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Hi - I've taken a break from SP for a while, but it's cool that this group is still there...
Anyhow, last year I met my partner - the first woman after 2 unsuccessful marriages. My daughter was 11 at that time, and I sat her down and told her how I felt about my girlfriend. We had talked about same sex relationships (in general) before, so she wasn't too shocked. I offered to address any of her questions, but she really didn't ask much. Fortunately for both of us, pretty much all of my friends were very supportive and made the transition 'out of the closet' very easy. The main thing since then is that she (my daughter) feels important in my life and respected and loved by my partner.
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MISSTONYA
6/19/06 11:40 A
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| Thank you AMYWVU for your kind words. I think the shock and being blindsighted has finally passed. All we can do is go on with our lives. Life is too short spending precious time being angry and mad. Even though I was neither angry or mad...I was a bit confused. I am over that now and all I can do is show unconditional love.
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| I hope that views change so people don't feel they have to "stay in the closet. " I have a good friend who just turned 50 - she has hidden her life partner from her family for 20 years now. They think she is my friend's best friend. My friend hides all of their pictures together and the fact that they live together. My friend is scared to disrupt her family as they are all very religious. I find this so sad. Her brother and sister may openly share their spouses but my friend feels that she must hide. Life is just way too short - if you can find someone to truly love and share your life with, then who are we to judge?
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MOUNTAINEERGYRL
6/18/06 3:42 P
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I'm sorry to hear about the break up of your father and step-mother. It's hard to deal with even the most uncomplicated of divorces, I'm sure your dad is really struggling. Counseling is a great idea and it's good that he had the courage to make that iniative.
I am glad to hear you still have a relationship with your stepmother, I'm sure it was a hard decision for her to leave, and among the things that weighed that choice was probably how you would react.
Good luck in your journey and thank you for sharing your story.
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MISSTONYA
6/16/06 12:16 A
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Isn't that interesting when people say being a lesbian is just a "Phase"? I just don't get that. I am not a lesbian myself but my stepmother is. I had no idea at all. She is my dad's second wife and they were married for 18 years. She left my father for another woman and we were just blindsighted. It came out of nowhere and we didn't see any signs. I lived with my dad from the time I was 16 - 21 years old. I thought they were the cutest couple. They always held hands and showed affection. They never yelled at each other or ever raised their voices. Then one day she met a woman and she felt she couldn't lie to herself or anyone else anymore. She is 52 and she felt that it was time to come out. She felt that our time now is more tolerant than many years ago and she is probably right. I don't hate her. I still lover her to death. She was a wonderful stepmother and a very good friend to me. She always wanted kids of her own but never could have children. She almost died trying. She was so excited when I came to live with them. I think she was happy to give a little parental skills to me. She seems to be very happy with her partner now.
On the other side...I do feel for my dad. He loved the woman with all his heart. They still talk and I guess he just accepts it now. Of course he had some counceling to get over all the shock. I think he is just happy to at least talk to her and continue to be in her life even if it is for just a little bit.
In the distant future I think people's attitudes will change.
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My kids are 6, 4, and 2. They already knew that being gay was just another way to love, so when I told them I was gay, the only question was, "Who are you gay with?" lol My oldest was wondering what woman I was in love with, and was initially confused that I didn't have anyone specific in mind.
I'm sure we'll revisit the topic down the road when I start dating again.
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MOUNTAINEERGYRL
6/13/06 3:21 P
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| That last question was really for everyone - anyone have any advice for coming out to your children (or dealing with their day-to-day concerns if you had children with your partner)?
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MOUNTAINEERGYRL
6/11/06 9:43 P
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Hello mawhit. If you don't mind sharing, how old are your children? How did you come out to them (assuming you did)? Any suggestions for those still struggling with that process?
Amy
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| I'm a single, homeschooling, lesbian mom of three kids. I considered myself bi from a teen on up and was married for 8 years before getting divorced. I've been with men and women both, but sex with men was never ever right. When I envisioned my future after my divorce, and when I paid attention to my gaze and my thoughts (in regards to sexual attraction), it became very clear to me that I was gay. I came out last November. :)
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| Hiya. I am :) I forgot that this thread even existed. lol
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MOUNTAINEERGYRL
6/7/06 1:49 P
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| It would be great to see this topic pick up again - anyone still reading??
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Hi :)
My partner ;) and I have two kids. There are a few good books on the subject. I got "The family Book" for our three year old last month. Having loving parents is the best gift we can give them. Good luck with your goals!
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Hi Lynnette,
Funny - I wonder what Sigmund Freud would make out of this slip???
I just got back from work; I work at a program where we try to help customers finding employment to gain financial independence from government programs. I've been working there for 4 years and feel like I have hit a road block a few months ago. I am pretty much stuck in my responsibility level (and pay range) until my supervisor decides to leave - and I don't get the feeling that is in the making right now.
I feel split between wanting to stay at a job where my work makes a difference, and wanting to go to the next level and challenge. A coworker told me about an interesting job posting - much more money, in my skill range and so on. And suddenly I am all nerves -it's a big decision to leave a job and look for a new one! Kinda scary...
Well, my girlfriend is reminding me that the gym is calling (I only hear a faint whisper...).
Gonna go and hit the ellyptical for a little while.
Nice talking to you, I like the way you think!
Elke
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LOL! "Control over our LOVES" What the heck?!
Of course I meant "Control over our LIVES"
Lynnette
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Don't praise me too much LOL!
There were many mornings I woke up and hoped this would be the day he was no longer gay. I know how hard people can be on gay people and I just don't want that for him. He has helped me with his amazing attitude so I no longer "wish it away".
As far as the homeschooling goes... we've been at it for 10 years (he's in grade 11 and his sister is finished school) so it's really old hat for us. School just wasn't a good fit for our family. I wanted to spend more time with my kids and I didn't like the control over our loves that school wielded.
We started out very much using a school-at-home model and quickly realised it was not necessary. There were only two of them after all! We relaxed and let the kids follow their passions and they learned what they needed to have full, rich lives. My daughter has her diploma and my son is well on his way but neither of them did any formal schoolwork until grade 10.
As far as it being fulfilling for me - it was, immensely. I got involved in a fabulous, diverse homeschooling community here in Calgary and made many, many friends as did my kids. It is a myth that homeschoolers are stuck at home all day with no friends. Most homeschoolers I know have to really work hard at having enough "down-time" because there is just so much available to do during the day!
More than you wanted to know I bet :-)
Lynnette
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Lynette -
that is an amazing story you and your son have!
I knew about my 'potential' since I was a teenager, but haven't had a lesbian relationship until now. I have been in love with women before, but they were 'so straight' that I didn't dare to approach them, fearing I might lose their friendship if they found out.
I definitely feel more 'at home' with my girlfriend now, it just feels right for a change.
My families reaction was amusing - my niece gave me a 'high five' on the phone, my sister asked me why it took me so long to figure it out, and my Mom told me the only thing better than this was *no* relationship at all (not a happy marriage between my parents, if you can guess.... )
How do you handle home schooling? I stayed home with my daughter for 3 years and was glad to go back into the grown-up world. Besides, she is more ready to learn from others, rather than me. I am very grateful for the many wonderful teachers she has had already. Kudos for you for making it work at home!
Elke
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Divorce is always hard. I know very few couples that manage to get through it without involving the kids somehow.
My son knew he was gay when he was about 9 or 10 (that's pretty average) but he didn't actually come out until he was 13.
He didn't have any problems at school because we homeschool. Most of his friends were surprised but okay with it. (It's been quite a learning experience for them too!) He's only had a couple of friends drop him and one try to use religion as a reason to "reform" him. (We're not religious though so it didn't affect him at all. grin)
Being homeschooled it has been easier for both my kids to drift away from friends that they were no longer connecting with. It's much harder to do that at school.
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Hi Lynette -
thanks for your words, too. Yes, my girlfriend and I are very happy, it's the first time in my life my relationship is 'equal', if you know what I mean?
My daughter sees how much healthier and happier this life style is for me and is doing very well.
Your son is lucky to have your support, too. We live in a college town (Ann Arbor, Michigan), but are watching our backs in public - there are too many narrow minded people out there capable of many bad things.
My biggest concern is my ex-husband; he's threatened to take me to court for full custody for lesser things than that, (custody payments depend on how much time a child spends with either parent); and it stresses my daughter when she sees us fighting. The last few conflicts we had, he made sure she was the carrier of the messages or present when we 'talked' about the issues.
When did your son realize his orientation? Did he have a hard time in school? (Stupid question, that's a given!)
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HI!
I am not a lesbian mother but I *am* a mother of a gay teen boy. So far all our family and friends have been supportive but they also know my hubby and I won't permit anything else :-)
I have no advice for your particular situation except to say you sound like you are very happy and that will matter more to your child than anything else.
I have to kids (17 and 20) and they always know when I'm unhappy. It affects them too - even the one who no longer lives at home!!
I've been married for 23 years and a supportive, loving spouse is all that really matters.
Lynnette
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| I haven't seen my family in almost 10 years, I am sooo looking forward to meeting them again. My daughter doesn't remember them at all. My family (and I) don't write and call very much; it's not so much that we don't care or don't miss each other, but I guess we are very lazy in that aspect..
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| That sounds wonderful, I hope you have a great time!
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Hi Wantabod,
Your daughter and her husband are very lucky to have your support and friendship! My family was not so thrilled with my male partners and gave me a big cheer when I told them the news about my girlfriend on the phone. They basically asked me why it took me so long to figured it out? LOL
They haven't had a chance to meet her yet, since they are in Germany and I am in Michigan, but we are hoping to take a vacation this summer.
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| You guys hang in there, do not worry about people (most of the time when people judge you it is based on ignorence) I know it can be hard, and it sounds like you are more worried about your daughters feelings then your own, but she will adjust. My daughter, married a man of a different race, and we love him to death, because"HE IS GOOD TO HER" and that is all that matters to me. She dated several people, when she was younger, and most of the white ones LOL I would not give 2 cents for. People will one day learn (I hope) to look beyond, and see the person, not the package. Until then, just do what makes you and yours happy!
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Hi Wantabod,
thanks for your kind words! I agree with you. About the only useful thing I got from reading the pregnancy books was that "If you children know you tried your best, they'll forgive your for your mistakes".
My girlfriend is probably the best thing that has happened to my daughter and me (she's more of a supportive parent than her Dad can ever hope to be), but this environment is still very judgemental about our life style, if you know what I mean?
We have been very fortunate that our friends and my family all embraced our relationship - they haven't seen me this happy in years. I am kinda 'new' to this; when my partner came out years ago, she lost a lot of friends and her family still thinks it's a 'phase'.
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| Hi, I'm not sure if I can help, (not lesbian) but I am a mother. Our children are the last to judge us, they love us for who we are. I am sure you, and your partner will do just fine. There will be road blocks, for any parent, just deal with them as they come. Just wanted to let you know as well, if you go to the message board, go down to the forum "other groups" I have seen alot of posts, and groups for people in you situation. I hope this helps. GOOD LUCK
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Hi there,
I have a wonderful 11 year-old daughter and I am looking for someone to talk to about parenting with a female partner. My girlfriend and I haven't been dating that long yet and I am a little nervous about road blocks that might be coming up...
ET
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