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FOURSEASONS52
11/16/06 1:39 P
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| The wife said she wanted bigger boobs.. told her to wipe between the breasts with toilet paper for 5 weeks... five weeks later came back and said hon nothing has happened maybe you made a mistake. i said well it seemed to work when you wiped between your butt cheeks........ yes it's a joke...
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PRPARTYGIRL
11/16/06 12:04 P
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I have to share this one...
I cooked this great dinner, from a recipe out of gourmet magazine....it was excellent, my kids are all but moaning while they chew. I ask the husband,
"how was it?"
in his common southern expression he says
"it's not bad".
it's not bad?, it's not BAD? so I just calmly asked him if he would like to hear that reply after sex when he asks that question question.
He got the point.
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WALKTHELINE319
11/14/06 10:12 A
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Classic but this is my favorite and I love every opportunity to tell her her this...
Her: Honey does my ass look fat in these jeans?
Me: yep
Followed by me laughing my ass off, which is probably why hers is larger than mine(I'm going to have to tell her that one). She knows I get a good laugh about this, but I think she has her own little fun trying to pinch my nipple or punch me afterwards, maybe that's why she asks. Either way it's fun too when she chases me around the house.
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THEPOWERGUY
11/14/06 12:45 A
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Okay, It's EQUAL OPPERTUNITY TIME!
Ladies (That visit/started the thread)
Let's hear it.... The mean, crappy, etc things you've said to guys. And don't be shy... You know it's been done.
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TEXASMOUTH
11/14/06 12:06 A
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How about "Stay out of the Guy's lounge?"
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MICKYMAZDA
11/13/06 1:13 P
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RoadtoDenver...
Yeah ... she was kidding alright ...
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DR_SNICKERS
11/13/06 8:23 A
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Heard on the Mancow Show, and spreading via emails:
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. (I DON’T AGREE WITH THIS ONE, ALL WOMEN THINK THEY ARE FAT EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT)
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.
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VERABERA1
10/25/06 6:20 P
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| LMAO. Okay, now i dont think you're going to find too many women out there who are going to argue about you guys "not having a clue"! This thread is too funny. V
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| A little off topic, but I once brought a box of wine on a date. We went to a fancy restaurant that didn't have a liquor license. She told me that we needed to bring our own wine. So I went out and purchased a box of wine. She was not too happy when the waiter opened it up. I don't know how she didn't see me bring it in.
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DR_SNICKERS
10/25/06 1:43 P
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SUZETTEMRUTH
10/23/06 4:13 P
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| A giant diamond makes a certain statement about both the woman who wears it and the guy he gave it to her. People make assumptions that she's a high maintenence princess and he's either in the mob or ownes her.
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This thread cracks me up! I can see why a lot of you ended up in the dog house!
My hubby paid $6 for my engagement ring. That's right, you read correctly, $6. $3 to get it cleaned, and $3 for a box to put it in. The ring belonged to his great-grandmother, so he got it free of charge. And you know what? It is just fine with me. I have never been a big fan of jewelry, and I don't need a fancy-schmancy ring. Actually, it is better this way, we were in college when we got married so we didn't need the extra bill of a ring to pay off in addition to student loans. And now he is in med school, so the loans are just piling up! We are in enough debt without a $9000 ring!
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THEPOWERGUY
10/7/06 11:52 A
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One thing I noticed...
There are 2 things women don't joke about...
Jewelry, and how much you should spend for it.. LOL
I think those MasterCard ads only average out the cost of such things that they see that is charged to their credit cards.
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ROADTODENVER
10/7/06 5:53 A
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The other night my girlfriend and I were watching TV when a Visa "priceless" commercial came on and said:
Engagement ring: $9,000
My girlfriend and I both said at the same time "WHHAAAAAAT!!!??"
I looked at her and said "Wow that's ridiculous!" to which she replied "Yeah I know... I expect you to spend a lot more than that!"
I’m pretty sure was kidding! ;-)
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THEPOWERGUY
10/1/06 1:56 P
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Oh, I know... The memory of me having to put in the proverbial 'Change of Address' cards stating that I now live at 'The Dog House' still haunts me at times.
But I can tell you what causes this, and I think a lot of people would agree... You start feeling 'comfortable' with each other. And anyone would see that once you start getting comfortable, you stop thinking before you speak (or watching what you say) and your true feelings or thoughts start to leak out. Actually if people would stop and think about it, it should be a good sign (let's put this in a way that would apply to both sexes)... It's a sign that you are consitered more than just a spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, person of intrest, whatever term would apply. You are consitered as a 'part' of them as well.
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SUZETTEMRUTH
10/1/06 1:28 P
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| Ooooo! Powerguy, that is pretty bad. I think you and my husband would probably become best friends if you ever met.
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THEPOWERGUY
9/24/06 5:53 P
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This is going to take a bit of 'setting the stage' for you guys. A friend of mine just had a HUGE argument with her boyfriend. And after she gave him his walking papers at 2:00 in the morning and having the police remove him out of her apartment she called me to vent, and what not. We were on the phone for at least an hour (I was barely awake during the whole conversation)...
For sake of the story my friend's name is Cathy and my Ex-Wife's name is Lucy... (Nither is their real names.)
I hang up the phone, roll on my side facing my wife to go back to sleep and a moment or two later my wife rolled over and accidently hit me in the face with her arm. (Not hard mind you but it was a hit.)
Lucy: "Sorry, Vic"
Me: "That's okay Cathy"
Lucy: "W H A T!!! WHAT Did you call me?"
Me: (Still groggy) "Cath.... (Waking up) OPPS! Boy did I mess up on that call didn't I."
Now thankfully my ex was aware of me being on the phone for the past hour or so (more aware than I was apperntly LOL) and just laughed it off... But what really got me in trouble was...
Lucy: "Your lucky I realized that you were just on the phone with her. Or else I'd start thinking something was going on with you two."
Me: I laughed it off a bit and said "I Wish."
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VERNONHEATHER
9/24/06 3:08 P
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I've got one that's stuck with me for awhile. I had put on some weight at school (Freshman . . .oh 30ish) and my boyfriend at the time told me not to worry, it was like pregnancy weight. Um . . not the consolance I was looking for!
Same boyfriend also said that I had a Buddha butt . . . not jokingly.
I can laugh about it now but I look back at wonder why I was with him for so long.
Heather
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STEPHANIE_JEAN
9/24/06 12:33 A
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 Aww...I must have a thick skin, because none of these comments really would have bugged me. You guys all sound nice. My husband has said stuff like that, and I just whap him and he winks at me.
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MICKYMAZDA
9/23/06 1:36 P
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Vera, I'll have to remember that one next time I need some "Sophisticated First Date Banter". :-)
Russ, you're so right about what you DON'T say speaking louder than what you DO say.
I also think that it's not what you say, but the way that you say it.
I'm colour-blind and sometimes my selection of clothing colours is a trifle, 'interesting'. When we are going out somewhere where we need to dress up a bit, I'll get myself duded up and my wife will just look at me, and with a withering expression she'll say "You're wearing that are you?". Most of you guys will know that tone that just sends you straight back to the wardrobe!
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| I'd bet that your friend thought he'd be on better behavior, especially on a 1st date. How I stay married is a mystery somedays. I don't say much to really drive my wife crazy but I've noticed that by not commenting on some things, I also drive her nuts. One example was when my wife and I first got married, she really couldn't do much in the kitchen. She'd come up with some food combos that I and our children would pick at for a while and call it a day. I started slowly making time to cook dinner. This went on for years. One day recently, my wife said "I don't cook for you because I don't think I can make anything that you'd like" Now, I'd never 'said' a thing about her cooking but what was 'not said' I guess was deafening.
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VERABERA1
9/23/06 10:34 A
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| LMAO! This thread is too funny! Im surprised some of you guys are still married! I went on a first date last night to a comedy club with a guy my girlfriend thought i'd really like. We were sitting in the front row and the guy i was with yells to the comic while pointing at me..."say something about her t-ts"! I have to really wonder what my girlfriend thinks of me to set me up with a jerk like that! V
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Micky,
I'm surprised you didn't end up in the E.R. over that one. Daring man.
I'm trying to remember a good one I've said to my wife. I would ask her but that's jusy asking for trouble...
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MICKYMAZDA
9/22/06 7:41 A
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I've got another that really started a men v women jihad.
We were having dinner with friends and the conversation got around to how unappreciated women are - you've never had babies - etc. etc.
Wife: You just don't appreciate everything wives do ... we cook, we clean, we raise the kids, we keep house. If you had to pay someone to do all that how much would it cost you??
Me: If I had to pay someone - I'd pay a man and get it done properly!
Whew!! That one took a few bunches of flowers to put right :-)
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SUZETTEMRUTH
9/21/06 2:48 P
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| Hahaha! Those were really funny! Anybody have another?
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O.K.,
IT WASN'T ME, BUT BECAUSE I LAUGHED I GOT IN TROUBLE ANYWAYS...
MY WIFE HAD GIVEN BIRTH TO OUR SECOND SON ABOUT A YEAR PRIOR. MY OLDEST SON WHO WAS ABOUT 4 REALLY ENJOYED HIS NEW BROTHER. ONE DAY HE LOOKED AT MY WIFE AND POINTED AT HER STOMACH. "MOM, HOW MUCH LONGER UNTIL THAT BABY COMES OUT?"
MY WIFE WASN'T PREGNANT, BUT MY SON WASN'T CONVINCED. SHE STARTED EXERCISING THE NEXT DAY.
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TOMMYGREEN
9/20/06 11:29 P
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lol.. that's bad, guys.
I got one...
(While Checking Out a Bra Catalog with my Ex)
Ex: "I like the one on the top-left. Cute."
Me: "Eh. The brunette to her right has a better rack."
Ex: "You're looking at the MODELS?!"
Me: "...."
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MICKYMAZDA
9/20/06 11:07 P
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We were on holiday at a camping site in the UK many years ago and in the restaurant one lunchtime I noticed another family very similar to us. The following conversation earned me a couple of days in the doghouse:
Me: 'Look at that family over there, they're just the same as us. Look, the kids are the same, boy and girl - same ages as ours, same clothes. The husband looks just like me, same hair, same moustache - even exactly the same brand of shoes.'
My Wife: 'His wife looks like a bit of a rough old dog.'
Me: 'Yes, it's absolutely uncanny isn't it?'
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lmao...that's funny! OK, here goes...
My wife woke me up in the middle of the night one night saying I kicked her hurt leg. I said "No I didn't, you were facing the other way." She said "no, you kicked my leg, it hurt." My response to that.....
"It's OK, you probably deserved it anyway."
Now keep in mind, I don't condone abuse in any way, I was just very asleep and not sure what was going on.
matt
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SUZETTEMRUTH
9/20/06 8:19 P
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Hi guys, I'm looking for a good laugh, so I was wondering if any of you might feel like sharing some of the crappiest things you've said to a woman.
I'll start by sharing this: My husband recently said to me, "Why don't you invite your neighbor friend over to sit in the hot tub with us tonight, so I can look at her boobs? It'll get me in the mood for you later." - Sheesh!
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