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RONIN672
10/23/07 10:34 P
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I have a friend that all of us quit hanging out with because of many issues we all had with him and his wife,(not the same as you're having Vic)and man are their kids screwed up....big time.
But yes, the actions of the parent's will definately screw up the way the kids think. I feel sorry for these kids, especially when they get old enough to find out the real world is alot different than the whacked out world their mother is living in.
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Yaaaaaaaa.......I'm siding with Russ on this one [again].
Those kids are going to be scarred for life when all this [and everything else] gets out.
Swinging lifestyle realtionships are destined to fail [I knew a couple who "lived the life"] and they are divorced and the kids are always pissed off.
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The really sad thing in all this is her children. She has 3 kids. A 12 yr old daughter who is following in mommy dearests footsteps, a 10yr old boy, and a 6yr old boy. I feel for her kids having to grow up with such a nut case for a mother.
Toby, you have her figured right out. She tries to play the "cool" mom already. She will be messing with her daughters boyfriends before you know it. Atleast then she might leave us alone.
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TOBOBEAR
10/22/07 10:40 P
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Wow...I forgot that you mentioned she had a son.
She is going to be on Jerry Springer in a few years as one of those moms who trys to "be the cool mom" and gets her son's friends drunk after prom and screws them only to get busted by the cops for copulating with a minor.
The sad news is you hear about a mom who does that every few months in a blurb on AP or Reuters.
That son of a b*tch is going to grow up one angry kid. Poor kid.
Toby
(I missed the opportunity to unleash the first goat joke. I am soooo jealous, but good insult "go blow a goat"... but keep in mind if you milk a billy goat you will end up with a friend for life....he won't forget you.)
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Aww Splatman, you beat me to the goat joke! Now I'm maa-aa-aad!
It's good that you and your husband are back on the same page again with her. She had to know that inviting him to a halloween party let alone by himself was going to end badly but it' doesn't seem that sense (common or otherwise) is her strong suit.
So she's a bit of the town bully along with being the town's bicycle where everyone gets a ride. What a bad combo and I still feel bad for her son. If he doesn't end up in some serious fights over this it'll be a miracle. Nothing worse than having your mom called a slut than maybe having her called a slut and having anecdotal data to back it up.
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ROTFLMAO!
I'll bet the goat was sorely disappointed - ba-aa-aa--aa-dly!
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This woman is beyond Fatal Attraction. I started asking around and apparently shes been known to do this before. But never to this extreme. She has slashed tires, thrown rocks through windows, and threatened others because she didnt get what she wanted. No one steps forward because they are scared of her. To heck with that garbage. She needs to be stopped once and for all.
Saturday morning at football she comes prancing over to my husband and gives him a big hug and says "good morning hot stuff". I told her she had 0.2 seconds to get her hands off my husband before i take them off myself. She had the audacity to ask me what MY problem was! All i said was , another time and another place and you would certainly find out, and i walked away and went to sit down. Then entire football game, she sat beside us making eyes at my husband and trying to flirt with him. We got up and moved and she just followed us. Shes like a fungus that never goes away. I went to our truck to get a water bottle for our son and she followed me. She had the nerve to stand there and ask me why i was mad! So i told her. I told her i knew about the lies and the text messages and all the phone calls to my husband. She stood there and tried to lie to me about it!!! I told her i still had them on my phone if she would like some proof. She got all defensive and told me she was going to talk to my husband. I told her to go ahead, he had a few words to say to her lol. At the end of the game she comes up to my husband and tells him that hes invited to her halloween party but he had to leave his "bitch" of a wife at home. He told her to go blow a goat and walked away lmao. I was so proud of him. The woman never gives up. She needs to be stopped.
I am going to try and get a few other people on my side to take this to the police. With more then one complaint maybe they can do something about her.
One way or another i am going to stop her. I just hope its before someone gets seriously hurt.
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RUSS1985
10/20/07 11:55 P
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| If Vic has a kendo stick, I'd run. That just looks like pain. And the thwack! you hear when it connects makes me cringe just thinking of it. It may not kill you but it's gonna hurt like hell for days!
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Sorry I don't golf, a putter from miniature golf would so not work for me.
I have a first grader in T-ball, I can swing a t-ball bat one-handed. A good aluminum one sits by my front door.
I don't advocate violence.....but when my ex started trying to get guys to try to beat me up and vandalize my house among other things, I shifted my opinon.
Good Luck and hopefully she doesn't go fatal attraction.
Toby
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I've always been a bigger fan of the Shinai(bamboo kendo sword), or a Louisville Slugger!
If you use the Shinai, be sure to chug a brew first(wrestling fans will get this)!
But seriously, as long as she's outside the house/property, ya gotta let her be. The first time she comes in uninvited, WHACK........Lights Out!
Just check local laws concerning such things, as I know they are different everywhere.
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RUSS1985
10/19/07 12:43 P
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Don't use the good clubs! Think about it, you'd have to get it reshafted if you wrapped it around PBFH's neck. And then it would never play the same. Thrift store. $2. No attachment. No remorse if you break the shaft.
Also, stay away from the woods. The new woods are basically air filled metal balls. You want to know if you hit that she knows you hit her. Besides any good golf pro will tell you use your middle irons when you can. You'll get a better shot in.
I'm sure you know, don't chase PBFH down with a club. But if she decided to go Fatal Attraction on you guys then swing away.
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LOL Splatman. I could use a good round of golf with her head... errrr i mean at the course.
Good idea guys. I think i am going to start asking around to find out if others are maybe experiencing what i am, or maybe have in the past. If i can get enough people together maybe we can build a case against her and shut her down now.
I have a nice set of golf clubs in my closet that will work wonders if she tries anything completely stupid. A nice driver will do it. I hate resorting to violence but if she crosses that line i will not hesitate to defend myself.
I want to confront this woman once and for all but am worried about what her next step might be. I have to spend all day saturday in her presence. Lucky me! NOT!!! I have not been to football this week just because i am still so darn mad i was worried I might be the one to do something stupid. So i have been sending my husband to pick up our son. It pisses me off to give her the satisfaction of seeing me not go. I am not going because i am intimidated by her, i am staying away to stop myself from crossing the line before her. I want to beat her head in.
I WILL beat her at her own game. I just have to be smarter then her.
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FORE!
Oh I'm sorry.....I meant FIVE!
I agree with Russ, get something to have handy JUST IN CASE...but be careful that YOU aren't the one who crosses that legal line and winds up in trouble with the law. Then the PBFH wins again.
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Ronin does have a point here. She's unhinged but do you think she might get violent? Even if you don't want to have a firearm in the house, access to an old 5 iron might be a good thing and they're a buck or two at the thrift store.
Also, maybe asking around might be a good idea. I see his point here. You probably don't want to know who she might have tangled with before but it may be helpful to see a pattern.
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Ya know, now that you mentioned it, have you ever spoke with anyone else in the neighborhood about this person? Maybe there are others that she's doing this to also. Heck, maybe she's drove other families out of the neighborhood. Might be a good thing to know that you aren't alone, and can really start building a case if others have had similar experiances with her.
Otherwise, all I can say is this woman is Nuttier than Squirrel Crap! Do you own a weapon in case she tries anything REALLY stupid?
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KENC1971
10/18/07 10:30 P
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Wow. That woman is Bat S*** Crazy.
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OK, that kind of defeats the purpose doesn't it but it is a company phone so you can't cut off your contacts. Oh well.
BTW: You probably don't want to know how many couples have had to do what you did because of her or worse, how many homes she's wrecked chasing what she could or shouldn't have.
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Funny thing is, we have lived in this community for 7yrs now. Thats how long this has been going on. I wish someone would have warned me about her when we first moved here. I wonder how many other couples have had to change numbers and such because of her. My husband requested a number change at work. They granted it but then put a message on his old phone number saying it wasnt in service anymore and to call the new number. UGHHHH. He may as well have kept the old one. Oh well, what can i do.
Heres to hoping this slows her efforts down, or atleast makes her screw up bad enough that something can be done about it. Stayed tuned for Saturdays saga lol.
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| The fact that you're new to town and she has this kind of rep in town is not all that shocking. It actually explains a lot. She's worked her way through the other guys she could and now has the new guy in town is her sights. Well changing your numbers, blocking unklisted nunbers and setting monitoring should slow her down considerably. It's a shame to have to do this but maybe it's the clue by four you were looking for. Just keep going. I still think she'll catch on that you guys are not interested and she'll move on. But if she doesn't you just made her harassment that much harder.
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Cornetel, i know what you mean about getting defensive and making yourself look guilty of something you didnt do. That is why i refuse to defend myself in this situation. There is nothing to say. I did nothing wrong and will not back myself into a corner to make it look like i did. This is going to get worse before it gets better. But i am not going anywhere.
I have to say though, how funny that your husband put the shoes there himself lol. That would be a tough one to explain lol. Thanks for that bit of humor, i truly needed it.
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Vic, I know where you are coming from. A few weeks ago one morning I was up and about before anyone else, as usual. I heard my husband get up, take his shower and head downstairs. He walked into the kitchen with a pair of shoes in his hands and asked me, "what are a pair of size 9 1/2 men's shoes doing on the floor in our bedroom when I wear a size 11?"
I looked at the shoes, looked at him and said, "I have never seen those shoes before in my life." The only people who live in our house are the hubby, me, and our 14 yo daughter.....
My hubby and I have a wonderful relationship (yes, we have some awesome yelling matches, but we have always known when the chips fall we are there together). So, for him to look at me like he did not believe me was pretty hurtful. Of course for him to find men's shoes, that don't belong to him, in our bedroom was pretty darn suspicious and hurtful to him as well.
He left for work that morning with doubt in his mind and me kind of weirded out as well.....I mean whose shoes could they be??? I looked them over after he left and thought there was a strong possibility they belonged to a woman, they had some shiny blue stripes on them and weren't that much bigger than my size eight shoes.
We both got away from work to have lunch together, we usually are able to do that, and I told him I thought maybe they were women's shoes and suggested the lady who cleaned our house had kicked off her shoes and forgotten them (yea, not much made sense about that, but....). My husband called the housecleaner. Nope, they weren't her shoes. That night I asked my 14 year old if she knew anything about them. Nope.
My step-daughter who is in college comes over pretty often to use our computer, but she rarely if ever goes up to the bedrooms, and why would she leave her shoes?
Through all of this my husband is still not sure he believes me when I say I know nothing about them.
Five days later my step-daughter comes back over and I immediately ask her if she knows anything about the shoes sitting in the corner. Her response? "Yes, those are mine. The other night when Dad when to bed he took them upstairs with him."
She had come over kind of late to do homework and had kicked off her shoes before getting on the computer. I went to bed before she left and my husband followed me not long after. My step-daughter said she noticed when her dad told her good night he carried shoes upstairs with him. She didn't think much of it until she couldn't find her shoes when she was ready to go home and realized he must have grabbed her shoes instead of his own (his were on the floor near her). She didn't want to wake us up so she just drove to her apartment barefoot.
I apologize for the long post, but, as humorous as our event turned out...I mean HE CARRIED THE SHOES UPSTAIRS HIMSELF!!!! I know something of how you feel, VIC.
Throughout several days my husband truly believed I could be messing around on him. The more defensive I got the more he was convinced I was guilty. The more he thought I might be guilty, the angrier I got that he could even think such a thing. We were really lucky that an explanation became available AND that we were able to keep a sense of humor about it. At one point we thought of each of us taking a shoe throught the city to see who it fit, man or woman. Yeah, I still get a little p.o.ed to think he thought I could do that....but shoes beside the bed are pretty good evidence.
My advice to you,VIC, is: your husband knows deep down if he trusts you or not and if he is anything like mine he would be long gone if he didn't. Don't keep trying to convince him with words....you've told him your side and the other husband has called him as well. Part of what your husband is also dealing with is this other guy has been a friend of his and how awful it would be to have your spouse and a FRIEND go behind your back....and chances are at this point even if he trusts you, he doesn't necesarily trust his friend because of all the history. Plus, he is losing a friend in the deal. Keep being the "good wife" and showing him you love him, you care about him, and that he can trust you. Try your hardest to keep a sense of humor about it. Also think of how you would feel if you did mess around with his friend and he didn't care. Give him time. Blocking the phone numbers is good, under NO circumstances should you have any contact with the other husband or wife. If they come to the door, don't answer, but let your husband know they were there in case something comes out later, keep your written log of them (either of them) being there. If you see them in public, like at the soccer games, stick to your husband like glue and IGNORE them. If you get anything in writing from either one of them, share it with your husband immediately and keep it. Continue to record EVERYTHING because it sure sounds like the police are going to get more involved before it gets better.
Good luck to you! This is definitely one of those things that can make your marriage stronger in the long run because you get through it.
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Well i spent the day changing numbers. The only one i cant change is my husbands cell phone number. It is a company phone so i have no control over it. All i can do is ask him to talk to them and get it changed. I also got a service that wont allow any private numbers to ring my line. The caller will have to display their number in order to get through. This will stop her from blocking her number to get through. My line is also now being monitored for all her numbers, as well as her husbands. Its really sad it has come to this.
None of my other friends want anything to do with this woman. She has tried her tricks on all of us. She obviously has a bad rep. One i wasnt aware of when we first met. Guess that is the bad part about being new to town. So trying to find a single guy to distract her will be like finding a needle in a hay stack.
I can put money on it that she will become sloppy sooner or later. Steps have been taken to cut her out of our lives. If she wants in bad enough she will screw up. Its just a matter of time.
There is only 2 more days of football left so i wont need to worry about seeing her 4 times a week no more either. So that will definately help. Although we will be forced to spend all day saturday with her due to football wind-up. I can almost imagine what she has cooking in her twisted mind for that day.
Stay tuned to find out lol.
You guys have had some awesome advice on this. I really appreciate it. Its nice to have an outsider to vent to and get ideas from.
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He probably needs time to process everything. You've got PBFH throwing herself at him which probably is still a bit mind twisting. Then you have her trying to make your husband jealous by making you look like the cheater (Does this woman watch soaps? That's the only place this kind of stuff flies)
Do you have any single friends you can put in this woman's way? Sounds like she needs an itch scratched and if she found someone to to scratch that itch, she'll forget about you. Block their numbers and get the phone company to set up a trap on the line. Phone companies deal with harrassing phone callers all the time. Setting that up shouldn't take more than an hour.
Also any common friends or other parents should be told that she does not get you number EVER. If nothing else, it'll make her have to get creative to keep up the harrassmant and that's when she'll get sloppy and make her mistake.
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According to police, she has not broken any laws (except the law of friendship) so they can do nothing. I am going to record in detail everything she does from here on and just wait for her to cross the legal line.
I have tried to talk to my hubby. Hes not into listening right now. Hes more into ignoring me at the moment. I told him that there is no way on earth that i was going to jeapordize our marriage. I am very happily married and would go to the ends of the earth for him. I blocked PBFH and her husband as callers to prove to him that i dont care about them. I have already severed ties with both of them. He knows i talked to her husband about the situation and that i asked him to back off and leave us alone. He even called my husband to tell him what i asked of him. That should prove to him that i could care less about these ppl and that i am obviously not involved with her husband in any way shape or form. I have gone above and beyond to be a good wife and keep my husband happy. Up until now i thought i was doing pretty good. Now its all just falling apart thanks to her crap.
I guess maybe he needs time to deal with his own thoughts and feelings about all this. All i can do at this point is give him his space and hope he comes around.
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SPLATMAN
10/17/07 10:23 A
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Ya...isn't it outrageous the amount of crap one person can get away with and still be within the confines of legality? Ludicrous, I say.
Depending on where you live, you may be totally stuck from a legal standpoint and have to wait for this PBFH [psycho beotch from he11] to cross the line before any action can be taken. I don't think the wench has crossed any of those lines to this point. Changing your phone numbers and such is an option and making them unlisted except to 911 might work for a while but she could get those numbers and still wouldn't be breaking any laws [but the person who gave them to her would be but she'd still be in the clear].
Have a long heart to heart with your hubby and lay it all out on the table. She's whacked, is starting shtuff without any factual basis and is just BS talk with no proof. Your actions prove her talk as lies and you have done nothing wrong and he has no reason to believe otherwise. Yes, the weed seed has been planted by the PBFH but you can spray round-up on it and get it out of his head. It'll take a while [I kinda know how a guy's mind works on this one] but it can be done. Back up your words with solid action that PROVE you mean what you say about him and your marriage. Talk the talk and walk the walk and SHOW him [as well as tell him] the real truth about your marriage as well as avoid any contact with either of the other two losers.
I agree with keeping records of this PBFH's actions and then when she *does* cross the legal line, you have lots of backup to prove this isn't a one-time event and have a history to show a judge just how whacked she really is.
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Toby, she is totally and completely a psychobitch.
Russ, disappearing sounds like a good idea. But i know she will find us. Shes psychotic. And obviously very determined. It was just a thought. Not something i would act on. I wouldnt give her the satisfaction of seeing us move because of her.
This has been going on for so long i am at the end of my rope. My marriage is on the rocks now and it sucks. Even though her husband called mine to set the record straight, it never really made a difference. My husband is still suspicious of me cheating. Hes wondering why she would text me pretending to be her husband, unless she was trying to catch us doing something. So nows hes wondering if maybe we were and she has a good reason to do what she did. Shes gotten to him this time. Even though she is the source, hes still wondering. I dont know what i can say or do to fix this one. I am not going to stand here and defend myself against something i have not done. That would just make me look guilty. She created a real mess this time. The only question is, can it be fixed?
As far as the cops go ... Well, i think its stupid they cant do anything yet. Until she does something drastic, like trespass or break the law, they wont step in. All i can do is record her actions and hope she screws up bad enough to bust her useless ass.
*SIGH* What a mess. 
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| Disappearing isn't a good option. walking away from your life your jobs, your kids' school is not the option. You husband knows the score and he's got to know that you aren't messing around on him. I mean just looking at the source should be enough to end the idea.
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TOBOBEAR
10/16/07 11:42 P
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I was thinking about this. Some people are just plain insane.
Seems my brothers (both Biological and Fraternal) and I end up dating one or two at some point.
We used the term "psychobitch" to refer to a woman who needs to get some serious psychological help. Seems one telling sign that your girlfriend or ex is one is if they are on medication for their mental issues.
Just about every wedding I was in the wedding party of there was a ex girlfriend or wife who was not invited and the ushers were to watch out for to ensure she didn't disrupt the wedding.
My older brother's psychobitch went nuts. He and his wife had to get a restraining order to keep her away from them. The woman, through mutual friends, found out when either of them was out of town and for 1 1/2 years kept track, and then wrote a letter to my brother's wife claiming that on every evening one or the other was out of town, she had sex with my brother, and the affair had been going on for years.
It almost destroyed my brother's marriage. They got a restraining order and the woman has not had contact with them since.
I hope you find a way to resolve the issue. I must warn you though, moving away won't necessarily solve it. She will just get a better long distance plan for her and her hubby's cell phones.
Good Luck
Toby
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Splatman, this last bit just happened these past few days. Over the weekend actually. She dont give up. Shes taken it to a whole new extremem.
Russ, im thinking the only way to fix this is to relocate. Disappear. This situation doesnt seem to be going away and has now caused a huge problem in my marriage. Shes made me look like the cheater. Cudos to her for her success i guess.
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If it weren't so upsetting, I'd applaud her persistence.
That woman makes my old crazy neighbor look rational. Trying to set you up to look like a cheater just pretty much tops it.
At this point, changing the cell numbers numbers and not sharing them is a great idea. Setting up a block on your home phone number might be an option depending on your phone company. It sucks for you because it's more work and the lady's husband is kind of left on his own but it essentially shuts her out. No number, no calling. If she somehow gets the new number then record everything she calls about and take her slutty carcass in front of a civil judge for harassment. Maybe a court room is all the cold water that needs to be dumped on this one.
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Wow. That's all I can say. This gal is really all alone and in the end zone.
Is all this still going on with her or has she decided to take a chill pill yet?
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TOBOBEAR
10/16/07 12:32 P
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WOW!!!
I had mentioned their relationship was falling apart, but whoa is this gone from crash course to psycho driver with a death wish.
Keep records, try to record calls from her, wait until she screws up enough the cops can do something. She probably isn't going to stop until she has been directly confronted by the cops and/or a judge.
Good Luck
Toby
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| OMG, she is a nut case. She just called me. She said that something isnt sitting right with her about ME texting and calling her husband. She asked that as her friend will i please stop because he is happily married. WHAT THE HECK!!! Then she goes on to say that she wasnt going to tell my husband this time but if it continues she will. I was like omg, are you for real? I told her my husband knows about the texts because he was sitting right beside me. I told her we all know (including her husband) that it was not him that sent them but that it was her. I told her she didnt need to worry about talking to my husband because hes well aware of her little scheme. She just hung up on me. She is twisted and needs serious help.
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| Shes past crazytown, shes now in Psychoville. Apparently her and her husband were fighting that day. So she decided to cause trouble for someone else. That person being me. My husband was very upset with me at first. He thought her husband was text messaging me and calling. He didnt know at the time that it was his wife not him. I dont blame him for being upset. I just sat there stunned with absolutely nothing to say. I had no idea why he would be texting me at a funeral. I am glad that her husband called mine to set things straight. My husband told him to get control of his wife or there will be serious repercussions because we are sick of her antics. He told him he doesnt want to see her ass at our sons football game, he doesnt want to see her breasts when she thinks he needs to, he doesnt want anything to do with her. If it doesnt stop we will be changing our numbers and address if need be. Enough is enough already.
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| OK, now she's managed to pole vault into crazytown. She's got his phone and is texting you at a funeral. It's amazing how the police can't do anything. Your husband had better not be upset at you over this. I can see him upset at the wife and upset at her husband but you're a victim in this.
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| Ok, this woman needs to be beat with a clue-by-four. She has taken this to the extreme. This past weekend my husband and i were attending a funeral. When we were at the luncheon part of it i got a text message from her husbands phone. Now, one would think it was her husband right. Being where we were i just ignored it. Well, they kept coming, one after another after another. Finally my husband got irritated and asked who it was. When i told him he got upset. Which granted, he had a right to. Then my phone rang , it was his wife. She wanted to know if her husband was with us. Something seemed odd because she knew we were at a funeral. But, being in a different state of mind, thought nothing of this. 10pm that night his wife calls me and asks me why im text messaging her husband. I told her he texted me first. She hung up on me. So fine. Then she calls my husband and tells him that we (her husband and i) have been texting and calling eachother. Well, naturally he got upset. Especially after all the text messages we thought were coming from him the night before. So of course this started a HUGE fight. His wife calls me the next day to ask me to please stop calling and texting her husband. NOW WAIT A MINUTE HERE!! Whos calling and texting who, like seriously. I talked to my own husband and told him i was going to call hers to find out whats going on and to tell him that what he did was inappropriate. Turns out that he wasnt even home to text my phone that night. It was his manipulating, trouble making little wife doing it, trying to get my husband mad at me. Well, she succeeded! After talking to her husband about the situation i am fuming mad. I told him im involving the police because i am sick of the whole situation. He called my husband to explain that it wasnt him so hes not mad at me no more but that doesnt change that shes still causing problems. I went to the police but they cant do nothing because the text messages came from her husbands phone. But now that a complaint has been lodged against her they will be watching and be aware of the problem. I am so mad right now i want to go beat her ass. How much more of this can a person put up with. She is obviously more dangerous and capable of alot more then i thought.
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| This is a very bad case of "she wants what she cant have". the thrill of the chase. She needs some serious help.
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The woman just doesn't quit does she? Trying to hook up with your husband at pop warner practice is just not cool. What must her son think? I bet he's not too thrilled with mom throwing herself a team mate's dad on the practice field.
Can anyone (the husband) get her to possibly go to counselling? She's way too obsessed with your husband. If the marriage is open, are there no other guys in town that she could be messing with or is this a case of chasing the "one that got away"? Either way, something is not right with the woman.
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| Their relationship is messed up. I knew they were having marital problems a while back and then all of a sudden things seemed to get better. Well, that would be why. They made their marriage and open one. Me and her husband talked at great lengths about this relationship of theirs. Apparently it was HER idea to start swinging. She was always cheating so she was simply asking for permission. He agreed to it and they both claim that it "saved their marriage". My thought was, ok, if you were not happy with eachother before, why are you now? Your happy now but why? They are happy because they can freely sleep with whoever they want. They are still not happy with eachother or they would not be stepping outside the box. And i agree 100% that they are going to crash and burn. And when they do its going to get ugly. I know we have not seen the last of her. She has made so many sexual advances on my husband that i know if she ever becomes single she will really be trying to sink her meathooks into him. Her being married and our hubbies being good friends never stopped her. The only thing stopping her is the lack of contact. But as soon as there is contact she is back to her old tricks. Like yesterday, our kids play on the same football team. My husband left work early to catch some of the practice. It was cold and a bit rainy out . As soon as he sat down she crawled on his lap and asked him to cuddle her cuz she was cold. I couldnt believe it. 50 ppl there and she does this in front of all of them, AND ME! My husband just stood up and said "maybe when hell freezes over, now get off me cuz i need to snuggle with my wife". I about died laughing lol. The woman has balls i tell ya.
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The good news is that the husband may be free of his wife sooner than expected.
The bad news is that their marriage is on a crash course.
In a few sociology courses on the subject of swinging, statistically the husband initiates the idea, when it becomes detrimental to the relationship the woman is more often the one insisting to continue and then at a much higher than average rate divorce ensures.
So if they are the "typical" swinging couple, once he had reservations it was much too late. Pandora's box was opened and their marriage is probably going to crash.
Run away from that couple, after the crash, your hubby can get his friend back.
I know a swinging couple that the woman is all over me at most of the parties I go to. The hubby is a passive aggressive jealous freak. I stay away from both of them. Even though their relationship is "open" it would not surprise me if the hubby "accidently" crashed my car into a tree or something.
If you are not into it, watch carefully for those who are, things can get weird, if their relationship is weird.
Good Luck
Toby
(P.S. be warned, if they separate, she may come after your hubby (sexually) since she no longer has a hubby who is your hubby's friend.)
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Swingers. How did I miss that one? And here I thought she was just out there for no reason.
They had to figure that there would be limits put on this after a while or that they would run into people that aren't planning on joining the lifestyle with them. Shame on the husband for not sitting her butt down and saying "Honey, they don't swing and don't plan on starting. Move it along to another guy." He at least seems pretty reasonable so maybe they'll have that conversation sometime soon and she can go about getting her freak on somewhere else.
You guys keep doing what you're doing and now at least you know why she was so hot for your husband. Take that knowledge and move on from there.
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| I told her she was a mental case and needed a shrink lol. That went over like a lead balloon. I havent had alot of trouble from her in the past while but we have also been out of town alot. I do know that this is far from over. Her husband stopped by for coffee last week and gave me some insight as to why shes behaving like this. Apparently this couple has a very "open" relationship. Part of the reason that her husband has not forced her to stop pursuing my husband. He said he doesnt agree with it but when they agreed to have a sexually open relationship they never put into place any rules that would warrant him stopping her behavior. How stupid is that. I could care less that there is no rules in this so called relationship that they have. She is pursuing a married man. His best friend of all ppl. That itself should be enough for him to say enough is enough. Open relationship or not, he should be trying to stop her if he values his friendship with my husband. I do in a way understand his position, but come on. How far is he going to let her go? I told him she is going to end up ruining my marriage if this continues. He doesnt think it will, but he doesnt get the stress that she puts on us with all her antics. The lies about me having an affair ect will get to my husband sooner or later. I told my husband about the conversation i had with her husband and he was floored, he had no idea. We have both decided to completely abandon the friendship at this point. If they want a swingers lifestyle that is fine. We dont and will not judge them on that. We just want them to leave us out of that. She apparently cant do that and he apparently wont try and make her so the friendship has been terminated all together on both ends. After hearing what he had to say that day, everything makes sense now. All her actions, his reactions ect. Any further damage to my marriage by her and there WILL be a restraining order in place.
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ANGELOFMUSIC54
9/13/07 10:53 P
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Wow...I think this is why I'm still single.
But from a different point of view...this wopman may seriously have a borderline obsession with trying to get something she can't have..I might even think it could be connected to a psychological issue. She might want to get herself checked by a shrink...
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After the door banging incident, I'd have already called the cops and gotten that bit of legal action accomplished.
Ya know, it's just too bad this woman can't get the hint unless it's delivered on the end of a clue by four. The sad part is the relationship between your husband and her's is about to be over because she can't control herself and act like a real adult AND that your hubby's friend won't let his wife know that it's wrong to jeapordize his long-time relationship because of her actions and to grow up.
The whole thing is sad, to speak the plain truth. And you're right, the end hasn't been heard yet. Something tells me there's a bit of revenge being geared towards. Protect yourselves!
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| Mort, there has been no contact but she has been calling constantly. I just refuse to answer. She showed up here yesterday afternoon and i was outside raking. I just told her that i didnt want her around anymore and to please leave us alone and i went inside. She pounded on the door, yelling at me for almost an hour. She finally left when i told her i was calling the cops. Just like i suspected she would, she called my husband right away. He gave her an earful too. He told her that we want her out of our lives for good. She went off on him about friendship and how friends dont abandon eachother like that .. blah blah blah blah. So he threw it back at her telling her that friends dont try and sleep with eachothers spouses either. She told my huband he would never see hers again then and all he said was if it gets her out of our lives then so be it. She hung up on him and we havent heard nothing since. But i am afraid we have not seen the end of her yet. I guess only time will tell. That restraining order is looking pretty good right now.
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Honestly, it sounds like this "lady's" Husband needs to grow a set and tell her to knock it off. I really don't understand how he could let her openly throw herself at his friend, knowing that he's married. If this was my wife, she'd be out the door so fast for pulling crap like that.
Why does "Fatal Attraction" come to mind?
Keep safe, don't let your guard down.
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| Since you haven't heard from her in 2 wks, she may have gotten the hint. however everything she has done up to this point is the textbook definition of stalking. She may have taken the hint or may not. keep your eyes open for a little while. Not to sound too melodramatic but she has already spread the imaginary affairs, what can she think of next. This woman sounds sick. Like OCD sick. If she starts up again, I would definately pursue the restraining order. not only for you and your husband, but for your kids too.
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I can see where burn out would set in as far as the husband's fighting with his wife. You can only beat the same dead horse so many times...
I can't imagine how all of this will pan out with kids with similar ages in school. While the kids are not privy to this story (hopefully) they have probably already picked up on their parent's "funny vibe". We can only hope she's not on the PTA or some group where she can pick on your kids.
Good plan not getting into it with her. It sounds like she's forgotten more drama and mind games than any of us know.
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| Me and my husband are very much on the same page. Neither one of us likes what she does. Her husband isnt so much too mellow as he is tired of the same old stuff. Hes sick of fighting with her over it so he just refuses to. We have told him that our friendship is going to end over this. He got really upset and got mad at his wife for being so immature. That just started a whole new drama with her. Its never ending. A restraining order seems so harsh. But it may be all we have left. Our kids are the same age and go to school together and are good friends so thats going to be a tough one to deal with. Im just glad that we dont have alot of mutual friends. That would make this too hard. This woman is capable of more then anyone could fathom possible. We contemplated turning the tables on her and seeing how she liked it but i was afraid of what her next move would be. She already dreamt up illigetimate affairs i couldnt imagine what is next. Besides, i didnt want to stoop to her level. I blew my top at her and there has been no contact for about 2 weeks now, so i guess we will see how things go.
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I guess I didn't get the scope of what she was capable of. Most people would just understand that and be done but she sounds like she doesn't catch clues well. Also sounds like she's pole vaulted into an entirely new realm of psychodrama that no one wants a piece of.
I don't get how the husband is so mellow about this. I know my wife would never tolerate that kind of flirting without giving me an ear full and if she was doing it, you'd hear that argument from blocks away. He's either been through it too many times or he's the most mellow guy on the planet and I need to study from him. His blood pressure must be like 50 over 20 to be able to deal with that
If your husband and you are on the same page and it sounds like you are, it may be time to sever the ties with this couple, but do it this way: Have your husband talk to the other husband and make it clear why they can't hang out. That way he knows that it's not on him and he can probably get his head around that better. If he's as mellow as he sounds about his wife flirting then he probably will take this in stride too. Then if the wife calls up, tell her that she doesn't need to contact you guys anymore. And leave it at that.
If you do go down the restraining order route, log the days you talked to them and what was said and then log the calls she makes afterwards. I would think THAT would be enough but it can be kind of a nasty road to travel for a while, especially if you have a group of friends that you hang out with.
Let us know how this plays out.
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| Get a restraining order. I'm saying that in jest but it seems that's the only thing that's going to stop this woman. You've basically tried every way possible to get rid of her and it still hasn't worked. It seems like even if your husband and her husband stopped being friends and seeing each other that she would still call, leave vociemails, etc. There's a major difference between harmless flirting as she likes to call it and harrasement. She's really crossing the line bringing up alleged affairs and whatnot and I think the only way she's ever going to get it is by being scared straight with legal action. I know that's the last thing you or I or anyone would want to do but it seems like that's what it's going to come down to. I hope for everyone's sake she just gets it and stops. It doesn't seem like that's going to happen anytime soon though.
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| Russ, that sounds like a pretty logical thing to do. We have tried that. We tried meeting places , she just shows up, we tried somewhere she wouldnt know about, she just calls all our cell phones non-stop. We went to a mutual friends once and she came banging on the door causing a HUGE scene. We tried having just my husband and hers spending time together so that they didnt have to give up their friendship and she did everything she could to be involved. When that didnt cut it, she started causing trouble. She called my husband and told him me and her husband were having this hidden affair. I couldnt believe when he came home and told me about it. I wanted to slap her silly. Thank god my husband knows me better then that and took into consideration the source it come from. The only thing i can think of doing is abandoning the friendship completely and hope that my husband understands. I hate for him to lose a friend but i cant handle the crap anymore.
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| It sounds then like the only way to make it work is to change the dynamic of the friendship. Have the husbands go do things but don't visit the house where the wife is. If she didn't get the billboard size sign that says "Stop. What you're doing is not right" then she needs to be frozen out. Given time, she'll realize that your husband doesn't want to be around the harmless flirt anymore and either straighten up or at least lock her sights on another unattainable guy.
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| Well thats the thing. We have told her that its innapropriate and that none of us like it. She doesnt see that shes doing anything wrong. Harmless flirting is what she calls it. She is more concerned about what my husband thinks instead of what her own thinks. Its very frustrating. I talked to her husband about it once when he was at our house visiting my husband. He said he doesnt care what she does because she does it anyways. No sense in him getting all worked up about it when its not going to stop. Pretty crappy attitude if you ask me but i cant change how he feels. I tried to talk to her about it and tell her i didnt like her passes at my husband and to back off and she just rolled her eyes at me. When she hadnt heard from me in months she called and asked why and i told her. So instead of flaunting it, she tried to do things behind my back. Phoning my husband at work, phoning his cell phone ect. All of which he told me about each time she did it. I want her out of my life but feel bad that my husband will lose a friend too. So for now, i put up with the crap until i can figure out something better.
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| wow that sounds like some daytime TV talk show drama. Honestly you did the right thing by ending your friendship with this "friend" who keeps throwing herself at your husband. She obviosuly has no clue what being a friend is. There's also something seriously wrong with her if your husband continues to ignore her and put her down. The main problem right now is that you stated her husband doesn't seem to care. If the three of you (you,your husband and her husband) could confront this "friend" and let her know her actions aren't well appreciated by any of you and need to stop, maybe then she'll finally get the message.
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| My best friend is in-love with my husband, i am sure of it. She has never come right out and said it but she sure makes it obvious with her actions. She has done so many things to make it known that she wants him. She has come out and asked me for a wedding picture of my husband, told me hes "hot", jumped on his lap on his birthday and started bumping and grinding singing happy birthday mr.president while running her hands through his hair. She has gone to great lengths to get his attention... wearing skimpy clothing, sliding her chair close to his, always speaking directly to him and no one else. Once my husband was talking and using his hands alot, she even went as far as to stand up and throw her crotch at his hands so he would touch her. I cant take it anymore. I abandoned the friendship because of this but it put my husband in a tough spot and i hate that. He is very close with her husband. So he too felt like he was forced to abandon the friendship. He does not like my best friend, never pays her an ounce of attention when shes begging for his. Hes even down right rude to her when she acts the way she does. She doesnt get it, and her husband doesnt seem to care. When she jumped on him on his birthday he stood up and dumped her on the floor and told her to grow up. So i can not fault him for any of this. He makes it clear to her hes not interested and happily married. I feel bad that his friendship is being affected by the fact i want nothing to do with her. I dont know if i should just put up with it for my husbands sake or just put my foot down and say no. I dont know what to do. What do you guys think?
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