Snowcat- First of all, I was reading a book that gave me that Idea, of the whole bluffing thing, second, age is not of importance, a thirty year old cold be just as mature as a 20 year old. I simply do not want to focus on age. I came here simply for advice, not to be bashed on for my maturity, or lack there of. But thanks for the advice anyway!
CRICKETRO 5/1/07 4:42 P
DH moved in wt me in Oct 2002 after "dating" since Apr 2002. We knew each other since 2000, but since he didn't live in the same town wt me , we saw each other for 2 weeks b4 he moved in...he was my first man...(not that it would matter). however, he did ask me to marry him in May 2002 and i told him we should wait to see how we get along in the same house.
time flew by and it was only in Sept 2004 we got engaged and in Nov 2006 we got married.
why? just because it happened like that. honestly, for me a piece of paper is nothing compared to our happiness. we felt great together with or without a marriage certificate. do i like it better now? well, yeah, it's nice to share the same name and to be able to say 'this is my husband'...but other than that, it's us, it's our lover...nothing else changed
i don't think u should put a deadline on this . things will happen when they are mean to. jut my 2 cents
ref age: we were 21 when he moved in wt me and 25 when we got married
SNOWKAT 5/1/07 2:39 P
If you feel the need to give an ultimatium, no offense, but perhaps you might not be mature enough for marriage yourself. (also taking into account how you jumped on the 'how old are you question')
It is not working for you. His not being ready will continue to stress you out, so simply move out. Tell the guy you love him, want to spend your life with him, but the current situation needs to change. Wonder what will happen....will you continue to date, or go back to just having sleep-overs, or will your relationship mature??
AMIE101101 5/1/07 12:44 P
Ive been with my bf for 7 years and living together 4 2. i dont want to get married right away we have said next sep but things are so good i do want to change anything. why do you need a paper to tell you your married? i have a ring we indroduce each other as husband and wife. we dont need the paper to be married.
NITROT150 5/1/07 11:05 A
Well, I just asked the age thing based on sometimes it takes guys a little while to get whatever out of their system. I have noticed in my endeavors taht guys tnd to mature later in life (or not at all!) and many aren't ready to marry until after 25 or so..When younger they just don't have their head in the right spot. Thats all. I spent 6 years with a guy and he was never ready to marry, maybe after a while...but he's 32 now...and he might have been just ready to marry now... But my current fiance, another example..he has been married before, but he was over hte age of 25. Was going to school before then, which can influence feelings in that dept. So it is hard to say what the hold up with your b/f is without allt he facts...but dont' wait forever, the best thing you can do is sit down and talk to him, candidly...and openly..maybe he's just waiting til school is finished, or something like that..
CONFUSEDONE 5/1/07 9:18 A
we are old enought to be married. I dont think age is important so im not going to emphasize it. His parents are not divorced and are happily married, they own there own buisness, which my boyfriend is in the process of taking over. There is nothing in his past that should influence this decision.
NITROT150 4/30/07 4:57 P
well, how old are you guys? That would be my first question...
KKRIGER 4/30/07 4:04 P
Like you said, if he was ready enough to move in with you, how can he not be ready for marriage. Weigh his past heavily, does he have anything major that could play into this "not ready" mentality?? (divorced parents, or parents that fought all the time, lack of trust in relationships, people cheating etc) Obviously you love him if you want to marry him. Talk about it, but let him know that you aren't going to wait forever, this isn't just about what he wants but what you want too. Giving him an ultimatum might help.
MARIE110 4/30/07 3:51 P
The time to get out is now. If he's not enthused about marriage and you desire it, then it's time to look for someone else. Unless you honestly think you could be happy just living together and procreating with him without the title of wife. If not, then don't waste your precious time in limbo, hoping for a miracle.
Best wishes!
CONFUSEDONE 4/30/07 2:57 P
My guy and I have been together for three years, and have lived together for one. We both have great jobs, and our financial situation is perfect. He tells me all the time how were going to be together forever, and how he cant wait to spend the rest of his life with me, but whenever i bring up marriage he says he's not ready and that if I loved him i would wait. Well I dont want to wait forever. I want to marry him. I dont unerstand why he isnt ready, if he is ready to move in with me, what would change? How long should I wait untill I play the bluffing card? I dont know what else to do, i dont want to be one of those woman who has lived with her boyfriend for 10 years, has two kids, and still isnt married because he isnt ready! What gives?
