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| I too used to worry about my husbands health/weight. He could complain about it but do nothing . Nothing i said or did mattered so i stopped worrying about him and started worrying about me. i changed the things i had control over. I did the grocery shopping so i refused to buy junk. if he wanted it, he had to get up and go get it himself . more often the not he refused and did without. i started cooking recipes from spark. he had no idea he was eating healthier ( what they dont know dont hurt hehe). when he noticed i was making progress he finally decided to give it a try. now hes right here with me. no amount of pressure or nagging helps. it has to be a personal decision. it was a personal decision for me, it had to be for him too. good luck.
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Try doing things that he likes to do. In the process hopefully he will in return do something that you like to do. Introduce him to Spark People in a way that would make him do it. My wife was on spark for a year and I thgouth it was a waste of time. Then I decided to do something that she like to do and I got involved and here I am...loving it.
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| Is he on Spark? My fiance got me to join and it's helped re-motivate me. I want to be the top Sparker for Memphis in April - which means I need to get in some killer workouts so I an get lots of spark points!
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Hey Jesbresina,
(sorry, guys, for being in your lounge, he he)
I noticed your post and I have had a similar problem w/my bf. He still doesn't really eat as healthy as Iwould like him to...he never snacks, but then he sometimes goes overboard w/his portion sizes eating things like hamburger helper. I even made him a healthier version of HH which he admits he likes better, but I'm not always there to make it for him & the most I can get him to do on his own is to substitute ground turkey or chicken for beef...oh well.
Anyway, I noticed u mentioned that your husband bought a bike and it reminded me of something. My bf got a bike too and so I began biking with him. He was waaay better than I was at biking and rode a good way ahead of me when we hit the trails. This boosted his ego. So much, in fact, that I got him to jog with me a couple times. He started playing on a soccer team and they have games every Sunday. He still doesn't really exercise as much as he probably should (esp since its winter), but @ least it's something. I need to keep working @ it.
Your husband may just need someone to take the first steps with. Maybe you could get or borrow a bike and ride with your husband? You could be subtle about it by mentioning that you read about some of the health benefits of biking and that you thought ud like to try it out. Then plan on going biking when you know he is available. Invite him to go with u & go even if he wont join u the first time. I bet he'd eventually want to do it since that was something he originally wanted to do. If not, @ least you'll get some exercise.
I guess I should be getting back on the bike w/my bf too! We haven't been since the fall.
Good Luck! :)
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JESBRESINA
8/25/06 8:10 P
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wish there was i am sure i would have to take it sometimes too
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Everyone's different but for me, I just had to come to place in my head that said "You're fat. Time to do something about it". You can't make someone want to do something. He'll either do it because he wants to or he'll do it because he wants to make you happy. Doesn't sound like the second option is happening so you'll just have to wait until he figures it out by himself. Guys can be a bit thick that way and we don't worry about how we look so it'll happen when he doesn't like feeling the way he feels any longer. Sorry there's no magic pill for thick headed spouses. *grin*
Good luck.
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JESBRESINA
8/25/06 4:16 P
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| networx---- so you just kinda caught on? i wish my husband would do the same he seems to for a short time i sometimes think he joined spark just to check up on me and use the boards but at least he joined
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| My wife was in your position until I started with SP about three weeks ago. She would show me the web page and tell me all about it but I just wasn't ready in my head to start "all that diet crap". It wasn't until she'd lost 24 pounds herself and I noticed how much better she seemed to feel about herself as a result that I finally decided to give this a try. Finding out that I could eat what I wanted but just needed to eat less of it helped but I really had to come to the decision by myself. No amount of nagging or pestering by my wife or other family members got me moving, I just finally decided to do it. I remember my Dad was the same way about quitting smoking. Hopefully your husband will eventually decide he doesn't like feeling the way he feels, but in the end it'll be his decision. Hope it works out.
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JESBRESINA
8/24/06 3:45 P
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there is very little if any junk food in the house with the 4 kids i am have always tried to maintain a healthy model but it does make a difference even for me
as far as sugar cravings they can be a tru down fall both of our fathers are diabetics his father and both sides of his family have heart trouble history of strokes etc both of his parent are on meds for high blood pressure and high cholesterol and have been since he was in high school He is 36 i think the motivation thing is key i know he bought a bike this year and WAS going to ride a few times a week i was able to get him to go on a couple of hikes with me but to get him to do anything after work is like pulling teeth it is easier to get our 4 kids to clean their rooms
thanks again for the ideas will give them a try
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| He is probably already misreable and does not want to admit his concernes to you. Everyone has a different trigger, an event which motivates or inspires oneself to get off their butt and start doing. My best suggestion is to remove (slowly) the enablers to his unhealthy lifestyle. Turn off the tv. Go for a walk & talk about retirement and grandkids. Stop buying junk food. Cook healthy meals. No more soda/sugar drinks. All these things combined might be his event. And remember, be patient.
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GVANDEL454
8/24/06 1:29 P
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We're both 43. She doesn't have diabetes (yet), and I'm afraid that's what it's going to take to snap her out of this addiction, man I tell ya what, sugar is just as evil as cocaine, heroin or alcohol, and it's everywhere and it's in everything and it's legal.
And to answer your original question (a step I am trying now), I would tell your husband how afraid you are and you have to be very sincere when you tell him cuz guys know when the BS meter is running, tears help, tell him how afraid you are of now, of 10 years from now, of 20 years from now. Her Mom and my Dad both had open heart surgery by the time they were 55 that's only about 10 years from now for us...I fear that, and I told her how afraid I was of that (I think I started to get weepy at some point, but it was sincere), that fear motivates me to excersise, to eat better, to think better, we'll see.
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JESBRESINA
8/24/06 9:20 A
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| how old is your wife? how long has she had diabetes?
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GVANDEL454
8/23/06 2:15 P
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I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine, tell me how to motivate a sugar addicted wife who has a family history of diabetes and heart problems.
I've tried everything, I even joined a TOPS group 2 years ago with her (which was ALL women average age 70) to "lead by example", I lost 30 pounds, she stayed the same.
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JESBRESINA
8/20/06 8:49 P
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great guys i am always up for good info i usually let things go we have a very good relationship but i guess his health scares me i keep in mind what you all have said keep the ideas coming
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WALKINGLOU
8/20/06 3:43 P
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A good book on the subject of animal training techniques that can be used with humans as well is:
Don't shoot the dog! by Karen Pryor.
A very good read. I recommend it to all.
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A few snipits from a New York Times article I Sparkmail to you about how animal training and spouse training are similar; you can use these techniques on her (or him as the case maybe).
June 25, 2006
What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
By AMY SUTHERLAND
I followed the students to SeaWorld San Diego, where a dolphin trainer introduced me to least reinforcing syndrome (L. R. S.). When a dolphin does something wrong, the trainer doesn't respond in any way. He stands still for a few beats, careful not to look at the dolphin, and then returns to work. The idea is that any response, positive or negative, fuels a behavior. If a behavior provokes no response, it typically dies away.
I adopted the trainers' motto: "It's never the animal's fault." When my training attempts failed, I didn't blame Scott. Rather, I brainstormed new strategies, thought up more incompatible behaviors and used smaller approximations. I dissected my own behavior, considered how my actions might inadvertently fuel his. I also accepted that some behaviors were too entrenched, too instinctive to train away. You can't stop a badger from digging, and you can't stop my husband from losing his wallet and keys.
Amy Sutherland is the author of "Kicked, Bitten and Scratched: Life and Lessons at the Premier School for Exotic Animal Trainers" (Viking, June 2006). She lives in Boston and in Portland, Me.
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JESBRESINA
8/19/06 5:51 P
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| hey guys thanks--- as far as me leading by example i am doing my best and always have Crazyblues--ill read that board thanks looks good
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BLUEBERRYSCONES
8/19/06 11:34 A
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Geez, I barely know how to change myself let alone anybody else.
My wife struggles quite a bit too. I just let her be. My rule of thumb is that if it doesn't impact my life, I don't really say anything and if it impacts the other person's life more than my life, I only say anything if asked.
Looking at it from the other point of view, if somebody's giving me the advice and it impacts my life more than their life, I take it under consideration and if it doesn't impact their lives at all, I completely ignore it.
I guess I look at the topic of advice kinda simplistically but it seems to work for me.
Best of luck what works for you.
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CRAZY4BLUES
8/19/06 11:28 A
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Jes:
Did you happen to see this thread a few weeks ago? Very interesting comments about this situation.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/messageboard.asp?imboard=31&imparent=2905500
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WALKINGLOU
8/19/06 11:25 A
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Hi Jes,
You are right about not wanting to nag. Nagging will not encourage your husband to do anything. On the contrary it will have the opposite result. This is one situation where you can lead by example. Share your goals and success with him. Let him know when you reach the small goals, and your desire to do this for the benefit of the family, and to be there for your children. Do this without nagging and it will give him something to think about.
Lou
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JESBRESINA
8/19/06 10:18 A
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Okay here is the deal, I love my husband very much for who he is. But i am very concerned with his health. I have noticed that just sitting on the couch he seems out of breath and doing just some simple things seem to be almost too much. I would like him to see the doctor or at least start taking better care of himself if not for himself for our four kids. i am scared i help people everyday but dont want to seem like a nag.
Any ideas? it would be great to hear them
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