I have to stop doing this to myself I just cant let go of these things from the past. I wish I could just move on with my life in healthy lyfestyle. But this rage and i have to people who have hurt me in my past just wont let me forget it. Why do I keep letting them control what I do and say. People always say its easier and more comfortable to hang on then harder to to let go. But I can't its just so hard to pretend like those scars arn't there and to forgive those who placed them there is just too dayum hard. But I'm so tried of being tired. Im not ready to forgive........................ but maybey thats the whole part of growing up. I just cant do it but I know alot of grown ups who havnt forgave for what ever reason. Yes there're not happy but.........................................................I've just seen alot of bad in my life and Im still young and have my whole life ahead of me. But living the way I do can be so tiring and I cemented such a strong shield around me that now I can't breath. I always thought that your stronger when you dont show emotion or reaction when people or life sart to get bad but maybey forgiving is even stronger than that. walking away knowing you can move on with your life knowing it was hard to do but in the end you grow. You grow without any ropes tieing you down, the ones you tied yourself. You grow to be happy with the decisions you made without letting your past deterine it for you. I dont want to forgive I just want to hate its so more easier then to love. Because when you love your vulnerable and stupid to actually trust someone to catch you when you fall. Its a nice thought but................................................. I just wish some guy stupid enough will help me figure it out.Have you ever jus talked to a person for a long time who'd just sit there and say anything and in the end you find your anser, I think I just did. This was actaully a journal entry but I wanted people to see it. People who have just been hurt and cant seem to get over it. I hope Ive helped you & remeber without fogivness your not really living
