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thanks girls. I am going to ask if no one else would post here. I thank you all for your support, but for some reason the email notifications keep coming even though I thought I had disabled them. When a email reply comes and you click on the link, you can read this discussion without using a password. I don't want Ash to see this and be hurt by some of the comments.
I am out for the day and I am afraid ash or her brother might be on my computer.
Hopefully I can chat with you all on happier topics.
Thanks again.
Lynn
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AMYLOVE623
5/6/06 10:33 P
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People like that are what is wrong with the world today.
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SPARK_COACH_JEN
5/6/06 6:04 P
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Lynn,
I'm sorry about that post. Just wanted to let everyone know that this member is no longer welcome to post on the Message Boards or their account will be closed, so you shouldn't have to worry about getting comments like this again.
Coach Jen
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wow toddler.
First off. I didn't need advice. I needed support.
The christians were not "fed to the lions"
Several "christian people" offered me support without judging me.
If you had read EVERYTHING..you would know that I did not get what I prayed for. I wanted her to choose other options. I just had no control. I wanted support...and several ladies (christians included) gave me excellent support.
Wow again.
Lynn
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| You chose the type of people you wanted to take advice from. All the CHRISTIANS WERE FED TO THE LIONS. Looks like you got what you wanted. You were advised to be careful what you prayed for.
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who is anyone to say what is right or wrong. It is the mother's decision period and some of us don't believe in a christian bible.
Alia
proud witch
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Tori I am so sorry that your parents put you in that position. I DO however understand their fears and their horror. The problem is that they did not understand that THIS was NOT about THEM.
Please forgive your mom. I know that she is gone, but it will help you heal. I am sure she did what she did because she felt it was best at the time.
Thank you for sharing.
and to the rest of you.....
and thank you.
Lynn
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| I am reliefed to see you post. I was truley worried about you and it is good to hear from you. You did the right thing and all that you could do and no daughter could ask for anything more. You are a very giving and supportive mother whom your children can confide in and those are honorable traits to pass along to future family members. Your children are going to do you proud. Stand tall because you can conquer it all. Shame on those that responded with judgement. I have three out of four children that are special needs and when people try to judge me I simply respond with "until you have walked a mile in my shoes you have nothing to say that I would be interested in hearing".
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BARNGODDESS
5/5/06 7:45 P
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Lynn - sorry, I've been "lurking" reading your thread, but not posting, and feeling like I should have offered support.
Everyone should walk in someone else's shoes before they judge. Your family is no longer held in limbo and now you can all heal. Being a parent is a tough job, personally I think you are a great mom!
Your 2# gain is "worry weight" it should be dropping off shortly!
Smiling!
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Lynn,
I think what you did took courage and my prayer for you and your family is that you will heal and find peace. Don't give up being a wonderful mom...
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SP_COACH_TANYA
5/5/06 11:40 A
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Tori
Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your life experience. It seems that you would have liked to be able to make the decision that you were going to have to live with which is just what Lynn was trying to do all along. Now she has to support her daughter in the choice she made and help her life.
I'm sorry you didn't feel you had the support you needed in your life. Please remember that forgiveness is a choice for your benefit not the other persons. When you forgive someone for a wrong, it doesn't say that what the other person did was right but it does free you. I hope you will consider forgiving your mother/parents someday for yourself and to be free from the past that you didn't have any control over.
Hugs to you for the pain you still carry.
Tanya
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This is my first post and I don't want to step on any toes. Pleae don't take offense.
I got pregnant at 16. My parents were horrified and told me to have an abortion or find a new place to live and never talk to them again. I was a sophmore in HS and had nowhere to go......I had the abortion.....I think about it everyday. I'm 36 now, 3 boys, 4 stepkiddos who I adore.
I wish so much my mom had been more suuportive to me like Lyn did with her daughter. I wouldn't have had the abortion, I would have chosen adoption. I feel like I should have been given the choice. I know my mom was doing what she thought was best but I still can not forgive her, maybe GOD has but I still can't. My mom passed away many years ago and I still cannot forgive her. I know I will one day with help from the Lord and a lot more praying.
I think it's so great Lyn that you are so supportive of your daughter. I envy her.
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| Lynn, You are a great mom.
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| Lynn, I will pray for your family too. This must be a tough time for you. Good Luck!
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Lynn,
You are just awesome.
I pray that if I ever have
to be in your shoes that I can
be as great a mother as you.
I will continue to pray for you
and your family.
Jana
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LUCKYSTAR63
4/30/06 8:31 P
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| Dear Lyn, I am so glad to see so many people out here that are here for you and have not been judgemental. I give you a lot of credit for being there for your daughtr reaurdless of what she decided to do! That's what a truly loving mother does! Others can learn from you! Bless you and yours-
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AMYLOVE623
4/30/06 6:08 P
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Lynn I am so happy you posted. I was afriad with all of the rude postings on here you might not post again. I think you are such an awesome mom. You were there for your daughter in each and every way you could possibly be. You could not have done anything more or anything less. Your daughter is obviously going through a lot, but as someone who has been in her shoes, she will be able to heal and get past this, and move on with her life. It is something she will never be able to forget, but she will be able to forgive herself and go on with a happy normal life. As for the people that tried to scare you into thinking she may not be able to have children again, I had a baby a few months ago and never had any complications and she came out as healthy as can be.
I know I posted A LOT on this thread, but I just couln't help it. To see people be so harsh and cruel about a situation they have never been in, they don't know what it's like, YOU had no control over this, and some people could not understand that.
My point is, I think you are an amazing mother, and friend. DO NOT let these people bother you.
I hope that you all are doing well.
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KNIPPERDOG99
4/30/06 4:56 P
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| I don't think anyone is entitled to judge you since we are not involved in the situation. Peace to you and yours.
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KNITTYWITTYWOO
4/30/06 4:52 P
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I have been reading this thread from the beginning and just wanted to say what a wonderful mother I think you are.
The decision must have been very hard for your daughter but you will have made coping with it easier for her.
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HI girls. Some of you (you know who you are.. you are now people I consider REAL friends) Have been very supportive of me. I can never thank you enough for that.
Unfortunately Ash chose abortion. I drove her. I held her hand in the waiting room. I paced the hall waiting for her. I took her out for a mom daughter lunch after (and told her I would kill her if this ever happened again).
Am I proud of what I did as a person. NO
Am I proud of what I did as a mom....YES.
To those who don't understand or agree with me...I hope you are never in my position.
Try to understand. Under the law I have NO authority. (remember this is what I do for a living...I KNOW the law)
I have the choice of alienating my daughter...or helping her in a very tough life lesson.
She was so ashamed that she would not come home the day of the "procedure" She went for a rest at my friends home and came home after her dad was in bed. He knows it was her way of coping.
I have not been here recently because I was afraid to read this thread. I have also gained 2 lbs back!! So fear be damned I am back...
Thanks again to you certain ladies...
to the few that had to push their views...I would seriously suggest that you think about how you made me feel. And then if another woman on here comes down with this issue you treat her with more respect and caring.
Lynn
edited to add...about the comment from one poster about the "mark" on my family. Sorry. That is insanely old school. My daughters mark will be what she makes of her life...how she is remembered. Not something that she did at 17 years old.
Sorry if I sound harsh but COME ON!!
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ICELANDBABY
4/30/06 7:04 A
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| Lynn- There is a lot going on in this thread. I just wanted to mention what a great mom I think you are. Not many parents would be as supportive as you are being. In fact, I know that my parents wouldn't because my sister got pregnant at 16. My prayers are with you, whatever the outcome was. You seem to have created a very loving environment for your family. Your daughter's decision to have sex had nothing to do with you. Keep being a great supportive mom. We need more like you out there. God bless.
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AMYLOVE623
4/30/06 12:36 A
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The womans comment below..... THAT is what is called "being supportive"
I know this whole situation has nothing to do with me, but I personally would like to say thank you for not being harsh, or making her think it was her decision, and telling her how WRONG it all is.
It's comments like yours that i'm sure make Lynn feel just a little bit better.
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I am so sorry for all that you have been going through. I can't even begin to imagine how much you are hurting right now. I just wanted to say that I think that you are a wonderful mother and your daughter knew that she could confide in you and get all the support she would need. Even though it appears the decision was not to your liking it does sound as though you did everything you could. I remember being 17 and I was very stubborn and noone was going to change my mind about something once I had it made up so it is not surprising that your daughter stuck to her guns. She does sound as though she has the makings of a good head on her shoulders and that hun is all because of you. I am worried about you as you have not posted in a while, but I am sure it is because you are in need of healing too. Please post back when you can and let us know how you are.
Take Care, Tracy
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TERESAROSE
4/29/06 8:02 P
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Amy, seems there's a group out there just trying to defend eachother, not worth us trying to make them understand. It's too bad, Lynn just needs support and to know that no matter what, she nor her daughter will be judged, that was the basis of the initial post in the first place.
Hugs Lynn.
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COFFEEBEAN2315
4/29/06 8:02 P
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| just been reading this thread, alot of negative comments, bickering going on. do you think she wants to read all this during this time? each person is entitled his/her opinion, but here is not the place to hash it out.
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AMYLOVE623
4/29/06 6:07 P
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| wow. Are you TRYING to make her feel bad? It is NOT in her hands, do you not get that?
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God bless Lynn and her daughter and God bless Grandmab especially. I personally do not believe in abortion unless it is to save the Mother's life. Seems this girl had several "workable" options. I too think God allows us to make our own decisions and then we have to answer for them. Comparing a precious child to a fly ? That is far different than the life of an unborn child . Jesus said "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do " May God forgive each and everyone of you and may God have mercy on your souls.  Lynn you are in my prayers.
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| I've been following these posts for a while now, and have read them all from beginning to end. It seems to me that EVERYONE (not just 2) cares about Lynn and her daughter. No, not everyone has been as supportive as others, and that's disappointing. But, this is not about how WE feel about the situation or how you feel others have responded. I too became pregnant at a young age (18). I kept my son and am married to his father. My situation was different than her daughters, my opion on this is different than some, but the bottom line is: Lynn, everyone here cares about you and thinks you are handling this wonderfully. If only every young woman could have such a supportive and loving mother. My prayers are with you.
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AMYLOVE623
4/28/06 10:11 A
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I hope that everything will turn out the way it is meant to be. If there is no health dangers for mother or child, I do hope the choice is made for life.
I guess you can see my religous beliefs, but the truth is I do know ladies who have had them. 1 regrets it, 2 do not (that I know of.)
Mostly I offer compassion. I think it is so great, that you are supporting your daughter. I am so grateful to see the love in this difficult situation.
As parents, love should be at all of our decisions. I think when there are situations for great distress it is our biggest opportunity to really show that love.
I know you will get through this. I just hope whatever your daughter decides to do, this won't be her "mark" on your family. Life is all about the paths we choose, hers will have many. Please make sure she understands that.
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POOKEYBUM624
4/28/06 9:14 A
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I am a little late responding to this string, and I appolgize. However, I have to commend your daughter for making the super hard decision to have an abortion, she could not provide the good life for the child that a child deserves. I am 31 years old with two small children 7,4, and a single parent. I wasn't supposed to be a single parent when I got pregnant with the 2nd child, I had discussed it with the father and he assured me that we would be together, to be married. October of 2002 my dd was 8 months old and he left to be with his friends wife. Don't get me wrong I love my dd, however if I could of forseen the future I would have terminated the pregnacy. (and I was 27). Think of your daughters future, when she has established herself as an independant self sufficient women, then she will make the choice of having children. I think that your daughter has made a brave smart choice. As her mother all you can do is be a shoulder to cry on, strong safe arms to hold her close and a gentle caring person that she needs for support.
I wish you all the best for your daughters future. Now, for you and your husband. I come from a family where having children is not an easy thing to do, My 10 year old cousin is adopted and my grandmother, great grandfather and my stepfather adopted me. I understand that wanting to have a child with you "new" husband is important, but, please do not loose sight of the sweet gifts that you have right in front of you. There are things that I wouldn't want to discuss with my "Step"father either. I do not blam your daughter for keeping it from him.
Jen
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PEACEATLAST05
4/28/06 9:06 A
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Lynn,
Just read this thread, and wish to lend my shoulder for your support. I had my first child when i was 16, after a battle of wills with my mother as to whether I should abort my son or not. I chose to have Nathan and raise him on my own, instead of go through with an abortion as she wished. I have never regretted having and keeping Nate, but there have been times that I have thought about how much easier it would have been if I hadn't. I just knew that abortion was not the right way for me to go. That decision would have been much easier had I had a mother like you who was supportive of whatever decision I made. I now am the mother of a 13 year old girl, and have sworn not to make the same mistakes my mother did if she ever comes to me with those three dreaded words. ("Mom, I'm pregnant.")
Keep up the good work and support, she will need it no matter what decision she makes. My thoughts are with you!
Melanie
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Tanya is so right.
I was trying to be supportive and keep my opinions to myself. However, my feathers got ruffled and I felt I had to say something.
Whatever happened to "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".
Lynn, I pray that God is lifting you all up with his healing hands,strength and love.
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AMYLOVE623
4/28/06 7:39 A
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The way this woman has come off is just plain rude. And just like you said she can voice her opinion on whatever she wants, and so can I.
I know that if I were Lynn this woman would be doing nothing but making me upset and feel as if it were in MY hands. It's clearly not the case. And she needs to realize it.
She(grandmab) clearly stated this was not God's doing, so who's is it then? What evertime something bad happens it's not God's doing? That's just funny to me.
I'm done communicating with such close-minded, ignornant people.
Lynn if you read this, i'm sorry for her rudeness. You def. don't need that right now. I hope you and your family are being strong and dealing with whatever has come your way. Take care!
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MSPROCRASTINATE
4/28/06 12:57 A
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| Wow... what's going on here? Grandmab, God Bless you, honey... I realize that you feel very strongly about this, as do I... But, we are here to support the young girl's mother in this (which she has no control over)... She has just reached out for support... I also realize that some people can not help but speak out about what they believe to be truely important. It's people like you that I admire- that do not hold their tongue because someone may disagree! Good for you! It is a free country ...and Ladies... realize that Grandmab just feels it is the right thing for her to do, to get word out (as many people read this- not JUST mom) Is it really the right thing to do to jump down her throat about it? -OR- just overlook it and do what YOU are here to do- support Mom in this overwhelming experience, rather than dwell on and scold an old lady for choosing to voice her opinion on the subject (if not on the matter at hand)... One comment can be overlooked easier than ten... And another thing! If Grandmab had posted here first, worrying about a grandaughter in the same situation, and voiced her same opinion on the subject (which Mom has also done)- would you not be supporting Grandmab as well? I think you would be... I just think Mom has enough on her plate at the moment than to read over negative comments which she was trying to avoid in the first place...Love one another... (Still praying for you, Mom.)
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That is exactly what I was thinking earlier - what happened to "Please don't Judge"?
Lets all love one another, despite our differences. WE are all part of the human family, and we all have different opinions, etc. That is what makes life interresting. Repect others.
Peace
~Pea
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AMYLOVE623
4/27/06 5:51 P
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I agree with you also Tanya.
It just upsets me when someone gets on here FORCING her opinion, and she isn't very nice about it. A lot of us do not feel like this woman is being supportive at all.
We all support Lynn and her daughter. And I really hope she knows that.
This whole thing has gotten out of hand. Lynn made a post wanting support, and for people NOT TO JUDGE (hence the title "please don't judge") her which is what this woman is doing.
I hope that Lynn and her daughter are being very strong right now no matter what her daughters decision was.
We care and are thinking about you and your daughter Lynn!
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SP_COACH_TANYA
4/27/06 4:47 P
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Ok I would just like to jump in and say that on the whole - this thread has been about supporting Lynn and that should continue to be the focus. Debating ethics or theology is really not going to be to helpful to her when she checks in and I'm sure she has been checking in and know we are here to support her as she supports her daughter.
Tanya
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AMYLOVE623
4/27/06 4:16 P
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I cannot believe you think God had no role in this.
If all these people are praying and what happened happened then that is God's answer like it or not.
Are you saying that every time something does not turn out the way YOU want it, it is not right.
Please show me exactly where in the Bible it says this is wrong.
If you mean that 10th commandment that says simply
"Thou shalt not kill", I will not buy it.
It does not say thou shalt not have abortions, or murder or kill a fly.
The Bible I read has all kinds of killing in it.
Men, woman and children were all slaughtered. Explain that. You cannot say what God does and does not approve of.
If this young girl needs forgiveness, that is between her and God.
I agree with the others. Do not post if you do not like this thread.
I quit posting on your main thread since I do not agree with everything y'all say.
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AMYLOVE623
4/27/06 3:20 P
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God had no role in this??
Umm ok that makes NO SENSE AT ALL. How can you pick and choose what God is apart of?? People die for no reason, they are killed, murdered etc....isn't that supposed to be apart of "GOD'S PLAN"? Don't you believe God has a PLAN for everyone? What all of a sudden he had no control over this?
Wow, that actually amused me.
You REALLY should just stop posting, like you said you wish you had never started posting in the first place then PLEASE DO US ALL A FAVOR AND STOP!
People that are close-minded really need to WAKE UP!
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| I think people are praying for the strength for the family, not forgiveness for their actions.
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Ladies , be careful what you pray for. You might get it. I am sorry to ever have been a part of these posts. I am even more sorry it turned out as it did. I tried. God had no role in this. That is not how he works his miracles. When I do something wrong I ask for forgiveness. I have never planned to do something wrong knowing I would be forgiven. I have to wonder how many Bibles are out there. I thought there was only one. grandmab
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May God bless you and help you all find peace.
Whatever has happened or will happen is the way our prayers were answered. As we all know, God does not always give us the answers we want.
I have found that sometimes God answers prayers in ways we do not understand.
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MSPROCRASTINATE
4/26/06 4:29 A
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Hello... I am new here at spark and spent awhile catching up... I am saddened to see that you haven't posted back yet... I hope you are alright, whatever choice your daughter has made... It worries me that no news may not be good news- I realize you would be upset if she chose to have the abortion... But, you are a wonderful mother to stand behind her, whichever choice she makes... I hope she doesn't/didn't go through with it- but, my opinion on that is beside the point...But, know that many of us here are praying for your family and that you have the strength needed to overcome this, whichever way it turns out...
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LUCKYSTAR63
4/25/06 8:25 P
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| Lynn. Just wanted to touch base! I hope ou are ok and you don't give up on us!
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BRODIEGIRL
4/23/06 12:26 P
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Lynn,
I spent some time reading through this thread, and am hoping that you are well, as is your family. I don't know what the decision was in your family, but whatever your daughter decided, I pray for you all that she is holding up well. I know that no choice is an easy one, but it sounds like she has an incredible support system. Whatever the decision was, I hope that you all can come together, and not look back on it with anger, but move forward, learn from any choices that were made, and remember you all are family, together.
Good luck to your family. Take care.
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IYOURDREAMZI
4/22/06 3:56 A
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Lynn,
I am blessed enough to have a wonderful mother like you. I became pregnant right before my 20th birthday, abortion was not an option for me as I had just had a miscarriage. My husband had just left for basic training and I was so very confused. We were starting a new life, joining the military (which pays HORRIBLY), and moving across the country. I didn't know what to do. My mother was there for me. I'm not sure if you realize how IMPORTANT that is. No matter what her decision is, the one thing that will stick out in her mind the most is the fact that her mother supported her. Believe me, nothing is more precious than that. My mother supported me and helped me through out my pregnancy. She spent every extra penny she had to help me give my baby girl EVERYTHING. I think it is WONDERFUL that you and your DH have decided to help her and allow her to finish school, I just want to offer up one word of advice here: make her have responsibility. Tell her to get a job so she can be partially responsible for the extreme amount of money a baby can cost. I know that it may be hard working and going to school, but it will help her out later on. I love your view on religion. I am religious, but I believe that abortion is a PERSONAL decision and if your daughter doesn't feel she can handle this kind of responsibility or can't give the child up for adoption then she should have an abortion. Why force her to do this if she cant? She will only resent the child. Regardless of what other people think, people vary and their ability to handle things varies as well. Its between your daughter and God, not between people who quote scripture, they won't be standing there at the end. If your daughter has her reasons, they are hers and she will learn from this, whatever the outcome may be. I wish you, your daughter and your entire family the best of luck, I hope she can come to the decision that works best for her. The world needs more mothers like you Lynn.
-tiffany
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SUZANNEJOZEF
4/21/06 11:09 P
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Lynn, I'm sure your daughter has made her decision and I will be praying for you and your family.
Suzanne
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TERESAROSE
4/18/06 5:21 P
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| I have spent a looong time reading this entire thread from the beginning. I wish you all the best in whatever decision your daughter makes. You sound to have a completely stable life and you and your family will overcome this. It will be a struggle, as you grow closer to her final decision, but the fact that you are willing to support her unconditionally is truly what parenting is about, whether it be at age 17 or older. Your family will be in my thoughts!
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I just wanted to say it sounds like you are a great mom, and you should be proud. Your daughter knows what is best for her NOW - or thinks she does.
She probably isn't going to want to think about this anymore than she has to after it is over with, so give her a break and support. Try to keep her mind off of it so it doesn't eat her alive. 17 is still a kid, but it sounds like she is at least making an educated choice.
Someday she will have a child and she will see things differently, but for now, what is - is what is.
After all this, it is fairly certain she will be more careful. If she's not - we will all come kick her butt - JUST KIDDING!
Make sure she follows her goals and dreams and doesn't lose sight of them, b/c what was this all about. If she doesn't just go for it (I mean college, and all the experiences she should have), than look what she gave up to have a so-so life. I hope she makes the most of all the opportunities afforded to her. If I would have had a child (which I chose not to) when I was her age, I would have not graduated college, traveled to 17 different states and 11 different countries, and had all the thousands of increadible opportunities that I have had.
My life now with a child is different, but I do not regret my past. I have already lived a very full life. I hope she will one day be able to look back and feel the same way.
I am praying for you all, and wish you all the best of luck! Give your girl a big hug for me. It sounds like she needs it. Consider yourself hugged too. Take care!
Peace and love to your family. (I only wish I could have had a family like yours).
~Pea
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| still praying for you, your daughter and unborn grandchild
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Lynn,
I just came across your post, and wanted to give my 2 cents (if you don't mind).
First of all I want to say that I completely agree that this is not your fault, and not in your doing in the least. I am a young mother, I'm 20 with a 4 month old baby girl. While I don't regret keeping her for a minute, there is a huge difference from 17 to 20.
I can come from both sides of the feild on this one though. When I was 17, 3 months after I graduated high school, I had an abortion. The boy I was dating left when I told him I was pregnant and I got scared and didn't tell anyone. I regret that decision every single day now after having seen my daughter.
One thing you may want to tell your daughter is that she'll feel comfortable and at ease with having an abortion...until she sees her first born child. There is an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach when I lay in bed at night thinkng about the child that I gave up. I didn't understand the severity of my actions.
It's her decision, but I just wish I could help young pregnant women everywhere understand the feeling that I have now...
I'm happy to give you my email address to correspond with her or you at any time...just let me know.
Good luck.
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PERMANENTCHANGE
4/16/06 8:04 A
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LUCKYSTAR63
4/15/06 7:50 P
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| Hi Lynn, I hope your family has a wonderful Easter and I will contintue to keep your family in my prayers. I know how you feel and if it were me and my daughter, I'd support her the same way!
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AMYLOVE623
4/15/06 7:01 P
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You are so welcome sweetie. I think the majority of us understand what you mean, and now all of us know what you are going through, but I as well as others are not judging you nor your daughter. You have done everything a loving mother should/could do.
Things have a way of working out for the best. You may not see the results now, but sooner or later i'm sure you will.
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Hi ladies. Thanks for all your responses..Amy thank you so much for seeing my side and defending me. I DO NOT agree with abortion. BUT i love my daughter. I am trying to encourage her to keep it. I cannot force her to. I WILL NOT. We have yet another appointment on Thursday. The abortion is set for next week unless we are lucky and she gets a great nurse that talks her out of it.
I know that I have told her how I feel. I know that Greg and I have told her how we will help. We have done all we can. But we love our daughter and that will not end if she makes a choice we do not agree with...
will keep you updated. And thanks to all for your comments and support.
Lynn
PS gill...thanks. your words have been a big comfort to me right from the start of this ordeal.
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SUZANNEJOZEF
4/14/06 7:55 P
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Lynn, Hope all is well in your household and things work out the best for your daughter. ALso Have a wondreful Easter Weekend.
Suzanne
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It seems pretty clear how this turned out. Wish I could have helped .  Who knows. Maybe just need some time out here. I care
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LUCKYSTAR63
4/12/06 9:33 P
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| Hi GregnLynn, I'm just checking in to see how you are all doing? I think about all of you and pray for healing and blessings to your family!
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AMYLOVE623
4/11/06 10:04 P
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| No worries. I'm sorry for assuming you knew about the caps thing.
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Did not know that caps thingy. I type in caps when eyes are watering and cannot see the monitor well.Hope all are soft hearted and forgive me. I wish only the best for this Mom and her daughter. Just trying to throw some professional light on this problem. I care.
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AMYLOVE623
4/11/06 4:56 P
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| No one needs to come here and FORCE their opinions, yes they can voice them.....but like I said not FORCE them.
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SUZANNEJOZEF
4/11/06 4:47 P
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My prayers are with you in this difficult time.
She may be typing in all caps because she can't see the smaller letters, my sister has to do this, plus some people don't know that it means shouting.
No one needs to judge give support and that's it. Like my momma used to say, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say nothin' at all :)
Praying for you and your daughter that she makes the decision that is right for her.
Suzanne
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This post seems to be getting out of control.
It is not about me, it is not about you.
It is about a mother struggling with a situation that is out of her control.
I continue to ask God to guide them and strengthen them and to bring them peace.
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CHRISTINTROY
4/11/06 2:23 P
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| i am new to this board and have read this topic and i want to wish youa dn your family the best of luck what ever happens! i cannot imagine what you are going through! i have a 3 year old little girl and i hope that if this ever happens to her she can be as level headed as your "little girl" seems to be! you have done a great job rasing her! I am 23 and married and cannot imagine not having me little one! i hope she does what is right for her! and that she never regrest the final decision!
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CARMELDELIGHT
4/11/06 1:39 P
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| Hello, I am new to this site and I have read some of the postings. I was a mom at the age of 17 and unlike you, my mom tried to force me to terminate my pregnancy. I don't believe in abortions for myself but I do respect others decisions to get them. My only advice to you would be to just do what you are doing right now, supporting your child NO MATTER WHAT!!! I can recall being a little more concerned about other family members more than my mom, only because I knew she would be there regardless and they might stray away from me. So don't think your daughter doesn't care about your feelings or that she cares about your husbands feelings more, she just probably has a closer bond with you. Your family will be in my prayers. In my experience I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had I gone through with the procedure. Don't get me wrong, I love my son who will be 12yrs old this month, but being a single teen parent isn't easy, with or without your parents help. Tell your daughter to stay strong and no matter what choice she makes, she is still loved.
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AMYLOVE623
4/11/06 1:38 P
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Grandmab
You didn't need to type your whole post in all caps. That seems as if you are angry. This women did not come here and share something so important with us to have people make her feel like she is the one in control and she has to make the decision and it's her fault if her daughter decides to do what is best for her. You say you are just trying to save a life as if this women doesn't want her daughter to have this baby. If you read her posts she doesn't want her daughter to have an abortion, so how are you going to save this babies life? You are coming off a little to strong with your opinions. You need to keep in mind that not everyone feels the way you do. She obviously wants her daughter to have the child, but regardless of what she decides she is going to support her daughter. There is nothing wrong with that.
If you choose to reply, please do so without typing in all caps and try not to be as rude as you come off.
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I AM NOT JUDGING ANYONE. I AM SORRY YOU THINK THAT. I CERTAINLY HAVE MADE MY SHARE OF MISTAKES IN 70 YEARS. JUST TRYING TO SAVE A LIFE HERE. I AM REGISTERED NURSE WITH ACTIVE LICENSE AND KNOW HOW TRAUMATIC AN ABORTION CAN BE TO THOSE HAVING ONE. I ALWAYS REFUSED TO HELP WITH ONE. JUST NOT IN MY MAKEUP. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN IN THESE POSTS. THOSE WHO HAVE HAD ABORTIONS SEEM TO BE FEELING THE MOST PAIN. I JUST HOPE THE MOM SHARED THESE FEELINGS WITH HER DAUGHTER. SHE IS OLDER AND WISER AND IF THAT CHILD EVER NEEDED GUIDANCE IT IS NOW. NOT JUST A SIT BACK AND WAIT AND SEE ATTITUDE.
LOVE ME IF YOU WILL - HATE ME IF YOU MUST- I JUDGE NOT. I CARE
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Lynn,
Please send Ash my love through you. Know that I am praying for her and you tonight and throught the day tommorow. Whatever descision she makes, you are right. It is hers, and yes, I dont want to judge anyone, I am not the Commander in Chief, just a willing servant.
I don't know how I would handle it with my daughter, and hope that I never have to be in your shoes, but I think you are doing the best you know how, and thats all anyone can do.
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LUCKYSTAR63
4/10/06 9:06 P
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| Lynn, I want you to know that your daughter will be in my prayers tonight. You are so right when you say no one has the right to judge. I feel for your family and may God bless all of you no matter what your daughter decides! All our love- Teri's family!
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Amy,, thanks. I didn't want to explain that again. To the others...esp gramma..this is NOT my decision. I am VERY aware that this is a child. SHE is MY child. I thank each and every one of you who understand my dilema. Maybe others would be more forceful with their own views...on their daughter...but I want her to understand that I back her up..no matter what. If I were to be forceful I could end up not only losing my grandchild..but also my daughter. THAT i could not handle.
I hope that I have made myself clear in this matter. I DO NOT agree with abortion. That is not what this post was about. I would not do it personnally...however I will NOT judge anyone (including my daughter) for making a decision that she feels is right. That is god's job..not mine.
again thanks to all. We have a big day tomorrow. It is her final councelling session. If she decides to go through with this..then it will be over in less than a week. I feel the noose tightening. I will update.
Lynn
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| I will be praying for your family. This must be a VERY hard time for you. I applaud how you have supported her during this time.
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| May God give you all wisdom,guidance,strength,courage and peace.
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I had to skim through this thread; I do not believe in abortion, you are right; it is not your body and are being way supportive mother. I got pregnant at nineteen and i am very glad i had my son who is now two. I am a single mother; and even though i make a descent paycheck; i struggle to just get by.
I have a friend who loves kids as much as i do, but she got pregnant and had an abortion b/c she did not know who the dad was; i don't agree with it, but i know if she would have had the kid; she could not have taken care of it.
I can't wait to here what your daughter decides on tues; hopefully she won't have the abortion, but it is her decision.
A lot of people gave me crap for deciding to have a kid and keeping it. everybody said I should have a bortion or give the baby up, but my mom always backed me and was very supportive.
You seem just like my mom; very supportive. Your daughter is very lucky to have you, and good luck.
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A friend of mine said she found this place very healing for her after hers:
http://www.afterabortion.com.
VeganMom
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FINDINGMINIME
4/9/06 8:21 P
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| Your family is in my prayers. I've had friends who have had an abortion and some have had children since and some can not or need IVF. I guess sometimes you only get one try. I understand how difficult it is for a young girl to be in this situation. There are soooo many couples how can not have children (including myself except for trying IVF which so far hasn't worked)and would provide a loving home. That too is a hard decision to make but my friends who had an abortion really wish they had of put the baby up for adoption instead. Maybe there is a place or support group that discusses how they feel after having an abortion or putting the baby up for adoption. Maybe this will help her with her decision. Lots and lots of ((((hugs)))
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| She's already told her husband.
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Funny you should mention the word "CHILD" So many mention the words "unwanted pregnancy " "tough decisions " coping mechanisms of all sorts. Most fail to use the word "CHILD" Which should be the main concern here. This is just how I feel. Seems most here have voiced their feelings and here are mine. I REMAIN PRAYING FOR "THE CHILD" - Name it after me. I would be proud !!I hope the only decision made here actually considers the CHILD first !!
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LATONYARICKS
4/9/06 12:32 P
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| Counseling is a great start! The more the better. Your daughter will need as much information and research about her situation as possible. She will need to know the good, the bad, and the ugly about her options. I am not a supporter of abortion; however, I do understand the many difficult decisions that newly pregnant girls and women face in these types of situations. I don't recommend hiding this from your husband. Your daughter has to own up to this and face him with the truth. Give him that respect. Educate your daughter as much as possible so that she can make the best decision for her and her unborn child.
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LUCKYSTAR63
4/9/06 11:53 A
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| I am all for you adopting your own grandchild! I think abortion is a tough issue to deal with. It is a very explosive issue. I know how I feel but I'm not going to impose my veiws in this situation. I would tell your husband becasue secrets don't belong in a marriage. I'm glad you can be there for your daughter. It is a tough spot to be in. I have a 15 yr old and everyday I hold my breath in fear that she's not going to tell me about it if it happens in her life. I wish you much luck! My prayers are with you and I pray she keeps her baby! I hope wverything comes out ok for all of you.
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Amy thank you so much for sharing. And Gill and Tanya and everyone else who has helped me so much. Ash will be making her decision on Tuesday. That is her next doctor appt. Wish us luck. I will support her decision even if it is not what I would have done for myself in that situation,,no matter how much it hurts.
Lynn
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SP_COACH_TANYA
4/7/06 5:51 P
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Amy -
Thanks so much for openly sharing your experience. It always helps to hear from people who have actually walked the path.
Tanya
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| When I said it was mostly about what people would think I meant thats why my mom wanted me to abort my baby, she didn't want the family to look bad.
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GREGNLYNN
What I would have given to have such a supportive mother like you. I myself became pregnant at 17. It was the most confusing time of my life. I don't think I have ever had so many things running through my head at once. I have never felt so alone. When I found out, my mom found out 2 days later. I was basically FORCED to have an abortion. I had mixed feelings about it, it felt wrong, it killed me inside, I didn't speak to my mother for almost a month! I cried for days and nights, it was the worst time of my life. To this very day I still think of my first baby and I still have a hole in my heart. I have a daughter now and that makes it hurt even worse. To know that I could have had another precious little baby. I think about what if I had had one when I got pregnant with my daughter, I think of all I would be missing. My point is my mother forced me, basically saying she wouldn't help support me or the baby, I would be kicked out, etc... It was mostly about what people would think. Today, even though I still hate how things happend, i'm glad in a way that things happened the way they did. I wouldn't be married to my wonderful husband, and I wouldn't have a beautiful daughter. The guy who I became pregnant by at 17 was a complete psycho, he lied about his age, his life, everything. Turns out he was engaged!! As soon as he found out he fled and to this day I have no clue where he is. I don't care to know either.
I think there is no right or wrong answer here. She has to do what she feels is best for not only the baby, but herself also. Being in highschool and being pregnant would be so hard, teens are so cruel these days. I just wish I could have had such an understanding mother like yourself. My mom actually beat the crap out of me when she found out, so yeah.
To the other people who are saying she NEEDS to have the baby and all that.... I think you are being very rude to tell someone's MOTHER that her daughter should do this or that. You can give friendly advice, but don't tell her what to do. Not everyone thinks the same way, ONE way is not the only way for people.
She has options, and that's all that needs to be said.
Thinking about you all.
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I think I have what I needed.
If not, I will e-mail you tomorrow.
What a hassle for such a small ordeal.
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JD..my email is primax@uniserve.com
Feel free to email me and I will give you the best advice I can ..and keep it totally confidential of course.
Please do not mention ash in your email or our difficulties as we have a younger child who is frequently on the computer and has NO idea of what is going on. We don't need Collin finding out the wrong way.
Thanks and look forward to hearing from you..
Lynn
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Gill- I am so sorry for your loss.
I will add you to my prayer list that you have peace and understanding. My heart breaks for you.
Lynn- I think I do indeed need some legal advice, maybe. I can get your e-mail or you can e-mail me at
jdrury@desotoisd.org
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