The bottom line is, when your bridesmaids get married, they can plan their own wedding. It's nice to be there if you need their help, but they should by no means have an attitude if they aren't called upon. Let them know the times, locations, dresses, etc. And when it gets closer, they can plan the shower, parties whatever and you can have a luncheon. I have never heard of bridesmaids being intimately involved with other details.
As for the girl who is threatening to step down. Personally, it would be far less stress if you just cut your losses at this point. I have been married once before (quick and ugly) BUT, I had a bridesmaid step down at the last minute and at the time had regretted not asking this other friend. Well she stepped in and filled the spot and I was SO thankful I could include her after all.
Bottom line, people want to be involved and that is nice. But it is your day. Don't be bullied. Do what you are doing and be polite about it. That's all anyone can hope for.
LADYBOOP1970 5/10/07 3:58 P
You are not out of line. I'm assuming you've already explained to the BM's that most of the planning is already done and that is why there isn't much to tell them. If they can't understand that, that is really their issue at this point. Maybe have one more convo with them and ask them specifically what it is they are looking for from you. If a quick email saying everything is good, nothing new to report will make them happy, maybe give that a try.
As for the sick of wedding planning, I think I'm right there with you. I have three months left - 99 days today actually LOL - but I can't seem to get any of the things done that I need to do. I started planning more than a year ago also, and all of the big things are done. The things I have left are little things, or DIY projects, all of which are important and need to get done, but I just can't get up the energy to do them. If I could just jump to the wedding day and be done with it I would. So, unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you there.
As for the BM trying to back out - I know this will sound like a stupid question but how big a deal would it be if she did? Seriously. Do you have a small party or huge party? Is she a really close friend or not so much? If you have a large party, will it be noticeable if she isn't there? Are you good enough friends that you will continue to socialize with her, and this would make it awkward if she didn't participate in the wedding? Are there any cheaper alternatives to some of the things she needs to buy that you could suggest to help her out. And if it comes right down to it, ask her why she is trying to back out of your wedding instead of the other two. Maybe there is something specific about yours (or the others) that is keeping her in theirs instead of yours.
Ultimately you have to step back, take a deep breath and figure out which battles you can win and which ones you can't. As you said, you have so much more going on in your life besides the wedding. And all of those other things and decisions you have to make will impact you future life in a much more significant way than how the events play out on this one day. Figure out what is most important to you and leave the rest.
I don't know if this was helpful or not, but GL.
MCDERMOTTER 5/10/07 1:14 P
I'm stressed to the point of tears.
My bridesmaids feel out of the loop and don't think I'm including them in the planning. Most of the problem is that 80% of the wedding was planned almost a year ago and the 2 who are complaining don't live here. They are upset because I don't call them and tell them whats going on or send emails or anything. There really isnt anything going on. One is mad because all she thinks I tell her is what she needs to buy. I'm so frusterated... I don't want to be a bride that dictates to her bridesmaids but I think she wants that... idk what they want... To top it all off I'm so sick of wedding planning it's not even funny. I just want to marry my fiance and live life with him. I don't even care about the wedding anymore... To top it all off, one of the two who are complaining lives in North Carolina and is now telling me she might not be able to come because she can't afford it - she has 2 weddings this summer and the cost is piling up. Keep in mind I asked her over a year ago... I don't know how to help her better afford it, and apparently I some how sent her the message that I didn't want her there then. I'm stressed out enough from planning the wedding and trying to finish off school, find work for this summer, and then trying to find a place to live and a job that will support both of us.... AHHHHH!!! So stressed its not really even funny....
Does anyone have advice for me? Am I completely out of line or what?
