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SEXYLITTLEBRIDE
3/13/08 3:55 P
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| We are doing an open bar allowing people to have about 2 drinks per person. Each person will get two tickets and the bartender will circle the drink they made so we are not paying alcohol price if someone gets a soda. Once the tickets are used the bar will convert to a cash bar. They estimated it to cost $800 to $1,000 and we thought that it would be worth it for that price.
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open bar all the wasy. its saves so much time for both the guests and the tenders not to have to make change and wait. that equals more fun time.
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MIKESPRINCESS
3/13/08 4:30 A
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Maybe offer free soft drinks but people have to pay for alcohol?
My fiance and I are not drinkers and I am 100% teetotaler. Other than the champagne toast, I will not have alcohol served on my special day. This day is about you and your fiance. You should do as you want.
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STEELER74386
3/11/08 1:00 P
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| prob. open bar. i nkow there re drinkers in my family. and there is some in my boyfriends family
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WINTERBLOSSOM
3/10/08 12:38 P
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Replying to first post only (I haven't read the whole thing).
We are going for a VERY limited open bar. We are providing champagne punch (and fruit punch for the teetotalers) during the cocktail hour, and we are providing 2 bottles of wine per table (enough so everyone gets a glass) as well as one champagne toast.
I think an open bar is a waste of money. So does my entire family. I actually got "You're not doing an open bar, are you?" from my uncle (who runs the catering division at a large hotel).
The reasons my family told me not to are:
It's just too expensive
People drink more if it's free.
Beer drinkers turn into cocktail and whiskey drinkers (which is more expensive).
You'll have people fall down drunk at your wedding.
I personally would have opted for a 1 or 2 hour only open bar or providing only beer/wine, but the champagne punch idea seemed to fit the theme of our wedding very well.
ETA: I'm also originally from Massachusetts (where the wedding will be) and cash bars are DEFINITELY the norm there unless you have a nearly unlimited budget.
Edited for readability.
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| Open bar costs a lot and most people waste their drinks. I did not have an open bar and most guests do not expect one anymore . WAYYYY TOO MUCH $$$$$$
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BRIDENIKKI
3/5/08 10:35 P
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| We are having an open bar but only because my parents are helping with the cost...both sides of the family are big drinkers!
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| At our reception we are having an open bar. 1 hour before the dinner and two hours after the dinner then after that it is cash bar. That is the way the reception hall does it. So thats what we went with and I don't know which one is better.But if I were to attend someone elses wedding an open bar would be awesome because I'm sure it cost an arm and a leg to get a beer at a cash bar....
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FIREWORKSJENN
3/5/08 12:09 A
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I agree, I'm going to have a cash bar. We're going to give about a 10 minute warning for the toasting so if people want something to drink they can get it. We're going to provide the basics, like water, punch and iced tea, but we can't afford to buy everyong a nice drink.
jenn
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| I'm going to have a cash bar. I don't care if my guests or anyone else thinks it's tacky because I don't drink and neither does my fiance. The only reason we're having the alcohol is for the guests who drink, so I don't think that we should have to pay for it. I do like the ticket idea. Maybe we'll do that and give every guest one ticket for one free drink. Thanks for the idea!
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MOINEAUBLEU
3/2/08 12:43 A
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I'm getting married this summer, and we're having an open bar, as it's unheard of to have a cash bar for my fiance's portuguese family! But our parents are footing the bill, so it's not a problem for us.
My dad got re-married last summer, and I really like what they did for their wedding for those on a budget. Along with the wine for dinner, they had nice drink tickets printed up on nice stationary and left two tickets at each place setting. This way everyone could have 2 drinks from the bar for free, but if they wanted to drink beyond that, they paid for it themselves. This way you can properly budget drinks in and there is a limit.
Just an idea!
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NMABENDROTH
2/26/08 7:39 P
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I think it's ridiculous to say having a cash bar is like having your guests pay for your wedding. I would be willing to wager that if a couple decided not to offer alcohol because they couldn't afford it, MANY guests would be unhappy about it. I wouldn't expect any guest to actually say anything to the couple, but I'm sure there would be a sizable amount of people who would be wondering why they couldn't even *buy* a drink if they wanted it. Like I said, I don't know why a cash bar should be looked at as the guests paying for your wedding, when the guests are the ones that would be more upset about not having alcohol available at all!
Sometimes the rules of etiquette just doesn't make sense to me.
My FI and I are having keg beer, wine, and soda at no cost, and if any guests want a mixed drink, they will have to pay cash. I see nothing wrong with at least provided *something* for your guests to drink (even if it's just soda, if that's all you can afford). If they need alcohol that badly, and you can't afford to provide it, they can shell out a few bucks.
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GREYFUZZY
2/26/08 12:22 P
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From my experience, no one will ever complain directly to the couple or their families about a cash bar... but some guests WILL speak poorly of it among themselves.
From the very technical Miss Manners-type etiquette standpoint, the reason against a cash bar is that they are guests... you would never host a dinner party, decide to serve steak, and then charge everyone $20 at the door to cover the cost of their meal... if you couldn't afford to do steaks, you'd just serve something else.
There's no need for a full bar anyway. Do a signature cocktail, or wine/beer only, or mixed drinks with your favorite liquor. Full bars are expensive (for you, or your guests if it's cash), and I have NEVER been to a wedding with a full bar where at least one guest didn't get rip-roaring drunk and cause drama. Less alcohol is better for everyone!
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DUBLINROSE
2/25/08 6:06 A
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| Where I come from you never have an open bar unless you have a huge budget. I think my guests bar bill would end up costing more than the rest of the wedding if I did that. What we will do is buy everyone their first drink for the toast and then let themselves look after the rest themselves
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I'm also from Mass and unless you are really well off, you usually have a cash bar.
I also have a HUGE family (50+ cousins, dad's side only) and we're all really close. It's inevitable that the guest list is going to be high so an open bar is just not feasable.
I think a cocktail hour is an excellent idea. It's the best of both worlds -- You can be a respectable host/hostess, but also a responsible one and not break the bank for an open bar that you may not be able to afford.
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LMATTISON01
2/20/08 1:02 P
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I've found a difference in what is accepted in different areas of the US. I'm originally from Mass and I don't think I've been to a wedding with an open bar and I've been to quite a few. I currently live in PA and most weddings here (from what I've heard) are open bar. Only 300 miles difference and very different traditions!
We did have the option of just offering beer and wine but I don't want to limit what my guests can drink. I would rather pay for the Cocktail hour and have them have their choice of drink for the rest of the night. Based on the "wedding culture" where I grew up, this is perfectly acceptable and no one will question it!
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SNARKYKITTEN
2/19/08 3:27 P
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I don't see how it's ruder to just offer a limited selection of alcohol than to have a cash bar. Like I said, the reason cash bars are considered tacky in the US and other countries is that your guests shouldn't be paying for your wedding. A cash bar means that you're guests are paying for the wedding you want (i.e., one with a full bar), rather than the wedding you can afford to give.
It's unlikely that licensed bartenders in the US would let guests drink way too much because then they'd be liable for a guest driving drunk.
It's not about having rich parents. If everyone here had rich parents paying for everything, then having an open bar wouldn't be a question. If all you can afford is to serve your guests beer and wine, then that's all you should serve. You should never make your guests pay for any part of your wedding. If you get enough in cash gifts to pay for your wedding, good for you, but an open bar isn't going to make any guest shell out more cash than they already stuck in their card.
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LMATTISON01
2/19/08 10:36 A
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| We are paying for cocktail hour, but not doing an open bar the whole time. Its a lot of money having the wedding so adding to that the expense of an open bar can break the budget!
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MINNOW1982
2/19/08 7:29 A
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| I agree that it's interesting to see the differences between countries and cultures. Please don't assume that just because some of us are having some alcohol (we're doing just beer & wine)that we have rich "daddy's" taking care of the bill. Andy and I have saved and made sacrifices to be able to have the day we're hoping to.
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| dizzykitty Im in the UK too, and I cant believe that the customs in other countries can be so blatently rude. Surely the only people that you invite to your special day are friends and family, therefore it is more important to them that you start you wedded life not in debt from having an open bar. Sure, its great if you have a rich 'Daddy' that will pay for it for you, but my husband and I decided we would provide wine with the meal and then it was a cash bar. Everyone was more than happy with this, I dont think they expected anything else. (Yes, you might have guessed, I didnt have a rich 'Daddy' to pay for everything)
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MANDIETERRIER
2/18/08 9:35 P
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Yes I am American. It is interesting to hear about the customs in other countries.
I still see it as a big wedding don't.
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DIZZYKITTY
2/18/08 5:17 P
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Are all of you guys American? Because in the UK I have never been to a wedding with a free bar!! My dad had a ridiculously expensive wedding, he forked out £15,000 for it, and all they provided was 2 bottles of wine per table with the meal, a drink on entering, and a drink for the toast.
My wedding is being held in a hotel and there's no way I can afford to pay for people's drinks on a £8000 budget, it's practically spent already and I'm only halfway through planning! I think it's cheeky for people to expect you to pay for their drinks. They're supposed to be there to celebrate your wedding, not get trashed. If they have a problem with it, then they don't have to drink! I think the issue is that people have this mindset that you have to get completely plastered to enjoy anything. Well I'd rather people bring a limited amount of money and have a few drinks and a good time then spend the next day paying off cleaning bills from peoples drunken antics that I supported by paying for their booze in the first place!
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SNARKYKITTEN
2/18/08 4:18 P
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| Cash bars are tacky because you're making your guests pay for the wedding you want. If can't afford a full open bar, then limit the options to just beer and wine and maybe a couple well liquors like vodka and gin. If your site will let you bring in outside liquor to serve, a lot of liquor stores will let you return unopened bottles or cases. Plus you won't end up with a situation of only guest getting one drink and having to buy an entire bottle of something you don't like yourself. A few kegs and a few cases of wine doesn't have to blow out your budget.
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MANDIETERRIER
2/18/08 3:57 P
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| I have always heard that a cash bar is a big wedding don't. You could have lower priced beer and wine and signature drink.
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MINNOW1982
2/18/08 12:47 P
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I've been in an attended a lot of weddings in the past few years. It's been my experience that people have always talked about cash bar options.
We're doing beer and wine and possibly a signature drink during the cocktail hour.
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NATESGIRLY727
2/18/08 11:55 A
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| Hello. We are also on a budget therefore, We are having a signature drink (Wedding Cake Martini - as I LOVE martinis lol) and beer as an open bar.. the rest is cash. My cousin's had a 1/2 cash 1/2 open and not one person thought it was rude or cheap! Good Luck & Congrats!
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| There are may options for you. You can just have beer and wine on the open bar. Or you can just have a signature drink. Also, you don't have to have the open bar for the whole reception. You can just have it for 1 or 2 hours.
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Well I thought the same way about my friends if I get married some day. I'd say provide beer but not liquor. Thats a great idea. And who cares if it seems "cheap" I say its smart because you know they'll drink you out of a honey moon! lol
& Congrats!
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Well I thought the same way about my friends if I get married some day. I'd say provide beer but not liquor. Thats a great idea. And who cares if it seems "cheap" I say its smart because you know they'll drink you out of a honey moon! lol
& Congrats!
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What are your opinions?
We are on a tight budget and MANY of our guests can drink like fish! We had originally thought of doing a cash bar, but many people have told me that looks 'cheap' and guests will be angry...now we are thinking of doing it 1/2 and 1/2...pay for beer(keg) and have all hard alcohol/mixed drinks be cash...just wanted some feedback.
THANKS!
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