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Alls well that ends well I guess. Toby, you did good with this situation. While you had no "obligation" to do anything you let the ones standing guard know that there might be trouble. It can get kind of sticky when you mix booze and the opposite sex. That was nicely done.
good idea with the soft serve by the way...never get between a pregnant woman and food, you might not get out alive.
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Toby, i would have stayed out of the situation. Like someone else had said before, drunks are impossible to reason with and you more then likely would have gotten nowhere with that approach. You did the right thing and released yourself of any blame by telling the sober monitors. So you can sleep well knowing that.
When you dont know the dynamics of ones marriage or relationship its hard to act in a situation. Had you done something to interveen and found out that it was considered "ok", you may have felt silly or even been labled as nosy or something. That would be worse then sitting there thinking you should have done somthing. These two couples are all adults and should act like it. When 1 or 2 of them cant, its up to themselves and their significant others to figure it out. Like it was stated, you cant be the moral police for everyone. That would be a fulltime and never ending job.
Sounds like the wife has her hands full but knows how to deal with it. Its obviously not the first time, probably wont be the last. As for the drunk girl, sounds like she might need the moral police lol. Hopping into a hot tub naked without her b/f... what on earth was she thinking!!! Wait a minute .. She clearly wasnt!!!!!
I hope you can be at peace knowing you made a wise decision. The only way i would get involved was if it was someone i knew very well and knew i could get through to. Take care.
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| I figured sloppy drunk's wife was ready for just this type of emergency. I bet he'll never hear the end of that and be on a very short leash for, well, forever. As far as the drunk girlfriend going naked hot tubbing with a couple of guys, well it sounds like that relationship may be on the rocks too. Aren't you glad you stayed out of that nonsense? Now sleep well.
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Thanks for everyone's comments.
I am happier that I stayed out of it.
Here is an addendum to the event (I talked with a couple of the party goers since writing it).
First: sloppy drunk's wife first requested the garden hose to wake up her drunk husband (hose didn't reach). She obviously can handle her husband on her own. She settled for a malt, we fired up the soft serve machine especially for her (if you are pregnant and married to a cad, you deserve softserve anytime day or night especially sunday morning)
Second: The woman who was being hit on by sloppy drunk woke up and hopped into the hot tub for naked hottubbing with a couple guys (neither her boyfriend) on Sunday morning.
Wow, those people put the "fun" in dysfunctional. I am happy I stayed out.
Thanks for all the feedback, I will sleep better now.
Toby
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| It's between the 4 people involved. Let them sort it out. You don't owe anyone anything. He got drunk on his own, and acted on his own.
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| Even if they had a open relationship (Something i could never personally tolerate) does not mean the women he was flirting with thought the same way. And if he was drunk he shouldent of been hitting on other women cause you do not think clearly so even if he thought they were game they might not of been. Plus he needs to be responsible for his own actions. dont feel bad hes in his 20's he shouldent need a babysitter at that age. like i said its called responsibility and it shouldent of been on your shoulders. its nice that your group of friends watch out for each other but they also have to watch out for themselfs also
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It's an odd thing to have to figure out. As I see it, you did the right thing by letting the monitors know about sloppy drunk guy. While you can't impose your own moral stamp on the situation by getting after sloppy drunk guy and telling him about himself you did at least let people know something was up. The sloppy drunks are usually impossible to reason with and stepping in to remind him of his marital obligations might not have gone over well.
The pregnant wife probably knew he was up to no good when he didn't come back and sleep with her. And rest assured, she probably has given him an earful on her own.
Long and the short of it: You're in the clear on this one.
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EKRACINSKI
8/7/07 12:34 P
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That is a very sticky situation indeed, but I would have to keep my nose out of it as it really isn't any of my business. As long as there was no apparent physical danger to anyone of course.
You can't be the moral police of the group, even if you wanted to. Like you mention, it is not like you knew the dynamics of the other relationships involved so it is best that you leave it alone in my opinion. If he couldn't control himself, then that is his issue that he - and his wife - will have to deal with on their own.
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MOTIVATED@LAST
8/6/07 11:16 P
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I think it's everyone's duty in such situations to be on the lookout for issues of physical safety. Issues of moral safety are down to the individuals concerned.
About the only time you might consider getting involved would be if it was a close personal friend, and you know he would be ashamed of his own behavior in the morning - in such situations you know the person well enough to judge him by his own (sober) moral values, not yours.
M@L
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| Clearly you are in a tough position. If I was in your position, I would have left things alone. You have no idea what the family or relatinship dynamics are with these two couples. This probably has happened before with them and it is not your responsiblbity to intervene. These are adults. And like you said there was no sex or groping so the line of "being with someone else" was not crossed. I hope that both couples are still together and if not, then there was nothing you could do to prevent that.
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I was partying and camping this weekend with a group of 20-30 somethings adults that have a "very liberal view of many moral issues".
We designate a few people to monitor those who are drinking to make sure that everything stays relatively safe and legal. I was babysitter one night, and so did not pull that duty the other night.
On the night I was not on duty. One of the campers got sloppy drunk after his non-drinking pregnant wife had gone to their tent to go to sleep. So I tipped off the guys to monitor him closely, I followed the proceedings with minimal interest.
The sloppy drunk guy was then flirting and hitting on another woman (consensual flirting and hitting on). The woman as tired went to sleep alone and he then went and slept in the grass near his car (we made sure he didn't have any car keys). The guys who were monitoring checked up on the sloppy drunk every minute or two to make sure he was okay throughout the night.
The next morning, found out 1- his wife was pissed at him, 2- the boyfriend of the woman he was flirting with was pissed at him. The guys monitoring made sure everyone stayed safe.
So here is the background and ethical dilemma: I was not "on duty" I was not involved in anything other than tipping off the guys who were monitoring to the man's drunkenness. I do not know of the family dynamic between the drunk and his wife, some people in this crowd have "open marriages" where it is okay for them to "play with others". The wife did not appear to mind as he was getting tipsy and continuing to drink, so I assumed drunkenness is acceptable to her.
Should I have approached him when he was hitting on the woman, and given him the polite, but insistent "you have had too much to drink leave the woman alone and go to bed" or just made sure everything stayed safe by tipping off sober monitors?
The first one would put me in a situation where my values of adultery could supersede the values of the people directly involved. Since I hardly knew anyone directly involved, I was more uncomfortable from my standpoint of this sloppy drunk guy hitting on a woman while his pregnant wife was sleeping in a tent 75 yards away than anything else.
While they were consensually hitting on each other there was no sexual contact so there were no crimes to prevent (like rape or groping).
It was weird, we had two adults flirting, two significant others asleep in tents, and no moral stands on adultery to rely on.
If anyone has an opinion please express it.
Toby
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