her and name her because he never had a dog before. I ended up training her, but just recently he has started to feed her all the time. I told him she doesn't respect him because he doesn't feed her and didn't train her. Now Daisy respects him when he is feeding her. The other day he suggested getting a "playmate" for her, and I said "No way!" Daisy is 4yrs old and is used to entertaining herself (and I don't want to potty train another dog). I wish you luck with your new little bundle of joy, its like a 2yr old forever. 
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Ladies I hope you don’t mind if I vent a little bit.
My husband got a puppy for my stepson today. Okay, first of all, my step son (who is 11) does not even remember to take a shower most of the time or brush his teeth (the list goes on and on) and my husband thinks he will take care of a puppy. No I will have to feed it and water it because he won’t. WELL…. I am just being mean, in my husbands opinion anyway. For crying out loud we have my step son about 4 days a week during the summer and only on weekends during the school year, when is he going to be there to take care of the puppy? He won’t be and that is all there is to it. To top it off, he got the puppy today; and guess what he is going to be at his mothers for the next week so gee, he won’t be there to take care of it…….
So then anyway, I said well maybe he should have this puppy at his mothers house, oh yeah that won’t work, because she was supposed to have it and decided that she couldn’t do it. OKAY get a clue…… she was never going to let him have the puppy she just wanted to make my husband look bad in front of my step son by saying he could have the puppy and to go ahead and get it for him. Does that make sense? I probably am not making much sense right now I am just tooooooo ticked off.
Thank you ladies. Geez, I am glad I joined this group. It truly helps a lot. I hope you don't mind the venting.
Honestly some days I don't know that any of this is even worth it.
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CONTENTATLAST
6/30/06 3:43 P
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Amy, I hope all went well with you today. I will be very busy tomorrow so don't know if I will be on till late. Keep well and catch you soon.
Have a great weekend everyone!
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It is so funny to hear all the women making comments about submission and womans right and all that. I remember watching my grandma (who was very submissive)and grandpa, when they thought no one else was looking give each other a hug or a pat on the butt. I know that submission works, because it takes all the stress of me. What comes around goes around and my husband has to answer to God for all the wrong things that are done. But, I also do know that my loving husband does not rule over me, he loves me and we work together as a team. Womem do have rights, and I think that focus here should not be about how others treat us, but how do we treat others? Do we, as women, mothers and step mothers, live by example or is it do as I say, not as I do? I know that I lead by example, and I can only hope that all five of my boys, marries a woman who is as submissive as I am. When a wife is submissive and gives her husband the respect he deserves and needs, he is glorified and will always be on her side.
I am sorry if I offend anyone about my beliefs, but, I believe strongly and to say otherwise would be lying. I don't like my husband's ex wife, but she doesn't know that. She tried keeping me out of her children't lives, but, in the end you get more flies with honey than you do vinegar.
I treat her like I want to be treated, and now, she went to Italy and brought me back an italian change purse and lipstick holder to match my Prada purse I just got on my visit to NYC. She would rather call me than her ex husband and when my husband wants more time with his children, I call her and she does anything I ask. Just some food for thought.
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| Sunflowermom5, You are to funny. Believe me I had used a few cuss words also when it comes to my husbands ex. I remember when we first got married. My step son was 4 years old and I swear to the high heavens he was not potty trained; so anyway my girls and I went to work then he would go back to his mothers and she would send him back wearing a diaper every time because as she said well she wasn't potty trained until she was 5 years old and she didn't have time to mess with it. Believe me I used quite a few cuss words that time. That was just an example though it was pretty long story, lol. I have used cuss words at other times. I guess I am not a really good person. I guess that makes me human ha, ha.
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| Sheilac I totally agree with you I do not submit to anyone (even my husband) it seems to me that these rules mentioned went out when womens rights came into affect and women started working for a living right along side with there husbands. I mean after all I work 40 hours a week plus take care of our home etc. and I will make decisions. I only have a problem when it is for my step son because I get tired of the comments about how I am being mean. Heck as I mentioned earlier I won't even tell my step son to take a shower because it will cause an arguement when he whines to his father (my husband).
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SUNFLOWERMOM5
6/29/06 10:10 A
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Wow there are soo many posts since I last came in here!
First
Good Morning all!
Next
welcome to all the new stepmoms! We are so glad you are here!
Okay now.. As for giving in.. well.. I dnt.. all 5 of my kids have the same rules.. even the 3 that are my stepkids. BUT I am one of the lucky ones who have had the kids all here under my rule for 6 yaers.. most of thier childhood.
The BIO mom is a real winner(NOT)
She has it in thre court papers they are NOT allowed to call me mom.. yeah Okay lets see how good that wil work when I am the ONLY MOM they know.. hellooo.
We tried having them call me amy.. yeah that didnt work.. they CHOOSE to call me mom.. and after all I am A MOM even if it is step..
Yesterday I BLEW up at the bio mom on the phone.. I said a few cuss words.. okay a lot.. and I am normally NOT a person who cusses.
Anyway.. all we can do is the best we can!
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We have lots of farmers markets here in Florida. I can get everything pretty cheap as well. My hard part is, with having braces, I can't eat raw veggies unless they are extremely soft because they break my brackets and they are expensive to replace. So, for me, I love my veggies but can't eat them. I tried to steam them once, but ended up having to cook any good nutrients out of them to be able to eat them. So, I pretty much stick to the canned veggies for now and in another year, (when I get my braces off), I am going to have nothing but veggies for a while.
I miss eating crunchy stuff!
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CONTENTATLAST
6/29/06 12:42 A
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| I would love to see a farmers market around here, but those are usually only in the major cities if you can find them....They do sell things on the side of the road a lot but that is the same companies that sell in the shops and most of that stuff usually is rotten. But I am glad that at least we can get good fruits and vegies. There are to many homeless people out there that must survive on our trash and there is not much of a welfare program going on here to help.
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| I guess money really does grow on trees!! I try to get as much as I can at Farmers Markets but even then it is really high. If you go right before they pack up you can get good deals. They have to throw it away, it does'nt keep so they let it go much cheaper. But sometimes that backfires and they sell out.
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