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SHOTLOUISE1
4/19/06 2:49 P
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| Go slowly and don't rush into life. Your kids are your priority'
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SHOTLOUISE1
4/19/06 2:47 P
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| Your comments were very timely and insightful.
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| This is a big issue that should be settled and or compormised on before any wedding...it will erupte to something that is even bigger if not...sorry
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| My husband's family is also Italian, so that is a weak argument. My family lives 1300 miles from me, so when we got engaged, we decided to alternate Christmas. His family wasn't happy the first year we weren't here, but they have adjusted. Your children and his nieces/nephews are not the same unless you are raising them as well. We try and make some of our nieces/nephews events, but we have a family too. Our daughter doesn't share her room with her cousins. Yes they are welcome in our home any time including her room. (She is only 19mos.) But her room is hers. Does your fiance expect his family to go to all of your children's events? I suggest talking to him more about the issues.
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LADYBUGK03
4/6/06 10:48 A
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I can not say I know exactly what you are going through but would like to offer you some ideas. I know you must be torn right now not knowing what to say or what to do when it comes to anything. In my opinion, your relationship with him should come first. Although you love his neices and nephews there has to be a bottom line. Yes, you can go and do stuff with them but if it interferes with your time with each other its missing its purpose of being together. I think it would be a controlling feeling about the holidays and things but like you I don't understand the Italian culture nor want to offend anyone that is Italian. Have you tried talking with him and getting him to compromise on things. I am terribly sorry you are dealing with this but you need to really sit down and talk and explain that you love him and that his family means a lot to you but you need to focus on you and him with your children. Yes, everyone's privacy should be respected. They should feel they can be themselves and not have to worry that their lives are interupted especially when it comes to their rooms. Rooms are private places we can get away and do our own thing. I hope that I have helped in a way and made you feel less alone.
Jennifer
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DIVORCEDMOM
4/5/06 5:01 P
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Hello,
My fiance is Italian and has no children. I have two. My fiance says that nieces and nephews are considered "our" children and should be treated in the same manner as my children, such as being able to use my children's room as their own. I am told that I don't understand the Italian culture. We are not allowed to miss any holidays on my fiance's side nor are we allowed to ever go away during the holiday. I tried to set up "date" night but was told it cannot interfere with any of the niece's or nephews extracurricular activities. My fiance says I have no understanding of Italian culture but I feel that although I love all our nieces and nephews, our relationship is FIRST and my children's privacy should be respected (they are teenagers). Any input would help.
Thank you
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