Anyone Concerned - Parents Feelings About Wedding?
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WORDSLIKESWORDS 1/7/08 8:03 A
Thanks everyone for your support. I guess it's hard for parents to let go and let us live our own lives. I know it's also hard for my mom because she lives 600 miles away and really wants to be a part of things for me. I know they like him or they would give me grief about us living together now (which I know they are against) but I just am so happy and excited about how amazing he is. I am sure they'll be happier for me as it gets closer to the wedding... I just hope I remember this when I have kids!!!
WEDDINGINAPRIL 1/6/08 10:06 A
I understand where you all are coming from. Until my fiance, my parents really never liked any of my boyfriends. I couldn't figure out why, since I loved them so much. Why couldn't they be happy for me if I'm happy? When I met my fiance, I finally understood! He treats me like I deserve to be treated, like an equal, someone special...not like a convenience. When I looked back, I could see that my friends gave me hints that they didn't like them either, but I was "love blind." Now, my situation is different, because my parents and friends like my fiance, and I'm older now, so they've had time to mellow out on the "daddy's little girl" phase. But, my mom wants us to be married by a "man of God." We want my friend, Sherri, to officiate. I guess it's a matter of balance. A friend's mother told me something I found very poignant. She said if I expect my family's and friends' support during my marriage, I need to include them in the wedding plans/celebration. She also said that didn't mean doing things just to please them, but to be sensitive to their requests. Ultimately, it's a mother and father's dream to see their little girl get married and to completely spoil that dream by ignoring their feelings just burns bridges in the long run. Good luck to all of you! :)
SCORPION110183 1/5/08 8:01 P
I don't really think there are any tips or suggestions to deal with it. Parents just have a hard time seeing their kids grow up. My fiance and I strongly considered elopement at first because our parents tend to butt in and take over, but we have a nice long engagement and over time they have seemed to handle it better and better.
LIDOCHKA 1/5/08 3:49 A
My parents are SO NOT excited that my mom refused to talk to me for two days after I told her I wanted to marry my boyfriend of over two years. My parents are telling me I need to wait a few years, get a Master's degree, move back home in the meantime, and I don't know what else. He still has one more semester before he finishes his degree, and we've talked about waiting a year or two after that if our families are so uncomfortable about this.
I think it's difficult for my parents to let me make my own decisions. I guess that's what it means to be a parent. I don't know. I'm trying to understand their point of view, but it's really difficult at times.
Right now I'm just trying not to let it bother me too much. Of course I wish my parents would also be happy for me, but I hope in the end they'll realize this is the real thing, and be happy because I am so happy.
I don't really know what else to suggest. Be encouraged that you aren't the only one in this boat! And in the end, you have to live your life for yourself and not your parents. I'm sure they'll come around and eventually see how happy you are.
ILIKEPINK 1/4/08 9:31 P
Parents are weird. My dad keeps asking if I'm sure etc, he's really happy for me but kinda oddly seems surprised that I've met someone I want to marry and that wants to marry me!! I suppose that's because before my fiancé I'd never even bothered introducing him to my various boyfriends, because I knew they weren't 'keepers'.
My mother is probably happy for me too, but we really don't see each other much. She's one of the main reasons that we're not getting married at home, because right away she started telling me who I had to invite and that we had to allow children there etc. Her only reaction when we told her that we were getting married overseas was "Well what are you doing for us?" - that summed up her whole attitude really.
I think parents find it hard when their kids make all these adult choices for themselves, they want to be protective and continue to make decisions for their children etc. It must be hard letting go and recognising that they have to let you lead your own life, whether it's the life they wanted for you or not.
WORDSLIKESWORDS 1/4/08 3:49 P
I always wanted my mom and dad to be SUPER excited about me getting married. When my fiance and I told them they started talking about all this stuff we should do first, and my mom thinks he doesn't actually want to get married (which he does). It's not that they don't like him but they wanted me to marry an astronaut or a neurosurgeon which just isn't going to happen. He's done a lot for me, like moved out of state away from his family, but whenever they ask about him I think they don't really want us getting married. I've told them it bugs me but... well it does. I'm not changing anything because of them.. I just wish they could be happy for me. Any suggestions or ideas?
