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UNICORNBEE
3/18/08 1:07 P
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| I will say that I do know you feel. My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 14 months now, together for almost 20 months. 2 of my bridesmaids are now engaged as well. One got engaged this past Dec and the other on Valentines Day. Both weddings are planned to happen before mine. One is 5 months and the other 3 months. I am very happy for them and will do whatever I can to help them. And at the same time I am upset by it. There is an irrational voice in my head that says "I was engaged first so I should get married first!". And we all have a lot of the same friends. And then there is a small fear that because my wedding is after all of theirs, it will get lost in the shuffle/forgotten about/friends will be sick of weddings by the time mine gets around/etc even though I have been planning mine longer. So I do understand. PM me if you want to talk more about it.
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KLEVERKIRA
3/17/08 4:23 P
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My cousin is getting married a month before me, and it's not big deal. I figure as long as it's more than a week on either side, no one is really infringing on "your" wedding.
And who knows? Maybe they won't actually end up getting married. A lot can happen between now and then.
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MRSFOOTE2B
3/16/08 3:43 P
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| One of my best friends is getting married 5 months and 8 days before I get married. She got engaged 2 weeks before me. I was very upset because of jealousy. I don't like her fiance, I think he's all wrong for her, and I thought they should have been together longer. They have been dating as long as me and my fiance, but because it seemed all wrong to me, I thought it was too soon. I got over it quick, thought because I love her. We live in 2 different states, and her wedding has no bearing on mine. I know that your situation is different because your grandparents are also her grandparents, and they'll be spending a lot of money for the 2 of you to be getting married. I agree that she should have picked a date further from yours, but you can't undo what has been done. Just worry about planning your wedding because you never know what will happen in the future. She is very young and young people tend to be fickle.
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| JONSFIANCE- I know how it is when you have been with someone as long as you have, I have been with my fiance for 6.5 yrs. We are getting married in June. I have friends that are also engaged one who got enageged after us and getting married in April. And another friend who was with her BF for 3 months when he proposed(dont get me started with that one). For me is it more of the fact that I am jealous of couples that are together for a short period of time and get married. We have been talking about getting married since we were together for 6 months....but we waited until we got out of college and we both found good jobs. Marriage is not something that should be entered into lightly. If your cousin wants to get married and has only known the guy for 5 sec, let her, its her life!...YOU are getting MARRIED! BE HAPPY FOR YOU! I know I am happy for you! Focus on YOUR wedding. There is no need to add stress to yourself!
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JONSFIANCE, maybe you would be not so stressed out if you worked more on you and stopped worrying about your cousin. I noticed that you started posting in January and your ticker has not moved. Maybe you have reset your ticker and that is not an accurate picture of what is going on but seriously go run and stop worrying about her relationship. So not a big deal, who cares? I just got married and yes it can be stressful but you are adding unnecessary stress to yourself by worrying about silly stuff. Geeeees chill out.  
PS, I am sure that she can see your post out here on the spark pages and no wonder she deleted you from her myspace page. I would too!
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STEELER74386
3/11/08 12:54 P
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| i met someone online before for my senior prom and a few days later after we talked online he ended up lieing about his age, what he did, and he was on these meds so you cant always trust people online.........as for he drinking it doesnt sove anything. it just causes a lot of problems in familys. (my family and i also have been through it). ....she shouldnt be mad that you chose your wedding date.
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JONSFIANCE
3/11/08 9:12 A
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Hey All,
Well a quick update, She still hasn't told any of the family, one of my cousins who is friends with her on Myspace(her whole myspace is dedicated to her "fiance" and says everything about the wedding) told my Gram, and my Gram in turn asked her Mother, and ofcourse my cousin denied it. So last weekend they broke up supposedly, but now they are back together.
I did ask her why she chose the date when the whole family knew that I had picked my date already, her answer was just that her fiance chose that date, and she wants to be 21 when she gets married.
There is no reason for her to be mad at me for chosing my date close to hers, because I chose my date before she even knew this guy.
Its a messed up situation, and I'm not really paying attention to her anymore, she deleted me off her myspace for whatever reason oh well.
This guys is no good for her and she doesn't see it. She called my sister Friday afternoon at like 3, and told her they had been drinking since 11. Not cool!
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WINTERBLOSSOM
3/10/08 1:38 P
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Jonsfiance,
This may be harsh, but I doubt she'll be with boyfriend for that long. In the situation you described, that couple staying together for the long haul just seems very unlikely. I'm also sorry she was inconsiderate to you. Maybe you could ask her why they picked that date or have one of your cousins ask her? They could also remind her that you and your long term boyfriend (now fiance) have a wedding scheduled for the same time frame.
I hope your wedding planning and life planning go well!
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MINNOW1982
3/10/08 1:04 P
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| Hi girl--I was just looking back through old post and found this one. Honestly, it wouldn't bother me in the least if my younger cousin got married in the same year as me. Regardless of age, the man she's marrying or the rest of the circumstances I think a 4 month "buffer" between two family weddings is completely fair. Who knows maybe she's a little irritated that her is so close to yours and wishes you wouldn't have had such a long engagement. Good luck with everything and just take it in stride, it's supposed to be a fun time for you!
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JONSFIANCE
1/29/08 4:13 P
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Wow Geogirl! That is crazy, but see if it were my sister I wouldn't have a problem with it either. I'd love to be in your position and be able to go through it with my sister. But its my cousin, and you're right it doesn't sound like it will last very long. And if it does happen, like my Mum said, I'll just have to make mine so much better haha.
Thank you again to everyone who's commented! Some have made me feel better :)
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Hi JONSFIANCE I understand your situation but know it will all work out one way or another :) If you want to hear craziness my sister and I are getting married two months apart this year! My wedding is in July and hers is in September but we wouldn't have it any other way, we even wedding dress shopped together and bought bridesmaid dresses for each others weddings! For us it just worked out this way and I am paying for my own wedding so it isn't a financial burden on family. We will have very different weddings but both will be fantastic!
As others have said this doesn't sound like a romance that will last for your cousin, but oh well if it does, you still get your day :)
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JONSFIANCE
1/29/08 3:16 P
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I did think about how I would feel in her situation. I said before, I would have had more consideration as to when I was going to plan it to be sure not to make it around anyone else's.
And I'm not making her miserable, I only told her once straight out and honestly that I was upset that she would choose her date 4 months before my date, when she had known that I had already chosen my date. I told her no hard feelings I just wanted to let her know I was upset. Her response was just that 'he' chose the date, and she wants it to be when she is 21.
I just got engaged in July, and even before then we knew we wanted to get married in 2010, I'm waiting 3 years for my wedding, and I'm fine with that.
No one in our family knows that they are engaged, or that they already have their wedding date. All we know of this guy she is seeing is that they've been together for about 2 months, we've met him once, and it wasn't a good impression. He was piss drunk at a family party that had just begun, saying they had been drinking since noon time, and this was 6:00! And he has a child with another girl (not that its out of the ordinary) but that comes with baggage that I'm not too sure my 18 y/o cousin is ready for.
Great idea about planning the weddings together, but if I'm upset that she chose her date 4 months before mine...a joint wedding is a no go! lol
thank you Skittles and LuvinKevin for your imput :)
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LUVINMYKEVIN
1/29/08 2:28 P
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| I completely understand where you are coming from on this, but in the same since it's no reason to be like that. We had this same issue at work. One girl was getting married this april and then 2 others chose dates, one before hers and one the end of the year. Then myself, I am 2 months after her. She felt her thunder got stolen quick. Well, 2 have left the job, now she has the first wedding here and I'm next, but we don't see each other as competition as she did with the other girls. We are both paying for our own weddings and know we wont be as superior as theres would have been. It just makes you feel bad sometimes. But, you'll be fine once you calm down and realize it doesn't matter. I mean she may not make it with the guy, honestly thats 2 years away theres no 100% chance anyone is still going to be dating anyone if you look at it that way. a lot can happen in two years. Regardless you plan your wedding out, she'll plan hers, don't try to imitate each others plans or make the other feel less then and things can be great. Everyone will support all of you in the end so just keep your head up and don't worry about it. Thats your cousin and she is family, you should be happy and support her in her decisions (even the crazy ones) and just be happy like a family should be. Good luck on the wedding plans ;)
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SKITTLEGIRL214
1/29/08 1:44 P
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I agree a little bit with everyone. I wouldn't worry about another wedding being 4 months before yours, even if it is your cousins wedding.
I guess I like to think about being in the other persons shoes. What if you were your cousin? What if you got engaged, and new you wanted to wait some time to get married (for whatever the reason, maybe to get to know eachother first, for one thing!) How would you feel on one the happiest occasions in your life you had someone telling you that you should be getting married when you wanted to? How would you feel if someone in your family was making you feel miserable about this incredibly special event happening in your life.
It's not fair to ruin her day because it happened more quickly then yours. She could easily turn around and say to you well hey, you chose to wait 6 years. You had your chance.
I guess my bottom line advice is this. You two are family and should be supportive of eachother. if anything now you have someone who will completely understand the stress you are going through! Maybe plan the wedding together and save everyone some money! Put the money your saving towards the house of your dreams!!
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JOESWIFEY1004
1/29/08 12:37 P
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| Miss desert at your own wedding!? No way!!
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JONSFIANCE
1/29/08 12:30 P
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Thank you Singer, you are right. I should just forget about them...
I haven't being planning anything yet, but I do have fun looking at all the websites and magazines getting an idea for things :)
One thing both my fiance and I have agreed on at the reception is a full Ice Cream Sundae bar for dessert! Although for my own sake I shouldn't! hehe I'm sure I won't even get to eat dessert tho!
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| Jonsfiance - I wouldn't even worry about it. Who's to say that this couple will even still be together. Since they just met and got engaged so quickly. Don't stress about it. Just enjoy your wedding planning.
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JONSFIANCE
1/29/08 11:23 A
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| thanks joesgirl. maybe i am overreacting a bit, i just wanted to see how other people would feel. i am a very emotional person,(i get it from my Gram) so maybe it hits me a bit harder than anyone else.
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JOESWIFEY1004
1/29/08 10:23 A
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jonsfiance - maybe TSmack was a little harsh but the just of what she is saying I have to agree with. You don't get the entire year. What is going to happen when your cousin decides that there is no wedding and you have gotten all worked up over this for nothing?
As for paying for the wedding, that's great you have a job and you can pay for it yourself and that is the way you should plan it. We planned out whole budget paying for it ourself and if anyone gives us money then it is just a bonus. If they offer to pay for your wedding then even if the other wedding does happen they have already obligated themselves to help you. but no one in your family even knows that any of this other crap is going on or that she is going to tell them 11 months from now that she is planning on getting married in 2 years. You should just go with it and encourage her to get a job or go to school or do something that 18 year olds should do other than plan a wedding.
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JONSFIANCE
1/29/08 9:34 A
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I didn't put this post out here to have people tell me to grow up. I am grown up, I do have a job, and I could pay for my own wedding if I wanted to. My parents and grandparents both offered to pay for it, I'm not making them and they don't HAVE to if they don't want to.
And I honestly don't think her relationship will last either, its just the fact that she's being totally ridiculously inconsiderate.
I was asking peoples opinion...
What if this was happening to you...
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only bride who would get upset about this.
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First off, she's 18 and engaged to a guy she met on Myspace. I'm willing to bet that there's a good chance that this wedding will never even happen.
Secondly, chill out, seriously. You don't get the entire year of 2010, even if she is in the same family. Her wedding is an entire four months before yours. You are completely overreacting.
Third, if you are worried about the cost to your family grow up, get a job, and pay for your own wedding! You have plenty of time to save up and there is no reason for your parents and grandparents to have to pay for your party.
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JONSFIANCE
1/29/08 8:54 A
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I know I'm not going to be the only bride in 2010, but I would have liked to be the only one in the family. We just had our oldest cousins wedding this past July and it was a huge deal (obviously) our entire family was committed to helping her out and making things run as smooth as possible. Now the family has to worry about putting together 2 weddings.
I asked her too, why couldn't she have picked the year before, or after? Her response was because she wants to be 21 for her wedding...she turns 21 May 18, "wedding" is May 22.
I know I sound selfish, but I mean my fiance and I have been planning this for years, and now all of a sudden she has a boyfriend and 10 days later they want to be engaged, and then "he" just so happens to choose their wedding date just before mine.
I mean I would have at least had the consideration to choose my wedding date the year before or after if any of my cousins had chosen their dates before I chose mine.
Thanks for the imput everyone. I appreciate it. Its just so upsetting.
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HEATHER1416
1/28/08 5:45 P
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I agree with Joesgirl--- don't sweat the small stuff. It is 4 months before hand. It is not like it is the same day where people will have to choose which to go to. Don't feel like she has stolen your thunder, because getting married should be a happy time for everyone. I am sure your grandparents will still be able to contribute to the wedding, and even if they don't do as much as they were going to, your parents can still help and you still have plenty of time to save some yourself. My fiance and I are paying for 90% of our wedding ourselves. We got engaged in May 2006 and are getting married in June 2009. We wanted to make sure we had enough money to have the wedding that we wanted.
So, don't worry too much about it. Everything will work itself out and be fine.
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JOESWIFEY1004
1/28/08 4:59 P
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First of all, She is 18 and she said yes to a guy she has known for 2 months. Can anyone say infatuation...?? I'm going to be the pessimist and say, I doubt it will workout. I don;t know her or him but if either of them had any sense, she would have never have said yes to a liftime commitment after 10 days and he would have never asked her.
As for the days, unfortunatly the same thing has happened to me now 2x. I have been engaged for 2 years and we were suppoed to get married oct 2007 but we had to postpone to oct 2008. In that time 2 couples have gotten engaged and one has gotten married and the other will be getting married this summer after only a 8 month engagement. I felt like it is kinda stealing my thunder a little since we were the first to get engaged but hey, our wedding is going to be great and special to the 2 of us and everything we want. That is all that matters. Don't sweat the small stuff especially stuff that hasn't even happened yet!
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SNARKYKITTEN
1/28/08 3:57 P
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It's 4 months before your wedding, not the same day. You don't get a claim on a whole year or get to say that no relatives can get married before you do. I don't understand how she's ruining your wedding. If it's a matter of relatives having to choose to go to just one of your weddings, it's their decision to make. If your grandparents decide to help her out with her wedding, it's their choice to give that gift to their other granddaughter. Maybe they set aside money to help each grandchild out with his or her wedding.
People sometimes get together very quickly and others take a long time, but it doesn't mean either relationship is less stable. I know several couples that have been married for decades who got married or engaged after knowing each other for just a few weeks or a few days. I know a couple that's been married 30 years who got married after knowing each other for a week.
If she was planning to get married on the same day as you, then that could damage your plans. But she's getting married 4 months before you do. It's 1/3 of a year. You don't have anything to be upset about. And it's still over 2 years away. Plenty of other stuff can happen in that time.
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JONSFIANCE
1/28/08 3:05 P
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Hey All,
I am in a little dilemma. I'm 23 years old, I've been with my fiance for almost 6 years. He just proposed this past July and in August we decided to set our wedding date for October 2, 2010. It is far away but we have pretty much our whole life planned out up until then. We want to buy a house and get other things settled before getting married.
So here's the thing. One of my cousins who is 18 years old met a guy on Myspace, they met and stuff and 10 days after meeting he proposed to her. He didn't give her a ring or anything and she said yes. As of Feb 3 they'll be together 2 months. She is semi-close to my younger sister so when we found out that she was engaged (ps she never told anyone just posted his pic on her myspace saying "my fiance")my sister started probing for answers. She is not telling her parents they are engaged until Christmas...ya a year away! Anyways I could go on and on...to make a long story short she just told my sister 2 weeks ago that she picked her wedding date, it's going to be May 22, 2010....4 months BEFORE my wedding!
She knew when I had my wedding date planned for...our whole family knows! We have a big family and not only my parents are paying for my wedding, but grandparents are helping out too. Her parents don't have as much money as mine do, so I know our grandparents will be paying for her wedding, if it even happens. I was very honest with her and confronted her about it saying I was very upset that even after she knew that I set my date for October 2010 she went ahead and chose to have hers 4 months before my'n! Her excuse was that her "fiance" chose that date.
I am pretty upset about this...would any of you guys be upset?
Not that I don't want her to be happy in a relationship but why would she do this?! She said yes to him after 10 days of knowing him!
Everyone keeps saying oh it won't happen they won't last but...what if they do?!
Sorry if I sound selfish but pretty much she's ruining my wedding.
My fiance doesn't understand why I am so upset.
Please any feedback is appreciated!!
Thanks everyone!
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