Try to hang in there and take care of yourself. If it's any consolation, you are not alone. I have known so many guys to do/go through something like this. They reach a certain age or go through a depression and they think that if they just change their circumstances (leave the family/job/whatever) then they will feel happy again. But really they just end up screwing things up even more because the problem is within themselves.
I know this isn't helping you much now, but just know that it really *is* him, not you. You couldn't have done anything differently to not have this happen. Your guy has just decided that he's not happy with himself, basically, but it's easier to say he's not happy with the marriage/life situation.
If I were you, I would try to take the best possible care of yourself and your kids. Try to find time to do nice things for yourself and try to avoid obsessing over him making up his mind. You can gently try to encourage him to see that ditching his whole life probably won't solve any of his problems and will just create more, and to try to work together to figure out what is making him unhappy. But really it's up to him to snap out of it or not.
Also, don't let him make you a scapegoat for his depression. Don't get caught up in trying to make the home life perfect in the hopes that he'll see the light. Making a good life together is a two-way street and both partners need to work to keep a relationship alive. It's not up to you to make this better by yourself.
FLGIRL7718 9/21/08 9:08 P
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Try to remember that those two kids of yours will love you no matter what and try to be strong for them. But most of all take care of yourself. You are no good to anyone if you can't do that. We will all be here to support you if you need it!
JULCAT51 9/21/08 12:51 P
You are between a rock and a hard place. What are you doing for you? Eat! Since it feels bad, try the Boost, Glucerna, Ensure or south beachdiet drinks and meal bars. Believe me, they will go down okay and give you the calories/nutrition you need. Also take your vitamins. One a day type multi, vitamin c and B complex for your nerves. If you are a mess, what will happen to your children? They need for you to be good old mom during this time. I'm not a counselor, but I've been there. It turned out that we stayed together (37 years now), but my son would get upset every time we had a disagreement and would cry "you're going to get a 'avorce". I hate it that we put him through that. Please email me if you want to talk. Be strong! Let your husband figure out what he wants and get on with being you. Julie
SHUPER5 9/21/08 9:18 A
Be strong and remember it wasn't you at all!!Your self-esteem will go up and down.I'm so very sorry!! Remember that whatever happens keep pushing ahead for yourself and your children.Remember to eat,it's very important,do it for yourself. This is the day your dreams start coming true. And setting them in motion is simple.Just make today a day to believe,not doubt.A day to hope,not fear.A day toact,instead of holding back.A day to imagine the best future possible.Because that's what lies ahead!!If you need anything please message me,we all have been there!!!
SHELLV777 9/17/08 9:28 P
I am so sorry to hear about what is going on. If you need someone to talk to, email me and I will lend an ear. I can understand what you are going through.
DANAGOAD 9/12/08 1:55 P
thank you lady's so much for ur thoughts and advice, it's comforting to know there is someone there just to listen to me vent. i will let u know how things work out. Thank you
STORMDORE 9/11/08 3:06 P
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know you want him to stay, but it sounds painful not knowing. My friend's husband did the same thing to her. She was a wreck for MONTHS, while he just went through life "making up his mind." It was killing her that she had to try to act "normal" around her kids, when she knew that their lives could be falling apart. She finally had to give him an ultimatum because she couldn't put up the charade anymore. He left and it was hard, but at least she knew and could get on with the process of healing.
I'm not going to pretend that I know what you are going through right now, but I hope that you will heal quickly. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
Terri
GISELA1269 9/9/08 11:19 A
Oh my goodness as I'm reading this, I'm thinking "this is me!". I went through something very similar but mine occurred after 14 years of marriage & 3 children. The husband was also a truck driver & since he was out of the house a lot, the little time he did spend with us I made sure that everything was "perfect" when he was home, (had the house sparkling clean, did all the laundry, made his favorite meals). Then one day without any warning signs, I get the "It's not you; it's me" story.
After a couple of months (3 to be exact) of crying, feeling sorry for myself, feeding my emotions & almost losing my job; saw that I had to "snap out of it". Since the husband was out of town a lot, I quickly realized that I really didn't NEED him (although I loved him dearly). I was very capable of running a household on my own & I was very proud of the good work that I had done so far. That was all the fuel that I needed to get my self confidence car running, & I haven't stopped since.
Pray on it! Know that you are special and that your children need you now more than ever. You've managed to lose weight; if you can do that, than you can do ANYTHING.
HEIDI101 9/9/08 12:23 A
That is so horrible! I cant imagine what you are going through. Maybe he is having a mid life crisis? I wish I knew what to say to help, I really do. Talk with friends often, the ones that are good listeners. Be kind to yourself, always. I hope everything works out for you, that he comes to his senses soon.
DANAGOAD 9/8/08 7:19 P
I have been on Spark since May and I have lost about 40 pounds, I am doing awesome! But my life is falling apart. I have been married to the same man for almost 10 years now, we have 2 children, that as of this year are both in school all day, and my husband is a truck driver and is only home on the weekends. Well last Wednesday my husband told me over the phone, that he thinks he wants a new life!!?? and that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore, and that he is miserable! i was caught totally off guard. he told me he wanted out. we haven't even had a argument in months and i love him dearly. i spent all last week crying my eyes out. then he came home this past weekend, we spent a little time together, and now he says he doesn't know what he wants or what he wants to do. i asked him if this weekend helped and he said not really. he just keeps bouncing back and forth and i can't take it. I can't sleep I can't eat, for the past week I have barely been able to eat 500-600 calories. My stomach gets queasy just thinking about eating and my nerves are shot. When i try to make myself eat more, i just wind up getting sick. I know this isn't good for me, but I don't know what to do. I am falling apart!
