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JMSURPRENANT
6/30/08 12:43 P
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I think its definitely loneliness, plus I do think older men/women were conditioned that the wife took care of the husband. Still, I bet its more from loneliness or depression - plus if they're old, their behavior of having someone take care of them has to be pretty deeply ingrained. (engrained?)
My 2 cents - not an expert at all, tho'
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MELLORIDER
6/27/08 3:50 P
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I agree with the statements that their loneliness has either paralyzed them or caused them not to care.
I wouldn't be naive to think that my grandfathers didn't have some dependencies on their wives, but both of them worked hard, cooked, cleaned, and took care of themselves while their wives were alive.
I would be more likely to believe that people of significant income would be more likely to suffer because they are naive and would have to take a devastating blow to their egos to force themselves to do it. (of course I don't believe that all rich people are like that)
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RUNNINGBILL
6/27/08 1:42 P
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Ronnin,
That's a good point that depression can make one feel less motivated to get up take care of the things that need taking care of. However, I've heard that the opposite is also true -- taking care of oneself (and one's home by extension, I'd assume) can make one feel less depressed.
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JDMASONNEU
6/26/08 3:53 P
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It is hard to get what you mean by "neglect". Does that mean that they need care and aren't getting it because family is not around to take care of them? Or that the health care system is neglecting them? Or neglect meaning they choose to be rotten and die a slow painful death?
Regardless, I don't think this type of thing can be narrowed down to just UK Elderly men. You see all sorts of people like this every day. Go into any local hospice or old folks home and look for the person who is sitting in a chair with drool running down their face.
Unfortunately, it is the sad state in many developed countries to ignore the elderly. I'm not saying it is that way everywhere, but there are definitely circumstances out there.
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I'm gonn have to agree with Ramblin man on this.
The not eatin/cleaning/caring about themselves is just a "by-product" of the depression they are feeling from the loss of their loved one.
Personally, I can cook better than my wife, I can clean house/laundry just as well. I'd say if this happened to me, I COULD take care of myself, but if the depression was bad enough, would I WANT to? I'd like to say I would, but I hope I never have to prove it.
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RUNNINGBILL
6/25/08 8:22 P
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My parents insisted we learn to do the basic home management stuff ourselves -- laundry, dishes, yardwork, sewing, ironing, etc. My mom did just about all of the cooking, but I learned a bit about that in Boy Scouts. I was amazed when I got into college how many of my roommates didn't know how to do basic household chores.
I probably am not as demanding of my kids as I should be, but we're trying.
Still, I guarantee that if I lived alone I'd probably have a very cluttered place. I'd clean it up if someone were coming over, but in general, I tend to leave things out if I think I'll be using them again soon, which is kind of a bad habit. On the other hand, dishes and laundry would get still get done -- cluttered I can live with, but not disgusting. Still, maybe it's good that I never had my own place.
As for the men in the article, is it possible that the reason no one wanted to live with them was precisely because they were such slobs? Maybe their neglect of their homes was tied to a general apathy toward life, which wouldn't have made them much fun to be around.
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| Some people are like like. It doesn't excuse the fact that these guys can't take care of themselves enough to live but there are people who are used to having things done for them. My mother taught me to cook when I was 18 because as she put it, "You know you're going to meet a girl who can't cook." I can clean because I hate to stink and bugs can't be trained as pets. I'm married but if I wasn't then I could take care of myself without looking like a disaster victim.
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RAMBLIN_MAN
6/22/08 4:36 P
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They probably died of lonliness. Once a person feels like they aren't contributing any more and the hopelessness sets in they usually lose the will to live and die of depression. I'm sure the housework thing was just a symptom of a greater problem.
I've read a couple studies about this myself. Fascinating stuff. People in a society are compared to cells in an organism. When the cell haas no purpose it either dies or is killed off by other cells.
The key is the feeling of contribution and being needed.
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EOWYN2424
6/22/08 10:50 A
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Hi! I'm Elaine from Malaysia, I'm Chinese by descent, tho.
I was reading the paper recently and a came across an article which I found unbelievable to the point of ridiculous.
I'm not referring to the credibility of the writer(s) or that I don't believe the facts presented but the preposterous stupidity and laziness of the group of ppl being written about.
The article was about the elderly men in the UK who have lost their wives/family, in other words, elderly men who are forced by circumstances to live alone.
They were apparently dying of neglect. Why? Because they're just too lazy to do the necessary housework to take care of themselves. This because men of that generation never learnt to do such things but relied on their wives to do it for them.
I mean, if you have to, you have to. Do you even have a choice? I mean, there is no one left to take care of you, so JUST DO IT! Are they content just to wait stubbornly around to die, just because they have no one around to do stuff for them anymore?
This is soooooo ridiculous!!! Would you rather 'die of neglect' or just rise up, learn it and do it? Is there any question or choice? Just do what is necessary to survive! What IS their problem?!
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