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That's the spirit!
Who the hell am I anyway? No sense getting worked up by what anyone says to you that doesn't immediately impact your life.
Now go tell your man to tell you your beautiful more often! You can tell him the arsehole on SP even says so.
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LUVRGIRLLK
1/24/07 9:31 A
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Floydian... all i can say is....
Haywood Jablowme!!! lol....
not gonna let it get to me, man!!!!
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Please!
I look at the picture in your avatar (pouty lips, breast displayed) and then I read through your post to discover you have known and been with this guy since you were a toddler and it spoke volumes what your intentions were.
You already know how he feels and I have no doubt of that.
You were looking to have a bunch of guys tell you how beautiful you are. That's fine with me, everyone needs validated and if you aren't getting it from your man, by all means seek it online. Just at least take the time to see if there are other threads on the topic. I found 3 in 30 seconds...
Take care.
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LUVRGIRLLK
1/24/07 8:52 A
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Floydian, not that i should have to explain myself, but i will, just because i can...
i didn't read the "see past my fat" thing, because i'm NOT fat... and i'm not going to be one of those "skinny" girls going in a "fat" forum looking for attention... but, seems like you think i did that anyway, so i guess it doesn't matter.
Sincere... thanks for sticking up for me. I, too, think Spark is a place for encouragement and positivity... and trust me, i'll no longer post in this forum due to the negativity i've recieved...
thanks to those of you who gave honest and RESPECTFUL answers...
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| We made the suggestion to set up a permanent sticky topic called ask the guys lounge but it hasn't happened, but I don't mind answering the comments that I see from time to time. So far I haven't seen too many "tell me I'm pretty" posts but I'll tell you that from time to time, women look for validation.
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Not meaning to bully.
I just don't think it is very hard to see if there is a thread already. How many "please guys, tell me how beautiful I am and that my body doesn't define me" threads do we need?
Can we keep the insecurity or need for strangers to validate to a single thread by chance?
Just asking...
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SINCEREX13
1/23/07 7:29 P
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| FLOYDIAN - No need to be an internet bully man. You made your point, if you have a problem with the thread why even read it, why even post and continue to bring it to the top? These forums are set up to be helpful, no need to make people feel bad b/c they post something you do not approve.
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At time of your posting, 3/4 down the page was the following thread title:
"Why can't a guy see past my fat and into my heart"
In it is several posts from guys talking frankly about women and body image and how men see both.
I hardly think it would have taken 3 hours of surfing to get to it.
You may also want to consider that if your time at work is so limited that you can't read even the first page to see if a topic is open already, you shouldn't be posting at all as you're obviously very busy. Maybe your time would be better spent working...since you are at work and all.
Trust me, if your man has any problems with you, I am sure it has nothing to do with how you look.
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From my perspective, it's about health. My wife has some heft and is pre-diabetic, and struggles with high blood pressure. I want her around and healthy for a long time. My cholesterol is too high for my liking and I am doing something about that, too. So I not only empathise, I'm in the same boat.
I honestly cannot look at her without seeing that cutie that I fell in love with years ago, that fun, funny, smart, pragmatic, loving and perfect partner for me. The pounds that added on do not change what I fell in love with a single iota.
It looks like your partner sees and loves the real you. Accept that, and move on to being a better you that you can accept.
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SINCEREX13
1/23/07 6:05 P
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The body can definatly be what hooks us, but once we are really in love (and I mean really in love not just sort of), then the body means a lot less than you just being the person we love.
Seriously though there is no reason to have a negative opinion of people who enjoy beauty in the opposite sex. Quite a ridiculous attitude if you ask me. Some people need the visual as well as the mental, (and the visual doesn't have to be perfection, just pleasing to you and only you)... Maybe you find beauty in the mental connection, but it is still beauty, and thus a physical attraction. To say one persons idea of beauty is more deep and meaningful than any others seems conceded to me.
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| 40 lbs is a lot but you've got to give him credit for not worrying about it and loving you for you. There are easily 100 women on this board that would give their right arm to have the guy you have. Make sure you love on him a little bit more today, ok?
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LUVRGIRLLK
1/23/07 5:16 P
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| no- i realize you weren't trying to be rude with your statement.... and i think that statement is true of a lot of people. Society has imposed the need to be 'thin & beautiful' on women since as long as i can remember. it's hard to look in the mirror and love what you see when everywhere you look women are a size 2! Josh & i definitely love each other, that's for sure! we've been through a lot together, and had way bigger issues then a few gained pounds. Sometimes i just get so frustrated with myself that i wonder how he doesn't get disgusted by me or my body... i guess it's a woman thing.... i just wondered what i man thought when his partner gained a significant amount of weight, that's all... i mean, it's hard to overlook a 40lb weight gain!
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| You know, I don't mean that in a bad way. My wife has been super thin (like 130 on her 5'10" frame) and she's been heavy (weight withheld. I'm not stupid). I love her at whatever weight she's at and she loves me at my weight, but I know there are times where myself and her will look at ourselves and wonder "Why in the heck does he/she still love me?" You gotta catch yourself when that kind of bad thinking starts to creep in. It'll trip you up otherwise.
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LUVRGIRLLK
1/23/07 5:02 P
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damn Floydian... that was a bit harsh... but you're titled to your opinion. You can make any generalization you like about me... lazy, selfish, arrogant, in need of attention... whatever... think as you please... i posted without reading the other posts, not out of laziness, out of haste... i don't have 3 hours to surf the internet and read over posts while i'm at work... so shoot me. sorry if i offended you...
in any case, thanks for the reply...
Russ... your perspective is most likely right... i am not comfortable in my own skin, so i guess i expect others to look at me as negatively as i do myself...
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| I have to concur with Floydian to a point: It seems pretty obvious that Josh is in love with YOU! Heavy YOU, Skinny YOU and in between YOU! He's been around you for almost 20 years, he's seen you thin, not so thin, maybe a little thick and seems to have loved you all the same and you you're looking at him like "What's wrong with him?" If he was going to comment, he probably would. Being around you as long as he has, he probably feels comfortable enough to comment if need be, unless you chased him around with a bat when he was 5, then he may just be afraid of you but I digress. Now assuming it's love and not fear, why are you trying to drive Josh crazy? From what you've said, this guy could be a keeper. He seems to be completely into you. I think the question is more, are you comfortable in your own skin?
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Honestly? Not to sound like Simon here, but at risk of sounding rude, here it is.
What turns me off about people in general, guys and girls is what you have just done right here.
There are, not only on page 1 but if you go through to page 5 a number of threads asking for the male persepective on women. They are legion and most have received quite a number of responses that are what you are looking for.
So if I am thinking of dating a person or seeing if I am interested in continuing, there are one of two personality traits I am forced to see from this display.
You are either A: Too lazy and too caught up in yourself and your question to go looking at the thread titles for a few minutes and see if there is a thread already that you can read through and then if you still want to, ask your question in a manner that more closely fits your personal situation.
or
B: You are a person who needs to have their name up front and centre and their needs up front and ahead of everyone elses.
Either way and in either case it isn't attractive to me.
So the short answer for me is no, body image isn't the be all and end all. Personality is what one has to live with and if that isn't right, it doesn't matter what the body and face looks like.
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LUVRGIRLLK
1/23/07 2:35 P
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okay... so... i have been with my boyfriend for as long as i can remember... honestly, since i was a kid... we played on the same t-ball team when we were 5!!!! but i digress, aaanyway...
i have changed a lot over the years... 115lbs the beginning of high school, 140lbs by my senior year... 150 lbs the end of my freshman year of college... and eventually up to 189 after i came home from europe 2 years ago...
Josh has never once complained, never said i looked fat, and always says he loves the way i look... but how can that be? in my eyes, i have gotten so fat... my body definitely isn't what i used to be, and no matter what i do- i'm never happy enough with how i look...
so, coming from a male perspective... what do you guys like? is it better to have some "meat on your bones"? do you like skinny chicks with tight bodies? i guess i'm just self-conscious and confused...
thanks for your help!!!
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