Complement the smaller actions he does take. If he goes for that walk or does a bunch of sit ups, find something to say that gives him the idea that he's getting results. Keep encouraging the changes as they happen and pretty soon he'll catch on that his exercising and dieting are cool.
If my wife told me to exercise, I'd probably never do it. But my wife notices that I workout and will give me a big hug and say she loves how I smell after I work out. Now I love the hugs and the reaction I get from my wife when i walk in from the gym, which makes me want to go back again.
KENC1971 6/7/07 7:21 P
Another idea...
Find another couple (or a couple of couples) who you are friends with. Break into ladies and mens teams for your workouts and all. Getting him involved with his buddies may be a good kickstart to motivation.
I'd definitely skip the "bedroom" angle. Shame can be a very strong motivator (How many of us are here because we looked in the mirror and went "you know..."?) But if he feels ashamed because of something you said, there goes his motivation.
Of course there's appealing to the manly side ("I can't do this without you!") ...that may also work. Ego is another great motivator :)
JOSHUAGODINEZ 6/6/07 10:15 P
Try to get him into a hobby you think he'd really like, but will probably need to lose weight to improve or be really good in. It has to be something he'd want to do even if you didn't suggest it, though. "A guy at work is trying to start a flag-football team. I told him you really like football and that you used to play so I got his number for you in case you'd like to call him". "Habitat for Humanity is building houses in the city. I realized that I'd like to say I've helped build a house. Can we join?" "Happy Birthday. You've always joked about wanting a surfboard. Cowabunga dude".
If it doesn't work you're out a little time or money and you're back to where you started which is the same place you're at if you don't spend the time or money. But if it works, it'll feel like the smartest investment you've ever made.
By the way, this is completely off the top of my head, but it sounds good there and reads fine on my screen so maybe it's not just a harebrained scheme.
TOBOBEAR 6/6/07 4:51 P
That sensitive subject about how he is less active and attractive in bed is very touchy.
The ultimate goal would be to come off as "if you lose some weight and get some more exercise, you will get more in bed".
But if you come off as nagging, it can be the ultimate nag and destroy any communication.
The worst way to come off is "lose weight and get healthy, or I will find a skinny healthy guy". This can ruin the relationship.
I don't think the jealousy angle is a good emphasis. It is generally considered okay for a woman to attract the attention of other men, as a side effect of their hotness. It is generally not okay for a woman to deliberately provoke the attention of other men. If he gets jealous because of how you look, that is okay. If you go out to make him jealous, you may lose him. To further confuse the issue, it is irrelevant what you intend to do it, it is purely how he perceives it.
So be cautious on how you approach the jealousy issue, and be really cautious if you want to try the "get fit and get more in bed gamble".
Good Luck
One last note, if you try the "get fit and get more in bed gamble" make sure to reward any progress, otherwise you will lose him completely.
JWCOHEN 6/6/07 4:32 P
It's a sensitive subject and tough not to come across as a nag. I don't know your husband at all, but I'm not sure I would respond to my wife trying to make me jealous. For some men (like myself), I think a more softball approach would work better. Maybe just explain to him that you are concerned about his health and you are anxious to help him get healthier in any way you can. If my wife said that to me, it would be like a knife in the gut. I'm sure I'd internalize it. That's a tactic you can only credibly utilize once though probably.
Otherwise, I'd say motivate by example. Cook healthy food for the family. Do your exercise thing on your own...just always invite him along. As others have said, in the end he's got to find his own motivation.
SOMAIAH 6/6/07 4:08 P
Unfortunately in American media these days, the woman has to be skinny and hot, but the guy can be a fat slob. Check out "King of Queens" or that other TV show with Jim Belushi. Thats why guys don't feel like they need to look good.
I think the best way to tackle this is to know what will affect your husband the most - if you get skinny and start getting attention from skinny good looking guys, will that get your man motivated?
TOBOBEAR 6/6/07 3:03 P
Keep driving forward with your goals, he may just follow along.
While you do it, make it easy, look at his meal plan and make his meals for him. If he has to think too much about what he is eating, help him along, give him the food he needs to be healthy.
I have two daughters who say I have a "Big Fat Daddy Belly", if that isn't motivation through humiliation I don't know what is. I don't know how that would go over with your hubby though.
A competitive, even loosely competitive activity might spark his drive to do better. Get the kids out and do some active things, frisbee, football, bike riding, etc... if he is always "sucking wind" at the back and not being able to keep up, he might take it seriously. The kids and you leading healthy lives might just be the positive role models he needs.
Continue on your path, make his meal plan easy to follow, and encourage the kids to be active, he might just join you.
Good luck
Toby
(P.S. you could try (at your own risk) to imply that his weight and lack of exercise makes him less active and attractive in bed. This might work, or it might just be viewed as the "ultimate nagging")
99FRONTIERXE 6/6/07 2:56 P
Absoluetely... he HAS to want it... that's how I was.
I like the jar idea ;) that would be motivation for me :D
KENC1971 6/6/07 2:30 P
Maybe you need to challenge him. If he feels like he's doing it because you said so, or because he "has to", it becomes just another chore. If you appeal to our natural male competitive nature, now we're talking.
Maybe you can make a bet with him... every day you both throw a dollar or 5 dollars into a jar. The first one to their goal gets the jar (and the money of course) to reward themselves. Or make it that whoever sticks with their planned calories and exercises the most for a month gets the jar, and then start a new jar...
That might help motivate him, but it's only the start. There's little you can do beyond nudging him along. Bottom line... he has to want it for himself.
99FRONTIERXE 6/6/07 1:13 P
I read your post, and had to do a double take at your user name to make sure you weren't my wife talking about me, haha.
Unfortunately, if your husband is like me, I am very stubborn. It took going to a doctor and being told I HAD to loose weight to open my eyes. Unfortunately, that stubborn-ness cannot be easily changed.
Maybe you can start sneaking in "healthier" meals for dinner, etc. Take him along for walks with you, or find an "outdoor" hobby both of you will enjoy doing.
JFALGIATANO 6/6/07 12:14 P
My husband and I are sparkpeopling together. I am much more motivated than him and get very frustrated when he doesn't take it seriously. He needs to lose more weight than I, and he needs it for health issues rather than aesthetics.
How can I get him motivated without sounding like the nagging wife? Any advice would be appreciated!
