Crusader, your description of why men enjoy porn was the EXACT explanation I was looking for. And it makes sense too. But I also agree with Russ that there are many men that it does not apply to (which you also seem to agree with, Crusader). In my husband's case though, I think that this explanation was dead-on.
TF mentioned a very important point...equating sex to feeling loved and wanted. Women feel the same way! I don't want to speak on behalf of allll women, but I think that is why so many provacative women are the way they are...They feel desired, even if it is purely lust, and that in turn makes them feel important...needed...And this brings me to the previous discussion of whether or not men's sexual nature is destructive to a marriage. I don't believe that to be the case at all. In fact, I find it to be the exact opposite. I think that is what keeps a marriage healthy. God created everything in a balance, and I believe that men's sexual needs are also a part of it.
TALFUCHRE 1/18/07 8:17 P
I have read a lot of this thread - but I do know one thing - guys feel loved the more they have sex. They want to be wanted - they want for thier wives to want them. The excuse that you have kids and things change does little to make the man feel better that he is rarely having sex and his wife doesn't seem to want to. When she does it seems more like a chore than a 'want' thing.
With that said - I am not sure what you mean by 'found your husband's porn addiction'. If this means that you found a tons of stuff that he is hiding from you - either you have lost communication and connection - or he is very good has this very well thought out - and you should feel betrayed.
Either way - your marriage is in need of help.
TF
p.s. I hate to even say this - but I would do a serious sweep of the house if you have found a lot of very well hidden things. You might find more... well... more offensive things than just porn.
CALORIECRUSADER 1/18/07 6:47 P
I think we agree on more than you may think. My generalizations about male sexuality may seem overwrought, but they were made for the purpose of illustrating how different men's and women's natures are. It goes without saying that generalizations have exeptions, and this is what makes them generalizations and should not be taken as blanket statements.
For instance, my comments on the way some women dress were not meant to say that women should never dress sexy. What I was trying to point out though, is that certain things can be viewed differently by men than women, and sometimes women can be very naive to this.
Also, you are correct that when most men see beutiful, sexy women we simply take note and move on, and if we weren't able to do that, we would be in a constant state of animal lust. I do agree with that. What I want to point out is that we have been taught to behave decently, to respect women, to control our desires, etc, and not because it comes naturally. In other words, our values, morality, and social training is what makes us decent, while our nature can be quite animal-like, and more so than women sometimes realize.
Is the male sexual nature destructive to marriage? Some of it is, and some of it isn't. There is a part of male nature that is similar to female nature, the part that wants to bond with a woman and take care of his family. This is quite natural and healthy, and has led men to propose to the women they love throughout history. There is a competing part to male nature, the part that wants to "spread his seed" and enjoy a great deal of variety and adventure in sexual partners. This is the part of male sexual nature that porn caters too. Almost every man has some of both.
Of course God wants married people to embrace sex, absolutely. Further, it is not our sexual drive that is destructive to marriage. In fact, it's quite necessary (my wife can attest to that). What can be destructive, is simply the yearning for variety that is a natural part of male sexuality. I believe that God wants us to channel our sexual desires in a monogamous way, which means embracing the good part of our nature, while fighting the bad.
RUSS1985 1/18/07 3:06 P
Caloriecrusader,
I understand where you're coming from but I really think that making blanket statements about male sexuality can be misleading. It also does men a disservice to say that if you see a woman dressed provocatively on the street that we can't just notice a woman and move on or that our minds automatically are overruled by the desire to "touch that." I'm not sure which part of the midwest you live in but in California where I live, women dress in a fashion that you might consider "slutty" on a daily basis and if those traits of male sexuality were as universally pervasive as you say, we'd never get any work done. We would be in constant animal like lust from sunrise to sunset. Actually, when I see a beautiful woman I might make a mental note of it in the back of my head and I move on because "I've got mine at home".
Is the male sexual nature truly destructive to a healthy sex life and marriage? I don't think so. I would think that to repress male sexuality in a marriage would almost certainly either destroy it ultimately or at least make it so miserable that people would pity you. According to the Bible, man is not supposed repress that urge but instead to "rejoice in the treasures of the bride of his youth." Two things in this realm are pretty clear to me.
1. God made sex and in it didn't make junk. 2. God wants his married people to embrace sex.
There is nothing wrong with male sexuality in fact a healthy sexual drive in both partners is essential to a marriage that thrives, not just survives.
CALORIECRUSADER 1/18/07 10:52 A
I'm glad to see that your husband is doing better, and hopefully your relationship as well.
There was a woman who posted a while back who had a very benign view of men watching porn and seemed to think it's no big deal. Alot of women have this view, and I believe it is because they don't really know how men look at porn. You have to understand first of all, that men look at it totally different than women. Our sexual nature is completely different, which is why men, when guided by only their own animal nature, love to look at porn. This does not mean, however, that it is harmless. In other words, it's perfectly natural, but at the same time quite destructive to a healthy sex life and marriage.
Although I don't anymore, I have looked at a lot of porn in my life. I can't say that anything good has come of it. It makes it much more difficult to be able to appreciate the real sexual relationship that you have, when you're fixated on fantasy.
Some women even think they can spice up their love life by watching porn together. You probably weren't thinking of this, but let me be very clear on this for anyone else who may be. Watching porn does not make guys want to make love to their wife or girlfriend. It makes them want to relieve themselves.
For women, it's hard to understand male sexuality, maybe impossible. This is why so many women, who are not permiscuous or slutty in their behavior, will dress in sexually suggestive ways, thinking it's just really cute. What they don't understand, is when men see a nice pair of legs, a bared mid-rift, etc., we don't think "Oh, that's so cute! Sassy!". No, instead, we think "I'd really like to touch that".
The reason I wanted to try to explain male sexuality a little bit, is because you seemed to be very perplexed as to why your husband would want to look at porn. My point is that it is actually quite natural for a man to want to look at porn. The other point is that it is really not healthy, especially when it interferes with one's ability to enjoy sex with his wife.
I'm sure you would appreciate my message more if I actually had some advice for helping him stop, but that's a bit more difficult. I do wish you luck! God bless.
RUSS1985 1/17/07 4:29 P
Momma,
I guess in a way I'm happy to hear the problem is resolving itself. I'm more excited by the fact that you're talking it out. That's where you'll get the best bang for your buck (Yes, pun intended. It is The Guy's Lounge after all) Just keep the communication lines open both ways on this and whatever else creeps up in your relationship and you and your husband will be happy for years to come.
All the best,
Russ
MOMMAX3 1/17/07 3:03 P
I have come to realize that men looking at porn is A LOT more...innocent (for lack of a better word)...than women see it to be. Yes, I agree, men are very, very visual. And I guess when men see something, it is a very different thought process than a woman's. Once I came to this realization, it made it much easier for me to understand this whole porn issue.
Now the person who was asking why I was so revolted with this -- watching porn once in a while, ok, I could probably tolerate that. But on a regular basis...no! My husband was watching porn and "taking care of himself" (as one of the other men on this message board put it) more often than he was having sex with me! So yes, I mind being replaced by movies where people are banging each other like animals.
Now that we have been "porn-free" for about a month, I can say that we have much more sex, and we are communicating more openly as well. When there is no other "option" to releaving sexual tension, then you WILL put in the effort your relationship needs.
PANDABEAR22 1/7/07 7:19 A
Honestly being female and all I would say that I think most males tend to look at porn from time to time. As long as hes not looking at guy on guy or kiddie porn, I wouldn't be too worried. Try and talk to him about it and tell him how you fell I guess.
WYNOSKI 1/4/07 10:36 A
Hi...First timer around here.
Jeff Foxworthy one said that essentially what guys are thinking is "I want a beer and I want to see something naked." Its a joke of course, but understand that men are very visual. While he might still find you very visually stimulating, my experience as a married man with kids is that sometimes its "easier" to take care of business yourself. Its not always right, but it some times is the case.
As far as your daughters, please do no equate porn with predator. I know it looks to you that someone who is addicted to porn cannot control themselves, but there is usually avery defined break. As an example, with our being to grafic, I have an errongenous zone near my tricep. When ever a woman in my life has touched that area, it has always turned me on. While rocking my daughter to bed one night she was rubbing my arm in that exact same place, but it DID NOT turn me on. It was a different feeling, not sexual. The best way I can explain it is a womans breast...It is sexual if a man is touching, but not so sexual if a baby is breast feeding.
Finally, if some of your concerns are that some of the porn included young looking girls, again, unless he is looking at kiddy porn (very illeagel) it is probably just a fantasy. There is a differenc in my mind at least between a fantasy and reality..While the thought of a girl over the age of 18 pretending to be younger might be arousing...the thought of an actual underage girl is not a turn on at all.
This may see odd, but a lot of men have a mental break between theact of sex and love...they are often tied together, but I would feel more guilty about kissing another woman than I would about having sex with another woman...I don't speak for all men, but just giving you a little perspective
VERNONHEATHER 1/4/07 1:30 A
While I am more than likely way off base for even posting in this thread (I'm not a man, nor even married for that matter) I feel that I must speak up. While you can't understand the enjoyment of porn, I'm having trouble understanding your utter revulsion of it. As a woman, in several healthy relationships I've had with men, we've watched porn together, sent porn (not of ourselves) to each other, etc. I understand that not everyone has the same sexual wants or needs as me, nor would I want them too (man that would be chaos!) but I also don't understand the horror that is other sexual choices. I'm having a hard time voicing my opinion here, and it's frustrating me. . . Maybe I'm just speaking up in porn's defense. In any case - I am deeply interested in further discussion on the porn matter. Heather
MOMMAX3 12/23/06 1:08 P
lol ok fair enough :)
MOTIVATED@LAST 12/22/06 10:36 P
I think it always helps to understand the other person's perspective, and to try to address their needs. But this doesn't mean you have to be a doormat - you have needs as well, adn the right to expect your husband to work towards meeting them.
But hey, the title of the thread does say 'a male perspective' not 'please give me an objective view'. Just kidding.
M@L
MOMMAX3 12/22/06 5:16 P
I really want to thank all of you for being so THOUGHTFUL about my marriage situation. Talking with you men has really helped me to understand my husband. And I really feel blessed to have had all of your advice. I think you guys very well may be one of the main reasons that our marriage survives. God willing.
As I was going over all the things I need to focus on and change about myself, I realized that I was getting realllllly focused on his needs, my inadequacies, his expectations, etc., and I realized...hey, what about MEEEEE???
Also, I'm realizing that this problem is a little more "innocent" than I first thought it to be. It's not like he is addicted to sex or women or something. It was a culmination of communication issues, emotional problems, trust issues, and probably a few more problems as well...all of which manifested as this porn dilemma.
We are working on many issues now, talking to each other more candidly than we probably ever have. And we are praying a lot as well. Things are beginning to look up again. Thank God.
MOTIVATED@LAST 12/21/06 6:12 P
Ultimatums are ugly things in a lreationship, as they are almost more about trying to 'control' the other person as avoiding behaviour that you don't like. But the danger in retracting them is that he might see it as 'permission'. If you do retract it, you should also clearly communicate that while it isn't necessarily a make orbreak issue, it is something that deeply offends you.
Looking at porn is not the same thing as seeing someone else, but if it is something that offends you, then you have the right to say this, and to expect him to respect your views.
As for expressing feelings, sorry, there's no instant gratification on this one. This is about trust, and it takes a while to build. If he is used to you using his words against you, it will take a number of tries to believe that this is now 'safe'.
M@L
MOMMAX3 12/21/06 3:21 P
Yes, I think you are right as well, motivated@last. i tried to communicate this to him yesterday, but I got the same evasion-slash-shutdown-mode I usually get...sigh...will try again tonight, I guess...
I really think he is sorry though, I'm unsure if I shoudl retract the "ultimatum"...as I'm trying to understand the male perspective on porn, I'm realizing that women see it much more personally (obviously). But for men...ok, honestly, I don't completely understand it (duuh, that's why I'm here) but I'm realizing now that it's not usually as serious as it seems...maybe a "tension" reliever?
I don't know. All I know is that I am getting sick and tired of thinking about sex!!!!!!!!!!!!
:(
Ok, I'm in a hurry right now, but I will try to post more later...
MOTIVATED@LAST 12/20/06 11:28 P
I'm with Russ. Telling him "Look at porn again and I'm outta here" is probably going to be a challenge to him, not lead to the change in behaviour you want.
In terms of creating an environment where he can express his feelings, you have to recreate an environment of trust that his words won't be used against him. Something along the lines of "I want you to know that I feel hurt knowing that you look at porn. I'm not going to trawl through your computer records each week to see what websites you are looking at (and if you say this, make sure you honor your promise) but if you're the kind of guy I know you to be, you don't want to hurt me, and you'll try very hard not to. And I in turn want to support you any way I can. If there is anything you think I can do to stengthen our relationship, I want you to let me know." might work from this perspective. You might need to repeat this a few times over several weeks in different ways before he fully trusts you not to use his words against him.
If this is an addiction, remember that addictions are hard to beat, and people with addictions need a lot of support and help, not ultimatums.
M@L
MOMMAX3 12/20/06 7:15 P
You are probably right. GOD HELP ME, I hope that you are right.
And I think that the other men are also correct in saying that we have a gazillion other issues to deal with, mainly communication and emotional issues.
I hope that by us working through those problems, we can resolve this porn issue. It's been going on for about five years behind my back...but it makes me feel SOOOOO much better to think of this as just a phase which can pass.
RUSS1985 12/20/06 3:45 P
Well don't convict the man just yet. I have 3 girls too. And if he's anything like me, he's more likely to take a jog into oncoming traffic than do anything to hurt his girls. Mine are 10, 8 and 3 and no one gets to hurt my girls. And I pity the first boy who does because he may never even see me coming.
MOMMAX3 12/20/06 3:34 P
I want to say no, I don't think that he would ever do anything, ANYTHING to hurt his children (or any other children or adults), but all of this has proven to me that I really don't know him as well as I thought I did.
Right now our daughters are little, but what about when they begin to grow up??? This is so sad...I never thought I would ever have to think about this...
RUSS1985 12/20/06 2:56 P
Yes, but have you noted any of the other things that her dad or her ex did in your husband's behavior? The road those men were taking was considerably worse and if you're thinking that he might be that way, then porn is the least of your concerns. He can't be both a good father and doing what you're concerned he might be doing or potentially doing.
MOMMAX3 12/20/06 2:47 P
Good advice. BTW, lol at the "marriage miranda rights" :)
Oh, and also, he is NOT an ob/gyn (THANK GOD), but he's done all taht stuff...delivering babies, and all that other stuff (which I dont really want to specify esp considering that I'm posting this on a guy's forum and I'm sure that there a lot of lurkers...don't want to "assist" them in gettin their heebie jeebies on...)
Ok, and as for your question of "do I REALLY want to know why this happened?" My answer: YESSSSS. Like the other person mentioned in the other thread ("Problem with porn" in the Parentign forum), I have 3 daughters, and I NEED TO KNOW.
Sigh. I don't think I've ever thought about sex so much in my entire life. It's quite tiring. I don't know how you guys do it.
RUSS1985 12/20/06 2:34 P
I figured he was outside of this thing, a decent guy and I'm glad that you're more calm. He probably doesn't want to talk about it right now. I know, I'd be hesitant to bring it up to my wife right after what you told us happened. I see the situation: Religious background for you and him, he first saw porn at 13, he's an OB/Gyn so he sees the working parts everyday. (On a side mote, my brother's an OB/Gyn and he says staring at his patients' has made him kind of jaded over the years. Another reason why not going to Med school rocks IMHO)
My question is, do you really need to know what he was thinking when he was looking at it? Only you can answer this for you. If the answer is no, then maybe take him at his word that this is an isolated incident and let it go for a while. If the answer is yes then you may want to change your tactics a bit. Be a bit more subtle. Don't probe the topic directly but slowly get into it from a different way. Remember, he doesn't want to talk to you about it probably because he doesn't know what your reaction will be. Give him assurances that what you hear from him will not be used to against him later. Otherwise, he's going to hold onto those marriage Miranda rights and never tell you.
MOMMAX3 12/20/06 2:08 P
Oh, and I guess I will retract my "ultimatum"...but can I at least say, no HARDCORE stuff??? (GOD, it is SOO sickening :(
MOMMAX3 12/20/06 2:06 P
Wow. And to think that I was considering counseling...
Russ, when you were talking about the whole "safer to remain silent or it will be used against you at a later date", I think you are right about that. I can tell that that's why he just shuts down when I am talking to him. He doesn't want to get himself in anymore trouble, so to speak. Oh, and just for the record, after the first 24 hours, I had calmed down considerably. I was not yelling at him at all, I was still UPSET obviously...but I really and truly want to UNDERSTAND him. Well, now he is saying, just stop thinking about it, he will never do it again.
You guys are def right when you say that there are communication issues. That is actually my next planned topic of discussion...There are also some emotional issues (mine). I'm certainly not innocent in all of this. In fact, I'm realizing more and more just how much this is my own fault. If my husband is not satisfied in the sex department, then DUUUUH, it's my own stupid fault.
But the part I don't get is, what about all the years before we met, this was all going on for over a decade before I even came into the picture...what was the reason THEN??? You know what, I'll just LIST all the factors that might give you all a better background of where he/we are comign from:
*at about 13, he was accidentally exposed to some porn *we come from a religion and familes which STRONGLY discourage intermixing of the sexes -- meaning no dating, limited social contact with the opposite sex, etc. *even still, we were both born and raised in america, with american culture, and we all know how that is not in synch with the above mentioned religious/familial expectations. *he is a doctor -- yes, ob/gyn rotations, having women patients in general, etc. *he has OCD...obsessive-compulsive disorder...when it comes to his work-related cleanliness...
That's all I can think of at the moment. God, I made him seem REALLLY messed up...but he means well, he's a good father, he does have other positive traits.
Any new thoughts???
DKHANOLKAR 12/20/06 1:28 P
In my opinion it is wrong to watch porn. Am I tempted? Ofcourse I am but resisting it is the key. Focus on other "important" things in life like your wife, children your job or just the people in your life. Obviously, it is easier said than done
Dhamu
PORKY_PIG 12/19/06 9:31 P
I think SINCEREX13 pretty much nailed it.
This isn't just about the porn. It could be anything ... booze, drugs, another woman ... or you caught him wearing your clothes. Your reaction would probably be the same ... and understandably so.
Remember ... listening is the biggest component of a conversation. Good luck.
CRAZY4BLUES 12/19/06 9:12 P
I'm curious about your use of the term "addiction." How do you define addiction? Is it because he prefers porn to real sex? Is it because he can't get enough of it, and he goes out of his way to view it?
Also, have to agree with Russ on the ultimatim; that trick NEVER works!
RUSS1985 12/19/06 7:43 P
Mommax3
If you've ever seen me post here, a lot of my posts aren't one liners. I'm one of those long winded people. Just my nature I guess.
If you're looking for him to suddenly move from being non expressive to expressive in a short amount of time, it's not going to happen. It takes time. I know for me it took weeks to get to a point where I felt that I could be honest with her without getting my head bit off. Not necessarily saying that's the case with your husband but from where I sat, that's what I was working with. I knew that "Anything I say can be used against me in the arguments to follow." and I figured that if I don't say anything, I can't get verbally beat with my own words.
What you said about exhaustion, lack of time and body change is very familiar. We're all aging and in 8 years you can change a lot. I was an active 24 year old guy with a 36" waist and about 20 lbs. of body fat on my body before I met my wife. My wife was in a size 3 In 15 years, I'm no where near that guy and my wife is not there either, though she's a lot closer than I am. Most nights, my wife is ready to turn in at 10:30 or 11:00 while I'm a night owl and I can stay up until 1:00 easily. So, not bugging my wife after 10:00 is normal. That being said, making the time for each other is key. Just take a few minutes a day to connect with him again. You don't have to be sexual but be there. Carve out some Daddy and me time. I don't care how you do it but carve out time where you two can just talk, tell each other about your days. If he sees that you care for him, not just as one of your kids (because he's not) but as your husband, he will respond in time.
Why? I can't tell why he did it. Truthfully, I'm not sure he can tell you why. For me, it was boredom. Now, when I'm sitting up in the middle of the night I'm more than likely building my web site. I'm starting a new company because if I can work for myself, I should be able to spend more time with my family.
I wouldn't recommend the "Watch this porn again and we're done" tact, unless you really mean to up and leave. That puts you in a bad situation. Also, I doubt he sat down after an argument and said, "Man this will really put the screws to her. I'm gonna watch some porn and blow her mind." If he's watching porn to spite you, then you've got a different kind of guy and I'm not sure where to go with that. But if you're willing to put in the time and talk to him you should be at least able to get an answer.
SINCEREX13 12/19/06 7:28 P
Doesn't sound to me like porn really is your problem here. Seems to be much deeper than just porn, and calling his porn addiction the root of the problem seems to be your way of placing the blame on him for these communication problems.
You'll never get anywhere by backing him into a corner over this supposed 'porn' problem. Guys in general will become defensive and more withdrawn the instant you appear to be attacking or accusing them.
What are the answers? I don't know... I'm just letting you know what it looks like from an outsiders point of view. I think you guys need to talk, and not about porn but about the breakdown you seem to be having in communication.
MOMMAX3 12/19/06 6:56 P
Wow. I was expecting a one-liner at best. Thank you so much for your posting and sharing your own story.
My husband has been addicted to porn for about 20 years now...he said that he had stopped about 8 yrs ago when we got married, but that only lasted for a few years. After children came into the picture, my body changed, exhaustion, lack of alone time, etc. , he said that he could not resist the temptation and he reverted back to his old ways (although, he says that it was not as often as before...)
I guess basically what you are saying is that I have to get more aggressive, different, knowledgable about sex. Ok...I will be working on that now...
As for asking him "what he was thinking" etc. He really is NOT expressive at ALLLLL...and I think that this is part of the problem. Sexually speaking, he had stopped approaching me altogether, he just wouldn't even tell me if/when he wanted something. Emotionally speaking, expressing feelings happens extremely rarely with him, maybe a few times a year at best (I'm not kidding).
Relationships have their ups and downs...I'm really worried that the next time we have an argument, will he turn back to watching porn??? I have told him that the next time this happens (God forbid!), that me and the kids will be out of here...So I am really worried about how he will handle our next argument/disagreement/whatever.
One final question...WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
Why do men like to watch other people doing this??? What is the attraction to porn??????? AFter discovering all of his files, videos, etc. and having to be exposed to all this cr*p also, I found it completely nauseating, disrespectful, and depressing (depressing that people could actually have such little self-worth that they would engage in such activities...and on CAMERA for all the world to see!)
So I don't get it. If you can explain this to me also, it might help. Maybe.
RUSS1985 12/18/06 8:18 P
Warning guys: I'm going to speak seriously for a moment. Realize it's just a phase and it'll pass soon.
Oh man, where to go with this?
OK, you've asked for a guys perspective on this and I can at least speak to my own situation here. For a while in my marriage, it got very routine. We have four children who needed our time constantly.
The day went as follows:
Wake up at 6:00 go to work Work til 4:30 commute home Get home about 6:00 Work and play with kids until bed time 10-11:00 Lather, rinse, repeat.
Also, being honest, sex for me was getting boring. I knew the buttons I needed to push to bring my wife to orgasm and it happened the same way everytime. Get together, kiss, foreplay, bring her off once or twice, get mine, go to sleep. Yep, pretty darn uninspired.
I can tell you that by 11:00, my wife was drained and would be in bed and more than likely sleeping. I would be tired but not ready to sleep. So, sometimes I'd watch porn. I'd download it to my laptop or I'd put it on a seperate hard drive on my computer. Now, I'll tell you that was an empty time for us. It wasn't because I hate, dislike or wanted to replace my wife. It's mainly because I wanted to at least see something different. I know my wife hated it and I really wasn't getting much out of it, mainly because I saw the same stuff with different people.
What changed for me was three things:
1) I started losing weight and that allowed me to get back some of the bedroom mobility I had when we were dating
2) My wife and I realized that what we were missing as a couple was time for ourselves and we started to make a conscientious effort to make up for lost time. We fit in "Mommy and me" time now while we're both conscious and let me tell you, I missed that simple time to just tell each other jokes, talk about our day or just hug each other.
3) Lastly, I started incorporating things I was learning online. Mens health has more than a few tips for being a better lover. Also, my wife started frequenting a web site called The marriage bed. It's a Christian site about sex. As we started adding little bits from that into our life, our sex life went from kind of boring to "I can't wait to get home tonight."
I can't tell you how to act, but I'll bet you a dollar that he knows the sacrifices you made to bear each and every one of those children. I know what my wife went through for all three of my girls. I also can't tell you whether or not your feelings of betrayal are justified. They probably are, though I doubt he did it with much malice in his heart towards you. But maybe, you are in a rut like we were. If you're afraid that some woman on the Internet is his fantasy, then you need to decide if you'll have to step up and reclaim that role. You be his fantasy again. Talk to him. Figure out where his head's at here. Outside of finding the porn and ordering it out of your house, have you asked him what he was thinking? Why did he feel he needed that outlet? If he's given you an answer, have you accepted it for his answer or are you looking for more? There's a lot of ground to cover with this. If I can help you with this, let me know.
Russ I'm not a counselor, nor do I play one on the radio. But I'm a guy. Hey, that counts for something!
MOMMAX3 12/18/06 2:41 P
I've also posted in the "family and parenting forum" with the topic "Problem with porn", you can read and reply there too if you want.
MOMMAX3 12/17/06 10:45 P
Last night I discovered my husband's porn addiction. Honestly, it has reallly shaken me up...I feel betrayed, I may as well have found out about another woman.
I don't understand this AT ALL. Please, any help, advice, comments, anything...will be greatly appreciated. Please help me understand...I just don't get it.
