We were working in Africa, got engaged and after nearly 2 years still no date fixed. So when my visa ran out I told him I was off to England and if he still wanted me he could come and find me! It worked- he appeared after a couple of months & said let's do it so we got a special licence and were married 3 weeks later. We had 3 days honeymoon then he flew back to Africa to finish his contract. Sometimes you just have to take control........
JOESGIRL619 9/24/07 4:56 P
I hear your frustration Lola but I am with some of the other comments tht say just enjoy it. I was engaged to my honey New Years 2006 and because of money we just set the date March of this year and the wedding still isn't for another year (Oct 08). I thought I would be so much more impatient but there is so much to do and I am loving the opportunity to take my time and look at everything. I would hate to ruin the fun by rushing because that day will come and go so fast. Before you know it it's over and from what I hear it's a whirlwind when it does come. Take your time but definetly don't wait for him to set the date.
SNARKYKITTEN 9/21/07 7:34 P
Congrats Lola!
I've been engaged 9 months and no date in sight. We discussed next October, but then I got into grad school. So it's been put off until I finish my program. Whenever that is.
The nice thing about what you want for your wedding is that you don't have to have it planned and booked a long time in advance. And getting married before you move is a great idea. Your cross-country trip can be the first stage of your honeymoon.
GERKE1985 9/21/07 3:57 P
We are engaged at this point but havent gone public about it yet. He really wants to spoil me and get me a bigger ring then the one I have right now. WE have planned for a 2009 wedding but have not decided exactly what date yet. We are figuring that it will be a spring or summer wedding..
KATIEFITZ 9/6/07 10:51 P
Lola,
Congratulations on your recent engagement - ENJOY IT! We were enagaged 3 months ago & have no date! The best advice I received from a newlywed was ---"don't set any dates for the first couple months, just enjoy being engaged" "You only do this once (hopefully!) and you should enjoy it." On top of it - you have ALOT going on. We are in a similar position -and are also laid back & happy to know we will be taking the plunge.
People always ask if we have "set the date". It's a natural question. My advice is to tell them with a smile (& a thank you) - "we don't anticipate a long engagment... so it'll be soon" or "we're still newly engaged & enjoying it every minute - you'll be the first to know when we decide on a date".
I think frustrations come from the pressure of others -just know you should be able to enjoy your moment & at your pace. This is such a special time in your life!
Just be prepared, once you set the date...the next question they'll ask..."So when you are going to plan to have kids?"! Just smile & say - "you'll be the first to know" :)
ERICAFLECK 9/4/07 8:47 A
yeah, don't wait for the guys input, it's your day; just make sure he has the time and place right.
TONKSTAR 9/2/07 11:41 P
I can relate :)
After the man popped the question and we'd told the relatives, it was like he'd forgotten all about it!
Finally I got organised and told him that we would have an engagement party. We agreed on a date and that was fine. I saw my Dad yesterday and he asked if we had set a wedding date. I said we hadn't talked about it yet. Dad smiled, and said that men dont usually talk about it. When he got remarried he just let my Stepmother organise it becuase it was her day (he had already been married to my mother so wasn't too worried). The advice he gave me was "approach him with idea's, get a yes or no, and go with it because if you wait for Ken to decide it will never happen. Its a boy thing".
I hadn't thought about that and was worried Ken was going off the idea (especially seeing as he NEVER bought the subject up himself).
So yesterday I told him that it was important to me that we at least get a month sorted because I had lots of Girl Stuff to obsess over and needed the timing sorted. He was happy as a clam to discuss it and we finally got a month sorted.
What do you know... the Old Man was right!
TUBBY_STACE 8/31/07 4:19 P
Hiya, ive been engaged for 5 months almost 6 now! A date was set for May 2009, venue booked just had to pay a deposit, then we worked our figures out, and OMG, how was we going to afford the luxury venue, church wedding and feeding all the guests with a three course meal and free flowing booze, so we have since decided to put the wedding off, and start saving for a deposit for our first house instead, I would have settled for a nice beach wedding somewhere nice with just our immediate families, but as its both our days, not just the brides, we've decided to hold off, because, at least we still have each other, theres no rush yet as dont want kids for another 3-5years yet! But i feel your pain, i was so excited when i got engaged, i even got my dress, i was that excited! - fingers crossed tho, it'll ned alot of alterations by the time i do walk down the aisle!
SPORKYGURL 8/28/07 1:15 P
i feel your pain. we were engaged for 6 months when i decided on a date. note the I in that last line. we originally planned on waiting until we both finished school but i was getting impatient. not only that, but whenever you go onto wedding sites they ask for the date, so i had to come with something. so i told the family that we were THINKING of 7/7/07, and that satisfied their need for us to set a date so they started spreading the word.
well, we had a discussion and went back to the "after we both finish school" idea. but unfortunately no one informed my grandmother in CO. she sent me a really nice congrats card this july...
to sum it up, we've been engaged for 18 months, still no date in site. but honestly we're both so happy and we know it will eventually happen so i'm in no rush anymore. the family keeps wondering but they'll just have to wait.
KRYSTI21 8/6/07 8:30 P
I agree with Suzmore...most BA programs don't start until fall and seeing how you want a May/June/July wedding then you don't have to worry about planning your move around your wedding. You could move as early as August and still have time to get ready for school. You CAN have the best of both worlds without the added stress!
CAGIRAFFE 8/6/07 8:01 P
My brother got married the week AFTER he started graduate school 200 miles away. It was an interesting experience, as he was moving, starting school, and getting married all at the same time...but it worked out fine. The ONLY thing that mattered to him and his bride was that immediate family members be able to attend (they started planning about 8 weeks out, so some people already had plans on certain days). So, he consulted with family members and set the date, and everything else revolved around that. They had a backyard wedding too, it was a lot of fun.
SUZMOR 8/6/07 4:51 P
Lola, no pressure or anything, and I'm not trying to recruit you into the cult of crazy wedding planning brides, but if you are going for a casual bbq pool party wedding/reception, why not plan on having it before you would have to relocate for school? Then you could have one thing done before you have to move and start your new life. . . BA programs almost always start in fall semester, so you wouldn't have to be moved into the town where your future hubby will be going to school until then, so you could just pick a date arbitrarily, and say this is it. Plan your move for after the wedding, not the wedding around the move. Only reason he would have to be to the new town for school before the semester starts would be to start a new job or something. Of course, if there's some other underlying issue, like how are we going to pay for it, or something like that, that's a whole other thing.
AMBER0985 8/4/07 10:41 A
Don't feel bad Lola, I have been married(marrige licence)will be a year this November 20th and we haven't had a real wedding yet either. I want a white dress, flowers, family there, the whole 9 yards. I probably won't have my wedding for another 2 years so I can get in my healthiest weight and all.
LOLA926 8/4/07 6:37 A
VENT I have posted before about not having a wedding date, but now it is really starting to bother me. We have been engaged for 4 months, and we still have not set a date. I am tired of people asking me ALL THE TIME, if we have set a date, and all I can say is that we are still talking about it. We plan on marrying next summer (may, june or July). We have a lot that is going to be going on next summer, including moving 1000 miles(My fiance is applying for his bacchelors deg, and we dont know where he will get accepted). We are not sure of the exact date of the move, so it is hard to plan the wedding around it.
We want a casual outdoor wedding, followed by a BBQ and swimming for guests. We are both very laid back, casual people so a HUGE fancy wedding is not US.
Not knowing where we will be living and when we will be moving is an added stress. I suggested Vegas, and was shot down...so I guess it is still up in the air!
